Evil schmeevil...well...maybe not.

Yesterday I wrote about the "old lady" at Nana's house. But you know, I forgot to mention another familiar ghost we've had in our family before. Ghost friend! My friend Judy in Mass will remember this one...heh heh

When we first moved into our house, Little Beatle had just turned three. Within the first week of living here, he began to tell us about "ghost friend". We assumed that it was an imaginary friend of his, although we thought the name was weird.He and ghost friend played for hours and hours.Little Beatle could even describe what his ghost friend looked like. He said he was the same size as him except his hair was black and he always wore the same black pants and white shirt.
We thought that was odd but didn't really worry about it. I mean, I'd never gotten a bad vibe from my house and I'm sensitive to things like that, so I wasn't concerned.

It only really occurred to us that ghost friend might be an actual ghost when I swore I saw Little Beatle run from his bedroom into the bathroom only to find the bathroom and his bedroom both empty. There is no way for anyone to go down our stairs undetected because all the doors are leading out into the hall with the stairs in perfect view of all of them.
Then there was the time that I swore that Mr.Man had tapped me on the shoulder, only to yell at him and hear him reply from the shower. There was the sound of little feet running through the house, which goes around in a circle, every time I'd get in the shower and as soon as I opened the door and took a step out of it, it would stop.
THAT'S when we thought that maybe ghost friend was indeed a ghost.

Little Beatle actually told us that ghost friend told him his name was ghost friend. He didn't seem bothered by it and said they played together. In fact, ghost friend even traveled with us one year to Maine....

We had stopped in Massachusetts to visit Bob and Judy. Their son is the same age as Little Beatle. At the time they were living upstairs in the apartment above Bob's parents. It was great to see them and we had a wonderful time. The kids slept upstairs with us in the bedrooms while Bob and Judy slept in the bedroom downstairs. One night when Judy and I were getting the kids ready for bed, Little Beatle turned to Judy and told her that his ghost friend was outside and wanted to know if he could come in her house.
She FLIPPED! She has had a few supernatural experiences in her time that were not pleasant.
Of course she said NO...and asked us about this ghost friend our son was talking about.
I guess it kind of seemed weird, especially since my three and a half year old son was telling us that his ghost friend couldn't come in unless he had permission. What kind of ghost is that? The polite ghost? The non-intrusive ghost? The invitation only ghost?...LOL

But yeah...I HAD to share that story with you too. I'd almost forgotten about it but then started thinking about different things that had happened in our house.What happened to ghost friend? One day Little Beatle stopped talking about ghost friend and told us that he'd gone away. Maybe it was a spirit of a small child who looked for playmates, then moved on when they got too old?
Guess we'll never know.
Our house was build in 1917 so it could have a history. Of course there is nothing that says only old houses are haunted. In fact, I know of a brand spanking new house that I felt terrified in and there is definitely something in that house.....

There is an acquaintance I know, right here in this area, who's house was built not more than five years ago. When the construction was finished and they got moved in, they had a housewarming and we were invited. It was a BBQ so I didn't go inside right away but eventually I had to go to the bathroom and she wanted to show off the new house to me. The minute I walked in the door, it felt like something was sitting on my chest. I could hardly breath. I got cold chills up and down my spine and I felt like I was trying to push through something just to walk. I didn't even want to go to the bathroom because I didn't want to be alone.She took me through the bedrooms and then down the hall to the bathroom. The woman who owned the house asked me if I was ok because she said I had turned white. I told her I felt dizzy and asked her if she would wait outside the bathroom door for me. She said she would.
As I sat down to pee, I felt breath on my neck. I ignored it and acted like I didn't know it had happened. I finished going to the bathroom and then washed my hands. When I was washing them, I was looking in the mirror. Nothing was there behind me but my hair was moving and I could feel someone taller than me, breathing on me.
I opened the door and started to walk out and I was pushed. I ran into the woman who owns the house. She thought I'd tripped because I was dizzy and wanted me to sit down but I was determined to get out of that house. I told her I needed fresh air. As soon as I stepped outside, I felt like I could breath again. I asked Mr.Man if we could leave because I didn't want the kids going in the house. I told him I didn't feel good. He agreed and we left half an hour later.
Now THAT scared me...and normally I don't get scared. The strange things is, the couple who live in that house have never mentioned anything happening in there. I don't know if it was a spirit that was just angry at me for some reason or if I was the only one who could sense it. Who knows? I've never been back there and even if my car broke down in that area, I wouldn't knock on that door again.

