I believe I am suffering from ROAD RAGE today...

I had to drive to the school to pick up my 9th grader for a dental appointment. I spent a few too many minutes pooping and I was running late.(actually I began reading something in Mental Floss while I was pooping and then continued to read, not really aware that I has finished already, you know?)
BUT ANYWAY...I was running late and speeding a little teensy weensy bit and wouldn't ya know it?
This DUMBASS pulls in front of me and goes twenty miles an hour in a fifty five mile an hour zone!!!
I backed off him, thinking he was slowing down to 'teach me a lesson' about tailgating, but then HE SLOWED DOWN TOO!
I looked to see if he was ninety or older than death itself because it is Tuesday and Tuesdays are Elderly Hell Days,



but no...the guy looked a little younger than me.
So I backed off again, thinking he was just being a FREAKIN ASSHOLE because somehow he must know I'm in a hurry, AND HE SLOWED DOWN AGAIN!!!
By this time, my hair was standing straight up in the air and I'm sure veins were popping out of my forehead.I had gripped the steering wheel so hard, my cushioned steering wheel cover was beginning to tear in half. I think I ground half an inch off my teeth too.
Then he did something to make me go completely ballistic.
He looked up in his rear view mirror and waved at me.
WAVED AT ME!!!!
WTF???
He grinned at me and waved his WIDDLE FUCKING FINGERS IN A TWINKLY WIDDLE WIGGLE!!!
THEN HE WINKED!!!




I was so pissed off I thought I was going to swallow my tongue!!! WHAT AN IDIOT!!!

I got right on his ass and that dumb son-of-a-bitch continued to wave and wink and looked more at me in the rear view mirror than he did at the road.

ARRRGGG!!!

I think he was FLIRTING with me! For fuck's sake buddy! Just because I had the misfortune to get behind you in traffic doesn't mean I'm interested in you!!!

As soon as we hit the stop light where the four lanes begin, I pulled out around him and stopped in the lane next to him.
He looked over at me with googoo moon eyes and smiled, and smiled and smiled!!!
It was creepy....





That's when I saw the light turn green and peeled out to get ahead of him.

He sped up to try to catch me but there were two other vehicles in between us by that time and I managed to lose him by turning on a side street after running a yellow (well..kind of red) light and swerving around some old lady pushing a walker (no I didn't hit her..not really) and then speeding on two wheels around a corner to pull in to a store and hide my car behind the dumpster.

I'm used to being a weirdo magnet, but the road rage is new.

Normally I'm pretty easy going and let idiots behind the wheel zoom past me or hold up a mile of traffic. I turn the radio on and sing with it and don't sweat it.

But today was really annoying. I ended up being ten minutes late for the dentist and that's terribly rude. I HATE being late for stuff.

Yeah, well that's it for now. I need to go take my aggression out on the ball field lawn. There is a game tonight and I need to mow.

It's either mowing or biting people I don't know and you know in this day and age, you never know what you're going to get if you bite a complete stranger.

I'd better mow...