Miss KIA and Veggie Stick tales....

My daughters are something else.
This morning they bitched at each other and fought the entire time they were getting ready for school and during the ride.
Everyone else in the car, meaning me and the four boys that ride with us, were ready to throw them out into the ditch and drive off.
It's literally so bad some days that the boys have to take a moment to console themselves before going into the school.



That's no shit either. I swear one of them will have a nervous breakdown before he graduates or gets his driver's license.

The girls are oblivious to the way their arguing affects everyone around them. I've tried to explain to them that other people don't want to listen to them tear each other apart every morning. They just stare at me and say nothing. They might think about it...momentarily....but really...I don't think they can comprehend what I'm saying to them...


Who wants to listen to THIS every morning?!?!

Miss KIA says to Veggie Stick : That shirt makes you look like a slut.

Veggie Stick: Shut up *name*. You're just jealous because you're too fat to wear a shirt like this.

Miss KIA: No....*name*. I'm not fat. I have boobs, unlike you who makes Paris Hilton's boobs look like they're huge. You have to wear a padded bra so you can have SOMETHING to fill in the front of your shirt.

Veggie Stick: *NAME*...YOU'RE A BITCH! I DO HAVE BOOBS! Mine just aren't the size of basketballs!I don't look like I was supposed to be triplets but ended up with two of them mutating into breasts instead!!!

Miss KIA says:(keep in mind that she is gifted and taking AP classes)...HA!HA! BOOBIES!BOOBIES! BOOBIES! (she says this while bouncing up and down and turning in circles.)

This sends Veggie Stick into hysterics which only fuels Miss KIA to make more comments about boobies and shake her very large rack in Veggie Stick's face.

Miss KIA could kill Veggie Stick with one mighty blow of her "HA!HA! BOOBIES". One whack to the head and we'd have a coma patient at the very least. You should see the way Miss KIA manhandles her boyfriend....poor guy.



Have I mentioned that Miss KIA wants to be a surgeon?
Just thought I'd throw that one out there since you have a visual...

So yes...morning with the girls leave one feeling somewhat stressed out for hours afterward.

My son tries to stay in bed until they've left the house. He got up one morning and attempted to get into the bathroom before they were finished spackling their make-up on and it took me half an hour to calm him down enough to speak....



Morning are SO MUCH FUN!

On the bright side of things Mr.Man seems to be in a frisky mood and I might be able to use that to my advantage.



Do you think that's the result of too much coffee or the viagra I dropped into it?

BWAHAHAHA!!!

I'm going to make the word of the day...."dick". Feel free to yell and scream and jump up and down when anyone says it. You can use it in a combination word as well...like "dickhead"..."dickwad"..."dickface"...you know what I mean.

With that said, I need to get off here. I've been..ahem...negotiating...with parents who are unhappy with the way one of my volunteer organizations operates.
Whatever...rules are rules.
Yeah...I feel bad I can't do anything to change them, but they're established for a reason and even IF your kid is close to the cut off date, they had to choose a date for cut off.So there...

With that said...here's my mood for today...



I feel like a nag.
I've been blathering on and on about the rules and all that crap all week. I hate registration time. Then there's been the negotiating to get the girls to shut the hell up in the mornings...
Perhaps I should consider this past week as training for the "Bitch Olympics"?
Last but not least...I've been having to get on Little Beatle to get his ass in gear in the mornings.He's been late twice this week.HE COULD BE LATE EVERY MORNING BECAUSE HE WON'T MOVE HIS ASS BUT I MOVE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT TO MOTIVATE IT OUT THE DOOR ON TIME....




And that...my friends...is why God gave us vodka.
Have a great weekend!

Slip sliding away...

There was school this morning.
Now would someone please explain why we did not have a two hour delay?
Yesterday those stupid asses canceled school when a two hour delay would have been sufficient. So today, when we NEEDED a fucking delay, they wouldn't do it because we lost an entire day of school yesterday.
I'm not normally one to complain and bitch and then not try to do something to rectify or help the situation, but I highly doubt I'd be elected to the school board or hired as superintendent, so I'm just gonna bitch about it and leave it at that.

I burned my finger on Veggie Stick's straightener this morning. I reached over to grab my toothbrush and that muthafucker planted a kick ass blister clear across the length of my finger. It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch and in fact, it hurts to type.
So how special is it that I need to type up paperwork all day for our board meeting tonight?

These volunteer jobs suck ass. I'm growing more and more tired of them. They're wearing me out and pissing me off. I think I'm just going through a period where I have too many things to complete within the same time frame. It's either that or I've just grown lazy. Come to think of it...I have been sleeping a lot...



I'm gonna have to stop that shit! My ass is practically exploding out of my pants! I'd take a picture of it for you, but I don't even know if the camera would capture the full effect or not.