The first encounter I ever had with something that seemed evil was when I was 12. My friend Carrie had moved to Maine from New Hampshire. He parents had bought a house that no one had lived in for awhile. They were antique dealers and renovated the house so they could open shop there. She and her older brother talked about how their father had found a scalp with hair on it when he'd torn out the ceiling in the renovated shop area. He laughed about it and had it hung up on one of the posts but I always thought it was creepy. Besides, what was a human scalp doing in an abandoned house in a Swedish colony?
I had been to her house other times and I'd always gotten the creeps but never really understood why.
One night when I stayed over, we were sleeping in her room. I was in one bed while she was in the other. It wasn't pitch black in her room because her parents kept a small lamp turned on so everyone could find their way to the bathroom at night. I woke up to the sound of the rocking chair in her room rocking. I thought she'd woken up and was sitting in it. As I sat up in my bed to look over at her, she sat up in her bed and looked at me. We both looked over toward the rocker and saw the rocking chair rocking on it's own.
We flew out of her room and down the hall to her parents room. She yelled and woke them up. Then she told them what we saw. Her father walked down the hall ahead of us and he was pretty pissed off. I'm sure he expected it to be a figment of our imagination. But when we approached Carrie's room,the chair was still rocking. He looked shocked. I don't know if he really knew what to do. So he moved toward the door to go into her room and the door slammed shut in his face.
He turned around and took us back to their room and we spent the night on the floor. Honestly I don't think he slept all night. I could hear him tossing and turning and I think he even got up a couple of times.

The next day, we were outside in the field next to the house. We had decided to take our lunch outside and have a picnic. Out of nowhere I got the over-whelming feeling that something was watching me from the house. I kept looking toward the windows and I couldn't see anything but I could feel it. My skin crawled. I felt something, not someone, watching me and I felt that it wanted to hurt me.
As hard as I tried, I couldn't bring myself to go back in that house. I asked Carrie go in the house and call my Nana to come get me. I was too scared to even go back in to get my things. She brought them out to me.
As I left, I felt that if I'd gone back in that house, I would have been hurt very badly...maybe even killed. I felt like it wanted me dead. It was the single most horrible feeling I've ever experienced.

I never stepped foot in that house again and I never will.

And so...there it is. Several of my own personal supernatural experiences. Mr.Man has had a few of his own and perhaps sometime I will share them too but I think I'm going to give the "ghoul and ghost" stories a rest for now.

Todays word is gonna be..."NO!" So far this morning, I've had several phone calls and I've not answered a single one. They can leave a message or call me back. I'm not doing anything more than what I'm already responsible for. I've had it with everything I think. I'm regrouping and regaining myself. That's the problem when you give yourself away so much. By the time you figure out what you've done, it's too late to really salvage much. You just have to start over from scratch.
So...if I get a call asking can I do this or can I do that?

NO!!!!! WHOOOO!!CLANG!CLANG!WHEEE!!!YAY!YAY!

With that said, this is my mood for today...



I feel like reading. I'm going to create a small nook in my favorite chair...grab a cup of hot herbal tea with honey...and read until I'm tired of reading. What's on the agenda book-wise you ask?
Poetry...
I have TONS of poetry books.
That...is one of the answers to the question, "What interests me? What do I like?"
I like...no...LOVE poetry. You used to be able to find me, sitting on the floor at Books-A-Million in the poetry section, trying to decide which treasure I wanted to take home with me that day.
What happened to take me away from something I found so much pleasure in?
I counted the books I have in the bookcase just on poetry and there are 39 books for me to choose from today, although I know I have more other places in my house. I have two of Anne Sexton's books but I only saw one. Then there is three Pablo Neruda , but I only saw two. And my Naomi Shihab Nye book is missing too. My favorite poem by her is Kindness, which, ironically enough is not the book I bought of hers but her poetry skims along the rim of my soul...silverly and light...healing...

Ahem...I'm just rambling now so...it's time to read. See ya tomorrow...

Our very own ghost...the old lady...

As promised I am writing about a few of my supernatural experiences. I got the idea from BuzzardBilly's post, Now, A Turn Toward the Strange. Thanks for the blog fuel BuzzardBilly!

When I was growing up, my mother ended up divorced a few times and we always ended up moving back in with my Nana and Pa. There were two huge rooms upstairs in the house.I can remember being no more than five years old, sleeping in a bed between my brother's crib and my aunt's bed. My mother's bed was on the other side of my brother's crib and we all slept in the room that way. It resembled a dormitory.
One night when I'd gone to bed, my brother was sleeping in his crib. I remember rolling over to look at him in the moonlight and seeing the blankets being drawn back to the end of the crib. Then it looked like someone was rubbing his legs...the sleeper rippled and moved like a hand was caressing it. I was absolutely petrified and couldn't move. I remember closing my eyes and holding my breath for the longest time. When I opened them, the blanket was smoothed back over my brother and he was sleeping like an angel.
After that night, I watched out for monsters. I had never believed in monsters, but that had scared the shit out of me and now I was watching to make sure no monster would touch me or my brother again.
This new terror had no name or form, but it didn't take long for me to put a name and a face to it.
Occasionally on Saturday afternoons there would be movies on the Canadian station and one day I happened to catch part of Frankenstein.



That became my new obsession...Frankenstein. I was convinced that Frankenstein lived in the closet in our room and that's who had touched my baby brother in his crib.
Imagine me,laying in bed, staring at that stupid closet, convinced that Frankenstein was hiding in there behind the curtain, waiting for me to fall asleep so he could do horrible things to me or my brother...
I was a kid with an active imagination...

Unfortunately not all of it was my imagination. I woke up many other times with the blankets folded back over my feet. And it wasn't just me...it was my mother and my aunts beds too.The shades would roll up in the middle of the night. The door would swing open and then closed again. My mother and aunt would laugh about it but it scared me silly.

