Rap Cat Hell, shoes and a fire in the hole!

My kids love to find the most irritating things they can possibly find on the internet and then aggravate me until I give in a watch whatever it is they've found.
Normally this pisses me off, but the video they found last night made me think of Stew and laugh my ass off...
So I'm sharing it with you...just because it's so damn dumb.



Yeah...you'll be meowing to yourself all freakin day now...I hated to do that to you, but I can't be the only one to suffer, ok?

Speaking of suffering...my asshole hurts. And no, it's not because I had happy ass sex either. I think I ate too much hot sauce with my wings last night and I literally burned a hot wing trail through my anal canal when I took a shit.



The next time I eat hot wings there will have to be more beer involved.I only had one beer and I doubt that's enough to provide sufficient lubrication for the hot wing remnants to emerge from my body without causing third degree burns to my asshole. I'm thinking that eating those wings needed at least three beers if not four beers. I'll know better next time.

This week has been kind of shitty so far..er...anyway, I'm not sure what it is either. Maybe it's because I'm overtired from traveling and trying to do a million things. Or maybe it's because I hate cleaning my house. It could even be because it's been too cold for me to walk around naked. I don't know! It's just been sucky.

I think I need to think really, REALLY hard and try to find some fun and good things that happened this week...



Yeah...well I'm going to try anyway...

Ok...Sunday night when I got home after spending almost three days away from Mr.Man, we got in a huge fight over something really dumb and I went to bed at 7 p.m. Hmmm...nothing good on Sunday.

Monday I moped around the house with my depressed breasts and we slept a lot. I fell into that "I'm a broken failure" trap from my past, purged it and felt kinda blah the rest of the day. I had to take Little Beatle and a car load of his friends to practice and by the time I got home again, Mr.Man had been called out to work all night. So I took Veggie Stick out to buy some sneakers. I found two pairs of very nice shoes...marked down from over fifty dollars a pair to twelve a pair...
Now that was a good thing. I needed some decent shoes. Mine all look like they're doggie chew toys. Comfortable but skuzzy looking...

Ok...so I got new shoes and they were cheap. That's one good thing...



And yes...this is yet another video my daughters found to irritate me with. Miss KIA is the mastermind behind all of these stupid videos by the way...

Ok..now let's see what happened on Tuesday.
Ummm....
Oh yeah...let's forget about Tuesday...that was the church lady lecture day. I guess the video choices kind of back her claims don't they?
Whatever....
Well wait a minute...I did clean and I took down the rest of my Christmas tree. Mr.Man was home so I spent some 'special' time with him and took a little nap afterwards...yeah...that was good...very good...



So Tuesday was better than Monday.

Wednesday the kids got out of school early so I took Veggie Stick shopping. I needed to get Little Beatle some shirts because he's taken a growing spurt and his old shirts came up to his belly button. I got off pretty cheap too and Kohls was having a great sale. I even bought myself a shirt...very nice and very on sale cheap.
We came home and I made a nice dinner, steak, baked potatoes and fresh steamed veggies, and then we relaxed. Of course later on that evening while watching a movie, I ate the hot wings from hell and now I'm suffering for it, but all in all, Wednesday wasn't so bad.



Nothing terribly exciting has happened today.I'm making spinach manicotti, salad and garlic bread for dinner. That's kind of exciting I guess. But beyond that nothing that thrilling has happened. Not yet anyway. I probably won't be going out either since there is so much to be done here. I have to catch up on some Little League paperwork and correspondence as well. DAMN THESE VOLUNTEER JOBS! I love helping out but there are times that everything has to be done all at once and then I feel stretched thin...

The word of the day will be...shoes. Shoes...oh my god...shoes...

Why not? I KNOW I can get Veggie Stick on that one...

And here's my mood for today...



My asshole burns and I have no motivation to do any of the five thousand things I need to do.I need to fart but the dog is laying beneath my chair and I'm worried one fart will singe all the hair off her body...

Maybe more coffee will help? I wonder if Orajel would numb the pain? My ass would smell fruity which is bound to be an improvement. I think I'll try it.

See ya tomorrow...

Welcome to the Heathen House.....

Did you know that I'm a TERRIBLE parent?



I was actually informed by yet another church person that I don't teach my children morals.
IN FACT, they don't teach their children to act the way mine do...

WTF?

Do they video tape my kids and then have class, complete with video footage and a pointer, showing all of the faults my children have?



Are my kids their personal examples of what they are not allowed to act like?

I've about had a fucking belly full of there HOLIER THAN THOU, SELF RIGHTEOUS BASTARDS POINTING THEIR FINGER AT ME AND TELLING ME I'M A BAD PARENT!!!

You know...I used to like going to church. In fact, it was a peaceful and joyful time for me. I could go into the church and worship, do some self-examination and reflect on my life and my actions.
I always felt so much better when I came out of church.



Then I moved to good old West Virginia and guess what? The entire church experience changed for me. I didn't feel so great when I came out of church anymore. In fact, I felt like shit. I felt like I wasn't doing enough for the Lord! I worried about what other people were thinking and almost had a stroke at the mere mention that one of my kids had said something off color in the Sunday school class!



