Street preachers and doggie style dancers....

How many of you have been witness to the weirdos of the world? How many of you have been accosted by them?
I would perhaps consider myself luckier than most.
I would consider myself a weirdo magnet.

I had a run in with a guy at Kmart one Saturday morning. He was nicely dressed and clean cut, but his hair was mussed, as though he had run his fingers through it repeatedly and his eyes were wild and crazy looking.
I didn't see his eyes until it was too late.
He approached me, carrying a black leather bound address book. He pointed his finger at me and told me I was the Devil's whore and I was hell bound. But then he said it wasn't too late to save my soul.
I thought to myself...Devil?..(Do I know this guy? Does he work with my husband? He must know my husband.)
Then at mention of whore I thought..(I knew I shouldn't have believe it when my husband said he doesn't talk about our sex life at work...damn him!)
Anyway, I though the whole thing was some kind of joke and I laughed at him.
That was not a good move on my part.
It sent this kook into hysterics, ranting and pacing while pretending to read scripture out of his address book. Crazy shit about women wearing pants and coloring their hair. I mean how could he tell I colored my hair? Everyone tells me it looks natural.
Freaking liars!!!
He kept ranting and pacing and yelling...spit flying out of his mouth, eyes darting all over the place. He was sweating and rambling and running his fingers through his hair continuously. He looked like Jimmy Swaggart out there.
A TOTAL NUT JOB...
So I just walked to my car and got in. Locked the door and honked the horn to get him out of the way.
Then I left.
He was still ranting as I drove out of the parking lot. But as I sat in the turn lane, waiting for the light to change,I could see in my rear view mirror that he had approached some big guy who had just pulled in on his Harley.
I don't know what happened to that lunatic but I never saw him again.I would like to think that the Harley guy shoved that address book up his ass.

I get accosted by weirdos like that a lot. If I had a dollar for every dirty old man who's either tried to touch me or show me his shriveled up pecker, I'd own this state.

I also manage to be in the wrong place at the wrong time as well.

I was driving down my street to go to the school to get my daughter one morning. As I got near the stop sign, there was a guy standing there in shorts. I thought to myself, "Man, it's kind of cold for shorts." But I didn't really pay much attention to it so I just shrugged it off.
I looked up the road to see if I could go and then turned to look down the road to see if it was all clear.
The guy is bent over, his nut sack swinging wildly at me, while he is trying to take his pants off.
The shorts he had on were his boxers.
I found out later from the people who lived in the house he was standing next to that he had deposited his boxers in their yard because they were "soiled".
Imagine that....

I see some unusual things I'm telling ya...

There is another time that sticks out in my mind this morning. It happened when I was still living in Maine. I had gone to Bangor with some people for the men's baseball tournaments.We were all hanging out watching the games when someone said we were almost out of beer. So I, being the most sober one, was elected to go on a beer run.
I drove down Broadway and stopped at this mini grocery store. I walked through the parking lot toward the entrance and glanced over toward the dumpsters. I noticed there were two people standing behind it. As I looked at it a little longer, I saw that one of them was standing behind the other and moving. They both had shirts on and I couldn't see their bottoms but I finally realized they were doing IT doggie style. Broad daylight, in the parking lot of a grocery store, around three o'clock. Just having sex in the parking lot.
Ok.
So I figure it's none of my business and I go in to buy a case of beer. When I come back out, loaded down with beer..(I picked up two cases because they were on sale) plus assorted bags of chips, pretzels, etc...there are two cop cars in the parking lot.
I'm panicking. I'm thinking,"Oh my God, they saw me drive in here and they think I'm drunk, and well, maybe I will blow over the limit."
Total panic...
Then I hear someone saying really loudly..."BUT OFFICER! WE WERE DANCING AND IT SLIPPED IN!!"
Apparently I hadn't been the only one to see the couple..AHEM.."dancing" and someone had called the law on them.
There was some conversation that I only heard bits and pieces of as I high tailed it to my car to load up and leave, but some of the things I heard were.
"So are you a male or female?"
"Indecent exposure"
"That's considered littering"
"We were dancing."
"Nude dancing is illegal."

Yep...I run across some pretty interesting things...