I'll get right on that plan of less sleeping, less eating and more productivity next week...yep...sure will.

Has anyone else ever seen this YouTube video of Terry Tate, Office Linebacker? OH HELL is it FUNNY!!!



For those of you who work in the office world, I'm sure you can appreciate the somewhat bizarre humor in that video...

Today's word will be..."CAT". If I'm going to be stepping on my cat every time I turn around and yelling, STUPID CAT! all damn day, then I might as well make it into something more loud and obnoxious than it already is.

I have more stuff floating around in my head, but I think I will stop for now and get busy again. I have got to get this stuff done....

Here's my mood for today...



I'm just tickled to be so busy. That makes me important you know...just like Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton...people like that...

Yeah....right.

I'll be back tomorrow...

I dunno...it's all bleh...bleh...fart...bleh...

So here I am again.
I really don't have much to say and I've been laying around a lot but I thought to myself, "Self. What the hell are you planning to do? Sleep your life away? Eat until your ass won't fit through the doorway? Fuck your old man until he ends up in a wheelchair?"

Yep...I was handling things very well thank you very much.

What have I been up to since I last wrote in here...well...laying around sleeping. Covered that.
Eating myself silly...
Got that too...
Then there was the tension release.

Mr.Man came home from work last Thursday night. I felt like my skin was crawling. I just wanted to leap out of my body...I was THAT stressed.
So I told him, "Go upstairs and take your clothes off. Lay down on the bed and I'll be up in a minute."
Now mind you...I was joking because I HIGHLY doubted he'd allow such a thing to happen right after getting home from work, but imagine my delight when I walked upstairs and found him laying in his glorious nakedness, waiting for my molestations.

I rode him like a camel running through a sand storm.



( I fed him dinner in bed, mainly because he couldn't get up..poor thing.)

But ANYWAY...after I took out my nervousness on him, I had to run to GoMart and pick up some soda.
I walked in and Dustin was working. He is a friend of mine and the same guy who witnessed me farting on the man who was in line behind me..(I'm sure you read about that in an earlier post.)
I walked through the store and bought a lottery ticket, which I never do but felt the urge so I did, then I made my way over to check out the Atomic Fire Balls (my favorites) and picked up a bag of chips, then set it down again. I can't have chips...high blood pressure you know.
I got in line behind a woman wearing a big ass parka, and waited.
As I shifted from side to side...I suddenly felt something bubbling up inside me....but no...it wasn't a fart.

I QUEEFED!

Dustin just shook his head and laughed. It sounded VERY WET and trust me...it was LOUD.

Thankfully I was not ashamed or embarrassed by my gigantic queef....there is nothing to be ashamed of...

I like to think of it as a "vaginal fart"...

If all women were as lucky as me...to be able to queef AND fart with zeal!

Let's make queef the word of the day. I doubt I can get anyone with it, but you never know. It's not like it's a common word or anything but maybe I can trick someone into saying it...

I had to take a trip out of town this weekend.
Into Ohio in fact...near Dayton.
We almost wrecked because of the ice storm Friday night. After managing NOT to slide off the road we got to spend two lovely hours at a T&A truck stop waiting for ice trucks to salt the roads.

When I walked in it looked like the kind of place you'd go to get yourself a drink of Old Turkey and a farmer for the night.



Compared to some of the other 'ladies' in the place, I looked like a goddess. And this was after three hours sitting in a car with the seat sucked up my ass.
I felt pretty...

So....being forced to wait, I did what any respectable woman would do....

I belched...

I farted...

I picked my jeans out of my ass...

"There", I thought. "That should keep them away."

WRONG!!!

APPARENTLY...(and I can't help but think of my friend Judy K when I say that word)...belching, farting and picking at the ass of your jeans are all part of the drunken farmer mating rituals and I was in shit creek.

I hid in the ladies rest room...



Damn good thing my daughter was riding on the bus and I didn't have to worry about her being subjected to "Horny Drunk Farmers at the T&A"...

ON the bright side of things...I discovered that I have a birth mark on my thigh I didn't know about before that looks like a chicken leg and if you connect the beauty marks on my arm together with a pen, it looks like the Big Dipper constellation.

So...with that little piece of information, I think I'm going to stop...for now.

Did anyone miss me?

I REALLY missed everyone here. I spent a little while this morning getting caught up on my blog roll over there on the side. Funny thing about it is...I didn't really know what to comment anywhere.

Guess I'm still in a funk...just a little bit.

Perhaps a little more queefing and I'll be back to normal (normal?) in no time...

This is my mood today...



I'm feeling better I think...coming out of my shell again.

Can you handle it?

Closure?

