The lessons we try to teach our kids....

When someone talks about you behind your back it's easy to get very angry.
Your first reaction is to lash out and tell them off.
Or maybe you feel like trashing them the way they're trashing you.

But anger is easy...



Getting angry and acting the exact same way your tormentor is takes absolutely no effort.
Look MA! No self control! No maturity! No integrity!

Last night my daughter got into a battle with a girl she used to go to school with and considered to be a friend. The entire thing ended up completely out of control. Her reaction to the entire situation made her look bad. I was embarrassed for her.But I knew she was hurt and upset. No one thinks rationally when they feel like that. So of course no matter how I tried to point out how immature and childish it was for her to lash back at this girl, her anger clouded her judgment and she just couldn't stop herself.

I mean, I know where she's coming from. I've had my share of confrontations.I've lashed out at someone who has hurt me before. But it hasn't accomplished anything either. I've just felt worse in the end and it hasn't fixed the situation.I've been embarrassed about losing my temper and acting nasty and lost respect for myself.
Repaying someone with the same destructive hate and lies they throw out there to destroy you, just makes you no better than them. It doesn't teach them a lesson or fix things. It just fuels the fire.

She thinks I don't know how she feels but I do. I get talked about. Some of it gets back to me sometimes. And it hurts me. Especially if it comes from someone I consider to be a friend.

So what do I do about it?

Do I spill all of their secrets and try to make other people hate them?

No....

Do I rant and rave and call them every nasty name in the universe?

No....

After all, I have to be able to respect myself when I look in that mirror every morning.

Just like my daughter, I've slipped and said things and done things I shouldn't have. And it has made me feel worse about myself in the end.
But that's one of the perks of having a blog. I can examine myself and be my own behavioral policeman...
Some might say I use it as a forum to bash people, but I welcome anyone to look through all of my posts. I have nothing to hide.
I write and I try to learn from my mistakes.
I have had some bad experiences with people and I can say that in dealing with back stabbers and two faced people,these are a few things that hold true...

You can't fix a liar. You can offer ways for them to gracefully back out of the lie, but in the end, if they are going to lie to you or about you, there is no way to fix it. So don't try. Trying just makes them more desperate and it will only make it worse.

You can't take back the things you say. If someone says or does something to hurt you, trying to hold off on saying anything at all is always best. Once you explode and say something, you can't take it back. Yes, perhaps you can work out an apology and repair the damage, but people don't forget...even the ones who say they have forgiven you.

We are all human and make mistakes. This is probably the best one to keep in the front of your mind at all times. If someone does you wrong, the first thought should be that they made a mistake in judgment, just like you've done a million times. It's much easier to look at things perspectively if you apply it to yourself. After all, you don't want to admit you're not perfect, right? By applying things to yourself, you can empathize more with the frame of mind the person was in when they said and did the things they said. It's easier to squelch your anger and deal with it in a calm and rational way.

You need to forgive. If you don't forgive then it will eat you alive. Now I'm not saying you should forgive and allow someone to walk over you time and time again, but sometimes a person isn't a very good friend, because no one has ever set an example but being reliable and trustworthy. Someone else's nasty behavior doesn't give you permission to act the same way. You're still accountable for your own words and actions. The forgiving is important. Anger is like acid. It will destroy what it's poured on but in time it will also destroy the container that holds it.

There will always be someone who will target you. I think this is probably the most unfair truth there is. I'm trying to teach myself to be a better person and I try very hard to do the best I can, but even so, I will still be talked about and people will still find things to dislike about me. It seems to be the nature of the beast. Some people say mean things about other people to make themselves seem more important or build their self-esteem. Sometimes it will be you. There is nothing you can do to stop it or change it. You can be nice to everyone in the entire universe and there will still be someone who will find fault in something you say or do. That's why the self-respect and doing the best you can is very important. You'll never live up to the expectations of others, so it's best to live up to your own.

I only hope that maybe some of this sinks in when I talk to her about it after school today. I'll probably have her read my blog because after all, this is the place I write carefully and honestly.

It wasn't much for humor today, but it was on my heart and with that said...this is my mood for today...



I know how disillusioned you can feel when a person you consider to be your friend says such terrible things about you and to you. I can sympathize because I've known first hand what it's like to be in her shoes....

It stays in your heart for a long time.