Fuck them bitches...it's harder to do than you think....

Yesterday was a pretty tough day for me.
It's pretty hard to walk into a crowd, knowing that many of them have had something nasty to say about you. It's even harder to deal with when most of them walk up to you and talk to you as though they never said a word of it.
Best friends to your face but they won't hesitate to get their stabs in when you're not around.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
I should be mortally wounded because there have been a lot of stabs, but I'm still plodding around, hoping they'll grow tired of it all and move on to something else.
It kind of reminds me of this...



I am...of course...the rotting carcass.
And you know...that's kind of true in a certain way. I'm not meaning to allow them to beat me down, but it's been pretty difficult.
I have feelings just like everyone else and I'm not really a "I get furiously pissed off" kind of person.
I get hurt.
And their remarks make me cry.



I can't help it.
Of course I'm one of those private criers who hate crying in front of other people. I try my hardest to not cry in front of others. I'll struggle and struggle not to cry in front of you and if you see me crying in public, there's something terrible breaking my heart.

Meh...
Enough about me and my feelings.

The word for today is bitches.

Whazup bitches?

YAY! CLANG, CLANG, DING, DING, WHISTLE, WHEE!!!

I'm not certain but I may actually hear that word today from others and it's probably a good possibility that I'll hear it from my daughters when they're on the phone at least once or twice.
Can you imagine the look on their faces when I go off on them with the noise and clapping my hands?
Maybe it'll get them to stop saying it...

I have a pretty uneventful day ahead. The kids have no school and other than my son having practice, there's nothing major going on.
I have dinner in the fridge, ready to go...(make ahead stuffed spinach manicotti) and the laundry is almost caught up.
I think I might work on some more crafts today.
The ornaments are coming along nicely and I may even post a picture of them for you, if they turn out the way I want them do. Or I may post pictures of them super glued to my body. You'll remember me telling you about the mishaps I have when I try to make nice things.
So far, so good with the crafting. Nothing has happened yet but I'll keep you posted on my progress.

I'm not really in much of a mood for writing in here but I knew if I didn't do it, it'd be on my mind all day and I wouldn't be able to move beyond it. I have a private journal where I write everything I feel and it's there to write about the major stuff I wouldn't share with everyone. But writing in here is a way for me to overcome this bad trait I have of keeping things bottled up inside.
My husband gets so angry with me because he's a talker. He wants to talk everything out and he wants to discuss things to death when he gets fixated on something.
I,on the other hand,want to be left alone to crawl into my head and deal with it by myself.
So by writing in my blog about things I'm thinking, it's a way for me to attempt to meet him half way when there's something we are disagreeing about. It's teaching me to be more verbal about issues I'd rather just drop and secretly be upset about.

And with that little gem of info dropped into your hands...this is my mood for today...



I'm in a meditation mode. I need to withdraw into myself today to heal, to regroup and rebuild my confidence. I've talked through my feelings on the subject and now it's time to let it go and move forward.

Tomorrow I want to be free from the prison those hateful remarks put me in....and I will be.