I'm over-tired, sexually frustrated and I've single handedly managed to piss off my entire family.
I came home last night after Little Beatle's game to a mess. I had cleaned up everything and made the effort to tidy things up before I left the house. When I got home, the sink was full of dishes and the house looked like it had been inhabited by a troop of drunken Roman soldiers.
Yeah...it sent me into orbit. I think I actually set a new world record for saying "fuck"...but only in my head. I was silent...just stood there and stared at the retards that live with me.
What I wanted to do is rip my clothes off and scream wildly, swearing ever other word, but you know...I don't normally do that unless I know there is a cage and a tranquilizer dart waiting for me.
Now don't get me wrong....I'm not June Cleaver.
I don't really give a shit if my house is spotless or not. I know that it's unrealistic to expect it and dammit, it makes me bitchy. If I had my choice between being a bitch with a clean house or being pretty fucking wonderful like I am now with a cluttered house, I'm going to choose the clutter. I don't care about it. We live in our house and dammit, I don't give a flying fuck what other people think about my housekeeping skills. I'm a loyal friend who will drop everything to help you out. I think the messy house is forgivable.
But in this situation with the family, they are not stupid. They know how to take care of things and there's no reason why I should have to slave myself for them.
The only acceptable kind of slavery for me is being a sex slave.
That is fun. Cleaning up after lazy slobs is not fun.
Men seem to have an easier time dealing with shit. They have a bad day and then they kind of tune out...or they have sex. They might be thinking about the craptastic day they just had but can shrug it off thinking about the premium dick sucking they got at lunch from their wife or girlfriend or whatever...
Women can't do that I guess. They're not wired the same way men are. Well...most women aren't wired that way.
I am wired like a man. I could definitely be distracted by sex if I'm having a shitty day.
I'm telling you...the roles are reversed in my house. I should have been a guy. I'm not even kidding.
I watch the sports, drink the beer and want to get laid every night. There's something wrong with me.
Speaking of things that are wrong with me...
Don't get mad, but I can't help but wonder what it is that keeps me out of the loop. Is it because I'm so much like a guy that prevents me from being included in stuff?
I was at Little Beatle's game last night and you know, the women who are in the clique act like they like me. They talk to me and seem to be enjoying being around me. So what is it that keeps them from calling me or inviting me to stuff?
I don't get it.
They SEEM to like me...honest they do...but then I get excluded from the things they do together...a lot.
I just don't understand it.
I just can't figure some women out, you know?
If they really don't like me, then why are they nice to me?
Speaking of women...today is ETW's birthday. So why don't you go over there and wish her a happy one?
I'll be giving her a call later on and discussing plans to get together with her and BuzzardBilly. (They can't stand to be away from me you know. It's my tongue..it fascinates both of them...really it does..)
I got my phone wet this morning. I called a friend of mine and he called back sooner than I expected him to. I was dripping wet in the shower and held the phone up to my ear. It got soaked. I told him to wait until I dried off but it was too late. As soon as I got off the phone with him, it was acting funny. I put it in a baggy with rice to see if that would help dry it out.
It did...well I'll be damned.
I hate being a slave to electronics but I couldn't live without my cell phone, my IPOD and my computer. I'd absolutely go insane. They're my lifeline.
With that said, THIS is my mood for today...
I'm friggin tired today. What's worse is that I'm all out of laundry detergent and it's Elderly Hell Day. I'm NOT going to the grocery store until after 3...they seem to go hide in their moth infested hovels after that time of day...
I'll see ya tomorrow...peace out.
I'm forced to do this because you keep making me jealous with stories of a wife who likes sports, sex and beer. Although I'm still not convinced that all of those can happen with the same woman, I am now forced to fight back.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I did over the weekend:
- washed, dried, folded and put away my own dirty clothes
- dryed, folded and put away towels left in the washer
- vacuumed the house, including the stairs
- put away dishes in the dishwasher, and filled it up again
- mowed the lawn and raked up clippings
- twice ran errands to the grocery store, and other trips to drop off and later pick up my daughter at her friends house
- made my own lunches and breakfasts
If I hadn't put in ten hours of overtime on Saturday there probably would have been more. And yet I still can't get laid.
Regarding the way you are treated by the other women, not being a woman I am probably talking (typing) out my ass here but this is my take. They know you as the person who loves to give her time to the cause, but don't relate to you on a woman to woman level. You're not like the other gossipy housewives and people stay away from what they don't understand. I don't know if you have tried this, maybe invite them over to your place and attempt to try and relate to them on their level. If their friendship is something that you want. Or is it something that you don't really want, but just feel hurt that they haven't made any attempt? Feeling lonely sucks when you don't have that connection you need, as we both know.
