I love to be naked...

There is something very liberating about being naked. Especially when there is alcohol involved. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I just feel invincible when my face is numb and ALL of my hair is blowing in the breeze (if you're getting my drift.)
The only problem with allowing myself the freedom to experience this most pleasurable hobby of mine, is my neighbors. They are such a pain in my ass. I swear...I don't understand what the problem is. Can't they just not look if it upsets them? It's not like I don't give them warning or anything. I hoop and holler for a good hour or so before disrobing. Plus there is the fire. I only venture outside if there is a fire to lure me from the house. The feel of fresh blisters cropping up on my unmentionables from standing too close to the fire is rivaled only by the sting of fire ants during those special camping trips I'm dragged on to "Enjoy nature."

It just annoys me. I want to have some fun before I die.

In other news, I think I should run for city council. I personally trust people I've seen naked on more than one occasion. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think that would guarantee me at least thirty votes in my ward. It's hard to remember all of my drunken spectacles.

Speaking of spectacles, I bought new glasses today. I went to the eye doctor for a check up. I took the eye test but I have to admit...I cheated on it. All of the chart letters were pasted on the side of the projector. So I memorized the 20/25 vision line of APSO25. According to my eye doctor, my vision improved by leaps and bounds. Imagine that? Actually I have to agree. I saw things on the way home that I'd missed on previous trips. Some lady was walking a goat on the side of the road, (at least until I hit them..whoops). When I got home, my house was sparkling clean! Well..it was until I saw my neighbor getting out of the shower and screaming at me to leave. (Did you know she shaves EVERYWHERE?) I think..it was either that or her belly was covering the wild bushes. I tried squinting but I still couldn't really tell.

Why did I cheat on my eye exam? Well I'm a bad seed. It's in my genes. I can't help it.

Ok..it's because I'm not ready for bifocals yet, damn it. How sexy is some chick dancing naked and drunk in her back yard wearing bifocals? I would look up...everything would look normal. Then I'd look down and...HOLY SHIT! I'm awfully close to the ground! IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S SWALLOWING ME UP!!! I THINK MY LEGS ARE SHRINKING BEFORE MY EYES!!
I'd be screaming and carrying on like an idiot. What kind of dignity is there in that?

I bet I'd make a great councilwoman...