A mental health professional would have a field day with me...

This morning has been an absolute fucking in the bung hole.
It's 10:30 and I've already suffered a nervous breakdown.
I'm not even joking.

It all began when I got out of bed this morning and realized my bra had gone missing. I'd laid it on top of the armoire in my bedroom and damn it, when I got up this morning, I expected it to be there!
For a split second I wondered if Mr.Man had taken it, but then thought about him naked and decided that Nah...he didn't need it...YET.
So I wasted a good fifteen minutes tearing through my bedroom looking for that stupid bra (my favorite and more comfortable one) only to find it laying on the floor downstairs.

I checked it out...it was damp and had been chewed.Not too terribly damaged though so I think I can wear it again, BUT I had to wear one of my more uncomfortable, sexier bras today. I just wasn't feeling it either.
Do you know they have a quiz to determine what kind of bra you are?

You Are a Sleek Black Bra!

Subtle, sophisticated, and classy. You're not the first woman a man notices in the room... But you're the one he remembers a week later. You need a guy who will make a lasting impression on you too!

What Kind of Bra Are You?

Yeah I took the test! What of it? It's fun goddamnit!

Getting back to the insanity of my morning...after getting dressed everything seemed to be going ok, except Mr.Man calls and tells me he's 'accidentally' overdrawn the checking account.



Happy...HAPPY NEWS!
Fortunately for us, I have overdraft protection and there is money in our savings account to help prevent such things from happening.
So I reassure Mr.Irresponsible Man that it's ok and I have a buffer for such emergencies.

"How much money do you have in the savings account?" he asks me, barely containing the excitement in his voice.

"JUST ENOUGH TO COVER THIS MESS WITHOUT BANKRUPTING US!" I scream into the phone.

I know that sounds terribly bitchy. In fact I can't help but be a bitch covered bitch with creamy bitch filling when it comes to discussing money with Mr.Man. He's a spender. If we have it, he wants to spend it. But then on a rainy day, when there's no money for an umbrella it's MY ASS THAT ENDS UP GETTING SOGGY! NOT HIS!!!
I won't lie...it's a constant source of stress for me. I HATE having to budget...TRYING to budget money.I am always worried about it and worried about him getting upset because he can't buy something he wants.
I don't want to talk about it anymore...so there.



Besides,I'm trying not to throw up worrying that he's cleaning it out right now as I write this. I can only pray he will be happy with his own private account for his hobbies and leave me to try to squeeze the pennies he leaves me to pay bills, buy food and other stupid necessities like that.

Getting back to the morning story....it's not even eight thirty and I'm ready to fly down the street, pulling my hair out, waving my braless breasts at the Jesus police and throw myself into the river.

But I have a cup of coffee instead.
I finish getting the kids ready and take the high school group to school. Normally, I leave Little Beatle home, with the dog and the doors locked to get ready. This has worked out ok for us. I then return home after a short time and pick him up for morning practice.

He called my cell phone while I was transferring funds from our savings to our checking, but I couldn't answer it. He didn't leave any message though. And he knows what to do in case of an emergency. I called him right back but he didn't answer. Plus Freya had been calling and leaving nasty messages about me not picking her up from the garage while her oil was being changed. Yes...I told her I'd give her a ride home so she wouldn't have to wait but did she NOT FUCKING KNOW that there was a two hour delay this morning?
On my way home I called Little Beatle's phone five or six more times.
And he wasn't answering his phone.

I just felt this dread wash over me...

I got home only to find the door wide open, all the lights, tv and coffee maker on and no Little Beatle.I ran through the house yelling his name and after searching every nook and cranny, began calling his cell phone. He didn't answer. So I jumped in the car and began to search the streets on the routes to his school. I mean, I assumed that he would have left me a message if he was leaving the house to go to practice before I got home! And he would have never left the doors wide open!!!

I was in full blown blow a gasket mode by the time I reached the school. I probably looked a lot like this...



I completely fell apart.

Thankfully, Little Beatle was at practice and had just left the house, without calling and without closing the front door.
I guess when boys begin to grow hair in the danger zone, their brain shuts down?

Needless to say,he will NOT be staying home to finish getting ready anymore. He'll either be riding with me or getting dropped off to his clone's house...I guess I could refer to his friend as Little Bit Bigger Beatle. They could be twins really...an NO..I don't think there was any monkey business involved in that.

So...by 10:30 today I had suffered a complete breakdown and now I'm here...writing about it and wondering if the men in white coats will be arriving soon.

Today's word needs to be "Nut". I feel like a nut. I mean, how much pressure can a person handle before they lose their mind? There is a lot of stuff I deal with that I don't write about in here. It's not the place, you know? I just have an awful lot on my plate. This is the place I find the humor in it all so I don't fall apart in the middle of Kroger's parking lot.

So...let's find some humor in this situation....

I'm sure the sight of me speeding in my "pack of wild dogs live in it" car while crying hysterically was a sight indeed. The Elderly Hell patrons probably had to throw themselves and their walkers to the side of the street to avoid imminent death. I would have like to have seen that, except I was too busy being hysterical to pay attention damn it!

I need a new lamp for my bedroom. The ceiling light has needed to be fixed for...um...I'm thinking it's like five or six years, but who's paying attention, right? Anyhow, we have been relying on several lamps to illuminate our room and one of them shit the bed Sunday. Mr.Man looked it over and can't repair it so to hell with it. I'm going to the dollar store...(YES! ON Elderly Hell Day too...) and I'm going to buy a cheap lamp to put in my room. I need light if I'm going to find anything and since my room seems to be the catch all for the house, it's either a lamp or a coal miner's hat with a light on it. Ok?



As for Freya...well I know she'll bitch about having to wait an hour at the garage while her oil was being changed, but you know what? I have to wait when I get my oil changed. No one comes to pick me up. No one offers to take my car to have the oil changed, or inspected or registered or even to have tires put on it. I do all of that myself.

Seems to me...I do a lot of things myself. I don't have four kids...I have five.



Man Baby! He'll be the only one to never grow up and leave the house!

So what is my mood after everything that happened this morning?...



I'm thankful...

Yes...I'm thankful.
I'm thankful that Little Beatle is ok.
I'm thankful for the little bit of extra money in the bank.
I'm thankful there is enough for my children to eat and a warm place for them to sleep.
I'm thankful I can stay home, even though it's a financial challenge, to raise them and be a part of their lives.
No..Mr.Man doesn't have all of the "things" he wants but they're just things. My children are people and people comes before money and things anyday. I've been without "things" or "people" before and believe me, you miss the "people" a hell of a lot more than the "things".

I just need to try to be more positive and look for the good more.
My life now is heaven compared to what I've experienced before...so I need to remember that and be thankful. It could be much worse.

It HAS been much worse...