I still have time to introduce all of them but honestly I need a break from thinking about it...it's my family for Christ's sake.
I love them but they make me crazy!
Today I will talk about my love life...that should be interesting enough...AND besides...that is what's on my mind today.
My fucktastic love life.
That's right. Don't be hatin because it's more excitin than yours....
For some reason I always pick men who loves themselves more than they love me.
The man I love gets this from me....
And in return he give me this...
I have ALWAYS managed to walk into a room of perfectly normal looking men and if given the choice between the considerate, generous, affectionate guy and the unmotivated,self-absorbed disinterested guy...you KNOW I'm going to head straight for door number two!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
I can't help but wonder if there's some kind of little Tinker Bell from Hell that whispers stupid shit in my ear every night when I'm sleeping like...
"You don't deserve to be treated nice."
"A guy isn't worth it unless you have to beg for his affection."
"Just because he blows you off all the time, doesn't mean he's not into you."
I think I pissed this little fairy off when I was a kid, destroying it's little hovel when I stopped to take a shit in the woods one day and it's followed me ever since, placing a curse on me so I'll never get anything but the fucking leftovers!!!!
I WANT A GOURMET MEAL GODDAMMIT!!!
Some women I know are in complete control of their men. They treat them like shit...give them the cold shoulder and lead them around on leashes. They talk to them like DOGS! Hell...they treat them like dogs!
I would NEVER do that to my man. He doesn't deserve that kind of disrespect. My God! And the head games! What does that accomplish?
But you know what?
These guys worship these bitches!
Am I a fucking retard here?
What the hell am I missing?
I don't get it.
Of course I'm not getting it so it's fucking obvious I'm not getting it!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!???!!!
It just makes me want to get out my rocket launcher and caps someone's ass!!!!
"What's that? You can't even spare ten minutes to talk to me?" Ok then mothahfuckah..."
I don't know...
I mean I could see him not wanting to spend time with me if I was a bitch. Or if I was a bitch and someone had beat me with an ugly stick. OR if I was a bitch, butt ugly and a slut with ten STDs....
But I'm nice.
And I'm fun.
And I swallow.
Goddammit! There's no reason on this God's green earth what the son-of-a-bitch shouldn't want to be with me and talk to me and allow me to repeatedly molest him!!!!
UNLESS....
He's interested in someone else.
Nah...
He's too fucking lazy. If it requires any effort then forget it.
I'm just disgusted today.
And lonely...
And sober...
And I don't like it. Not one damn bit.
Oh yeah...I found this retro advertisement for coffee and I thought it was interesting. Not that it has anything to do with this post of course. I just thought it was something fun...
(If I get caught don't bring me a cake with a file in it. For God's sake, put a dildo in it instead...)
Damn.
ReplyDeleteIf you lived closer to upstate NY, it would be fun to hang out in our hammocks with something nice (XXX) to drink. :-)
kwr221: Yes that would be nice but since it's not possibly, how about you lie in yours and I'll lie in mine and we'll both toast eachother with a drink or seven?
ReplyDeleteGive a woman a dildo and she will orgasm until she breaks it. Give her a file to make her own dildo and she will orgasm for a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteYou are a treasure. You just made my day. Such a funny lady.
ReplyDeleteOh, the big cuppa STFU cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're suffering with a self-absorbed a-hole. Has he ever said what it is that HE wants? Why it is that he's so distant? I'm fantasizing here that he'd actually take the time to talk, you see.
((HUG))
My husband knows I'll be nice to him as long as he keeps giving up the peter.
ReplyDeleteThis whole myth about men wanting sex all the time and women cockblocking is bullshit from what I can tell. Nine outta ten women I know would be a lot happier if they were getting there bells rung a little more often. I know it's not just about sex but when that's happening the rest doesn't seem to matter as much.
ReplyDeleteI love how you can be funny and still get your point across. And of course I can relate, unfortunetly for both of us. Lonely sucks. Being taken for granted sucks bigger ones.
ReplyDeleteOkay, where do I sign up for the hammock/drink club?
ReplyDeleteI'm in a different time zone than you but I should be hoisting my first one to/with you in about 9 hours.
ReplyDeleteGreat googly moogly! Is sex all you women think about? What say you bust out a vacuum and maybe bathe the kids or wash the car; that'll keep your mind off of it.
ReplyDeleteI only said that to make you feel better about your husbands. They can thank me later.
DAVE! How many husbands do you think I have!!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL...meh....this post wasn't about sex or the lack of sex as many have presumed.
I just want to be first on the list of priorities...even if it's only once in awhile...
I LOVE that coffee ad. I think I'll print it out and put it on my fridge!!
ReplyDeleteLove the ad -- had to steal it immediately.
ReplyDeleteHate that you're feeling taken for granted, but it sounds like that's what's happening. Not really sure you're asking for advice -- I see it more as venting -- and I'm glad you are. Sometimes just spewing a little online can do wonders.
Count me in for the virtual hammock party. Just say when.
Jag kommer inte att håna den svenska kocken. Han är min hjälte.
ReplyDeleteWoo Hoo!! Is it try to write something in Swedish day?!
ReplyDeleteJAG tänka han sa något omkring ankommer och laga till , utom Jag er inte säker. JAG personlig skulle hänga ut inne om hängmatta med du om du skulle laga till en mål som det.
Your illustrations are great!
ReplyDeleteHa! You've just worn him out, girlfriend! At least he's not a douchebag. See my blog.
ReplyDelete