What a fucking nightmare...
There are roughly five million children all hyped up on sugar coated sugar pops and only four adults to keep them in line.
I screamed until I couldn't speak anymore and then I just started grabbing them and beating them down with eachother...except the OOMPA LOOMPA'S and that's just because their goddamn make up is too hard to get on.
I just have one question..
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE MANIAC IN CHARGE THINKING?!?!?
The OOMPA LOOMPA make up is orange. Are those little bastards orange in the movie?
Oh...ok..they ARE actually orange but more of a cheap-fake-tan-in-a-can orange.
You know...the vice principal kinds looks like Gene Wilder...CRAZY...anyway...The orange make up I dealt with today was more like this kind of orange.
This is how they looked after I got finished beating the stupid out of them. I swear the orange make-up sucks all the brain cells out of their head. And it stains! Nine of those little punks, including my Little Beatle will be stained a shade of pinky orange until it wears off. And that stuff doesn't wear off so easily, ok?
Just ask old Veggie Stick about it. She got the bright idea to color with permanent markers in her bed one night and fell asleep while using the pink.
I was smart enough to capture it on film. I woke her up and ran to get the camera. Am I smart or what?
It took at least four to five days for that to wear off. Thankfully she was only in second grade and she looked like all the other kids in her class...
It's things like this that make my children love me so much.
Speaking of love and special things...
Did you know that my family had a meeting, without me, and decided that I fly off the handle WAY too much for their liking?
Oh really?
Seems to me the REASON I'm flying off the handle is because THEY won't do a FUCKING THING TO HELP ME IN THIS HOUSE!!! AND THEY EXPECT ME TO PICK UP AFTER ALL THEIR LAZY ASSES AND I'M TIRED OF IT!
Believe me...I was ready to snap Mr.Man's dick off and take a bite out of it.
I don't know what to say in response to their decision about my flying off the handle either.
They decided that I need to be medicated.
MEDICATED?!?!
I get upset and stick up for myself instead of letting them walk all over me like a welcome mat and suddenly I need medicated?
I GIVE UP!!!
You know...it would probably kill me if someone was actually nice to me. A thank you or maybe a compliment once in awhile...my heart would stop..I swear it would.
With that said...this is my mood today...
It's almost one in the afternoon and I haven't had a cup of coffee. I'm going to make a pot of it, sit on the porch and drink it. I may or may not put clothes on because I really don't give a shit what my neighbors think anymore AND then I'm going to see if the field needs mowed. I'll mow it if I can get the stupid mower to work.
I'll be back tomorrow...probably stained orange. Did I forget to mention there are only four more performances to get through before Saturday?
Special...SPECIAL times I'm telling ya. My kids better never say I don't do anything for them....
LOL... I would love to see the transcript of that meeting. If you said you thought they were meeting that would be paranoia, but since they actually met what would you call it? Stay strong and you will perservere!! Then again did they say what medication they wanted to get you? It could be the good stuff.
ReplyDeleteOh, dude! I still can't believe they TOLD you about the meeting. They must be insane...
ReplyDeleteUm 0- who spilled the beans?
ReplyDeleteAnd have you quit at least half your extra curriculars YET? Come on, sistah - give yourself a GD break.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. They just told you that you've won.
ReplyDeleteThey fear you now and hope you'll go ask the zookeeper to shoot you with a tranquilizer dart for them.
You can use this so to your advantage.
You go to a "psychiatrist" and you come back and tell them that the doc said you didn't need medication. All you need is for your family to do their chores. But don't say chores. List the things have to do to restore sanity to their lives.
Congratulations :)
PS. I've e-mailed you my number.
Oh, the doctor says you're having totally sane reactions to their totally insane beliefs that they can go through life without ever having to tend to housework one iota. Everyone touches a dish once in a while. Why would they think they shouldn't? <--that's what you're doctor asked you.
ReplyDeleteSigned, your doctor
one last thing...the doctor ponders whether your family needs medication to help them stop resisting housebreaking so much.
ReplyDelete...just sayin...
Buzzardbilly--GREAT advice!
ReplyDeleteI think you should also email her a bill. That way, the famn damily will think she actually did go see a shrink. And...THEIR behavior ended up costing the family mucho dinero!
With the money used to "pay the bill", you two (or more) can spend an afternoon sipping Long Island ice teas.
I'm an idea guy...
Let me TRY THIS FOR THE THIRD DAMN TIME! Feckin' Blogger.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so with BB. This is ridiculous! Take a leave of absence, once school's over. Tell them your cell is only for emergencies. Otherwise for a week they'd best not bother you.
I worry about you!
Drugs are good for you. They put hair on your chest.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to get my mind wrapped around the fact that you may have very possibly mowed grass while naked.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I thought mowing the field meant shaving something, since she was naked after all :)
ReplyDeleteI'm with everyone else.
ReplyDeleteDeclare that, in the name of 'therapy', you have been reassigned to the state of NC.
Then take the car, the debit cards, the check book, etc and come here for a week or two.
Oh, you can leave them a little cash to live on if you want.
I heartily recommend stocking the cabinets with oodles of noodles and canned (generic) beans.
I appreciate all the blogging you do.
ReplyDeleteYou are funny and provide me with daily entertainment.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.