I felt cement weighted guilt if I wasn't at church every time the doors opened! I even compromised my own personal faith and beliefs because I felt I needed to have my children raised in the church!

I taught the high school on Wednesday nights. I taught them about self-respect and self-esteem and treating other people with respect, even if they didn't deserve it because it would say more about their own character than the character of the other person....I tried to teach them things they could use in their every day lives to make them feel better about themselves and motivate them to make something good out of their lives. I talked about sex and drugs and drinking, not in a condescending way, but in a realistic way that they could understand.

And I got in trouble for it...CONSTANTLY.



Of course our youth group was big...really big. The kids kept coming because they were finding a spiritual peace every teen-ager searches for. They had a place where they could be accepted by others even though they weren't popular or didn't dress in name brand everything...they were all friends.

I taught them about making their faith personal and not worrying about what other people thought. They learned that actions speak more loudly than words and quoting scripture means nothing if you're not willing to back it up.

I lied to myself and told myself that I was doing some good so it was ok for me to compromise my beliefs.

Hopefully the kids got something good from it but I felt myself drifting away from that inner peace.

Because I wasn't reading from the King James version of the bible (the only REAL version according to the elders) and used the NIV instead, I wasn't a 'good' teacher. And because I talked about taboo subjects like sex, drinking,drugs and even rock and roll...I was a 'bad' teacher.
The elders in the church gave me some 'suggestions' on how to improve my classes.



SUGGESTIONS MY ASS! They gave me an ultimatum and I couldn't abide by it, so I left.

I also taught the College and Career classes as well. You see, I'm very knowledgeable about my bible.Not because I want to run around quoting it to impress people into thinking I'm a good Christian woman...but because I wanted to read it for myself. The Lutheran church I grew up in, taught us that faith is a personal experience and you shouldn't base it on what other people tell you. You shouldn't base your feelings or thoughts on how others interpret the bible.
So I read the bible myself.
I went to catechism classes and we talked about what we read. Sometimes we all agreed on what we read and other times we didn't. Our pastor discussed all options with us but NEVER told us what we were supposed to feel about it. He told us to pray and meditate about it.

My faith has always been a very personal thing for me and I've never felt the need to walk around wearing it like a badge of honor or a shiny symbol of my superiority. I'm sorry to say this, but I've met a lot of people in this area who do those two things. It disgusts me too.
So...after compromising my own beliefs, I finally left the church I was going to and became one of the 'heathens'.



Has my faith changed?
No.
Have I changed?
Yes.
I feel free! I feel like I can be true to my faith and to myself. I am not perfect and I don't pretend I am. I drink, I swear and I tell white lies...I do.
Oh wait a minute...I forgot. The majority of the people who go to church down here don't do any of those things...(unless they're hiding it, then it's acceptable.)

The Catholics are realistic. They do smoke and drink and if they swear, they know lightening isn't going to strike them dead. I think they have the "I'm not perfect" thing down pretty well. I'd have to say that the Catholics I know down here are the closest to the peaceful church I grew up in more-so than any other church I've been to.



I like the Methodist church as well. I've been to it on several occasions and I even ventured to a couple in different cities. I've liked every one.
The Lutheran church down here is just as Baptist as the Baptist church and probably only slightly more conventional than the non-denominational churches I've been to.

I don't do revival.
Revival isn't something that should be scheduled. You should be in your own personal revival every single day. What ever your personal belief, you should be intimate with it and incorporate it into everything you do...every day. Going to the church every night won't make it stronger if you're not already in touch with it.

I don't believe in hell.



I really don't. (Yeah, I've been told I'm going there and if there is one, then I'm sure I'll see most of the people who have told me I'm going there waiting on me when I arrive.)

I guess that being attacked in my own home, countless times by people telling me that I'm a bad parent because I don't go to church, has just pushed me to the breaking point.
I'm SICK of the Jesus police in the state and would appreciate it if they would check out the beam in their own eye,instead of pulling out the magnifying glass to look for the mote in mine. (Matthew 7:1-5 in case you're interested)...



The way I see it, is if everyone would just concentrate on themselves and take care of working on their own faults and trying their best to be a good and decent person, there'd be a lot less bullshit in this world and a lot more harmony and love.
I'm being the best parent I know how to be, but that doesn't mean my children will be perfect. Remember the free will thing?
In fact, I can think of several big church people I know who have pointed their finger at me in the past and wagged it in my direction with the "you're a bad parent" lecture who's children are in very bad places right now.
I feel sorry for them.
I think it's terrible that they have to go through that.
I hate it for their kids that they're having such a rough time.
I don't throw it in their faces and gloat over it!

What's the point of this whole rant?

There isn't any point. I'm just venting. It's annoying and irritating. I'm sick and tired of it!
And just so you know....when I was confronted yesterday I turned the other cheek and went about my business as usual. There are just some people in this world you don't attempt to defend yourself or your children to. You want to, but it won't do any good and most times it'll just make things worse.

