The old blue lipped, blue haired crime buster!

I'm better today.
I can think and I can focus on one thing at a time.
Doesn't anyone else have days where their thoughts race and things seem melted together in their head?
Am I insane?

Anyhow I got brave and did a little shopping yesterday. I had to stop by the drugstore so that's where I started.I picked up my blood pressure meds and was checking out movies,CDs, and savoring a Lindt chocolate from a bag of assorted ones (which I had every intention of paying for).
Then the OWLH reared it's ugly head.(Old White Lady Hate)
This old bat comes out of nowhere, wearing a "Jesus is the Reason" sweatshirt (written in glitter paint no less)and tells me I'm stealing. She's not nice about it either. Her hands are planted firmly on her hips and she's practically yelling at me,gasping for breath between each word.

Huh?

It's apparent to me that I'm not stealing. I'm holding the bag in front of me while looking at the DVDs and I'm standing right in front of the cash register.
Earlier when I had opened the bag and pulled out a chocolate the cashier laughed at me and said, "I wouldn't be able to wait either." She saw me open it.I was not hiding it and sneaking anything.

So I'm thinking...what gives the ancient blue lipped oxygen junkie the right to walk over here and make accusations toward me?

This really pissed me off for some reason....

I was having a somewhat orgasmic moment eating a sinfully rich chocolate and checking out stuff for gifts when this bible thumping, blue haired, tacky clothed, holier-than-thou troll..



(she looked like an troll..a mean bitchy troll) decided to stick her nose in where it didn't belong! And she wasn't nice about it! She was MEAN! And it was Wednesday too...a church night.I'm sure I was one of her prayer requests in church that night.

You know...if she'd been nicer about it, I don't think it would have irritated me so much. I can see someone being concerned and if she legitimately thought she was preventing me from a life of crime, but she practically yelled "SHOPLIFTER!" and pointed at me. Then lectured me! What am I...TEN? (Well ok..maybe I act ten but I still look 41.)

I did what I had to do....

I opened my mouth and showed her the chocolate...covering my teeth and making it look like I had a mouth full of poopy, then I informed her that unless I left the store with the items, I hadn't actually shop lifted.
I walked to the cash register and paid for my chocolates....dribbling some of the chocolate out of my mouth at her as I left the store...



Pretty....
Oh yeah...they were on sale too...half price...sweet!

So this leads me to ask the question...Was I shop lifting?

I called my friend Paxton, who it in the law enforcement area and asked his opinion. He sighed and laughed at me.
"You're a wacko magnet," he says.
But he didn't answer my question...
Not really. He said something about intent and not owning it at the time of consumption, etc..but really I stopped listening all the way to what he was saying and he had to yell at me.
"TAMMIE!YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME AGAIN!!!"



Er...sorry Paxton. I got it. I wasn't shoplifting. Thanks.
"No! You weren't listening...like I said...."
Interrupting him I say.."Hey I have to go Paxton! I'll call you later. Bye!"
Heh heh...he's such a good friend to put up with me.

Speaking of friends, I know I can not force the friend I'm worried about to confide in me or lean on me. And after thinking about it, maybe my concern is part of what drove him away in the first place.
Maybe I am the reason he just stopped contacting me and decided to go it alone. I was suffocating him with my help.
So....I'm letting it go. He knows how to reach me if he needs me. If he's lost my phone number then he still has my email and besides, my number is on his kids phones. He can get it if he needs it.

I think I'm a pretty good friend and there are many people who trust me with things. I am a confidante to a lot of people and pride myself on being trustworthy. Of course I've dropped the ball on occasion, but if we were doing percentages, I'd be ranking in the lower ninety percent of always keeping confidences in secret. Less than ten percent in the betrayed confidences is still too much but better than most.
I don't even tell Mr.Man what other people tell me.
I had one friend call me with some very upsetting news. She was horrified and we talked about it for weeks.
After the crisis had passed, she ran into Mr.Man and started talking to him about it. He asked her if I knew what had happened.She was shocked that I hadn't told him about everything, but when she asked me not to repeat it, I didn't.

Now when it comes to me...well there are only two people in this area who are friends of mine that I feel I can tell anything to and they won't betray my confidence in them.
That's Lisa and Paxton.
I suppose you could say that when I reach the point where something is really bothering me, I do call them and they will listen. Neither one of them has much advice but if they do, they won't sugar coat it for me. They tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.

