It's almost five in the evening and I have a pretty good buzz.
Am I a corrupt woman you ask?
Nope...
I kind of got fired today.
What does that mean, Tammie?
Well...I am a firm believer in volunteering. I think that if I am home and don't have anything else to do, then I should volunteer my time and help others out.
Whether it's mowing the Little League field or sewing costumes for the show choir, I'm helping out.
So while I'm not a professional mower or sewer, I help out. I'm suppose you could say that I'm just somebody's mom who like to try to save money.
Well...seems that the occasion arises when being someone's mom and wanting to help is not sufficient.
I was told today that they had made the decision to get a professional to sew the dresses for show choir. Then they told me I probably could still do the vests, but I declined.
I mean I'm not trying to be mean about it, but if they don't have enough confidence in me to sew the dresses, then I doubt they would have any confidence in me sewing anything at all.
I'm trying to not be like a baby about it, but it really was a huge blow to my self-esteem.
Last year I did over 101 costumes for this same show choir. I had a huge amount of work to do, but I managed to do it and got it done. I think I did it well. BUT what I think and the reality are apparently different things.
So it makes me wonder and I sit here in my PJs, drinking an alcoholic beverage and writing in my blog....
Have I over exaggerated my importance to myself?
Do I think I'm greater than I really am?
*sigh*
Meh...it's just things like this that really pull me out of my own little world and catapult me straight back into the shit pile of reality.
Perhaps I am a greater legend in my own mind than I am in real life.
Who knows?
I just try my best and if my best isn't good enough there's always severance pay and retraining, right?
Oh wait a minute.
I forget.
This isn't a real job. It's a volunteer job which means I don't get paid and I definitely don't get any severance either.
As for the retraining?
I plan to 'retrain' myself to relax more. Watch more TV, read more books, sew for my kids, my home, and drink.
Let's not forget the drinking, which has helped immensely tonight.
Call me mellow...
Yeah, so while this whole thing wasn't very funny, it was none the less, necessary and now I can let it go.
And just for good measure, I will dance naked and drunk in the back yard this evening, burning the patterns I made and saying about a million "FUCK's" as I chant the litany of disappointment and self-flagellation.
And no...I won't beat myself up over it anymore after today. I know what I did. I did the best to my ability and that's all there is to it.
Now I shall indulge in the comfort food of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn.
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Meatloaf, mashed potatoes & corn, yum. We think alike, you & I.
ReplyDeleteThought up a useful (to me, anyway), meatloaf trick...
Whenever I make one, I make it double-sized. Then I use half for supper for my spousal unit & myself, then cut the other half into 3 pieces and freeze 'em individually. Then, when I jonesing for a meatloaf sandwich, I thaw one of the pieces out & tear into it. Gawd, I'm clever.
But, I digress.
About your volunteerism. I learned a long time ago that if you volunteer, be prepared to be taken advantage of , taken for granted and then discarded when they've extracted all the good from you.
But remember, and you know this already, no one can take advantage of you unless they have your complete cooperation.
Hell with 'em. You've got better things to do anyway.
My wife, Barb, whom I love dearly, makes life unnecessarily hard for herself by ignoring Buzz's Rules For Living.
Here they are, for what they are worth...
1. Do Not Take Things Personally.
2. Stop Keeping Score.
3. Avoid The Comparison Trap.
4. Quit Looking For Indians Behind Every Tree.
5. Don't Sweat The Small Shit. (And It's ALL Small Shit.)
Sorry to get all new-agey on you, but there is a kernal (grain, nugget?) in this stuff.
In the seventies, I spent a number of years in therapy, both group and one-on-one. Persoanlly, I don't think the "Talking Cure" works, but I did come away with one little jewel...
Sometimes you just have to say: "Aw fuck it."
Hope your weekend is going well.
Uncle Buzz is a wise man. You will LOVE being part of the audience for the choirs and will love not having the stress that goes along w/ volunteering! I promise!
ReplyDeleteDude - look on this as a little extra drinkin' time, and all will be well.
ReplyDeleteOr reading time. Or napping time. Or "find a new hobby" time.
And listen to Uncle Buzz - that dude knows what he's talking about.