I'm weady fow a woad twip.....

I'm ready to get out of this town for awhile.
In fact it won't be but a few short months and we'll be on the road to Maine. I'll sell one of my kidneys to pay for gas. We'll leave Freya to care for the cats and the house, so I'll have to stock up the refrigerator...which will require the sale of some other body part. THEN, once we actually get on the road, Mr.Man will want to talk about history or some other thing like that for the entire 22 hours is takes to get there, which is ok for maybe an hour or two...but honestly...I can't handle 22 hours of history. I feel like I'm back in school, trying not to fall asleep at my desk.
The kids help break up the monotony by fighting and the dog may or may not throw up every couple of miles or so until her Dramamine kicks in.

I used to sleep a lot of the way, but I've stopped that now. We had a scary experience with Mr.Man falling asleep and almost plowing into a concrete barrier near Scranton on interstate 81.Thankfully we all lived to tell the tale and no one was killed or injured.
Of course I've never really gotten over that. I'm still petrified that Mr.Man's little eyelids will droop and we'll go careening over the side of a bridge or something. So...being the responsible adult and protective wife and mother that I am..I entertain Mr.Man so he doesn't get bored and fall asleep.



I'm sure he enjoys it as much as I enjoy the history lectures. In fact I bet he considers himself the luckiest man alive!

Miss KIA sits in the back seat and emerges herself in books, crafts, games and music...She goes out of her way to ignore all of us and imagines we are secretly breathing too loud or using our huge powers of telekinesis to make the sun shine in her eyes. In her mind we torture her and she barely tolerates us. She believes she's the only one with any intelligence in the car. It must be horrible for her to be stuck in a car with us.....



Poor, poor child. If only I possessed a fraction of her intelligence and she possessed a fraction of my easy going nature, we could have a conversation that doesn't irritate us like someone running their nails down a chalk board.

Veggie Stick gets car sick. VERY car sick. So she gets drugged and placed in the back with a bucket propping her up. We give her a pillow, a blanket and she sleeps. So she is mostly left alone and doesn't have any idea what lies between West Virginia and Maine. She sleeps most of the way while the rest of us amuse ourselves watching her drool on the window or fart in her sleep or snore...can't forget the snoring...
Of course there is a down side to all that entertainment. Once in awhile she wakes up and let me tell you...she can be slightly irritable...



If we stop so she can pee and drink something, she's ok though.

Little Beatle prepares for our long road trip by fortifying his area in the seat farthest back. He is aware that he will suffer terrible pain and torment if he attempts to speak to either of his sisters for the 22 hour ride. He sends us text messages to ask for food , water and bathroom stops.He just doesn't chance it. I provide him with his own little cooler, a blanket and pillow. He brings his games and a book and music and he's content. In fact, I'd have to say that Little Beatle is probably the easiest one to travel with. He's a travel hardened soldier...



He knows what it takes to survive the two day trip. Don't make the mistake of underestimating him...and don't drink out of any opened bottles that look like apple juice...even if they say apple juice on them. He's a smart kid.

Then there is the dog.
She travels well if we can get the Dramamine to kick in.
The first year we had her, we gave her Dramamine, as the vet prescribed, and then after thirty minutes began our trip.
Unfortunately the medication didn't work and the dog threw up...all over Veggie Stick's blanket.Veggie Stick screamed like someone was ripping her toenails out with pliers and we pulled over. After rinsing out the blanket with bottled water and using hand sanitizer to clean everything (all while listening to Veggie Stick sob hysterically, "WHY ME? WHY? WHY? WHY?")we got back on the road again.

Then the dog threw up a second time. This time it was on Veggie Sticks shoes, with Miss KIA snickering and Veggie Stick going off with a new bought of hysterics. Once again we pulled over, cleaned everything up and made a call to the vet's office. They told us to give the dog a second dose and after a half hour wait, we resumed our trip with no other mishaps.
Well.....unless you want to consider Veggie Stick going off on us and screaming that we hated her because we allowed her to walk into the rest area without telling her she had mascara smeared down the front of her face. Honestly, I didn't even think about it. She'd bawled her head off after the dog had thrown up on her twice and I was too busy cleaning up after the dog to think about cleaning her up. She's a teen-ager for crying out loud. Can she not clean up her own face?



Yeah...she was pretty upset when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.She was evil after that but it was short lived thanks to the Dramamine.

As for me, I don't worry about shit when I travel. I mean, what are the chances I'll ever lay eyes on any of the people I see between here and Maine? Hell...I can do whatever I want.

I can....



And I can do this too if I feel like it....



There was one year we made the mistake of stopping and eating at a Cracker Barrel when we were traveling. It made me terribly sick. I was SO miserable. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and we sped off the nearest exit so I could be sick. As I'm puking my guts out, people are driving by and honking their horn. WTF? I'm barfing and they're expecting a wave? Only in Pennsylvania I suppose...who knows? Mr.Man said that as incredible as it sounds, I threw my hand up and waved while heaving out the country fried what-ever-the-hell it was I had eaten. I suppose it was out of habit or something. I don't remember. I DO remember thinking...yeah...that's right asshole. I'm puking. Yeah...honk again. I'd like to take that horn and shove it right up your ass...

Mmmmmm....It was a special moment.

My word for the day is going to be slave. I am feeling more and more like a slave and less and less like a person. Now if I was feeling like a sex slave, I could enjoy that and revel in it. But this is the bad, drop everything and do my bidding kind of slave that's not fun and doesn't make me happy.

I don't like not being happy...

Ummm...so anyhow...the plan is for me to scream slave today every time someone expects me to drop everything and cater to them. I will yell it, then jump up and down and clap my hands while making noise.
I'm thinking maybe I'll get a section 8 or some other discharge from the housewifery brigade?

Meh....probably not.

With that said...here is my mood today...



Man...I have GOT to lay off the candy and starches. My ass has actually shrunk a little bit, but my boob propper is rolling over the top of my pants. It's cramping my style. I can't wear anything I want to because I HATE that belly flop thing that's happening down there.



ok....so it's not that bad yet, but that's why Captain Vegetable and I are going to be friends for awhile.
It's not vanity...I just want my clothes to fit without any body parts being squished out of any openings or holes in them....unless they're supposed to be squished out on purpose.

Have a great day!