Frunching....dear God it's making me sore...

I made up a new exercise.

You know how those losers with ABS of steel do a million crunches every day to perfect that hard-as-a-rock toned stomach right?

Well I've decided that having a rock hard stomach isn't that important to me. I mean...what do we actually USE our stomach's for? Aren't they supposed to be a food storage facility for our bodies while we use the nutrients we need and then process the rest for disposal out the poop chute?

So...after some deep thought on the subject, I made up my own exercise to maximize the muscles I DO use.

I use my va-jay-jay muscles a hell of a lot more than my stomach muscles. So I discovered an exercise to maximize the 'squeeze potential', thus enhancing certain activities...

I call it "Frunching"...

Here's how you do it.

Lie on your back.(Clothing is optional, although I would suggest losing all or most of it if you're exercising with a 'friend".)

Spread your legs and sit up, as though you're doing a crunch.

You should be in this position...



Don't thank me now...I know you're grateful. And one word of advice...the exercise is MUCH better when done nude and with a partner... You may or may not insert A into B or C, depending on your kink...and if you're feeling particularly fiendish, you can insert A and D into B and C...respectively...

I kind of met our new neighbors...or should I say the new neighbor's man-tittied father.
I'm sitting on my porch this morning, drinking a cup of coffee when this hairy beast flashes past the front of my house...
I grabbed the coffee cup, being careful not to spill a drop from the cup of life, and slid to the floor of the porch.
I crawled to the rail and peeked over it.

This is what I saw...



JESUS-AGED-CHRIST DAD! Get those man titties next to a razor!!!
I threw up in my mouth a little...

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not opposed to some man tittiness. I also don't have a problem with some hairiness either.
I enjoy biting the man titties same as everyone else.
And what fun would it be to ride the meat rocket if there was no chest and gut hair to pull, right?

But this guy was just plain old disturbing...

I did a belly crawl back into the house in order to avoid having to speak to Gorilla-breasts and finished my coffee in the safety of my own home.

When I stepped outside an hour later, Gorilla-breasts had a shirt on and walked over to introduce himself...
Seems that his son is getting married in July.He and his new wife will be our neighbors.
They're in their late twenties/early thirties and have no kids.
I sniffed the air for any remnant beer breath but didn't smell any. In spite of that, I'm hoping they're corrupt like me and not members of the Christian Kookalition...

We'll keep our fingers crossed...

Speaking of shirts...do you know anyone who should have this shirt?



Man...I can think of half a dozen people right off the top of my head...

And did I mention that Mr.Man will be off for the next five days?
Yep...he sure will.
Of course when I learned about that I ran right out and bought some new cologne. I figured that maybe if I was nice and made myself pretty, I might have a "Frunching" partner for the next five days.



The cologne just caught my eye. I'm hoping it'll work, you know? One sniff of this stuff and it'll be a choice between "Frunching" or digging a hole in the back yard with Mr.Big.
Yep...Mr.Big.
Stew had a thingy on his post that named your penis.(He stole it from LeAnn...)
Well...me, being the me that I am,...HAD to type in Mr.Man's name and lo and behold, his penis is named Mr.Big.
(Like I couldn't have figured that one out on my own...)

There!
Now that I've totally either grossed out, insulted or horrified you, I'm done. I'm tired and I need my rest. Low thyroid crap and "Frunching" like a freaking nymphomaniac has caused me to be completly exhausted and a nap is needed.

I'll be back tomorrow...just thought you'd appreciate the warning.