Today is the funeral.
My brother is a nervous wreck and my sister-in-law and her family are beyond words.
Part of what is making everything so much worse than it already is, are the actions of the little girl's father's family.
They have been bad mouthing the mother and the mother's family.
One of the father's aunts used her connections with the newspaper to talk to a reporter after the accident. In the news article, there is no mention of the mother at all, and the father's last name had been added to the little girl's last name, which was not her legal name.
The girl was listed as living with her father in the town he lived in.
Was this perhaps some last ditch effort on his family's part to be a part of her life?
And was it really that important to them?
What purpose would it serve except to hurt the mother?
It was just a cold hearted thing to do.

The mother's family gave information to the paper for the obituary and the father, his family and his extended family are all mentioned. They didn't feel the need to wound the father and make some kind of statement to the world about how they felt about the situation.

The whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach.

My brother is worried about the scene people will make today and the way it will affect his mother-in-law (who is older and in poor health). He's worried about how it will effect our grandmother, who is also older and in poor health.

People can be hateful..heartless and selfish...

Why can't they just go and mourn the sweet little angel and say their good byes?

I'm not good at public grieving and I certainly learned that it's not advisable when you are a blogger (I'm referring to our friend Mr.Syn...whom I will refer to as Mr.Syn just to keep a google hit of his name bringing the trolls over here.)
Knowing what his family went through and not wanting to bring that down on anyone in my family or my sister-in-laws family, I'm taking the rest of the week off...unless the urge strikes me to write about something else.

I just don't feel like writing and I don't feel like talking to anyone either. It's nothing personal, I'm just the kind of person who deals with difficult things by closing up sometimes. Mr.Man hates it, but accepts that's how I am.

I'll be back when I can think again...

Update...

I talked to my brother last night. He said they funeral will be Wednesday. Apparently my sister-in-laws two sisters living in SC flew up this past Saturday, so there's no need to wait.
The details of the accident were sketchy when I got them, but my brother cleared up a few things for me.
The accident took place on Friday night, not Saturday morning. Earlier in the week, the girlfriend who was driving had slid into a ditch on two other occasions, but this accident involved her swerving into oncoming traffic and then trying to overcompensate for it. A truck hit the side of the car on the driver's side, most likely killing the little girl on impact and critically injuring the driver.
My brother is friends with the paramedics who arrived on the scene and they assured him that she didn't suffer. The cause of death was massive head trauma and they believe she was instantly unconscious.
I think that somehow it made it easier for everyone to know she didn't suffer.

My sister-in-law babysat her for years. When we would go to visit, we'd stay with them. Every morning, my sister-in-law's niece would drop her off and she'd bounce into the house, smiling from ear to ear.
She'd insist on making me breakfast at her little play stove. She always asked me what I wanted and then told me I needed to have oatmeal because it's all she knew how to make...LOL. Plus she would tell me it was good for me and had lot's of "itamins" (she never used the "v" for some reason).

We went to her grandmother's house for the 4th of July to watch the fireworks. She had just started kindergarten. Apparently there was a little boy she had decided she was going to get married to someday. She told everyone that she was going to have fireworks on her wedding night. We all laughed about it because one of the aunts comments about that's what she thought she'd have too and it never happened like that.

I didn't spend more than a couple of weeks each year with her, but she made an impact on my life and the lives of my children. She was a sweet little girl who was showered with love.She took that love and gave it back to the world in so many ways.
She knew more love in her short life than some people experience in their entire lifetime.
I'm grateful that my brother married into that family and my nephews will also know that kind of security and love. I'm thankful that we have been included in that cocoon and have an extended family.

BuzzardBilly asked about which charity they're donating to. I hesitate to say too much because of the trolls that peruse the blog community and harass the grieving, but I will tell you the name of the organization. It's The Sunshine Fund. I looked online to see where to send things and I couldn't find any one organization. I think it may be a local organization affiliated with Catholic charities and if you email me, I'll send you a link to the obituary so you can read the info from there.

I'm sorry to write about this a second day, but I am finding myself thinking about this constantly and I can't shake it. It's such a terrible thing to happen to a family and I hate to see a child taken from the world at such a young age.

It just doesn't seem to make any sense.

I'm just confused about it all. I just keep asking myself why...

Why?

:-(

I won't be writing today because I will be on the phone with my family a lot.
My brother's wife's family has suffered a tragic loss.
Their little 7 year old niece was killed in a car accident over the weekend.

My sister-in-law came from a large family and they're all very close knit.When we go home to visit in the summer, we are also included in their family activities and my family has become an extended part of their family as well.
So we too were close to the little 7 year old girl. She was a sweet child with a zest for living.A 'girly girl' who could outrun her little boy cousins and climb trees with the best of them....

