Everyone's bellies were protruding, especially my spouse.
The shitter had been hit up, a dozen times or more
and empty toilet paper rolls littered the floor.
Mr. Man sitting on the couch watching TV
with our only son,"his own Mini Me".
Viewing the stupidest movies, the dumbest of shows
while dozing occasionally, snoring through his nose.
Both girls wandering in a stupor, both half awake.
Their breakfast? A turkey leg and a piece of cake!
"We're fat!" They keep whining,with tears in their eyes!
While cutting themselves slices from the remaining pies.
So...does this sound familiar?
Eh...it's a common thing in my house.
I NEVER go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. We just stay home and continue to stuff ourselves silly. We sleep and hang out watching TV and do absolutely nothing productive.
I know it's a waste of time, but sometimes wasting time is necessary. We have a full schedule ahead of us with December right around the corner and that usually means non-stop running. Let's put is this way...I live in my car and read complete novels while waiting for my kids during the month of December. They literally have so many things going on, if my husband were to shave off his redneck goatee, I wouldn't even notice.
Speaking of Mr.Man, he's decided to grow his hair out. Now normally, that wouldn't be so bad. Most women I know like a man with thick hair they can run their fingers through. But in my case, well...Mr.Man has enough hair for ten men. I'm not shitting you either. He hasn't even really begun to grow his hair out completely and already he's looking a little like this...
Yeah...add a goatee and you've got a portrait of Mr.Man complete with the lack of smiley face and "Fuck You" attitude.
God I love that man!
My 14 year old daughter wants to have a few of her friends stay over night. I considered it for a moment....
Um...I don't think so. Not tonight. Once I realized what I was in for and checked how much Vodka was left in the freezer, it was definitely a NO!!!
I really should get off here and get busy cleaning up after the feeding frenzy but first I need to break some bad news to you.
I didn't make it to the Commode Bowl.
I know...I know. I really wanted to go but I was in the middle of cooking dinner and couldn't get away. I tried to plan everything around the game, but with only one oven, I just couldn't manage it. I couldn't even utilize my microwave because it broke. What a special time of year for something like that to break, huh?
If I ever win a kitchen make over or tons of money, I'm having TWO FREAKING OVENS AND A DISHWASHER AND A WINE CELLAR!!!
It doesn't take much to make me happy now does it?
OK! So MOST of the time it doesn't take much to make me happy...whatever...Have I used this picture before? It looks familiar....er...
So...disappointing as it is, there are no good Commode Bowl pictures from this year. Perhaps next year we will try again. I think the key to making it to the game is to have dinner around four instead of two. Next year is the 60th annual Commode Bowl so it should be a big deal. Who knows? Maybe I'll run for Outhouse Queen or Shitter Princess or whatever they call it. I think I could look pretty damn classy with a toilet seat around my neck.
Because this is Black Friday and all, I decided the word of the day should be sale. I got Mr.Man (who LOVES to shop) at least fifty times this morning. He and the 16 year old daughter finally realized that sale was the word of the day and stopped nagging me to go shopping. They're huddled in the corner right now talking about the sales in hushed whispers....
I HATE shopping!!! Why would I want to go out shopping today of all days?
My mood is this...
I'm feeling horny but I have terrible gas.(too much garlic?)I'm trying to figure out a way to seduce Mr.Man in spite of being somewhat ripe.
Eh...I'll figure something out.
From a male perspective a little ripe is not that much of a deterent. Or is that just me? Enjoy your weekend.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you all are on the same schedule as we are. Evil Twin is snoring on the couch as I type. Buddy's holed up in his room with GameCube and Sissy is taking a nap. Yay for lazy days.
ReplyDeleteThat poem was funny.
ReplyDeleteHope you get some...
Happy Day after Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteThat poem was a RIOT!
Remarkable.
ReplyDeleteA perfect day after with a touch of lust and poetry. That was some turkey. I'm thinking after all that work, you should have whatever you want, even a trip to the toilet bowl. Should you really need it. Most of us would like to go, I suppose.
Shopping the day after Thanksgiving is for LOSERS! :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, sounds like you had a lot of turkey for Thanksgiving! I was in NYC last year on Black Friday and I can see why you wouldn't want to go out, it was chaos! It reminded me of the New Year sales we have over here.
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by my blog :) No worries about skipping me, it happens from time to time. Hope to bump into you again at the M&G at Michele's sometime!
Uh - hey. You have a lot going on, don't you?
ReplyDeleteI shopped the day after t-day. By accident, and only because I was bored,and the kids made me,....yeah.
OMG we should so have a WV blogger meet-up at next year's Commode Bowl.
ReplyDeleteI may have to spill my "truth about men with long hair" rant because you've brought it up in my mind. Waaay too long to put here, so I guess that's tonight's post. Thanks.
PS - I'm a big fan of Ben Franklin's essay "Fart Proudly". I shit you not. :)
Bbilly, Ol Ben delivered that essay to the French Academy of Science when they inducted him into their exclusive club. He could have delivered a speech on any number of science breakthroughs he was personally familiar with, but chose that. What a guy!
ReplyDeleteThey still do the commode bowl down there in Dunbar?
Yes...the commode bowl will celebrate it's 60th year in 2008.
ReplyDelete