ReplyDeleteGee Scott. It's not that I expect Mr.Man to do everything like you do...I just want some help.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be something.
I don't mind cleaning and I love to cook. It's just that there is no reason why the other people in my house can't pick up after themselves.
As for the women...yeah...I think I am hurt. I've known these women for years and it's always been the same thing. They get along fine with me, most of the time, when we are at a kid's activity but then there is the occasional nasty remark (which cuts me...deep) and the way they exclude me.
It makes me feel lonely. I have actually avoided going to things in order to not have to deal with it.
I can't conform to what they want because I don't know what that is. I wouldn't conform anyway because I am who I am. I just don't understand how they can APPEAR to like me but then still exclude me...or talk about me...or ignore me...
A few other people say it's because they're jealous.
Jealous of what?
I don't get it...I really don't.
Tammie, I don't think you really want their friendship. When the niece was involved in the younger kid sports, there was also a group of mothers who seemed to be having all kinds of fun (which we were not included in either). Eventually got to know one or two of them better and I have to say they're bored the living shit out of me. They were needy people who were playing this "my kid's better than my friend's kid is" game all the time. And, their fun was often rooted in feeling better about themselves by talking smack about other parents (or other kids).
ReplyDeleteYou don't need them.
PS: They are intimidated by your smarts. That is why they once in a while cut you down.
ReplyDeleteMake them do their own work.
Tammie,
ReplyDeleteIt's only fair to pick up after yourself or at least to make an effort. It's when you make a huge mess and just walk away is when you can rightfully feel disrespected. As for your "friends", well if they exclude or expect you to change who you are to be included they are not friends. You need to find people that know who you are and like you for that. I think there are more of us out here that like you for who you are than you think. I personally would love to hang out with you more, but might be hard to explain to the hubby :)
May I step in and speak for the snotty ladies at the baseball game or wherever the hell it is. They are intimidated by your beauty and cofidence and last but by all means NOT least - your sexiness. There dr gale has spoken - so be your purty little self and enjoy that fact.
ReplyDeleteYou need a week at camp. Some bonfires, some lanyard making, some canowing, someone to cook your meals and tell you when it's time to go to bed.....relinquish all responsibilities is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteFailing that, I'd recommend vodak. BIG TIME.
How apropos you chose a shot of Bettie Page for your blog today. It's also HER birthday (no kidding!! Her and Jack Nicholson and me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the BB - you would have to change who you are to be considered "the same" as the ones in the chick clique. Us freaks gotta hang together.
I do all my own things, I am self sufficiant. But sex with a woman is way better than with my hand. I think everyone should be having some sort of sex every eight hours or so. Makes for a happier world.
ReplyDeleteAs a resident of the outskirts of the town of Dunbar, I frequent the Kroger you mention. I am in the age group that qualiies for the 5% discount on Tuesday. I keep looking to see if I see you anywhere, as if I could recognize you. I think you are an interesting person, and I agree with the others, those cliquey gals are shallow, make your own click, I bet there are women who would think you are cool, I had a few that liked me, in spite of the fact that I loved my beer and wine and herbal goodness. But it is hard when they treat you that way, I know, cause it happened to me, but the friends of my daughters, still think I am way cooler than their mothers. I hope I don't scare you on elderly hell day. ;)
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of sports and sex: once I was giving the Evil Twin a blowjob. While at it, I was also listening in on the football game. When I finished, I was able to give him the score (he's hard of hearing).
ReplyDeleteA blowjob after your married? I guess you don't live in South Carolina. My wife explained to me how it's against the law in this state, of course she waited until after we moved here. And just my luck we never seem to be without the kids when crossing the state line.
ReplyDeleteWay to multi-task there ETW, LOL!
ReplyDeleteDamn ETW - way to share! ;)
ReplyDeleteI never got any memo about NOT providing the Beej after marriage. I guess I'd better read up on state laws to ensure that NC isn't as restrictive as SC.
Eh - what am I worried about? I'm not married anymore!
Mmmmm, drunken Roman soldiers... with all their armor loosened and those sandaled legs asplay...
ReplyDeleteWait, gotta scroll back.... blowjob? I can barely brush my teeth without gagging. However, I have extremely strong wrists and am slightly double-jointed. That might make up for it.
Mmm, drunken Roman soldiers...