Her mom was young when she had her and she was her only child. My sister-in-law's older
sister was her grandmother.

Recently after not wanting anything to do with her, the girl's father petitioned the court for visitation. Her mother was concerned about it, knowing of his past drug use and petitioned for supervised visitation.

He won unsupervised visitation rights.

Saturday morning he sent his girlfriend to pick up the child from the babysitter. She had been pulled out of the ditch on two occasions earlier that week by strangers. Not a very safe driver or was there another reason for it?
She wasn't so lucky on Saturday morning was she?
The car didn't just slide into the ditch.
Now she is in critical condition but alive.
They expect the toxicology reports to show illegal drugs in her system.
Apparently she has still actively been using illegal drugs and several people have come forward to inform the authorities of her use prior to the accident.

Too bad they didn't do anything about it BEFORE the accident.

The family is requesting that donations be made to an organization that helps children who live with abusive or drug and alcohol addicted parents.

I really don't know what else to say about it all.

Seven years old...tragic.

Houston...we have lift off...

The Meat Rocket got launched and now I'm back down to earth.

Ain't love grand?



I won't go into any gruesome details but let's just say that it was a nice, freaky experience and leave it at that...



I don't really have time to write anything and I'm sure all weekend my head will feel like it's exploding, but I wanted to at least let everyone know that nothing bad happened yesterday and it was all good.

I figured some people might think I ended up in jail or something...



"Blonde Goddess gone bad."

Hey...I bet it would be a best seller.

I will be on the road shortly and whoop-de-fucking-do it should be a wonderfuleeicious weekend. I'm making up my own words but what of it? In fact, wonderfuleeicious will be the word of the day. I plan to use it every time I plant my ass on a cold rest area toilet seat.

I've packed my clothes but I still need to pick up a few other items to make the trip more bearable...



AND



AND



AND



AND last but not least...



Please don't ask about the above items unless you are truly prepared to know what I will use them for....

My mood for today is this...



My phone won't stop ringing and it's making me a little bit annoyed. I finally turned the stupid thing off and I'm sure when I go to check it, there will be an assload of voicemails about asinine things that I don't need to deal with today.

I'll be back Monday...unless I end up getting left on the side of the road again. I hate when that happens...

"V" Day!

Should Valentines Day really be called Valentine's Day anymore?
I personally think it should be called something else, depending on the circumstance...

I planned a trip into outer space this morning.I got ready, packed my fucking bags, dressed appropriately and waited for the scheduled lift off.There was one teensy-weensy problem though...
There was a malfunction with the launch pad.
The Meat Rocket failed to lift off because the goddamn launch pad was "tired".

I'LL SHOW YOU TIRED!!!!

*WHIPS BREASTS WILDLY AT MR.MAN'S HEAD*



WHAPPITY SLAP! WHAPPITY SLAP!

I HOPE MR.MAN GETS A FREAKIN CONCUSSSION!!!

For me...my Valentine's Day was going to be "Vagina Day". Mr.Man had been promised me that today there would be some special time set aside for worshiping my vagina.I fully expected Mr.Man to sing it's praises AND offer it a meat sacrifice...



Yeah..RIGHT!

Today should have been Viagra Day for Mr.Man.Even if he was too tired, I bet he'd get un-tired pretty damn fast if he had a boner that could drill through a concrete slab!



Then he'd have been interested....grrrrr....

I'm SLIGHTLY annoyed right now...

I know I'm a sex maniac. In fact I'm a sex maniac who wants my way! So does that make me a nympho brat?
Whatever...I don't care. I'm aggravated and it's made me bitchy.
That's why I think today should be a Valium Day.



The only problem is that I can't get my hot little hands on any Valium so what the hell good would that be?

I'm going to have to settle for "Vodka Day" and later on in the evening I'll amend the name to "Vibrator Day."
Yeah...I can hear my female hormone applauding that decision right now.



I gotta go. I'm gearing up for another bout of titty whippings for the man...who knows? It might fuel his rocket instead of give him whiplash...I'm trying. Can't blame a nypho brat for trying now, can you?

Happy "V" Day...whatever it is for you...

I'll return tomorrow...with gory details?

Hmmm....

I'm clicking my heels together but nothing is happening...

It's going to be an interesting day.
Mr.Man stayed home to "help" me.
Lord have mercy...

So let's just say that I'll probably be tied up most of the day and too busy to write in here like I normally do.

Yep...tied up...



Not in a "fun" kind of tied up way either...

It snowed here last night and every moron who drives like they're Nascar superstars followed me on the way to take the kids to school this morning. I'm not quite sure why they felt the need to honk and tailgate me, but quite frankly when I hit an ice patch and saw them spinning out of control and almost hitting the ditch, I was slightly disappointed that they made it back onto the road without incident. There was no more harassment after that though and they kept a safe distance.