We moved out and didn't live with Nana and Pa again until I was older...maybe 8. Once again we shared a room, but it was just with my mother this time. My aunt had married and moved away. My bed was pushed up against the wall, which was fine by me, because I couldn't see in the closet that was closer to the wall on the other side of the room.
Of course once again, our feet would be uncovered at night. The light would go out as I walked up the stairs...the coloring book I had laid out to color in would disappear...little things like that. There was never really anything bad that happened but it was still unsettling to an 8 year old.



As I got older my family finally filled me in about the ghost in the house. The referred to her as the old lady. I'm still not really sure why she is an old lady except that they said the woman they'd bought the house from had died in it and that's who they assumed it was. She'd played little pranks on my mother and aunt when they were growing up in the house, like folding the blankets off their feet when they were sleeping and hiding little things or knocking their dresses off the hangers..etc. The old lady had just become someone they were used to.
Yeah....maybe they'd gotten used to her but I sure as hell hadn't. I was still a kid and had no desire to get used to a ghost messing with me.I watched with keen eyes and set heavy object down on my coloring books so she couldn't hide them from me. I was determined to keep her from bothering me or my little brother.



Of course none of that helped. She still played her little pranks and in time I grew to ignore them. I did get used to her. In fact, when we go home in the summer and stay with my Nana she doesn't bother me one bit. The kids seem to accept it too. As for Mr.Man though...well...he doesn't like it. Not at all...

Mr. Man and I had gone to bed early one night. We were laying in bed marveling at the silence.(West Virginia is noisy at night). The light from the street light filtered in through the window, so the room wasn't completely dark and we could see. The door was closed and we stared at one of the pictures on the wall I'll inherit one day.
Suddenly there were footsteps coming up the stairs. I assumed it was my Pa coming up to bed. The footsteps groaned and creaked all the way up the stairs and then stopped. The door to our room swung open. The footsteps came across the room toward our bed.We could see in the room and no one was there. Then it felt like someone had sat down on the end of the bed.
Mr.Man pulled the covers up to his eyeballs and said, "Tammie...Tammie...there's something sitting on our bed."
I yawned and calmly replied, "Don't worry honey. It's just the old lady. She won't hurt you. Go to sleep."
Then I proceeded to fall asleep while he laid in bed, too terrified to move.



I'd just experienced it so many times that it didn't bother me anymore I guess. I did get used to her even though I didn't think I would. He, on the other hand, hasn't gotten used to her and says he never will...LOL

Now I will have to admit, as my mother has gotten older, the old lady seems angry with her. She will torment her all night by taking the blankets on and off, rolling the shade up and down, dropping stuffed animals and pillows on her. For some reason the old lady has become aggressive toward my mother, but she's the only one.
It's hard to tell why she's so upset with my mother but I don't plan to ask her. I just avoid sleeping in the same room with her. My aunt shared a room with her a couple of summers ago and ended up on the couch so she could get some sleep. She said it was terrible. She'd never seen the old lady so agitated...take it for what it's worth...

So that's one of the ghost stories I have. Not particularly scary but more of a family ghost thing.There are a couple of other experiences but nothing terribly scary...just interesting. Of course there are a couple of experiences that were terrifying to me. I felt something evil both times.I think I'll save them for tomorrow...

The word for the day will be "me". After yesterday's post, I plan to give myself a little tender lovin care. That's a hard thing to do but I know I need to.

A big thank you to all of my blog friends for liking me in spite of my faults. I really do have a lot of good friends on here. And you know what the scariest part is? I'm more open and honest about myself on here than I am in real life. I share more of myself here than I do with people I see every day.
And still...you like me.
How cool is that?

This is my mood today...



I'm thinking....I'm thinking about what I like. Someone asked me in my comment section yesterday and I'm trying to figure it out. I know of a few things I like but I think I'll take a few days to really consider what my interests are and then I'll share them with you.

I'll be back tomorrow with the scary tales of terror....makes my skin crawl just to think about it...

Huh? A Sunday update...and number 200 too...

This is my 200th post. Interesting...

I normally don't write on Sundays but ever since I met with BuzzardBilly and ETW I've been deep in thought about my friendships.
They brought up a good point. One that I hadn't considered in fact. What is it you ask?
They said that most women tend to choose their friends based on who their children associate with. It makes perfect sense to befriend other adults who spend a lot of time with you. Whether it's someone your kid hangs out with or someone who's kid plays football with your kid...chances are that you're going to be spending a lot of time together anyway, so why not be friends?

Basically that's what I've done. I've chosen friends who's kids are involved in the same activities that my kids are. We spend a lot of time together because we are at a lot of the same events. So I see them every time there's an activity.

But what about when there's NOT an activity?

That's what I'd been thinking about.
I've always considered myself to be blessed with lots of friends.
I've created this illusion around myself that I'm ok. I have people I can turn to if there's an emergency. After all, I'm always willing to give 100% of myself if I can. The only things that have ever prevented me from helping out a friend is illness or an inability to because of lack of money or resources.

