If you stir the pot, you get STEW! (and a few others as well)

Stew's questions:

If you wore a fat suit for a day, what else would you also carry (for me it's a whoopie cushion)?

Dammit Stew. I wear a fat suit every fucking day. It's called "my body" and I normally carry a vibrator in my purse because it helps me when I feel stressed and dammit, I get stressed out A LOT! So many assholes...not nearly enough time to masturbate.

If you could meet a famous celebrity (pick one, doesn't matter, they're all the same) for lunch one relaxed afternoon, would you spend the entire time trying to convince them that they had spinach between their teeth?

Who would I choose for my celebrity? Ok...after careful consideration I think I'd choose Oprah Winfrey to have lunch with. I would spend the entire time charming her and then she'd give me money because I'm in desperate need of money. Hell...I'd even go to work for her if she'd give me money. Plus I think she'd be interesting and could even be fun. I couldn't choose a male celebrity or even a hot woman celebrity because when they ultimately gave in to their raging desire for me (on account that I'm such a freakin sex goddess) I'd hate to have to turn them down because I'm not like that. They'd cry...plead...offer me money, not to mention they're HOT, and then I'd be no better than a prostitute because like I said, I need money.

What is the value of pi (3.1415) in base 4 (please round to the 4th remainder)?

The value of pie is around five bucks, give or take. I usually buy the whole pie and cut it into six or eight pieces, not four. *grin*

Why does it hurt when I pee?

I suspect it's an infection. You're supposed to wash the tip REALLY good after anal sex. I swear...it's like I have to hold your hand or something.

and finally

If political decisions were based on the Agile programming model, describe the specifications for requirements determinance for say, Nancy Pelosi's last yea vote. Alternatively describe the steps you would use to prove the Reimann Hypothesis.

The requirement for any political decision is this...



Therefore I would:
A. Take my clothes off.
B. Grease up my asshole.
C. Twist my body into a pretzel.
D. Insert my head into my ass.
E. Probably suffocate and die.
F. What the fuck would that prove?

Gale asked me:

another question: Boxers or briefs? You will probably say commando.

HELL YES I'M GOING TO SAY COMMANDO! I like a man who's shit is easy for me to get to. If I have to go digging around for it, then I'm more likely to bite his pants off with my teefers. Sometimes they don't like that. I'm just saying...


Brendalove ALMOST missed out...almost but not quite:


1. Where would you like to retire to?

I want to retire in the same area as my grandchildren actually. I'm going to be one of those Grammy Tammie's that spoils her grandchildren rotten while planting embarrassing things in my children's houses and shitting myself on purpose so they have to clean me up. I don't want to miss out on the payback.You know what I'm saying?

2. If you can reincarnate after you die, would you rather come back as a woman again or try out being a man?

Next time I'm coming back as the man. I want to be able to stand up a piss and I hate the woman drama I get sucked into. I love to drink and screw and watch sports...I don't even understand why I'm not a man already...except that I like penis A LOT and I loved having children.

3. Do you have a hidden talent?

I don't have any gag reflex. I can stick stuff..(heh heh) in my mouth all the way to the back of my throat and I won't throw up.)

4. If you could choose to have one superhero power (i.e. leaping tall buildings in a single bound, being invisible, having spiderwebs shoot out of your butt), what would it be?

Hell...I'm already "Multiple-Orgasm Woman" so for another super power I'd want to read minds. There are a few people in particular who would be the first I'd want to know what's on their minds.

5. Would you still have sex with Johnny Depp even if you found out he had herpes?

Ok Brenda...are you sitting down? I actually dated a guy who could be Johnny Depp's twin. He was SUCH an ASSHOLE that I wouldn't be able to look Johnny Depp in the face, let alone strip naked and ride him like a motocross bike. I know that's a stunner...on account that EVERYONE wants to do Johnny Depp, but I just couldn't....All I'd be able to think about is Marvin and what a fucktard he was.

Now for a few emailed questions...


DoBro asks:

1. how and when did you meet mr man? seems like you must have been a youngster.

I actually met Mr.Man when I was 23. My friend was dating a guy in his squadron and we hung out in the same group. He really didn't strike me as someone I'd want to go out with, but then after turning him down for several months, he tried to pick up another girl at the club we were at. I realized that I didn't want him to stop paying attention to me, so I sent someone from our group over to get him and we spent the night talking until the wee hours of the morning. I guess that's when I knew I'd end up dating him. We dated for six months and he proposed. The gulf war was in the works and I thought that had something to do with him proposing so I said yes. Imagine my surprise when he didn't get deployed and told my family we were getting married in a couple of weeks....I was 24 when we got married by the way.

2. if you could have had any career other than being a ft mom/wife what would you be?