Dumb fuckwads....



Some people just shouldn't be on the road.

I suppose tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I'm hoping to get a shot of protein from the "Meat Rocket" but you never know...I might not even get that.
It's just another stupid day invented to bolster flower and card sales...oh yeah and chocolates...

I'm homesick for Maine.
I tried putting on my red shoes and clicking them together, repeating the mantra, "There's no place like home" over and over again, but nothing has happened...



Well..it snowed but that's hardly the same thing.

The word of the day is shit.
I just feel like saying it and screaming a lot, so I'm going with it. It's not good to hold those more aggressive feelings inside. That's when a person goes ape shit on society and that's no good.



I'd write some more in here but I really need to get busy doing what I do best.



No! No! Not THAT!
Let me rephrase that..."I need to get busy doing VOLUNTEER stuff."
I only have today and part of tomorrow to complete everything and then I'll be on my way out of town again with Veggie Stick. We leave Friday and return Sunday.

Yay freakin yay!



I can't wait for all this traveling to be over with.

Hmmm...well that's all I've got for now.
Have a good one and let's be careful out there...



I'll be back tomorrow...

A mental health professional would have a field day with me...

This morning has been an absolute fucking in the bung hole.
It's 10:30 and I've already suffered a nervous breakdown.
I'm not even joking.

It all began when I got out of bed this morning and realized my bra had gone missing. I'd laid it on top of the armoire in my bedroom and damn it, when I got up this morning, I expected it to be there!
For a split second I wondered if Mr.Man had taken it, but then thought about him naked and decided that Nah...he didn't need it...YET.
So I wasted a good fifteen minutes tearing through my bedroom looking for that stupid bra (my favorite and more comfortable one) only to find it laying on the floor downstairs.

I checked it out...it was damp and had been chewed.Not too terribly damaged though so I think I can wear it again, BUT I had to wear one of my more uncomfortable, sexier bras today. I just wasn't feeling it either.
Do you know they have a quiz to determine what kind of bra you are?

You Are a Sleek Black Bra!

Subtle, sophisticated, and classy. You're not the first woman a man notices in the room... But you're the one he remembers a week later. You need a guy who will make a lasting impression on you too!

What Kind of Bra Are You?

Yeah I took the test! What of it? It's fun goddamnit!

Getting back to the insanity of my morning...after getting dressed everything seemed to be going ok, except Mr.Man calls and tells me he's 'accidentally' overdrawn the checking account.



Happy...HAPPY NEWS!
Fortunately for us, I have overdraft protection and there is money in our savings account to help prevent such things from happening.
So I reassure Mr.Irresponsible Man that it's ok and I have a buffer for such emergencies.

"How much money do you have in the savings account?" he asks me, barely containing the excitement in his voice.

"JUST ENOUGH TO COVER THIS MESS WITHOUT BANKRUPTING US!" I scream into the phone.

I know that sounds terribly bitchy. In fact I can't help but be a bitch covered bitch with creamy bitch filling when it comes to discussing money with Mr.Man. He's a spender. If we have it, he wants to spend it. But then on a rainy day, when there's no money for an umbrella it's MY ASS THAT ENDS UP GETTING SOGGY! NOT HIS!!!
I won't lie...it's a constant source of stress for me. I HATE having to budget...TRYING to budget money.I am always worried about it and worried about him getting upset because he can't buy something he wants.
I don't want to talk about it anymore...so there.



Besides,I'm trying not to throw up worrying that he's cleaning it out right now as I write this. I can only pray he will be happy with his own private account for his hobbies and leave me to try to squeeze the pennies he leaves me to pay bills, buy food and other stupid necessities like that.

Getting back to the morning story....it's not even eight thirty and I'm ready to fly down the street, pulling my hair out, waving my braless breasts at the Jesus police and throw myself into the river.

But I have a cup of coffee instead.
I finish getting the kids ready and take the high school group to school. Normally, I leave Little Beatle home, with the dog and the doors locked to get ready. This has worked out ok for us. I then return home after a short time and pick him up for morning practice.

He called my cell phone while I was transferring funds from our savings to our checking, but I couldn't answer it. He didn't leave any message though. And he knows what to do in case of an emergency. I called him right back but he didn't answer. Plus Freya had been calling and leaving nasty messages about me not picking her up from the garage while her oil was being changed. Yes...I told her I'd give her a ride home so she wouldn't have to wait but did she NOT FUCKING KNOW that there was a two hour delay this morning?
On my way home I called Little Beatle's phone five or six more times.
And he wasn't answering his phone.

I just felt this dread wash over me...