Besides...it's not the Christian thing to do now, is it?

Be patient with me again today...I'll get back to the funny stuff tomorrow....I NEED a good laugh!

Fight the good fight...

I feel sorry for people....the homeless man I saw standing on Corridor G last night...and the lady who lives down the street from me..(lonely and bitter, shutting out the rest of the world.)
I even feel sorry for Brittany Spears...

People who are in a broken condition evoke sympathy in me.

I have empathy for those who try to destroy themselves while they're in a fragile condition...

I know that all too well.

I've stood at that threshold more than one time and looked into the abyss of destruction...ready to fling myself in and let it consume me.
It's tempting when you feel like everything that matters in life evades you and you think you have nothing...

Why haven't I ever given in to that self-destruction and allowed myself to take the easy way out?

There are several reasons...
First of all...there is NO easy way out. That's a myth. I watched my mother try to take the easy way out of things the entire time I was growing up. She was disappointed with her life and her relationships and never dealt with any of it. She dragged me through one mess after another and still didn't find what she was looking for.
I was constantly traveling from nightmare to nightmare. Now I'm spending the rest of my life trying to free myself of the scars inflicted on a child who had no choice but to 'deal' with her mother's tragic journey through the 'disappointment of her life'.

Another reason I chose to never step over into that self-destructive chaos, is because I kept telling myself that while I didn't have any other choice but to live with the things that happened to me as a little girl, I WOULD have choices someday when I was an adult.

And I wanted to be happy...safe...loved...wanted...

I almost gave into the destruction once...
I lost hope when I turned 14. It was stolen from me,taken from me...violently and savagely and after years of keeping it hidden, safely in the deepest part of my heart, I couldn't feel it anymore.
The next year went by in a blur...I had a boyfriend..who wasn't a bad guy, he was just young and horny and I allowed to use me and treat me like garbage...I didn't think I deserved anything better than that.
I drank and did reckless things...(although I never did drugs because in my eyes that was the evil that sparked the frenzy that took my hope from me.)

I thought about suicide every day.

I guess I was too cowardly to do anything about it.

Then I got pregnant.
Yes...I had my oldest daughter when I was 16.
She saved my life and I don't care what anyone else says about it...she did.
I didn't care whether I lived or died but when I found out that there was another living being depending on me to make the choice of whether to live or die, I chose life.

It was very hard..I got kicked out of my house. I lived with my grandparents and worked nights and took care of my daughter during the day.There was no going to the state for welfare (that was unheard of). I cleaned houses, worked in potato houses, worked the harvest...backbreaking work.
I had to drop out of school and do a correspondence course, which was difficult and frustrating because of the lack of transportation to get into town to take my weekly tests. I lost almost all my friends and my boyfriend abandoned me, until his parents got involved...then we ended up married.

That just made it worse.

As I've said before...I was his ball and chain and he tried to beat and pound it off until I finally chose life again and left his sorry ass.

This isn't easy for me to write. It's much easier to write about the happy, silly things I look for every day. The darker things are the things I try to avoid...but I was having a hard day and I needed to deal with it.
You see...dealing with things makes you stronger...you can win that battle if you just have enough courage to face it. Hiding from it or giving into it gives IT all the power. I won't allow that...I can't allow that.

If they've asked for it, I've given advice to people who are going through a rough time. I'm very honest about what I think and what I see about their situation. Some people may think I'm harsh and heartless, but I really only have their best interest at heart. I know how love and heartache and fear can confuse you and cause you to make bad decisions. It's hard to see what's solid in your life and what's not.

When someone is hurting...broken...fragile...lost...I am transported back to places I'd rather not revisit.
I've gone hungry,I've slept out in the cold(because I was afraid to go home),I've been heartbroken,felt helpless....hopeless...

Maybe it's easy to be empathetic toward others when you've felt the things they've felt...when you've been to that same low place they're at.
We've all had our problems and heartbreaks...we've all been broken at one time or another. The only difference between us and Brittany Spears is that we have made different choices that have taken us in a different direction...toward a better place than her.
She might be rich...she might be famous...but she's still human and she's in a broken state right now.
I can't help but be sad for her....

I try not to dwell on my past. I get up each morning with a good outlook on things.But sometimes those demons dig into my back and the insecurity and fear gets the best of me.
A black eye fades...a broken leg heals...but those scars inflicted on the heart...they never completely heal.
Some people pick at them and make new scabs until they grow bigger and nastier and can't be overlooked anymore.
My scars are hidden. I don't pick at them...I look them over carefully and rub salve into the ones who need a little more help to heal than the others. It stings and it hurts, but only for a little bit and then I can get on with living again.

When I think back to that year when I was 14 and I kept thinking I was too cowardly to kill myself, I finally came to the conclusion that dying is easy....it's living that's hard.
We are all courageous to walk through each day, knowing that there's another day waiting for us when it's over...none of us know what tomorrow brings. It could be great joy or great sorrow...we never know until it arrives.

I want to be loved...I want to be wanted...I want to feel safe...happy and secure.

