Vodka. It's not just for breakfast anymore...

Today is one of those, "Gee. Would it really be SO BAD if I laid around drunk all day?" days.

My kids are driving crazy. The 16 year old has done nothing but taunt me, mock me, annoy me, badger me, and bait me.
I feel like the smallest, ugliest guppy in the fish bowl with her being the pet store owner with the net.

My son has five gazillion questions I have no idea how to answer. It's stuff like, "Will the people in my class like me?" and "What kind of pencils will everyone else have?"

WTF???

YES! YES! They will ALL like you!!!...
They will ALL have NUMBER 2 PENCILS because that's what it says is required!!!

Ok...so I knew the answers to those questions, but I mean, HELL. After an hour of constant questioning, I'm hearing something that resembles the adult voices in Charlie Brown specials and I flinch at any light source.

Then there is the 14 year old. She is in LOVE... Of course no one else in the world is in love like she is. The cell phone rings CONSTANTLY and the ring tone is some sappy ass love song. I can't stand it. It drives me insane. I'm ready to take the cell phone and smash it into the tiniest bits with a sledge hammer.

Then there is my hubby. He took the day off to HELP me. Let's just say that right now, he's helping me to drink more vodka. I would get smashed outta my gourd right now if I thought for one minute they'd all leave me alone.

But they wouldn't.

They won't.

Good God...I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of the day. It's not fair you know, them against me. There's more of them than there is me.

The people who were supposed to call me back about the complaint I made yesterday haven't called me yet. Since I'm powerless to stop the home confinement torture, it would be nice to have someone to be bitchy to. I could be very irate if they would only call. I'm sure I would be very convincing. Hell, they might send me her head on a stick after I got through talking. Who knows?

If I didn't have to drive anywhere tonight, I'd be liquored up right now. I need a chauffeur. If I didn't have to worry about my 16 year old driving me somewhere and leaving me in the wilderness to die or be abducted, I'd let her drive me around. But that's not an option. I'm pretty sure I'd end up in some hollow, chained to a trailer as a good breeder with a clan of men straight out of Deliverance.

*sigh*

School starts next week. Dear God just let me last that much longer....