I would have to say I think I'd be a writer. I enjoy it and I wish I had the talent to do more with it. I thought about going to school and taking journalism, but of course my life took a more difficult direction and that wasn't to be. So...now I write for the hell of it and because it's fun and there's a lot of stuff that runs through my head every morning. Think of me writing in here as me taking a brain crap every morning...

3. i know you are completely committed to mr. man, but do you ever indulge in a married crush? maybe fantasize about someone you would never hook up with in reality?

Like I explained a couple days ago, there have only been a few men who have been invited into my inner sexual sanctuary. Let's put it this way, if you've been invited, you're something special. I don't share that part of me with just anyone. There have been men who I've been very attracted to, but I haven't connected with them and so I don't even consider it. I won't even fantasize about it.
Now I have had dreams about having sex with guys. That's been a little strange. Some of them I'm attracted to and some of them I'm not. Of course even though it's been a dream and you can't control dreams, I wake up feeling violated. It's not sexually provocative to me at all. Without that connection it's not going to stimulate me.
I'm weird....I can't even fantasize about a guy without a connection.
What makes the connection you ask?
I don't know. It's just there. Like with Mr.Man, we were sitting at a restaurant eating and we hadn't been intimate yet. I looked over at him and when he smiled at me I just "knew" we had a connection.
Another guy who I connected with it just happened the first time I ever met him. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.
There was one other man, who I had known for awhile and NEVER thought of him in that way. Then one night when we were working together, he said something to me and it just hit me, that we had a connection too.

The connection I feel toward a man is the key that will unlock my legs and fantasies, etc... Without it...I'm just not into it. And I'm not a prude. I'm pretty open to new things and remarkably creative. It's just how I'm wired.

Another email from a lurker who asked that I not name him asked these questions...

1. What's your best feature in your opinion?

Gosh...I don't know. Maybe my personality? This is a tough question. I mean, I don't really know what to say to this question. It would be easier if you were asking someone else who can look at me with an impartial opinion.

2. What physical feature attracts you to a man?

I like eyes...a nice smile. Both have got to be warm and inviting. I like a good kisser. Masculine hands with thick fingers...a definite turn on. I'm an ass freak too. LOVE a guy with a nice ass...I'll want to bite it.

3. What's your idea of a romantic date?

Actually I'm not hard to please. I'd like conversation, fun and light hearted...silly even. Lots of laughter...and I like a guy who touches me a lot. I like it when he touches my face when he kisses me or runs his fingers through my hair. I think it's romantic. If he reaches over and places his hand on the small of my back, that's romantic.I like to have my fingers stroked lightly and my ear and neck nibbled. I don't need moonlight or candles or music...just touches..lots of them.

4. Are the pictures of you that you post on here, really you?

Yes Goddammit...it's me. Please! Some one who's met me in person...vouch for me here will ya?

Last but not least...


Diane from the WVSR asked me to give her my Lemon Poppy Seed recipe:

Lemon Poppy Seed Bread Recipe:

3/4 cup butter, softened
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup milk
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
3/4 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
3 tablespoons poppy seeds

Lemon Glaze:
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup granulated white sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour (or spray with a non stick vegetable/flour spray) the bottom and sides of a loaf pan (8 x 4 x 2 1/2 inch).

In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, vanilla extract, and milk. Set aside.

In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, lemon zest, and poppy seeds until combined. Add the softened butter and half the egg mixture and mix on low speed until moistened. Increase the speed to medium and beat for about one minute. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and add the remaining egg mixture,beating about 30 seconds.

Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 55 to 65 minutes, or until the bread is golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. You may have to cover the bread with buttered foil after about 30 minutes if you find the bread over browning.

Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, bring the sugar and lemon juice to a boil, stirring until the sugar dissolves.

When the bread is done, remove from oven and place on a wire rack. Pierce the hot loaf all over with a wooden skewer or toothpick and then brush the top of the loaf with the hot lemon syrup then cool the bread completely before wrapping. Store at least overnight before serving to allow the lemon syrup to distribute throughout the loaf.

Makes 1 loaf. You can also make muffins using this recipe, following the same steps. The only changes you need to make is to grease and flour your muffin pans, filling the muffin cups 2/3 full. Do NOT use muffin papers as they will stick to the muffins and be difficult to get off, especially because of the glaze. Bake at 350 degrees for 25- 35 minutes. Test after 25 with a toothpick and when it comes out clean, they're done. Poke with toothpick and brush the top with glaze. Remove when cool and let set overnight before serving.
I hope this turns out close to the lemon poppy seed muffins you experienced. My family loves them!

There...I got the questions posts out the way. That's two posts today folks but you know...a woman has to do what a woman has to do.

Tomorrow I will be done with my taxes so I can go out and have a nice lunch with ETW, Ron and BuzzardBilly. Tonight I will watch the Dexter DVD's I haven't had time to watch yet. Yep...waiting till the last minute you know. Doing taxes last minute...watching Dexter last minute...

Whatever...I need a back rub!