I choose life and I hope I can continue to find the good things in it that bring happiness and love into this world.

Tripping, virginity and a white moon....

Did NO ONE catch on to me making "pee pee" the word of the day TWO DAYS IN A ROW?!?!?!

Yeah...I didn't either. So today's word will be "dumb".
I'm really fond of the word dumb.As a matter of fact, my sister-in-law is always telling my brother, "God Art, you're so dumb."..(except when she says it,the 'you're so dumb' part runs together to sound more like 'youresodumb'.

Veggie Stick will have conniptions because she tells Little Beatle he's dumb everyday...should be a fun night here at the funny farm.

Speaking of funny farms...the trip was exhausting but good.
Friday afternoon we began our journey. We traveled to Gallipolis and ate supper. It was my very first time eating at a Golden Corral restaurants.



I told the cashier I was popping my Golden Corral cherry and she rushed me through the line. They also sent an employee into the restroom when I was washing my hands....a big, strict looking gal who had manly hands.



Who knew it would be such a big deal? Perhaps they thought I was planning on having sex in the restaurant? I mean, I don't eat out that often so I've never been to a lot of different restaurants.I've never been to a Ryan's or red Lobster either. Does that make me a freak? I may or may not have had sex in a restaurant but that doesn't necessarily constitute freakiness does it?

I saved my freakiness for later on that night....

We followed the bus to our destination.That didn't necessarily mean the bus was going where it should be though. The driver turned off on this road that took us out to God's country, where there was nothing but empty corn fields as far as the eye could see.
He later said there was a problem with the GPS setting, but I don't know....he was a strange dude...
Anyway, while we were sitting there in the children of the corn land waiting on the bus driver to decide we were lost, I had to pee. The bus was in front of us, then my friend's dad's van and then the friend I rode with's car.
So I told her and I was going to get out and pee behind her car...She objected and told me not to and so did the other people who rode with us, but I HAD to go...BAD!

I got out and in spite of the frigid temperatures, I pulled my pants down and squatted to pee. It was at that precise moment that the bus decided to pull forward and turn around. Well...the rest of the vehicles followed, leaving me exposed to the entire world, crouched in the middle of the road with my pants around my ankles.



Apparently my friend had 'forgotten' I was behind her and just followed her dad. When she looked up in the rear view mirror, she said all she could see was my white ass sticking out and me squatting in the middle of the road. She was at least ten yards away from me but I could hear her and my other two friends laughing inside her car....

Hmmm....I'm sure it would have made a beautiful picture...



So...AFTER that experience, I decided to stop drinking stuff and wait until we got to the hotel.

We got to the hotel late and let me tell you, the guy working there was a HUGE douche bag. A guest called down and complained about the noise. Instead of telling the guest that a bus had just arrived and the noise would subside as soon as everyone was checked in, he yelled at us and threw a fit. You'd think that he would be more concerned about accommodating a reservation of almost forty rooms and be a little less concerned about one guest...
Hours of grueling travel left me exhausted and constipated...I wanted to kick his bitchy little ass...

By the time we got settled in and got to bed it was 2:30. I slept OK, but strangely enough my friend, who is ALWAYS complaining about her husband's snoring, snored...all night long. I'm guessing it's only because she was as exhausted as me, but I mention it because I thought it was ironic...LOL

Saturday morning we got up early and hit the road. We made it to the competition by 10:00 a.m. and spent the entire day there.....



There's not much to add to that except I saw a few of these....



and few of these watching the cat fights....



THESE GIRLS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU DIRTY OLD SOCKCUCKERS! (Sockcuckers sounds a little nicer than the real word for it, don't you think?)

We got back to the hotel around 1:30 A.M!!! And we were all noisy as hell too!!! It just can't be helped...there's almost a hundred of us. What are we supposed to do? Medicate each kid and drag them off the bus and into their bed? It didn't take more than twenty minutes to get everyone off the bus and into their rooms though...it could have been worse.

Sunday...got up...got on the road and followed some other people who had to stop every five minutes to pee. It was so bad the bus got back an hour ahead of us.

No one tried to buy me on this trip.I felt very proud of that too. Perhaps it means I don't look like the kind of girl someone would offer money for anymore? Who said getting older is a bad thing?
Besides...I'm not impressed with ANY man who can't give me the time of day unless he's horny. He'd better be taking the time and calling. The men who have deserved my attention in the past worked for the privilege, you know?They didn't just call me up when they felt like getting their dick sucked. I don't put up with that shit. I'm serious...You see the way these boys disrespect their girlfriends at these events and you think to yourself how horrible it is that they have so little self esteem, they allow these boys to treat them like whores...it's TERRIBLE.

Not surprisingly enough, my mood for today is this...



I'm sleepy. It's not even 11 a.m. but I think I'm going to go lie down and take a cat nap. I can barely keep my eyes open....

A sacrifice...yeah...that's the ticket!!

I've made my decision about Lent.
I really likes ETW's suggestion of making a sacrifice. As you all know, I already volunteer for every stupid thing I can because I can't say NO. (I do have four kids and that's part of why I do.)



