I just wanna be nude...except for a pair of slippers

This morning I got up and the entire world decided to pick on me.
I'm not EVEN exaggerating....

First of all, my foot got hung up in the sheet and I fell out of bed, on my FACE. (Maybe hardwood floors in the bedroom wasn't such a bright idea?)
Then I went to the bathroom where Veggie Stick flew into my face in a rage because she couldn't find her hairspray.
WTF?
I just needed to pee dammit!
Let's just say that REALLY put me in a fantastic mood.
I dropped my pants and used the potty, discovering that I had inadvertently dipped my robe tie in the potty and peed on it, but only after going to tie it of course.THEN there was NO HANDSOAP, so I said "Fuck it!" and used rubbing alcohol until I could muster up the ambition to go to the grocery store and buy soap. (Apparently we have no more bar soap either. I may shower with dish detergent. Thank god I buy the green apple scented.)

ANYWAY...Miss-Know-It-All hadn't gotten her digs in yet, so when I asked her,(simply asked her) if she knew where the hairspray was, she went on the defensive, becoming the victim who is always questioned and harassed in this house. (According to her warped way of thinking.)
Although I was in a bad mood, I let it go and walked away.
That wasn't good enough for her. Since I hadn't impaled myself on a pointy sharp object and seemed to be pain free, she felt the need to follow me and mock me until I lost it and tapped her on the mouth.
Then she screamed child abuse and all that shit and said she hoped it would leave a bruise so she could report me, BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!...and the truth of the matter is that it was more of a pat to warn her to stop, to be quiet because I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
She called me a bitch, liar, whatever else she could think of and that's when I lost my mind.

"YOU THINK I'M A BITCH BUT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN TO SEE WHAT A BITCH I CAN BE LITTLE GIRL!!!"



Yeah...so there.
Of course she didn't stop so I was finally forced into cutting her tongue out of her head but a woman has to do what a woman has to do, right?

You know I'm not serious, right?

I drove the ungrateful little witches to school...
(Does anyone else hear the approach of my mother who is supposed to arrive this evening?)



That music is driving me crazy....

Getting back the the morning recap, after driving the evil hell spawn to school and narrowly preventing my transfer to prison by kicking their asses out of the car while it was still moving, I returned home to battle it out with Little Beatle.

Let me tell you something. Ever since that kid began to grow hair in funny places he doesn't have a brain cell that works. His mouthiness has increased faster than the oil companies profit margins. Not only did that little dumbass lie to me and tell me his homework was finished, his father lied to me about checking it.
Needless to say, it was not done.
He barely made it to school on time...

And so this brings me to Mr.Man.
My car needs to be inspected, the tired checked and the oil changed. I'm not helpless and I can do all of those things but it's pretty fucking hard to find time to do it when you're the ONLY ONE WHO EVER CLEANS OR COOKS OR RUNS THE DEMON CHILDREN WHERE THEY NEED TO GO!

I come down hard on the kids and make them do things but it's tough to sell them on the arguement that everyone in the house needs to pitch in and help.Mr.Man, I suppose feels that it all falls on me.Yeah, he works hard and supports us,but he has a three day weekend every week.
Can he not do something on ONE of those three days?
Will he melt if his hand touches dishwater?
Will his head explode if he has to take one of the kids to a function?
Will it really kill him to spend an hour or two once a year to get my car inspected?

I just have to ask...is his behavior because I don't have a job that brings in a paycheck? Would I get more help if he thought I was contributing something?

I don't get it.

Meh....so now it's a little after nine. I'm sitting here trying to enjoy a cup of coffee...



I feel possessed. Now I understand why people snap and going on killing sprees.
Don't worry though...I won't do it. If it weren't for my freakishly long tongue I'd be ok with prison. But you know I'd end up being whored in there the way I'm whored at home.
I might as well have a little freedom combined with the whoredom.

Speaking of whoring yourself out...I guess that the DJ apologized, said he was just playing and didn't take the whole thing seriously and is offering fans the opportunity to buy an egg for a dollar (proceeds go to charity) and throw an egg at him wearing his Michigan shirt.

A man's gotta eat I suppose.

Elderly Hell day at WalMart isn't as bad as Kroger's. I'm not certain what the difference is but I only experienced one OWLH incident.(old White Lady Hate for those of you who are new to the Elderly Hell issues I have.)
There was an elderly lady, cute as a button, who was riding on one of those motorized carts. She was zooming around the store, doing her shopping, looking like a little Mrs.Santa Claus.



Well looks can be deceiving.

The first time I saw her, she whizzed by me, almost hitting one of the employees who was stocking a shelf. I made a mental note to watch out for her, but only because I thought the sweet little dear probably couldn't see well.
In the paper towels isle, I even helped her to reach a roll of paper towels that were decorated the way she liked and met her several times in the aisles.
She didn't run over me once.
Really.
Of course we hadn't reached the baking aisle yet.
Apparently if there is no White Lily flour it turns this nice little old lady into a monster.
Not only did she pitch a fit on me, but she sped down the aisle toward an unsuspecting employee and reamed him a new asshole for a good twenty minutes.
That's all it took.
She swerved into displays and ran into me twice, almost running over my shoe once.
I saw her chucking things on the floor from her buggy...vanilla extract, butter...leaving them laying in the middle of the floor.
She was throwing a bad ass tantrum and didn't care who saw it.
Do you think they'd kick me out of the store if I sat in one of those motorizes buggies and threw shit out of it?
I'm betting yes.

Well anyway my mother is still on her way and the house is a mess. I have a pounding headache and I still have some wrapping to do.
Nothing will be good enough of course but I feel obligated to at least try.
So with that said, the word of the day is "Oh".
As soon as my mother steps foot in my house she will say that, as she eyeballs my less than perfect home making skills and then I will clap my hands wildly and shout and make a lot of noise.

I do what I need to in order to cope my friends.

Speaking of coping, there are hot flashes galore today and if I thought I could get away with it, I'd spend the entire day naked.(Except for my feet because they stay cold during these hormonal fire storms.)

Here is my mood for today but I think it may be a lot of people's moods as well...



It's getting closer to Christmas....sheesh....