The battle between sane and insane....

This here is a picture that Stew turned me on to. (Stew turned me on..heh heh)
I like this picture because it speaks to me. I am a wife. I can relate to this shirt.



And speaking from the wife's point of view, I'd have to agree that the washing and ironing and etc. wouldn't be so damn painful if there was more fucking involved.

I want that shirt.

Ummm....



I don't know if I'm ready to write in here yet.

I sat down this morning and thought about the stuff running through my head and decided it's just not that entertaining. I'm not feeling entertained by it one bit.
In fact, there's really nothing I really care to share concerning the things that are going through my head right now.

Although Buzzard Billy has offered to listen if I want to talk, I haven't called her yet. It's because I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I normally shut down...I close up.



I'm trying to re-learn how to deal with things but it's hard to break habits you developed as a child.
As a child I learned to hide in my head.
No one can hurt you there.
Nothing exists but the fantasies you make up in your mind.
You hide.
It keeps you from crying and that's crucial.
Never let anyone see you cry...it just makes them want to hurt you more.

A sense of humor is always a great distraction. It seems to work for me and everyone else I know prefers the humorous me to the heavy me. So the heavy me doesn't exist except in my head...unless I'm having a weak day and I'm struggling with the humor thing.
Umm...like today for instance.
But normally the humor is good. It's a great distraction...that and general goofiness.

In fact I think I'll try that and see how it goes.

Today is Elderly Hell Day!
Did you know there is a pack of elderly men who roam the streets of my town?
I see them every morning, walking in their polyester pants and wind breakers, their DOW hats cocked back on their heads.
They walk like they've got a hairbrush stuck in their ass, talking a mile a minute, heads whipping around checking out everyone else's lawns.

Have you ever noticed how obsessed the Elderly Hellions are about lawns? About their yards? About YOUR yard?

We used to rent a house from this old sack of guts. She started out being nice, but the Elderly Hellion emerged slowly, changing our lives forever.



I really liked the old bat and felt like she liked me too. I'd go over and help her with her laundry and cleaning...I'd cook extra and bring her dinner, etc...
She and I got along great and we'd even sit and knit in the evening with the girls at my feet.
I almost felt like I had an extended family.

Then I got pregnant with Little Beatle and everything changed.



I didn't feel as good, so I couldn't get out and weed her flowers every other day and I had to rely on Mr.Man to mow the lawn. I had morning sickness really bad and it lasted all day for three months straight.
Well...you all know how ambitious Mr.Man is when it comes to lawn mowing or household repairs...

She almost had a stroke over the four inch high lawn.



I finally gave in to the complaining and mowed it...throwing up in between mowing.
What could I do?
In the end before she evicted us (I was almost eight months pregnant), she spread rumors that Mr.Man was an abusive drunk and I was ungrateful and lazy and took advantage of her kindness to me.

That's a true story...perhaps that's where the old lady hate came from? She spread those lies about me and now they all hate me now? I don't know...Besides...I'm the drunk who abuses myself and Mr.Man was ungrateful and lazy and took advantage of her kindness. I mean come on here. If you're going to spread rumors at least get them right ok?

That ended up being a not so funny story. What the hell happened? I'm losing my touch...

I NEED SOMETHING FUNNY! HOW CAN I LIVE IN MY OWN LAND OF DENIAL WITHOUT SOMETHING FUNNY?

Wait...I may have something here...



Mr.Man and his porn star hair during the time that we lived at the old sack of guts house. This was ONE of the occasions he decided to work out in the yard.

I LOVE that picture...ALWAYS makes me laugh...plus he's still wearing his wedding ring in it. I think it's on his key chain now but hey, at least he has it.

He would kill me...it would be a slow painful death if he knew I'd posted this...He'd spank me silly...



Er...I give up. I got nothing today. Try me tomorrow. I think I may venture out to Krogers to see if I can get in a bitch-slap fight with an old lady or the lesbian manager. I feel aggressive so we'll see what happens.

With that said...here's my mood for today.



I'm no superhero. I'm just like every other Joe Shmoe. I'm hanging on for dear life cause I'm kind of having a bad..day?...week?

I don't fly around with my super cape and flaunt my super powers. People create superheros and quite honestly, I wish they'd stop.

No one can live up to someone else's expectations.

Now...will I have the courage to post this or will I just not post anything today? If you're seeing it...I broke through the barrier and took a step forward.
If I'm the only one seeing it...STOP ALLOWING THE PAST TO PARALYZE YOU AND INFLUENCE SOME OF YOUR STUPID DECISIONS DUMB ASS!

Yes...I am certifiably insane.