Statistically speaking, I've had more guy best friends than girls. I'm not sure why that is, but even when I was younger, my best friends were Sandra, Raymond and Paul. One girl, two guys.
Sandra says it's because I normally act more like a guy when I'm upset about things than a girl.
When I asked her what she meant by that, she didn't elaborate.



Well...I do like touching guys butts. That could be part of it perhaps?

Anyway..I'm asking you. What does that mean? How do men and women differ in how they act when they get upset about things?
When I temporarily lost my mind two years ago, I did crazy things like leave long, drawn out voice mail messages that were syrupy and mushy. I was clingy and insecure. I was jealous and suspicious. I was even body conscious and worried about whether I looked pretty or not. I almost even went on a diet.

It was horrible. I felt so insane!I hadn't acted like that since I was in high school and even then, I was mostly just insecure. Never mushy or jealous! The whole summer and into the fall I drove people crazy...especially the people I loved the most.

But thankfully, now I am normal once again. I can call and tell people "Call me back." Short, sweet and to the point.
I am not jealous and certainly not clingy...(horny is NOT clingy in case you're wondering) AND I don't care if I'm pretty or my ass is too big because I am what I am and I don't plan on changing it anytime soon.
Besides...not having a gag reflex can hide a multitude of stretch marks and cellulite...*wink*

Oh yeah! I almost forgot!!!! I FINALLY GOT MY STUFF!!!STUFF!!! WHOOO!!!
It came yesterday. I opened the box and started checking it all out. Most of it, I have used before. There are a few things I haven't tried..like the cream to tighten your va-jay-jay. THAT could be my first experiment. I've never had any complaints like "Hey, your va-jay-jay is cavernous." or " I think Mr. Willie is lost in there." but I like to try new stuff.
I tell Mr.Man,"HEY! Let's try this!" and his shoulders slump. I think he's just getting worn out. I don't know. I really don't think I'm THAT bad...
OH yeah...I will have a website of my own to sell my stuff too. That way anyone can buy it. And anyone can ask what things are for or what they feel like or how to use them and I can tell them, confidentially of course.
I like that option because quite frankly some people are not as open about their sexuality as I am. I'm not uncomfortable with talking about it because to me it's as natural as breathing. But for for those who would like to try something but are uncertain about what's available and how it feels and works, they can ask me and not have to be embarrassed or uncomfortable about it. No one has to know about it and I think that's great.
While I feel free to talk about it, I still respect others who don't.

Ultimately the reason I reached my decision to sell this stuff is because there are a lot of married women who have unsatisfying sex lives. They don't like it and don't want to have it. Their husbands love them but let's face it. While the brain starts out running the show, once Mr.Willie reaches a certain point, he's in charge.
"This is a stick up! Get down and no one will get hurt!"



Yeah...well you know what I mean. By the way, the SMILING BONER BOB picture above comes to you courtesy of THIS PLACE .You can actually purchase one of these and I think I may know a few people who need one. It is almost Christmas you know.

Getting back to my sexual liberation story,when I was in my twenties, one of my best friends, Stan, (another guy friend) asked me one day if I ever masturbated. I told him, "God no!".(Yeah, those words and that attitude coming from me. Who would believe it?)
He asked me how I would ever have a satisfying sex life if I didn't know what made me feel good. And he said that for me to expect someone else to figure that out for me, was unrealistic.
"What if the person you're with never figures out what makes you feel good?" he asked me."You need to know and tell them or just pitch in and help."



Good advice although I was a lot shyer then and the very thought of doing anything like that, let alone in front of someone, made me cringe. But then after a failed relationship that had been Deadsville in the bedroom, I decided to see what might happen. I was single and although I dated a lot, I was choosy and wouldn't sleep with anyone. I don't give it away to just anyone. They have to earn my trust. Anyhow...I decided to tried it and it turned me into a new woman.
I wasn't relying on someone else to satisfy me and it helped turn me into a more confident and happier woman.

Too much information?

Ah well...you should know what I'm like by now.

Today's word will be STUFF! I'm not sure why but I think I will have a lot of fun with this so I'm going with it. Miss Know It All (my 16 year old) was so upset at me yesterday because I kept making her answer the phone and every time she'd answer it, she'd say hello. Then I'd scream and make noise and clap my hands.
She wanted to flay me alive and disembowel me but that's pretty normal so I wasn't too worried about it.

What kind of mood am I in today? Hmm...I think I am this...



I can't wait to see what the rest of today holds. It's barely eleven thirty. I wonder what kind of trouble I can get into?