Living down here has been hard.I've felt isolated and lonely living away from my family. I have felt terrified before when there's been a crisis and worried because I didn't have anyone to turn to. I've felt very alone living here...no one to call...no one coming to visit....no one inviting me over..there have been stretches where I have felt crushed by the weight of responsibility and I haven't felt like I've had anyone to call(when Mr.Man was out of work last year for example).

So I've cried when I'm alone so no one could see how weak I've felt. I've thrown myself into volunteer work to keep from thinking about it. I've just kept myself busy and I have ignored the need to have friends...to have someone to lean on. I've taken care of myself.

I need a best friend. I'm not talking about the kind of friends who only call you if they need a favor. And I'm not talking about the kind of friends who only call you to help them with one of your kids activities.
I'm talking about the kind of friend that you can call when you feel like everything is spinning out of control. The kind of friend who will listen...and take the time to listen...because they really love you. And they like you in spite of your faults.
I want a best friend who includes you in their life and invites you over to their house and comes to visit you at yours....because they like spending time with you.
I want a best friend who knows they can come to you with anything and trusts that you'll listen and you'll be there for them because you love them, in spite of their faults.

Too much to expect?

After thinking about it, I discovered that I don't have that from my friends.
My "friends" have get-togethers and BBQ's and celebrate birthdays together. They go out shopping or to lunch and even invite each other over for dinner.

But I'm not included.

I used to call and invite my friends over to dinner...but they'd decline. No one had time to eat lunch because they work and I don't....I didn't get invited to the BBQ's or the birthday parties and finally I just gave up.

They still call me occasionally...but it's only when they need help on a project or if they need me to work one of our kids activities or if one of their kids needed a ride or they need a babysitter...

No real friend stuff...just acquaintance things...

"Yeah...we know her. She's a nice person and is always willing to help out."

Ignoring these things can work...but only temporarily. I'm one of those idiots that think, "If I only tried harder then they'd want to be my friend."

Sadly pathetic don't you think?

So this afternoon, I'm sitting here at home while Mr.Man took Little Beatle to his activity. I wanted to go but I just didn't have the heart for it.

Why did I stay home?

Because it hurts me to see all of my "friends" sitting together, making plans and having a great time and know that I'm excluded from it.

I've wondered if maybe I've done something to warrant it? I've wracked my brain wondering what it could be and I can't come up with anything, but that doesn't mean I haven't done something to offend or upset them. If I've done something, I wish they'd just tell me so I could apologize and make it right. Pride has never been one of my strengths and I'm perfectly capable of groveling when I've wronged someone.

Of course maybe they just don't like me. I am different. I'm not from here. I do things differently than they do...I am just different.Different is hard for some people to take. The things we are used to are comforting while different can be unsettling.

Sometimes I feel like I will never really belong here....that no matter what I do or how I act or how much of myself I give away it will never be enough to gain their acceptance.

I feel like I will always bee the person that's called when they need something but the rest of the time I will be on the outside looking in.

So....what do I do about that?

I don't know really.
It's a pretty harsh thing when you take a good look at your life and realize it's nothing like you thought it was.
I thought I was surrounded with wonderful friends I could count on like a family. Yeah...I thought I had an extended family...but it's clear to me now that was only superficial and wasn't for the long haul. It was temporary and I was more committed to the friendships than they were.

I tend to do that. I commit to someone and give them 100% of myself, even if I'm only getting 1% back from them. It's just in my nature. Residual behavior from my childhood I think...the always trying to make someone love me thing...(it didn't work then so why would it work now you stupid adult Tammie that should know better?)

I just need to make some changes...
First of all...I need to stop hiding in my volunteer work. I need to stop working and working and pushing the reality of my imaginary network of security out of my head. There is no security. If something happens I will have to deal with it on my own. I used to be able to take care of myself but apparently I've gotten soft in my old age. I don't understand why I think I need to have someone to hold my hand in times of trouble and all that crap.

Second of all....I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself every time I hear that they're all doing something together and once again I'm not included. I need to recognize that they just get along better with each other and they didn't click with me. I can't take it so personally. I need to keep reminding myself that just because you're useful to someone doesn't mean you're someone they would choose to be friends with. I serve a purpose in their lives, it's just not the one I thought it was.

Third of all...I need to learn how to be more content spending quiet time by myself....NOT WORKING. That's where the knitting comes in. I'm going to re-acquaint myself with knitting and sewing and other crafts I enjoy. I'm going to get busy getting my house in order after years of neglecting it to do things for others. I'm going to take long walks and check out more books at the library.I need to begin doing more things for myself.

Fourth of all...I'm going to stop saying yes so much. I'm going to make myself the first priority for once.I need to love myself more...I need to be kind to myself more. I'm always giving all my love away...all my kindness away...all of ME away...I need to stop doing that. I need to realize that I can't buy other people's love by doing everything they ask of me. It just doesn't work that way. If it did, I'd have more love than I'd knew what to do with it...

