Family...one more reason to drink...

I was planning to write about my family yesterday. I gave it some intense thought and then became worried.
How do I explain the Swedish aspect of it? Then I found THIS! I think I had posted this before on my other blog, but it can't be helped...this explains everything you need to know about me and my clan...




My family is a rowdy bunch indeed. We are like most families I suppose and there are a few key things that will occur at our family gatherings. Everyone has at least one family member who will indulge a little too much and become obnoxious or insane. But in my family, we have one or two black sheep who will NOT indulge and become obnoxious or insane. In fact, they will remain reasonably sane and take pictures to use for blackmail purposes later. My one cousin hasn't had a paying job, ever and lives quite comfortably on the blackmail profit. Lives on the coast in Maine, great place.
That reminds me, I need to get his check to him..
Anyway...getting back to the dirt on the family...
I have a rather large extended family. We all migrate north every summer around the fourth of July and celebrate for two weeks straight. While the banned Ikea commercial accurately portrays most of our celebrations, there are a few things that are indigenous to Maine and the way of life there as well.
There are several things that occur every day I'm home visiting just because they are a Maine thing and I've done it this way my entire life....

1. There is always a Red Sox game on TV. It's just something everyone does in northern Maine and if there's not a Red Sox game on or a re-run of a Red Sox game (which they do broadcast constantly), then we watch the Yankees play, but only if they're getting their asses kicked. Occasionally, someone will call and tell us to turn the channel to see how bad the Yankees are losing. It's a sickness I know, but the entire family is sick. It's pure music to my ear to hear my Nana cuss the umpire for making bad calls on her Manny. My favorite is Varitek. My son's is Manny too.My brother's boys like Coco. It seems that everyone has their favorite. I own no less than five Red Sox shirts and three caps, and that's just me. Anyway, my family is a little obsessed with the Red Sox. It's a normal part of our day, like morning coffee and taking a dump. This is a ritual with my family and one I am very proud to admit to...heh

2. Alcohol. My family likes to drink. We are big drinkers and it's an unwritten rule that you can't eat a red hot dog unless you drink a beer with it.
Then there is another rule that says you can't drink too many beers without having a little Vodka to purify your system. After all, all that beer and red dye might be a little bad for you, so some crystal clear Vodka is bound to help. Then of course if you want to have a little soda later in the day, Vodka really isn't the best mixer, so you need to have a couple fifths of Canadian Club with some Ginger Ale. It's a vicious cycle but one my family has adapted to rather well.

3. Nudity. Someone always ends up with their clothes off. Maybe it's the third CC and Ginger Ale after a day of hot dogs and Budweiser, or maybe it's just the desire to jump in the lake and swim in the buff. One uncle liked to howl at the moon when it was full and said howling couldn't be properly done with clothes one. Whatever the reason, we all at one time or another have had our clothes off for some reason. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing, except for that one aunts naked cart wheels..I didn't know boobs could touch your toes like that....but other than that, it's just been a fun way to release some inhibition.

4. We all eat fluffanutters. That is the lunch food of champions. Peanut butter and Fluff on white bread. Sometimes there is Raspberry Fluff. That's my personal favorite. I normally buy a case of it and take home with me, along with fiddleheads, which my Nana picks and cans for us to eat with new potatoes when we come home in the summer.

5. Moose. There are moose everywhere. Plus they are a hazard when you're driving. here is a picture I took of a Moose right on the side of the road as we were driving about a mile from my Nana's house....



This is a relatively small moose. I think it may have been a young cow or a male calf who had just separated from his mother. I was almost run over by a moose once while riding down a hill on my ten speed bike. The moose came out of the woods running across the road (they don't look before they cross )...It was huge. It stood at least six feet tall and probably weighed 700 or 800 pounds. I slammed on my brakes to avoid it and ended up sliding on my side almost beneath it. It kept running like it hadn't even seen me and disappeared into the woods. I ended up with a twisted wheel and my right half shredded to bits by the road. I was 13 I think.

Yeah...moose are an every day thing when I'm home in Maine.

I can mention lots of other things that are common where I grew up, but I think I've given everyone enough to think about today. I need to save something for the next time I write in here, right?

Right now..I'm going to go call my Nana. I'm sure she'll tell me all about the Sox game last night against the Orioles...the Red Sox won 5-4 but I can guarantee some umpire pissed her off...LOL