Well..it's that AND the fact that sex is my hobby...

ANYWAY...getting back to the sacrifice thing....
I've decided to sacrifice the hairdresser who cut my hair. I think it would be a great thing to do for Lent and QUITE a sacrifice indeed.

I struggled with choosing something of course, but in the end I knew this was the thing I could live giving up the most. I can't BELIEVE I actually considered giving up sex for Lent.
Damn...what the hell was I on yesterday?

The hairdresser must be sacrificed.
At first I thought that maybe the haircut was punishment for hacking off all my Barbie's hair as an amateur hairdresser at the ripe old age of twelve. Poor Barbie used to get a haircut and it looked so God awful that soon Ken's eyes wandered to flat chested, jail bait Skipper.
I can't tell you how many times MY haircutting ability ended in Barbie's failed relationship with Ken and Ken's stint in the jail for hooking up with Skipper.
Sad...it was all very sad indeed.
And I didn't learn my lesson either. I kept on cutting and cutting until finally I felt like I'd mastered the Barbie haircut.



Do kids even play with Barbie's anymore?

Wait...they have these things.....



Now hold on one minute! They used to preach to us about Barbie not looking like a real woman but what the hell are these dolls supposed to look like?

Oh wait a minute...NOW I see...



Meh...I prefer Barbie any day...

So..I'm getting ready to go out of town, minus Mr.Man. THAT should be pretty interesting. I hope some foreigner doesn't offer one of my friends money to buy me again. That's SO humiliating...

That's all I have time for today but in honor of ETW, I will make the word of the day..."pee pee"

My mood and probably my mood for the entire weekend is this...



I'm TIRED! Truthfully I wish we weren't even going out of town...but you know how it is...I'll Do ANYTHING for my kids on account that I love them and all that stuff....

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I'll be looking forward to my Lenten sacrifice when I get back!!

Yeeesh...

This will be small...very small but at least I'm getting a chance to purge my thoughts...well...a few of them anyway.
I've been rushed and one of the things I've been doing to cause the rushing is designing snakes.
Yep...you heard me...snakes.



I hate snakes...bleh. The mere sight of them scares the shit out of me. One time I merely saw a little green garden snake and I ran screaming through my yard, feeling somewhat sick to my stomach in fact.
I'm petrified of them.

So how have I managed to look at countless pictures of them over the past few days without passing out in fear or making my way through the house climbing on furniture?

I don't know.

Determination perhaps or necessity?

Last night I worked one of the concession stands at the WVU/Marshall basketball game. Veggie Stick's extracurricular activity allows me the opportunity to work there and help pay her expenses. Anyhow...I worked in the chicken booth.



It's funny about chicken and how smelling it for a few hours can absolutely turn you off to it.
Blech!
Of course I work in the back preparing food, so I get to smell it the entire time I'm there.
Next time I work one of those things, I think I need to work out front. Of course they don't like for me to work out front because they're worried I might flash someone my titties or something crazy like that...gee...you do something ONE time and people never let you live it down.
One bonus of working in the back of the booth is being able to flirt with the beer guy for free beer. Of course he flirted back and had a good time making empty promises, which, of course led to an empty cup with no beer involved what-so-ever....pisser...

Speaking of piss...have you ever seen that stuff in the store called PeePee? It's supposed to remove the smell of urine (pet urine) from everything.
Don't you think they could have chosen a different name?



"Hey honey, don't forget to pick up a gallon of milk and some PeePee, ok?"

The word for today will be "PeePee" so for those who play along and have toddlers, this will be an exciting and fun day for you! I might get Veggie Stick with this one, but I don't think she says she has to 'peepee' anymore now that she's in High School.

I really need to get back to sewing.I do feel better now that I've let some of the things in my head loose.

There's not much room in there, you know?

This is my mood for today....



I'm kind of sad because I haven't had time to get caught up with my blog roll. I managed to read a couple yesterday but that's it. I hate that! I need my hour of catching up or it makes me grouchy.

Speaking of grouchy...I'm thinking of giving up sex for lent. I mean, if you're supposed to sacrifice something you REALLY love, don't you think that would be appropriate for me?



I grew up a Lutheran, although I don't go to any church now, so I remember the whole Lent sacrifice and one year I even gave up listening to my music. Now THAT was a sacrifice!

Have a good day and hopefully I'll have a moment to write tomorrow before I leave on my trip out of town....KISS KISS

A cluster...not the yummy peanut and chocolate kind either...

I'm stuck in the middle of a HUGE CLUSTERFUCK!
That's the only way to describe it.
I'm trying to get the person in charge to listen to me and she won't!



Let me put it this way...you have several people assigned to do the job of twenty. I know that those of you who work can sympathize with me and probably wonder what I'm bitching about because you put up with stuff like this all the damn time!!! RIGHT!!!

I don't get PAID for my clusterfuck headaches and furthermore, no one seems to be in charge!!!