I got home only to find the door wide open, all the lights, tv and coffee maker on and no Little Beatle.I ran through the house yelling his name and after searching every nook and cranny, began calling his cell phone. He didn't answer. So I jumped in the car and began to search the streets on the routes to his school. I mean, I assumed that he would have left me a message if he was leaving the house to go to practice before I got home! And he would have never left the doors wide open!!!

I was in full blown blow a gasket mode by the time I reached the school. I probably looked a lot like this...



I completely fell apart.

Thankfully, Little Beatle was at practice and had just left the house, without calling and without closing the front door.
I guess when boys begin to grow hair in the danger zone, their brain shuts down?

Needless to say,he will NOT be staying home to finish getting ready anymore. He'll either be riding with me or getting dropped off to his clone's house...I guess I could refer to his friend as Little Bit Bigger Beatle. They could be twins really...an NO..I don't think there was any monkey business involved in that.

So...by 10:30 today I had suffered a complete breakdown and now I'm here...writing about it and wondering if the men in white coats will be arriving soon.

Today's word needs to be "Nut". I feel like a nut. I mean, how much pressure can a person handle before they lose their mind? There is a lot of stuff I deal with that I don't write about in here. It's not the place, you know? I just have an awful lot on my plate. This is the place I find the humor in it all so I don't fall apart in the middle of Kroger's parking lot.

So...let's find some humor in this situation....

I'm sure the sight of me speeding in my "pack of wild dogs live in it" car while crying hysterically was a sight indeed. The Elderly Hell patrons probably had to throw themselves and their walkers to the side of the street to avoid imminent death. I would have like to have seen that, except I was too busy being hysterical to pay attention damn it!

I need a new lamp for my bedroom. The ceiling light has needed to be fixed for...um...I'm thinking it's like five or six years, but who's paying attention, right? Anyhow, we have been relying on several lamps to illuminate our room and one of them shit the bed Sunday. Mr.Man looked it over and can't repair it so to hell with it. I'm going to the dollar store...(YES! ON Elderly Hell Day too...) and I'm going to buy a cheap lamp to put in my room. I need light if I'm going to find anything and since my room seems to be the catch all for the house, it's either a lamp or a coal miner's hat with a light on it. Ok?



As for Freya...well I know she'll bitch about having to wait an hour at the garage while her oil was being changed, but you know what? I have to wait when I get my oil changed. No one comes to pick me up. No one offers to take my car to have the oil changed, or inspected or registered or even to have tires put on it. I do all of that myself.

Seems to me...I do a lot of things myself. I don't have four kids...I have five.



Man Baby! He'll be the only one to never grow up and leave the house!

So what is my mood after everything that happened this morning?...



I'm thankful...

Yes...I'm thankful.
I'm thankful that Little Beatle is ok.
I'm thankful for the little bit of extra money in the bank.
I'm thankful there is enough for my children to eat and a warm place for them to sleep.
I'm thankful I can stay home, even though it's a financial challenge, to raise them and be a part of their lives.
No..Mr.Man doesn't have all of the "things" he wants but they're just things. My children are people and people comes before money and things anyday. I've been without "things" or "people" before and believe me, you miss the "people" a hell of a lot more than the "things".

I just need to try to be more positive and look for the good more.
My life now is heaven compared to what I've experienced before...so I need to remember that and be thankful. It could be much worse.

It HAS been much worse...

Work experience....umm...can't we skip that part of the interview?

Why hello there.
Here it is almost 12:30 and I have done jack shit today.Well that's not exactly true. I just haven't completed the things I've started yet...

Mondays....
They make me feel a little bananas...



I thought BuzzardBilly might like that little icon thingy...

ANYWAY...I had no time at all to finish anything ALL WEEKEND! Please forgive me for not calling you Ron, but by the time I got through the day, I fell into bed exhausted. Today is more of the same and quite honestly I don't see an end in sight until next week...maybe Tuesday.

I need to TRY to squeeze in a call to my grandmother...maybe while I'm sitting in the parking lot waiting for Little Beatle to get out of practice. The place he's been practicing at on Monday's is an insanity asylum of inmates who all drive SUV's.
I'm dead serious.
There is limited parking so I go early and read or as is the case today, I will make a phone call to my grandmother because I haven't spoken to her for almost three weeks.
Now that's TOO BUSY!
But I'm remedying that...things will slow down and then perhaps I can concentrate on booking some parties for my sales. I've intentionally refrained from booking anything because of my crazy schedule. Then of course there were the snafus that caused a few tense moments.



SHIT!Who am I fooling? EVERYTHING I attempt is always riddled with land mines or some other irritation to make it nearly impossible. Nothing is ever easy for me and believe me...I'm a goddamn idiot for plugging away at things and finishing them anyway.

