Some questions are better left unanswered?...er...perhaps.

Today I would like to direct your attention to dear old Moog's page...."Mental Poo". He was so kind as to answer that burning question that has plagued me for years concerning the "man poops" and why men are so prone to go home when the urge to purge their bowls hits.

Anyway, he answered my question very informatively and who'd have thought that pooping and boners would be connected?



"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SIT DOWN WITH THIS THING STICKING UP IN THE AIR?"

So THAT'S why Mr.Man is fine with pooping at work!!!
There's no chance of him getting attacked by a horny woman-beast while he's sitting on the shitter at work, is there?

DAMN HIM!!!

Moving right along now, I'd like to introduce a few more of my family members today.
Remember Upsma? Well today I'd like to write about her younger sister Goldie.
Why Goldie, you ask?
Well..first of all, Goldie looks like Goldie Hawn.
I'm not even shitting you.
When Goldie was younger she looked exactly like Goldie Hawn did on Laugh-In.



She still looks almost the same in spite of being right around 60 years old.

Goldie is an incredible woman. She is one of those people you're drawn to immediately. She is so full of life! Her self-confidence amazes me and when she puts her mind to something,even if she's never done it before...she can do it, making it seem effortless. Most importantly, she lives her life to the fullest. She lives every day like it's the last day she's going to be here. If she feels like being creative, she creates. If she feels like partying, she parties (and yes Tiff, party is a verb in my family..lol.)
She's not a tiny woman...she's tall and busty and has hips..(she wears a size 12 like me)...but she's very comfortable in her own skin. She's sexy and men are drawn to her without even realizing it.
She will cry or laugh or sit alone and be quiet worrying giving any thought to what anyone else thinks about it.

I want to be like Goldie when I grow up...seriously.

Goldie was married to an asshole who left her for a 26 year old whore, but we won't hash that out here...(having shitty luck with dudes seems to be one thing I DO have in common with Goldie...)

They had two daughters together....

The oldest daughter we will call...Steffi.
Steffi is several years younger than me. She is a beautiful woman in her own right, very athletic...favoring her father's side of the family.



She and I hung out together as kids, but she never had that wild streak in her. She wouldn't try out those dangerous things like I did. If I jumped off the top of the boat house into the lake, she'd scream that I was going to break my legs. When I made a fire in the woods so we could toast marshmallows, she screamed that I was going to burn down the forest.

Very cautious...I'm thinking she picked up that from her dad's side of the family.

Her younger sister favored Goldie more and when I was trying to think of whether she favors anyone celebrity-wise, I realized that she's a dead ringer for Sienna Miller...



She is one gorgeous woman. In fact, she modeled for awhile in New York until she decided she'd rather camp out and paint houses so she could write poetry and take pictures....

Yep...true stuff.

Sienna is a free spirit. While Steffi went to college and got her degree, Sienna worked at Wal-Mart and went out clubbing every night...making just enough to get by. She spent several summers on Nantucket, working as a waitress by day and sailing on schooners by night with new friends.
She spent an entire summer, camping out on the old homestead, doing odd jobs and taking photographs of the trees and insects and bears...



Oh yeah...and Moose. Let's not forget about the Moose.

Sienna is honestly the most unruffled, unconcerned person I've ever met. She's very pleasant and can be fun when she lets loose a little bit, but she's pretty wrapped up inside her own world, inside her head...

Kind of reminds me of my own Veggie Stick a lot...except Veggie Stick will come out of her shell and be a social butterfly once in awhile.

When we were little kids, the adults left us all alone together, with The Ringo Kid in charge. Usually my little brother and Chili would hang out and do their own thing. The Ringo Kid would torment us, until Sgt.Rock would suggest we play guns or something fun to distract him.
This would leave us with a problem...
Sienna was too small to play guns with us.
What would we do with Sienna?

Steffi...(yes cautious Steffi)...decided that we could lock Sienna in the bathroom.

So into the bathroom Sienna went...while we played guns.

Normally, you'd think that a six year old would be VERY upset at being locked in the bathroom. But Sienna would spend hours, locked in the bathroom, singing to herself or painting her toenails with everyone's toothbrushes and toothpaste...humming away like all was well with the world.



I once saw Sienna sit and do nothing but stare out at the lake for two hours straight...it sometimes makes me wonder if the lights are on but no one's home...

Of course I know that's not the case. Sienna is a very resilient person. She almost seems ethereal...untouched by everyone and everything...

Steffi is married now, with three kids of her own.She's got a career and a house on the cape and a land rover in the garage. She seems happy with her magazine perfect life but occasionally it seems as though she's going to have a nervous breakdown...like when her kids are all jumping off the roof of the boathouse into the lake and starting fires in the woods...LOL. But I've noticed that beer...LOTS and LOTS of beer helps keep her calm. She does get ONE of our family traits I guess...



Sienna was married, for a short time. They didn't have children and after a few years he decided it wasn't working out. She made the comment that he told her he didn't really know who she was....which seems like a logical and completely honest explanation. The whole thing made me sad for her....she seemed sad about it all too which was unlike her...that was one of the few times in her life that she seemed affected by anything in a negative way.

So...there are a few other members of my family. At this rate you should be well acquainted with everyone before I go home to visit.

My family is such a mish-mash of personalities that I don't think I realized it before having to write about it. I just took it for granted...took them and their unique individualities for granted...

I sure am glad I decided to do this. It's given me a whole new appreciation for them and who they are...

I'll see ya tomorrow....