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

If I were to stop and masturbate I'm sure I'd feel a little better.
I considered doing that and then I decided to write in here so no one would think I'd been abducted by secret service agents and whisked away to a top secret location to be admired by my stalker, GW.

GOOD GOD!

I have five million kazillion things to do....

How come no one else is asked to do things?

I'm just being a bitchy bitch with creamy bitch filling...ignore me...stop listening to me rant and I'll quit.

Speaking of quitting...what do people give up for lent? Do people even do that kind of thing anymore? I don't think I've given up anything for lent for years, unless the time I didn't sleep because it interfered with partying and work counts.
Veggie Stick says she's going to eat meat for lent...

HUH? What the FUCK???

I don't understand the youth of today. They frighten me with their inability to name the capitals of every state and the apparent need for constant stimulation.
I think we're raising an entire generation of geographically impaired technology junkies and it's frightening.

I can see it now....I'll be strapped into Miss KIA's minivan and driven for days with nothing but re-runs of "Tila Tequila" to watch because Veggie Stick will be living in the capital of Nebraska and no one will know where that is!!!!

Perhaps the tattoo craze could be used for educational purposes?



I'm hungry and nothing appeals to me.I guess it's that crud that's hanging on.Anyway...this is short, confused and written in typical me fashion but that's how it's got to be today...

The word of the day is...yep..you guessed it! "Clusterfuck!"
Somehow I doubt I'll get Veggie Stick on that one.

Here's my mood...



I'm gassy as hell. I sure hope I don't shit myself when I'm out working this evening...

See ya tomorrow...

Sick...beat it out with a stick!

That's right...I've got another bought with the bleh...
I don't know if it's a fucking cold or some other bullshit garbage but you know...I don't need it. No one likes to be sick. Damn bugs going around...eh..

This past weekend was so hectic. I really don't have much fun at those extra-curricular things either. It's too much kid drama, adult drama, exhaustion and I spend too much money. I'd rather lay around drunk and screw. That's cheap, relaxing AND excitingly enjoyable entertainment in my book...

I don't really know where to begin with the details of things so I won't. Instead I'm going to ramble on and on about other things on my mind.

First of all, have you ever been around someone who SAYS they like you, but doesn't really seem all that enthused about being around you? What I'm talking about is someone who tells you they like you, who seems to like you, but when you're around them, it's almost like they can't get away from you fast enough. In fact, they go out of their way to avoid you.It's almost like it depends on their mood. If they're in the mood to talk to you, then they will, if not...then they avoid you or ignore you.
They even tell you to call but they almost never answer your call and they hardly ever return your call. Oh yeah...and they don't call you...you're always the one calling.

Maybe it's just me but it sends me an entirely different message than they one they keep telling me....



I'm just saying...that's all....

My Christmas tree is still up and damnit, it was supposed to come down yesterday but I felt like I couldn't work fast enough to get everything done. I didn't even leave the house until almost five to get groceries and I still couldn't get it done. I suppose I'll have to tackle that this afternoon.



We had some snow this morning and five thousand fender-benders. I drove in it, but being from Maine, I know better than to assume a black road means it's clear, dry pavement. Some people assumed wrong and slid on the black ice into the rear bumper of someone else's car. Thankfully I wasn't involved in any of those mishaps...especially since it's Elderly Hell day, (the reason for my late night rush to the grocery store last night)but it was a mess out there this morning.

Some old fucker in a white minivan almost ran over me as I walked toward City Hall too...Then he gave me a dirty look like it was MY fault! I was walking on the sidewalk you stupid shit!!!

You know...I'm giving up for now. I feel REALLY bad and I think I should take some 'cough' syrup and go lie down...



Cranberry 'cough syrup' is one of my favorites....

Maybe after a nap I can muster up enough energy to finish what I wanted to write before my head explodes...

Hey! Did anyone notice I was missing?

In case you were unaware of it, I have not been here.
In fact Mr.Man and I have been out of town. We packed up the kids and went out on the performers circuit.
Yeah...flamboyant glittered shirts, frilly swirling skirts, flips and dips and dancing feet...

You'll just have to guess what we were up to cause it's probably not safe to tell it on here. I think I have a few stalkers....







I always attract the weirdo's you know?

I really went to Ohio with my kids. They are involved in extra-curricular activities that keep me busy....and traveling. Mr.Man doesn't normally go with me, but this time he came because I promised him special favors and let me tell you...my ass hurt all weekend. Trying riding in the car for four hours with a sore ass and you'll appreciate my 'sacrifice'...heh heh...

I'll be traveling a few more weekends and we always leave on Fridays so I might not have time to write. That's the only thing that sucks about going out of town...I don't always have a place or the time to write. I figured when I sat down to write this morning, I'd have a lot to say, but surprisingly I don't. A lot happened...and I saw a lot of things that made me laugh and what-not, but I am too preoccupied with cleaning getting things straightened up in my house.

Yeah....
Cleaning...
Me...



I know...

So...while this is going to be lame and not as informative as you probably expected, tomorrow I will fill you in on the weekend..or maybe later. I haven't really placed time constraints on it you know? I write when I feel like writing..