I have given and given myself away for years and years and I'm feeling pretty empty. It's a terrible feeling.
I feel raw from the inside out...I ache...I try to cry and I'm dry. I find myself catching my breath...like all the oxygen has been sucked out of my universe.
It's almost feels as though I am on the inside of an aquarium...looking through the glass and watching the rest of the world. Every one else is free...they can touch each other...they can move undetected while I am on display every moment of the day.
I'm trapped. I'm alone with an audience of many.
I wait until someone pays attention to me then I do tricks to entertain them, I do whatever it takes to make them happy hoping and praying they'll release me from this horrible place I've gotten myself trapped in.

It's a prison of my own making really. The fear of being alone and the need to be loved and the heartache of being rejected and the self-hatred of feeling weak because I need people. THOSE are the four walls that have me trapped...not the lack of friends or the lack of security.

I've made myself a prisoner and I need to break free of it....

Flash em, then kick em in the nuts....

Last night I had a heart to heart talk with the girls. All this disturbing talk of "The Wayne" has them a little uptight. Miss KIA asked me what they should do if "The Wayne" ever came to the house when Mr.Man and I weren't home. I told them to ignore him and call the police if he wouldn't go away...
Yep...I'd do it damn it. If I don't want you in my house muthafuckah, then get the hell out, k?
Veggie Stick was all over the calling the police part. We have several good friends who are policemen. One's a city officer and one's a deputy sheriff. The city officer is my age and he went to school with Mr.Man. But the deputy sheriff...well...he's a little younger than me.



He's still pretty smart for his age though...LOL. In fact, it might be the reason Veggie Stick has so much respect for him. He mentioned to her one day that she shouldn't wear pants with holes in them and she came home and threw out all of her really bad jeans. "I" couldn't get her to do that, dammit!...hmmpppfftt...Then she tells her friend on the phone last night that her mother has a friend who's a deputy sheriff and he's one of the coolest people she knows. Apparently this kid is a punk and was bad mouthing the police. She didn't care for his attitude, not one bit, and I heard her tell him to "suck it" and she hung up on him.
Veggie Stick is kind of brash and tells it like it is...I don't know where she gets that from...
Anyhow, when I saw him this morning I pointed out that my inspection sticker had died back in November of last year...

Heh heh heh...

He just laughed at it because I mean, who would think someone like me would break the law? I mean, come on here now...I'm sweet...innocent...I don't do things like that.



Honestly, I didn't realize it had expired. I drove on it for MONTHS without realizing it. That's sad isn't it? Oh yeah...well what's the longest you've ever gone without getting your car inspected or registered? I bet I'm not the only one here people...we are all getting forgetful in our old age.

In the mornings on our way to school there is always some interesting discussions. This morning the boys,(teen-aged fighting machines) were explaining how tough they are and how they could kick anyone's ass and blah blah blah. I stopped the conversation dead in it's tracks when I gave the girls a little advice.
"When some guy tries to accost you, flash them and then kick them in the balls when they're busy gawking at your boobies."
These are wise words of wisdom and furthermore, they are effective.

When Mr.Man was in the Air Force, there was an occasion when I was walking from my truck into his billeting one night when I needed to defend myself from the drunken advances of a couple of guys. It was late because I'd just finished my second job and for the most part the place was deserted. I got out of my truck and began walking to the entrance. Two guys who'd just come from the NCO Club were drunk off their asses and moved from the bushes to block my way inside. I tried to reason with them but they were hell bent on having a party. I told them both to get the hell out of my way but they wouldn't move. So I headed back to my truck. They followed. I was forced to change my game plan and began telling them that I had changed my mind and thought a little party sounded nice. I just wanted to get something to drink out of my truck because I had a fifth of Captain Morgan in there. That calmed both of them down and they stopped and stood a good five feet away from me. I then smiled at them and pulled my dress open. Then I took my bra off and grabbed my boobs. They both smiled like idiots and that's when I kicked the biggest one right in the nuts and punched the smaller guy in the nose as hard as I could. Then I jumped in my truck and sped away. I called Mr.Man when I got back to my apartment and told him I'd changed my mind about coming over, but I never told him about what happened. I figured he'd have KILLED both guys, mainly because he know them and they knew I was his girlfriend. Let's just say that they both stayed clear of me after that. One of them actually told people he'd been in a fight with a couple of guys who'd jumped him because I gave him a black eye...lol.
Stupid assholes...that taught them a lesson, I hope. I know they never fucked with me again and that's all that mattered to me.

Today's word is going to be "laundry". For some odd reason I can not get caught up on laundry. I have washed and washed clothes all day and yesterday too and every time the pile looks smaller I leave the room for five minutes and it's grown. While I don't have any concrete evidence, I think the dirty clothes are having sex and reproducing. Damn horny cotton shirts... Perhaps I shall invent birth control for laundry...don't laugh. Do you have any other explanations?



SHAMELESS...just look at that orgy! Polyester with cotton and machine wash with delicates! Is nothing sacred anymore???

