Mr.Man has this "thing" for thigh high stockings. It drives him out of his mind. So let's just say that once he laid eyes on that website with the blond woman in thigh highs, his pecker hardened up faster than one of Medusa's victims.
I was crying for Percious to come save me this morning...MY GOD!! ENOUGH ALREADY!
And yes...you're hearing that from me. Hard to believe but true.
So now I ask myself, should I be thanking Jeff or beating his ass?
I'm too tired to write here!
Hell...I'm too tired to finish my cup of coffee!!!
Mr.Man has turned into a fuck monster!
And I'M ACTUALLY COMPLAINING ABOUT IT!!!
Who would have thought it?
I need to recover myself and prepare for this evening. I have to work one of the beer booths at the monster truck show tonight.
My god...that will be special.
I'm sure there will be all kinds of special men there who will want to be my friend.
Guys like this dude...
And probably someone like this guy too...
Of course there will be people there who will hate me as well and want to fight me...
Yeah...I'm sure there will be old ladies there who will give me a taste of Elderly Hell day while the sound of roaring engines plays in the background.They'll stretch and carry on and make a big deal out of kicking my ass and then the Alzheimers will kick in and they'll forget what they were doing and go back in to watch the show.
By no means am I making fun of the monster truck show. In fact some of my friends are going. They really enjoy it. I'm just not that much into trucks and smashing things beneath trucks and smelling burning oil fumes...but that's just me.
And I'm not making fun of West Virginia because there are rednecks EVERYWHERE!
In Maine we referred to them as 'farmers' mainly because that's what they did. My uncles and cousins are farmers and they are rednecks as well.
So is my brother-in-law...Mr.Man's brother.
I think we need to refer to him as Mr.Pants on Fire, because he gets this look on his face like he simply can't believe what you're telling him when you're talking to him.
Then he expects you to believe stupid shit like he told that police officer that he could kiss his ass cause he wasn't going to move his truck until he was good and ready and then the officer gave him one of these...
Yeah RIGHT! I'm sure he gave him that look right after he beat him senseless with his night stick, rolled him all over the pavement and then slashed the tires on his stupid truck!
Mr.Pants on Fire has always had a knack for embellishing the truth from what I understand.He's the truest form of a redneck too.
He and Mr.Man are complete opposites.
While Mr.Man reads books and collects antiques, Mr.Pants on Fire collects lint on his plaid shirts and reads the trade ads. To hear him tell it, he can buy a car for ten dollars and make ten thousand on it.
That just seems completely illogical Mr.Pants on Fire.I promise I'll share more Mr.Pants on Fire stories another day. I really have to get off here.If Mr.Man catches me still sitting here in my robe, I'll get attacked again and I just don't think I'd be able to walk after another round of the horizontal cha cha.
Today's word will be, "sore"...I'm sure you don't need any explanations for that one.
And if you're at the monster truck rally, look for me, but make sure to tell me you read the Blonde Goddess or I'll never know who you are.I get confused very easily and furthermore, the fumes will have me in some god-awful condition....ignore my confused responses please...
This is my mood...
I've got to keep my eyes peeled today. Mr.Man attacks...rednecks on the prowl...there's a lot of dangerous peril for poor little old Blonde Goddesses!
I'm sure tonight will give me some sweet ammunition for the next post...so the next post will be ALL about it, I'm sure.
Have a great weekend!
It just goes to prove my point, women are never happy. Too little, too much. They just want what ever it is they don't have. If they all ready have it then it bores them.
ReplyDeleteOk, maybe some men are the same way.
Two things I'll go to just to watch the crowd: monster trucks and toughman contests. Hilarious people. Not knocking them either, but I get the biggest kick out of watching people who don't give a damn what anyone thinks of them having a good time. Looking forward to the tales you may have to tell from this one.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived in Florida it was the small town rodeo circuit. Those are fun folks too.
You're the star of my blog today. Hope you like it.
Hey Goddess, Personally sounds like a good problem to have, but I'm a guy. :) Have fun at the monster truck thingy, I've never been to one and not sure what all the fuss is about.
ReplyDeleteSorry, re-reading my comment and it sounds rough. I'm a grump in the morning, I should know better than to comment until I'm awake.
ReplyDeleteYou couldn't pay me enough to work one of those events. I'd be the gal shriveled in the corner, breathing into a brown bag. Have fun for me, though.
ReplyDeleteLOL, I agree with ETW. If she has an extra bag I could join her in the corner to keep her company.
ReplyDeleteElderly Hell people go to monster truck rallies? Is nothing sacred!?!?!
ReplyDeleteI wish my man had a "thing." The only thing that gets him excited is the possibility that I might leave him the hell alone.
Thigh highs? Really?? Well, I guess that's no odder than so many men obsessing over high heels. Others of my gender often confuse me, Tammie.
ReplyDeletemy husband will enjoy that site. Thanks... maybe. LOL And btw, any post with Missy Kwan (quan?) in it is the best. I loved those skits. I'm stoopid like that!
ReplyDeleteHave fun tonight!
TY for opaquing the new blonde goddess. Best of luck getting a little rest before tonight's shindig - them thar monster truck rallies can take the zip right outta ya iff'n yer not careful.
ReplyDeleteWoman, you crack me up.
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend. And wear protection!
No...not THAT kind. The kind for your ears. Those damn trucks are LOUD as hell.
You've inspired me to post on "exaggerations". Yay.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to see that Ron was not the first commenter for the 9325th time in a row. This makes me feel more comfortable commenting on his closets. You understand I'm sure.
Tiff still scares me.
I digress. Trucks are great. In moderation. And by that I'm referring to my ten year old nephews getting radio controlled monster trucks for Christmas. My wife thought I was a huge ass for buying them and the nephews loved them beyond belief.
As to the fscking, I think I resemble your pre horny hubby. Or I'm beginning to anyway. Jen prefers evening sex (more romantic) and I prefer to start my day with wiggly legs.
It's a conundrum for a guy I tells ya...
Goot ruck vis der fsking vater hubby Man.
Happy Weekend!
I was NOT, in fact, the shirt lifter at the truck rally last night.
ReplyDeleteCharleston, WV is at LEAST a 5 or 6 hour drive. I'd just go to Raleigh or Fayette-Nam.
Congratulations! You have an award to pick up at my blog. :)
ReplyDeleteHey, where are you?!?!?! I hope you're having a lot of crazy fun and you'll have soda-out-the-nose-funny stories when you return.
ReplyDeleteI moved -- follow the breadcrumbs to http://rebeccaburch.com
Hey, where are you?!?!?! I hope you're having a lot of crazy fun and you'll have soda-out-the-nose-funny stories when you return.
ReplyDeleteI moved -- follow the breadcrumbs to http://rebeccaburch.com