The FAT ASS that MOWS GRASS!!!

I'm really bitchy. It's not even that time of the month, you know, when Aunt Flow arrives and you consume everything brown, hoping it's chocolate, bitch without ceasing and feel as though someone placed a steel bear trap on your uterus.
It's not even THAT kind of bitchy.

Actually I don't know what's wrong with me.

I should be dancing naked through my house, throwing cookies in the air and catching them in my mouth. The kids are all back in school and I actually have the house to myself....
BUT
And it's a big BUT...
I'm slammed with things to do. I have NO TIME.
And I feel bad physically.
I sat down for a few minutes to have a cup of coffee and I went to pick the cat up out of my lap, because it was heavy and IT WASN'T MY CAT!!! IT WAS MY GUT!!!

I need to start power walking again. I like the feeling I get when I walk. I put on the old IPOD and walk through town like, "What are you looking at? I should kick your ass for looking at me."

HAHAHAHA....yeah right. Actually my ass will continue to grow and sag so soon I'll be kicking my OWN ass every time I take a step.
I need to get in shape.

Oh yeah...what's up with teen girls? They have been parading themselves through the city I live in, dressed like whores and acting like bitches in heat.

It frightens me.

I tell my son to go inside as they pass the house. Don't look son, don't look...

I'm going to mow the upper field tonight while my son practices ball. I'm looking forward to that sweaty, scratchy feeling I get when mowing. I feel all manly and stuff and I even caught myself trying to scratch my balls while searching for a beer when I finished mowing last week.

That's all I have. I'm bitter and bitchy and bigger than I was the last time I wrote in here.

Cat in my lap...my GOD!!!!