Yesterday's lunch was great. I was awestruck from the moment I walked in. ETW was everything and more than I expected. It was like getting a Christmas present that you really, REALLY wanted and after opening it, it's better than you could have ever imagined. She's incredible.
Then there is BuzzardBilly. I felt at ease with her immediately. She is so incredibly modest and approachable, you can't help but feel welcome immediately after meeting her.
They are both incredibly smart and quite frankly that intimidated me a little. Here I am, not college educated, had to drop out of school and go to work to support Freya, finishing high school with a home correspondence program and even then there is some question about whether it was legitimate or not. I'm not exactly a rocket scientist you know?
But let me tell you...they BOTH put me at ease immediately. They're so warm and down to earth...funny and silly...I lost some of that awkward feeling and relaxed.
I'm really glad we finally met in person and I'm looking forward to getting together again. BuzzardBilly lent me her Dexter series on DVDS and ETW brought me knitting needles and practice yarn so I could get started on reacquainting myself with knitting again.

With that said...this is my mood for today...or should I say this is what I'm in the mood for?



It's Friday night and I want to drink and get laid dammit. I'd better get what I want to or I'll flash Mr.Man then you know what'll happen next...

I'd hate to have to send him to work Monday talking in a high pitched voice while sporting a black eye...

Monday I'll tell ya about my haunting experiences...whoooo......see ya then.

The Wayne, insane and let me splain...

Mr.Man's phone rang last night after eleven. Now anyone who knows Mr.Man knows that he gets up at four in the morning to go to work. He's usually in bed by eight, although occasionally he'll still be up at nine.
Well...the person calling him that late was none other than "The Wayne". I know I've posted about "The Wayne" before. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, my other post about "The Wayne" was one of my first posts in here. Let's just say that he has some issues. He and Mr.Man were friends in high school. Very good friends in fact. Then "The Wayne" met a girl and he blew Mr.Man off for her.I'm thinking he was a little bit of this...





He didn't spend any time with anyone but his girlfriend so he and Mr.Man kind of grew apart. According to Mr.Man, he attempted to keep in touch but "The Wayne" made no effort. They didn't speak for years.
Several years ago "The Wayne" moved back here from North Carolina to go back to school. He was nearly forty years old, with several failed relationships beneath his belt, never married and unhappy with his job. So he boldly quit his job and moved in with his dad so he could go to school.
I have to admit, I admired that about him. Instead of staying in a place that made him unhappy, he took a risk and turned his life in an entirely new direction, at forty.



I thought it was ballsy...
It all started out fine with "The Wayne". Mr.Man and he would go out and do their thing, which was fine with me. I'm not a possessive person and I certainly don't have to have my head shoved up Mr.Man's ass all the time. I was glad Mr.Man had a friend to hang out with because let's face it...Mr.Man is not an outgoing person. He has specific interests and that's it. He's not what you would call an adventurer. He lives in a mostly black and white world...with a few gray areas. I live in the gray with a few black and white...we'll leave it at that.
One of the only problems I had with "The Wayne" was Mr.Man's inconsiderateness toward me when they would go out. It would be three or four in the morning and Mr.Man would come sauntering in, without so much as a phone call to me about how late he'd be. Do you think that kind of behavior would have been allowed if the shoe had been on the other foot?



I think not.
I did attempt to call him once when they were out. It was nearly two in the morning and I had woken up. I was worried. So I called, only to have my call ignored and then be subjected to a lecture about trusting him and how I'd embarrassed him when he got home at three.
That was when I realized that Mr.Man was different when he was around "The Wayne". He seemed to lose all respect for me, had no consideration what-so-ever and was very combative. He'd pick fights with me over politics! What the hell? Before "The Wayne" was in the picture, we NEVER discussed politics and then fought over it. There was always a mutual respect, even when we disagreed.
I began walking on tippy toes...especially when he'd been talking to "The Wayne" or hanging out with him.

Ironically enough, I didn't dare say anything about his personality change. I'm sure that "The Wayne" blames me for the rift in their friendship but actually it was one of Mr.Man's family members who said something to him about it. And the girls told him that "The Wayne" gave them the creeps. Neither one of them can explain this creepy feeling but they both get it and they both don't like "The Wayne".

As for me...I see both good and bad qualities in him, but I can say the same for myself and everyone else I know. No one is 100% likable all the time. But in spite of that, I have still become the scapegoat for the failing friendship between Mr.Man and "The Wayne".

The last time he was here he had a project for school that Mr.Man helped him on. They designed a diary, based on historic events. Mr.Man asked me if that was a problem and I said no. It really wasn't. So he was here all day and really I didn't have a problem with it. The problem I developed was when he monopolized the computer all day and one of Veggie Stick's friends, who had asked earlier in the week if she could use the computer for a project, wasn't allowed to come over and use the computer.



That irked me.
I had already promised her she could use it and somehow the entire household was shut down to accommodate "The Wayne".
So I said something to Mr.Man. He told "The Wayne" that one of Veggie Stick's friends needed to come over and use the computer and SOMEHOW he did a spin doctor on me and asked Mr.Man why I didn't like him.

Yeah...I know...I didn't understand the connection either.

It just kind of went down hill from there. He was constantly grilling Mr.Man about why I didn't like him and then demanded that Mr.Man tell him everything I'd ever said about him. It was all kind of freaky to me and a little bizarre. I had never said I didn't like him and furthermore, I had allowed the compromise of previously established mutual house rules between Mr.Man and I to be broken, time and time again, to accommodate "The Wayne".