I have still been plugging away at that post I wanted to put on here...you know...the one bragging on all the things I like the best about all of you? I am worried it'll never be completed. I'm trying and TRYING to get it finished to where I like it and I am not happy with it.
I think I'm too spontaneous to undertake a project like that on.
My writing is like masturbating.
I can only do it when I'm in the mood and it's not something I plan. I just get the urge and it happens. I feel better and I've released some stress (among a few other things)...



It just all comes flooding out of me...

Today I have this feeling that I'll be running around in circles getting absolutely nothing done...well...completed. I'll still have all these half finished things to do this evening when dinner is done and I'll be wondering which one to tackle first.

Can someone give me a job?

No really...I'm serious. It doesn't look good for me. I don't think I could get a job if my life depended on it.
I think maybe a part time job with some structure might help me out.I need to start saving for when Miss KIA goes to college.
Of course I'M not college educated...I barely graduated high school and even then there's some controversy. I used a correspondence course that was relatively new and sometimes it says I'm a high school graduate and other times it doesn't. Around the time I received my diploma in the mail, I was separated from my ex-husband...who threw it in the trash. Several attempts to get a copy have resulted in my being told that I didn't graduate then being told by the former teacher who oversaw the entire program that I HAD graduated. I know I worked my ass off for my diploma. It was hell to try to work, raise a baby and hitchhike into town once a week in sub-zero temperatures to take my tests and have my work checked. I worked HARD for it and I still have yet to see one or get it cleared up.
So who knows what I'll discover when I go to apply for a job.
I might have a diploma and I might not...depending on the day.

And as if that's not enough crap stacked against me...then there's my work experience.
Hmmm...there's the factory job I took when I was 16 to support my newborn daughter.I worked nights and took care of her during the day. It was piecework so I was able to get some extra money on my checks for exceeding my quota. Even at 16 I was a hard worker.
I've cleaned houses and baby sat,(which I started as early as 13) and I've shoveled manure and worked just about any kind of job that exists on a farm, including driving the tractor and big trucks.I've painted, helped put on vinyl siding and shingles. I can drywall as well.
I've waitressed and hostessed.I have done sewing alterations, flower arranging...
That's about it for work history.

So what would I put on a resume?
It would include my sordid past and then what? What could possibly help me?

I taught myself how to type after we got out first computer in 2001. Until that point in time, I had no idea how to type or how to use a computer. I read books on how to do it and taught myself.I practiced typing until I thought I'd lose my mind.
I went on to teach myself how to use all the programs on the computer...reading up on the programs and how they worked.
I did this because I hate not knowing how to do something. So I pick up a book on it or have someone show me how to do it and I learn.
After learning how to type well enough to get by (I still don't use the right method for typing) I was stupid enough to volunteer to head up the yearbooks at two schools.I did that for three years in a row...two schools...almost 800 kids...
So I bought a camera and taught myself how to take pictures. Then I learned how to edit them,catalog and organize them into a system. I created themes for the yearbooks and then proceeded to make sure that every child in each school was in the yearbook at least once.(a lot of checking and rechecking...I was very thorough).Then I pasted cropped and edited pictures onto the layout boards,(between the two schools there were almost 80 pages. I used papers and illustrations to turn each page into a book, complete with a theme and even a story line. Then I edited and proofread everything and submitted it for publishing.
A BIG job to say the least...
I'd never touched a scrapbooking kit in my life before I volunteered for the yearbooks, so I had to teach myself that as well.I think creating was fun and I really enjoy doing that.
Rubber cement was my special friend.



It made me feel VERY CREATIVE...LOL

So...how many employers are going to consider my wealth of self-taught skills an asset? Hmmm???
I've taught myself how to make baskets and cross stitch, among other things...I've designed costumes for many of my childrens's activities. Last year alone, I made five complete costumes and altered over 100 others.
I was the president of the PTO for five years. I was a Girl Scout leader for several years and I managed the monies and paperwork for both organizations.I was involved with the LSIC and attended many meetings, acting as secretary for one school and co-chair for the other.
I've looked over Title-One plans and attended meetings as the parent representative.
I taught classes at church, making my own lesson plans and activities each week.I didn't agree with the books they gave me so I made my own. I think anyone who's taught realizes the time and dedication involved in making lesson plans.
I've volunteered at the food pantry, shelters and nursing homes. The only place I haven't volunteered is the hospital and that's only because of time constraints.

You can't accuse me of not being motivated I guess.

And now...I'm the secretary for the Little League. This includes tons of paperwork, phone calls, business letters, invoices, rosters, not to mention keeping track of fees collected and filing everything. Plus I'm learning how to get the website up and running. I'm still learning how to do that. Hey...I've posted pictures I took over the past summer so I have been able to incorporate that skill into this volunteer job as well...
Being the secretary for little league is practically a full time job right there...except I don't get paid.

