So this morning after a couple of weeks with my loving children I'm ready to kick someone's ass!
It may be the Little Beatle or Miss-know-it-all. Veggie Stick is actually the better behaved child and besides, she gives me hours of entertainment...especially with the word of the day thing.
Oh yeah...word of the day for today?
Snowing...heh hehe heh...
Veggie Stick walks around all the time saying, "It's snowing" which I think is funny but it drives Mr.Man insane. Wait...maybe that's why I think it's funny...
Freya,(my oldest daughter) and her boyfriend came over last night. I've decided to give him the nickname Caveman. If you saw him, you'd understand. He could literally go outside shirtless and not freeze. Hell of a nice guy, just a little on the hairy side.
Look...I even have a picture of them together....
Anyway, I made dinner for the whole damn family and we had a nice time. Mr.Man insisted on cabbage rolls(for good luck)so that's what I did. It was great too because I had some pretty nasty gas last night. I pulled the covers over his head and gave him a sweet reminder of our earlier dinner...cabbage farts are almost as good as bean farts.. Of course both combined can be an even better combination.You might say that mine could peel the skin off your body...I have talent I'm telling you.
After dinner we played Yahtzee. I hadn't played that game forever so it was fun. I didn't win but winning isn't everything. I enjoyed seeing Caveman beat Freya because somehow it became a contest between the two of them. It served to be very entertaining for the rest of us.
This morning I was taking inventory of my house and decided that it's a sloppy, pig sty mess and it's everyone else's fault. So when Nik (my mailman and friend) dropped by this morning to give me a book he's letting me borrow, I greeted him at the door in my jammers and robe.He stopped and stared at me before opening the storm door.
Him:"Do you realize it's after ten?"
Me:"Yeah. I'm on strike. I'm not going to do a damn thing all day."
Him: "OK. Here's the book. Hope you like it."
Me:"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm on strike?"
Him: "I wasn't planning on it."
Me: "I'm going to ignore that comment and tell you why I'm on strike. I'm on strike because there are five people who live in this house and only one of them does anything."
Him: "OK."
Me:"OK?!?! IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!?!HERE I AM..STANDING IN MY PJ'S AND ROBE...I HAVEN'T BRUSHED MY HAIR...I HAVEN'T BRUSHED MY TEETH AND I'M THREATENING TO NOT DO ANYTHING...ANYTHING AT ALL AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS OK?!?!"
Him:"OK. I'll say something else. How about...you look great...hope you have a nice quiet day. I have to go now. Bye."
Yeah...that's one of the hazards of having so many guy friends.Sometimes they think it's about the looks when it's not. I should have melted his face off with my foul breath...
But seriously...I am on strike. I will not touch a thing today that does not belong to me. I know I've ranted on this subject before but really...it's a terrible mess in here. I cleaned before my mother came and then in a matter of one week it had been completely destroyed. I counted six loads of laundry that have been deposited on the clothes basket in my room. I hope there is a clothes basket but who knows?? I can't see it because of all the clothes on it.People in this house really take clothes out of the dryer and throw them on the clothes basket. No folding or hanging up at involved. It makes me want to do some folding and hanging I'm telling you...folding my fingers to make a fist and do some major ass kicking! Hanging people from their toes out the second story window too....
I feel awfully fucking beautiful today...I suppose taking a shower wouldn't hurt, but then I think about operation "Plant of the Apes" when I needed my windows picked up and how successful that was.
I can't shower or my point won't get across. Disgusting but necessary.
The things I'm forced to do in order to make a point in this house...I swear.
This is my mood for today....
I feel gross and yucky. I am frustrated with this mess! Bah!!!
Of course if I'm going to do this, it's going to have to be all the way. I wonder what I can eat that will enhance the fuzz that's formed on my teeth? A couple rolls on the floor in my robe should make that giant snarl in the back of my hair a little bigger and I think there's some left over cabbage in the fridge. When I'm through with them, my family will cringe before me and pick up after themselves before they even mess anything up.
Well...that's the plan anyway. We'll have to see what happens...wish me luck!
Well if you're going to do it go all the way. I would get some of that stinky cheese and eat it too. Power to the Revolution!!!!
ReplyDeleteUm....a little typo there...I meant PUBLIC!!! LOL!!!
ReplyDeletetwo words: garlic hummus.
ReplyDeleteOh, and nacho cheese doritos.
I'm already looking forward to tomorroe's post to see how it all went!
Ron I like your way of thinking but I don't have any stinky cheese and that would mean going out in pubic like this!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure exactly what it means, but going out 'in pubic' might be interesting...
ReplyDeletem.
I wonder has anyone noticed you are on strike, not counting the mailman, because you told him?
ReplyDeleteA new year, new rules. Nothing on paper that I know of which appoints you at the end of a laundry basket or a mop. It's a family thing, clean together, avoid infectious disease together..., stuff like that.
You can do this.
Did I wish you a Happy New Year? Cause I am. A happy one.
ReplyDeleteThank Paul, I plan on having a wonderful super soaking, milk squirting, year in 2008!!!
ReplyDeleteMichael..that is one of my resolutions you know...being naked more often.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it wasn't a typo?
Oh well go for it then! Nothing like going out in pubic on a snow day!
ReplyDeletem.
Freudian typo?
Good luck with getting them to notice the mess!
ReplyDeleteI find that it's much easier to just clean things myself because If I point out something that I think is dirty, the SB just looks at me all bewildered-like - what dirt?
Of course, there's only two of us, so the mess doesn't get all that big.
I have a little magnet I bought at a flea market that I put on the refrigerator in honor of my wife. It is a little chicken (I suppose it is supposed to represent a mother hen or something). Anyway, it says, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" and it fits our house perfectly.
ReplyDeleteYou and your protests would be a welcome treat over some of the first class pot clanging, door slamming, cabinet banging and general yelling my wife has been known to employ to get it across to fellow home occupants that she isn't happy with the situation.
Bad breath, messed up hair and gas? You need to learn some Spanish and get some action going.
Hell, I've been married for over 20 years and still can't understand what she is yelling about, but when the commotion is over, the dishes are put up, the laundry is clean and we are usually on our way to Chili's for drinks and dinner!
Time to bust out your inner Mexican!
I was not at all happy with the Snow Day either.
ReplyDeleteI was disappointed that it DIDN'T snow here.
ReplyDeleteSend it to Raleigh, NC. We could use a little distraction.
We got 'flurries' - which equates to 80 snowflakes in 4 hours.
But Renn, it DID snow today! We had flurries this morning, and I don't want any snow or ice until after the wedding I have on the 19th!! So, you keep in up there in WV, huh?
ReplyDeleteOh, holy hell!!! What is up with the snow days? I get 3 days off when the kids are supposed to be in school -- this NEVER happens -- and they get snow days?!?!?
ReplyDeleteI honestly think that if I got an entire day all to myself, it would somehow fuck up the space-time continuum and the whole universe would *poof!* cease to exist.
*weeps*