I just avoided him.

Mr.Man continued to see him but when he did "The Wayne" was combative and argumentative. That's when Mr.Man began to see that "The Wayne" wasn't the same person he'd known in high school. I told Mr.Man that I thought it was more probable that he isn't the same person that he was in high school...after all...he's married, has a job, children, responsibilities, while "The Wayne" seems to still be embracing the same rigid standards he set for himself in high school. Mr.Man doesn't have that Jack Kerouac idealism that "The Wayne" has. He thinks himself a visionary...



I asked Mr.Man if he were to have just met "The Wayne" would he choose for him to be one of his friends.
Mr.Man thought long and hard about it. After a couple of days he said NO.
He began to withdraw from "The Wayne". I didn't have anything to do with it, but still I am certain I'm being blamed.

So where is this tale going you ask?

Lately, when "The Wayne" calls and leaves messages, they're becoming more and more angry. It's unsettling. I told Mr.Man after the late night phone call, which was meant to wake him and was highly inconsiderate, he was going to have to call "The Wayne" and hash it all out. I don't have any desire to be on the receiving end of "The Wayne's" wrath and I'm afraid that's exactly what will happen if Mr.Man doesn't confront him and just tell him why he hasn't called him.

Not all of it has to do with the differences between the two of them. There is also the responsibility factor. Mr.Man is married with three children still in school. They're involved in activities. He works...long hours sometimes and even travels because of his job. "The Wayne" has no responsibilities other than the ones he generates for himself, and I'm not even certain he has a job. They're on two separate ends of the spectrum.

So tell me.....Have you ever been in a friendship dilemma like this before? And if you have, how did you deal with it? Did it turn into a stalker situation or volatile?

Today's word is going to be 'rigid'. I honestly believe that's the biggest obstacle in "The Wayne's" life. That's why he's so unhappy and miserable. His world is black and white and there is no gray. You can't be so unyielding and expect the softer things in life to find you. It's not going to happen.

I feel sorry for him.

And with that said...here is my mood for today...



I AM HAVING LUNCH WITH BUZZARDBILLY AND ETW TODAY!MAN...I'M FEELING A LITTLE WILD! Anyway...I'm going to take a hot shower and try to calm down. I don't want to scare them off...lol. I'm actually going to try to behave. I'm thinking a sedative might help.

I'll be back tomorrow...and don't forget to share the insane friend experiences and how you handled them. Inquiring minds need to know...

Boston...you got what I want.

When I was a kid growing up there there three constants in my life...the Red Sox, the Patriots and the Celtics.
I can remember sitting on the chair closest to the TV in Nana and Pa's living room and watching in amazement as Larry Bird,Robert Parish,and Kevin McHale all worked their magic on the court. I LOVED all three players and when Dennis Johnson and Bill Walton joined the team later in the 80's, they too became big favorites of mine.
For some reason, when I turned 14, the NBA was the THING to watch for me. I would turn down invitations to do other things so I wouldn't miss a game. I fell in love with the Celtics and continued to get great enjoyment out of watching them play all the way up until 1991.
As the end of the eighties grew closer and more new players arrived I grew to like them too and acquired a few more new favorites...Reggie Lewis and Joe Kleine.
I really loved watching them play, you know?
Same thing with the Red Sox. I won't bore you with the details but that was more of a family affair. We ALL watched them play where as the Celtics was kind of just my thing.
I'll admit, while I liked the Patriots, I didn't miss other activities to watch their games like I did the Celtics or Red Sox. I enjoyed it and I had a couple of favorites but it wasn't as important to me as the Celtics and Red Sox.

Truthfully, I miss watching the Celtics. I miss watching the Red Sox with my family. Hell, they don't even broadcast any of the games down here and I occasionally get to watch one on TBS or ESPN or something...if I can catch it.

Mr.Man is not a sports fan. He will watch the Red Sox with me but would never watch the Celtics. I guess that's part of the reason I stopped watching them. It was always a struggle to find a free TV to watch or the time to catch a game.

You know...I want to be able to go watch the Red Sox play at Fenway before I die. And I want to watch the Celtics play at "The Gahden". I need to make a list of things I want to do before I die. Jennifer posted a list of a 100 things she'd like to do before she dies. That's kind of where I got the idea from. Right now I have two on my list. I guess you could say that I'm working on the rest.....

I survived the day with Mr.Man. He actually went back to work today which surprised me, but he said he felt a lot better and it made me wonder just how much of his suffering was faked to get extra attention.
He has packed on some weight and it's showing. I call it his "biscuit belly" which makes him furious but hey, if it stops him from eating all that heart attack food then oh well. At least he'll be around when we're old, even if he is a grouch.

Honestly I think he and I should start walking and we'd both feel better. Can't you see us strolling down the avenue?



I should actually go out and take a walk. I'm sleepy. In fact that's all I seem to want to do lately. Sleep. I fight it off all day long.
I'll make that the word of the day. Maybe if I make a lot of noise and jump around like an idiot every time I think about sleep, it will help keep me awake.