I've organized and overseen the planning and execution for many large events and done fund raising as well. I'm not afraid to ask for donations and help.The worse thing that can happen is for someone to say no. of course there are so many good causes out there and businesses are overwhelmed with solicitations that you're bound to get a no sometimes. You just can't take it personally...the businesses are trying to help as much as they can afford to. They have to adhere to a budget like everyone else does.

I doubt that a resume with a section that says something along the lines of this will help me get a job...

"Give me a book on how to do something and I will be able to learn it 95% of the time. This is how I learned how to replace my speed sensor in my car and save four hundred dollars fixing myself with the help of Mr.Man."

I don't think they're going to buy into that one, do you?

I don't know why I'm blathering on and on this way but I think I'm a little worried. I've lived my life staying busy with my children and now I'm worried about paying for their education. I will have to go to work but I have no experience. I have no degree.
While I don't regret my decision to stay at home with my children, I'm terribly concerned that I won't be able to get a job when Miss KIA begins college. I might be able to get a job someplace that I'll have to work evenings and weekends, but if you're thinking I feel I'm too good for that, it's not true. I can work anywhere and I will work my ass off to give it a hundred percent. of course I'm hoping that I will find a job that will allow me to still be able to be as active in Veggie Stick and Little Beatle's lives the way I have been for Miss KIA.

I'm going to stop writing about all of this garbage for now because quite frankly it's depressing me and I can't have that.

There's too much to get finished this week...no depression or worry will be tolerated...

The word for today is going to be sacrifice.
I've made a lot of sacrifices for my children. I have no regrets either. I'd do it all over again, even working all night and sleeping a few hours during the day if necessary...(and that might be my only alternative).

My children are EVERYTHING to me and I'd dig ditches if necessary to make sure they are cared for.
They are the reason for everything I do...they're my reasons for living...

My little Freya...



Miss KIA....



Veggie Stick...



And Little Beatle....



My mood today is protective...afraid...uncertain...
I have made sacrifices for my children but what if it's been the wrong thing to do?

I'm going to have to get a job to help them through college and I have nothing to offer an employer...

Guess I'd better pull something out of my ass, huh?

Google search goodness....

Awhile back, thanks to Tiff, I put up one of those counter thingy's to keep track of how many people take a look-see at my blog each day.
Awhile back Renn even posted a blog on it.
So this morning I decided to check my counter thingy, which I really never think much about and I discovered a few special google searches that took people directly to my blog...

A few of the key phrases that took people to THIS blog entry was...

"the boob goddess"
"goddess of boobs"
"freakfest boobs"
"flopping boobs"
"flopping breasts"
AND last but not least one google blog search for a "floppy boob blogspot"



That's a WHOLE lotta searching for boobs. And to think it all comes back to my little old blog.

Do I discuss my boobs too much?



Just wondering...

Of course THIS post got some attention as well but wait till you see the search inquiries that brought people to it...

"me squatting"
AND
"I got horny while watching my brother"



WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT??!!! (and yes...I dropped the "F" bomb on that because 'word' just wasn't going to do it, ok?

Shall we continue?

Then there is THIS post, which I believe was one of Tiff's favorites...plus this is the blog where the Angry White Guy from Jeff's site and I began our friendship...

Some of the searches that brought people to that post are....

"sweaty pits"
"titty whipping"
"Don Johnson"
"blonde rubber"
"perky twins"
"mangled freak"

Yeah...that's some weird stuff...

There were a few other interesting search hits on my blog but I think you get the general idea, right?

So once again I have to ask...do I discuss my boobs too much?
I know there are some guys who think that women are thrilled to have boobs and really, I have to admit...I love my boobs. I hold them gently as I run down the stairs so as to not damage the tender things.
I fall asleep holding them close to me so they feel secure.
I spend lots of extra time washing them in the shower....
I even adjust the 'knobs' to get better reception (like a radio)when listening to Mr.Man blather on and on about some musket or powder horn he saw somewhere...



My breasts are my best friends and I love them...

Today's word is "pervert" because if you believe for one second that women grope themselves because they love their breasts, then you're a pervert.
I hope no one took me seriously...
Well...no one except Mark, but he can't help it.



I was going to bitch about things today and then I decided not to give into it. I COULD say a lot of negative stuff about people who are FUCKTARDS and make my life miserable...yes...miserable...miserable because I think they enjoy tormenting me and I'm stupid enough to love them and care about them...BUT LIKE I SAID...I'm not going there...ok?

FUCKTARDS!!! YOU DID NOT WIN TODAY!!!!

With that said...this is my mood for the day...



BRING IT ON BIATCHES!!!

God I hope the weekend isn't going to be a huge bullshit fest...I think I'll get drunk!