Oh yeah...I'll have a picture of my new haircut too....THAT will be a story in itself...skinny little son-of-a-bitch hairdresser...I should have pulled his "girlfriend" off and shoved it up his "split end"...but you'll see what I mean...

My hair is short now...and layered!!!

This was my reaction for the first couple of days...



I don't want to kill the hairdresser anymore now...but I won't go back to him..that's for DAMN sure!

I'll be back tomorrow...

Elderly Hell Survivalist...that's me...

I went out among them yesterday....
Yes...you heard right.
I not only went out among the Elderly Hell Multitudes, I went to the grocery store, drug store AND doctor's office!!!!
I could tell there was some restless energy in the air when I drove the kids to school.The Elderly are like cats...acting all crazy and everything when there's bad weather. It had snowed Monday night and then froze on the roads, so we had a two hour delay. Because of the later time,the Elderly were out on the road when I took the kids to school.Usually this is not the case and there's no need to panic, not even on Elderly Hell Day...but...this Tuesday was different. I told the kids to brace themselves and make sure they were buckled up. They laughed in the face of danger, but I insisted. I KNEW the danger at hand.



"Kill or be killed", I told them...

Why is it that the Elderly drive those huge ass cars? They seem to find the biggest cars they can. The ones that have the most potential to cause serious damage. I've seen countless heads of blue hair popping up over the top of steering wheels, with no sign of anyone actually navigating these mammoth vehicles, many, MANY times. The mere thought of it sends fear chills racing up and down my spine.(Remember that granny wearing spandex and the Elvis shirt?)
Anyway, I managed to deliver all of the children safely to school but that leads me to another question I have.

Do you honestly think it's an accident when some old man is doing twenty five in a fifty five mile an hour zone?
I think the government hires these old dudes, or perhaps just gives them free stuff like Ben-Gay packs, big buckled belts or plaid house shoes. I can see some official perusing the dead pecker bench at the local McDonalds' looking for potential candidates.



Why would the government plant these deviant old geezers on the roads during rush hour traffic?
I'll tell you why.
They're looking for the right kind of people for 'certain' kinds of jobs.
Yep...that's right.
I'd never be approached for one of these government jobs because as you all know, I'm WAY too laid back and easy going...
But yeah, I think that if the government recruiters see some guy getting REALLY pissed off because he's stuck behind Harold,who's doing twenty five in a fifty five mile an hour zone, this guy becomes a source of interest.
So they watch.
Then they see him turning every shade of red while foaming at the mouth and screaming obscenities...
I bet that sparks an interest...
When the angry guy runs Harold off the road, smashing not only Harold's vehicle but his own vehicle in the process...then roughly drags Harold and his walker from the car and beats Harold down with his walker, no remorse or mercy shown...
I bet that raises an eyebrow.
When the angry guy finishes up by beating in the hood and doors,busting the lights and windows out and then setting Harold's car on fire...
I believe this pissed off dude just road raged himself into a government job.
He's going to end up being the head of covert operations in Nicaragua soon after his little tantrum.
It takes some special insanity to work for that branch of the government. Well...there and the post office.
But yes...this is my theory on the whole old dudes driving at a snail's pace during rush hour thing.

It's no accident.

I went to Kroger's yesterday too.I knew I had to make a cake for Little Beatle's activity later in the evening and I didn't have any baking powder or cocoa. So I bravely went, where no one should ever go on Elderly Hell day.
KROGERS!
As I walked through the doors, I could literally FEEL every old white lady's eyes on me. They really hate me...I'm not kidding.
In the produce there was a pack of them surrounding the butter squash area, so I was grateful I didn't need anything from that part of the store. I walked briskly, with my arms in front of me, and for a split second I wondered why I'd never gone out to buy a football helmet and padding for Elderly Hell day's at Krogers.I really need something like that.As if to illustrate the validity of my need for padding and a helmet, I narrowly missed getting the back of my ankle ripped open by some sour faced old hag who was leaning on her shopping cart like a freakin speed racer. Why is it that it takes an hour for them to walk twelve feet but put a shopping cart in front of them and they're prctically flying through the store!
I leaped across the main aisle and made my way into the baking supplies.
There was no one there and I couldn't believe my luck. I looked up and found the cocoa I needed. Then I turned and came face to face?(boob to face?) with this old blue haired lady who was just staring at me.



I asked her if she needed me to reach something for her, but she didn't answer..she just kept staring. It was fucking creepy....

I left with my things without being molested in any way and I felt very proud of my bravery.It wasn't the most terrible trip to Krogers on an Elderly Hell day...considering how it normally goes.

