I'm SPECIAL...

Yesterday was one of those 'special' days.
Everything and I do mean EVERYTHING I touched exploded or fell to pieces.
I dropped, slipped and spun...just to name a few verbs to describe my shenanigans.
My first encounter with the day began with spilling an entire cup of scalding coffee on my feet. My shoes were sopping wet, my white socks are now tan and my skin is a sweet shade of pink.
Of course that wasn't enough damage for me.
I cleaned up and refilled my cup, only to spill THAT cup on the cat. Only a fraction of his tail got it because thankfully he's faster than he looks.

Most of the mess ended up on the floor, which I cleaned up, but only after slipping in it and spinning in a circle. The spin resulted in tearing down most of the papers on the bulletin board as I tried to catch myself, so that made more work.

I hesitated to go upstairs and take a shower. I envisioned the paramedics having to break into my house and pull my naked soapy body out from between the wall and the toilet. I felt surely I must be jinxed and I worried about what might happen to me next.The entire time I was crawling on my belly up the stairs in fact.
Believe me...I've had days like this before....the belly crawl and I are well acquainted.

I made it safely upstairs and undressed without incident. No getting trapped in my shirt as I pulled it over my head (which has happened before but usually in public dressing rooms). I stepped into the shower without tripping on the side of the tub and ripping the shower curtain down or flipping on a bar of soap and knocking myself out.

"Hey...this is going pretty good",I thought."Maybe the klutz curse is done for today?"

So I confidently got out of the tub and wiped off. I then walked from the bathroom to my bedroom without tripping over any pets or scraping my TaTas on any door frames or dressers.
I got dressed WITHOUT zipping any of my hair in my pants.(you can assume the location of the hair in question all by yourselves I'm sure.)
I got my bra on without it breaking free and slinging things in every direction.
I put socks on without losing my balance and falling headfirst into the floor...(yeah that's happened too)
The shirt went on ok too in spite of having to pull it over my head.

So...after drying my hair with the blow dryer without suffering third degree burns,I was feeling pretty confident.
I decided to go ahead and pluck my eyebrows.
I forged ahead and began my plucking in earnest. I plucked and plucked.
I then stood back to admire my work and felt very proud.
But there were a couple of eyebrow hairs that were a little longer than they others. So I decided to get my trimmer and trim those unruly little bastards!

"Hmmm...I think I'm going to be ok the rest of the day."

Famous last words....

I began to trim my left eyebrow and made it straight and tidy. I then moved on to the right side. Just as I was almost finished, my cell phone, in the back pocket of my jeans began to vibrate.
Well...things that vibrate tend to shake me up a bit, you know?

BZZZZZZZZ.....

I reacted to the vibrating phone with a jerk of my arm. The shaver came down and took part of my eyebrow awaayyyy forevvvveeerrrr.....



Isn't that special?

Normally I think my glasses makes me look smarter than I am, but that probably wouldn't apply to this picture would it?

Anyway, you'd think something like this would devastate me. Nope. Instead I laughed like an idiot every time I looked at myself in the mirror. I just couldn't help it. Imagine me driving to the dentist office later that afternoon, glancing in my rear view mirror to check behind me, then laughing like a crazed maniac as people in other cars looked over to see what I was doing.

Yeah...I had to go to the dentist yesterday after shaving half my stupid eyebrow off. It took them a very long time and I believe the eyebrow was a distraction. My dentist is a woman and a mighty fine woman dentist at that, but you know, she is still a woman and women notice things like half shaved off eyebrows.
She smiled politely, along with the hygienist, but I could tell they both saw "The Eyebrow" and couldn't help but wonder.

So I had no other choice than to fill them in on it. It broke the ice and after a good laugh, we got them toofers filled and I was outta there!

I sped home in record time to get ready for Trick or Treaters because here in good old West Virginia they set days and times for that sort of mischief.

I got an odd look from my son as I walked in the door. Then my husband. Then my daughter and later even from the Trick or Treaters themselves. I figured it was the eyebrow and feeling a little self-conscious, I went in and put my Red Sox cap on to hide it.
Come to find out though, it was the drooping left side of my face that had everyone staring. But I'm sure the eyebrow and the pool of drool sliding out of the corner of my mouth didn't help.The shot the dentist gave me must have been a doozy. Half my face was still numb when I went to bed. I couldn't even get my lips to work right to give the hubby a kiss goodnight.

And so...IN the end I did eventually manage to get into bed without further mishap or injury.

And so far today, I'm ok. I have even had coffee without wearing it. Just to be on the safe side I plan to leave everything that makes a buzzing sound alone.

With that said, THIS is my mood for today....



I have to clean my house but after yesterday I'm STILL a little nervous....but can you blame me?