I'll admit...I'm feeling very anti-social. I hesitated to accept the lunch invitation to meet with ETW and BuzzardBilly tomorrow but I am planning on it and I'm looking forward to it. I've actually known ETW for awhile and embarrassingly enough, we have never met in person. That's really all my fault, mainly because I stay extremely busy, but that's all changed now. I am clearing my schedule and refusing to answer the phone. I will do a lot less for people than I normally do and there are several contributing factors which I'd rather not go into.

Sleeping is not one of them...

So..with that said, what is my mood today?

I'm guarded....



Yeah...I'm real and what you see is what you get, but there is a veiled area that you're not allowed in today. I'm feeling a little isolated from my life. (Does that even make sense?)

Meh...my confused self will be back tomorrow...

And when Man Baby says jump...I bash him in the head with the nearest object...

Mr.Man is home sick today.
And yes...I'm being an unsympathetic bitch.



It's the goddamn whining. I can't stand it. I can handle rubbing his head for HOURS and then giving him a back rub even though my arms are falling off but I can not tolerate his whining.
I am more than happy to whip up my famous home made chicken soup so he'll feel better...



But I can't stand the whining.
Hell I even threw a blanket in the dryer and warmed it up, brought him ice cold water, his medicine and turned the channel fifty times because he said he couldn't find the remote.

Have I not been attentive enough?
STOP YOUR WHINING!!!!!

That really pisses me off.

Speaking of pissing...don't you find this picture to be strange?



Yep...these old girlies are pissing and keeping the ball up in the air. I can't imagine anyone finding that entertaining but hey...they didn't have television so what else was there?

The crazy stuff a person can come across when they're looking for stuff huh?

Little Beatle had to turn in his Science Fair project today. He did experiments on three different brands of glue...Gorilla glue, Super Glue and Tacky glue. Now why in the hell Mr.Man thought that Tacky glue could compare with the other two is beyond me, but he chose the glues and brought them home to the boy so I stayed out of the whole thing. The most that I did is proof read his abstract and report. The rest of it was all him and Mr.Man.
I'm hoping that he'll get a passing grade on it. In fact, from what I saw of his project I don't think that an A would be out of the question. Little Beatle can apply himself when he's not busy running his fingers through his long hair or socializing with the women. He's quite a little ladies man in fact.
Veggie Sticks music director says he reminds her of Leif Garrett...



You know...the hair is right on the mark...and I suppose a lot of the looks too. Damn his hair and good looks! Those girls need to leave my baby alone!It completely fucks up his academics. I hate it. He's so smart. If he'd only apply himself he could be a straight A student too. Same goes for Veggie Stick. She needs to apply herself as well. Instead she's beating the boys off with a stick. She told me the other night that she likes being single. She said she gets way more attention and lots more help with homework than when she had a boyfriend.

So where's the straight A's little girl?

As you all know, today is Elderly Hell day. I actually had to go to Kroger's this morning too. Of course I went over there about 7:30 and guess what? Not one single Elderly Hellion in sight. I was amazed and grateful. Then I realized that today is the first day of the month. Apparently they had to wait at home until they got their checks and then had to go to the bank, so IXNAY on the ANKBAY...got it? Well...maybe after 2 it would be safe...who knows? Anyhow, I went to Kroger's...got my loot and skeedaddled out of there as quickly as I could. I was planning to buy some Jello, on account that I'm a fan of it and all, but I forgot and now I'll have to wait until my next trip to the store.

Does anyone else go through five gallons of milk a week or is it just me? Forget about a new car...buy me one of these instead!



Milk will be the word of the day. I will actually scream and jump up and down every time I have to tell the kids to put the milk back in the fridge. They are TERRIBLE about leaving it out. I come down stairs one morning to find over half a gallon spoiled because someone had left it out. I almost had a conniption fit and fell in it. That's when bed time began an hour earlier so I could check and make sure their stupid asses hadn't left things out.

I know I've taught my kids to be more responsible and I've tried...how I've tried...to teach them to be considerate and a good citizen, but some days they make me want to get violent. Those are the days I will rant and carry on about them. It makes them sound like they have no redeeming qualities, but that's not true. I have only to invite some of their friends over to my house to see that I am, in fact, quite lucky to have the kids I've got. No...they are still in SERIOUS need of improvement but compared to a lot of the kids I know, they're not so bad. I'd have to say that out of the kids my kids hang out with the Brotherton bunch is probably a shining example of goodness. I LOVE those kids...I really do. My kids will never achieve the Brotherton standards...but they can have something to strive toward I guess....

And with that said, here is my mood for today...



It seems as though everything in my life is out of my control lately. So today I have resigned myself to just letting it go and dealing with it as it arrives. I won't get into it today but somehow, sometime when I wasn't paying attention, everything in my life changed. My friends are distant...Mr.Man is distant...the kids are wrapped up in their own lives..
To sum it all up I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

What can I do about it?

How about try to keep my sense of humor. It's taken me through a lot...I'm thinking it's a good thing to hang on to no matter what life throws at me.

See ya tomorrow...