Later that afternoon, Miss KIA had a doctor's appointment and since we live in the Florida of West Virginia, the doctor's office was PACKED with Elderly.I protectively wrapped my arm around Miss KIA and we sat together, huddled in a protective back to back position.
There were lots of dirty looks thrown our way and a few whispered things, accompanied but more dirty looks, but all in all, we were relatively safe.
The only real incident happened when we were in line to be checked out. Two old white ladies skipped me. I was not happy about it, but because I'm polite, I didn't say anything. When a third one tried it though, I wasn't so kind.
I simply said...LOUDLY..."I farted. I hope it doesn't smell bad."
The old bat gave me a sneer and snorted at me, probably thinking I had terrible manners or whatever, but damnit! I was not going to be skipped in line a third time.
The receptionist chuckled under her breath and reached for my folder. She drew a smiley face on my receipt so I knew she understood my pain...either that or she has a fart fetish and I turned her on.



Who knows?

Anyway, I'm out of time for today. I had a hectic day yesterday and today will be more of the same. I was so tired I even slept in until almost six this morning. So that means I still need to shower and then be out of here by ten. I won't be back home again until after six. It's going to be a crazy day....

I'm doing something that I don't normally do.
I'm actually working on a post. It's going to contain everything I like about the people on my blog roll with links and inserts of my favorite posts by them. I thought about doing one person a day and that might still be a possibility, but the fact that I'm actually having to plan ahead about what I'm going to post here is a new thing for me. I always just sit down and write whatever it is that I'm thinking about. No notes...no preparation...just a whole lot of "you get what you get" stuff...whatever that happens to be that day.
So I'm kind of excited about doing things differently. It's a way for me to grow as a blogger maybe?

With that said...here is my mood for today....



I like to stay busy but I really am tired. Some days are just crazier than others I guess. Hope everyone has a good day and doesn't end up being recruited by our government for a job....

Kiss! Kiss!

Three...Tres...Tre

I've been up since five and haven't stopped. I'm not nearly finished half the stuff that needs to be done by this evening, so for today, I'll share a couple of things that make me laugh...

In fact, I stopped long enough to view a couple just to relieve a little of the pressure I'm under.

For some reason this video clip seems like something that would happen to me. I guess that's why I like it so much...



Next...it's all about the boobs! This too seems like something that would happen to me...That is, if I actually knew someone who'd had a boob job.



Last but not least...beer is awesome! In fact I had a few last night with a couple of bratwursts and sauerkraut for supper. How sweet would it be to work for a company like this one? I think I could work at a place like that...except I might go broke adding money to the jar.LOL



That's all for now. I'll be checking everyone's blog this evening after the festivities are done. I can't wait either. I miss it when I don't get the chance to see what's floating around in everyone else's heads...

Have a good one...

Crud, a bottle of Bud and Elmer Fudd....

I'm just warning you, I feel like shit.
Apparently I picked up a virus from my friend, which was totally worth it, but I'm a wreck now.
Bleh...
I was going to begin praising my blog roll friends, but I'm putting it off yet again. I just won't do a half ass job of it, so it'll wait until I can really put my heart into it.
Today my heart is in my ass and both are dragging on the ground.
Did I mention that I feel like shit already?

This weekend consisted of lots of sleeping and sleeping, a little sewing and cleaning and then working the spaghetti dinner fund raiser for Veggie Stick's extra curricular activity at school.
It was all a struggle. I attempted to be kind, be gracious and be helpful but I'm sure I came across as a stoned hooker because between the medicine-head and my state of dress, I doubt anything I said or did made sense.I was probably slack jawed and drooling on myself as well.
That was ok as long as I was home but when I was forced to go out in public, I think I was probably wearing an expression close to this one...



I also discovered half way through the afternoon that my shirt had been unbuttoned right in the tight boobie area and my black bra was peeking out at everyone.
I bet the church folk who came directly from church loved that!
They put me in charge of "Greeting people" too. Those sick bastards! I was one of the first things people saw when they entered. I saw a few guys whip out dollar bills and then hastily put them back after the "do you want to live to see another day" glares from their women.
After the church crowd came a lot of that stopped though...

Speaking of church and whatnot...


Does this picture make you think "Frontier Jesus"?



Hmmm...savin critters and varmints where ever he goes....

When I got home yesterday, I decided to sit on the love seat and watch a movie. I opened a beer and got ready to relax.Within ten minutes I had relaxed myself into a snore fest and a partially spilled bottle of beer in my lap. I missed the whole damn movie too.
Thankfully we have the movie on DVD so today while I do some sewing, I will finish watching the movie.And as for the spilled beer on my pants, well...it's not the first time I've had to suck beer out of my jeans before. Waste not, want not...SEE?..I paid attention in Sunday school.No one can ever accuse me of being a waster...

I need to shower then go out and run a few errands.Then I will hibernate this afternoon.



The word of the day will be shit. I feel like it, so I might as well use that to get Veggie Stick. The word of the day has become this "thing" between us and she tries to figure out what the word is and avoid saying it. It's becoming a battle of wits between mother and daughter....

Shit...

HAHA!YAY!WHOOO!HEEE!BANG!CLANG!ARHHHH!!!!

That's all for now. I'm going to lobsterize myself in the shower and then run those pesky errands.

My mood for today?



I feel like a lazy cat. The picture is courtesy of my kitty Sven. He's the laziest cat I know...

I'll return tomorrow...