Am I the only one who woke up this morning with my finger smelling like my cooter? (Hmm...that's a loaded question isn't it?....
I had this INCREDIBLE dream about the Man Ranch and while it seemed very realistic in the whole sensation department it was just part of the dream right?
Of course if I did,'ahem', pet the kitty in my sleep, I'm sure Mr.Man didn't so much as move. Then man can literally climb in bed and sleep through anything...
Anything that happens in the bed, that is.
I could kick start a jack hammer and ride it across my side of the bed repeatedly and the man wouldn't blink an eye, but if I were to run the scratchy end of a pin across one of his powder horns, he'd fly out of bed like someone had stuck a hot poker up his ass.
I'm not even lying...
He called and got me up this morning.
I had decided to sleep in, mainly because I haven't been sleeping well at night, and he called to tell me I should get up and see if the grass needs cut.
I showed him my cooter smelling finger, even though he was on the other end of the phone....
Yep...I'm just a special woman, with special, special feelings of love for her man...
Hmmmmm......
Today is Elderly Hell Day and goddammit, I'm not going to be trapped in my own home on account of it. I'm going to go out and do what I want, when I want and where I want because it's high time I stop allowing these insane old ladies to punk my ass...
Besides...I'm really in the mood to fight and it can almost be guaranteed that some old hag will get in my face and start something with me...
I don't know though...I heard the old bats got a new personal trainer...
I might get my ass kicked...Damn old bitches...all hating on me like that...Elderly Hellions!
Of course I COULD stay home today. I do need to clean and wash clothes and whatnot...Hell...I could even watch TV.
I watched some TV last night in fact. After several hours it felt like someone had opened up the top of my skull and poured it full of cement.
I'm just not a TV person...
I like to read...and listen to music...sing...dance...act stupid...fart and drink...belch and scratch myself in moist places.
I find other things to do with my time besides watching TV. I just kinda skate through life...just being the me that I am...
It's hard for some people to understand me although I'm not sure why that is...
Anyway, I have to get off here and drink a pot or two of coffee. Then I've got business to take care of.
That's right! So shut up! They say you should never go to the grocery store when you're hungry. Well I say that you should never start your day when you're stressed!
Bastards!
So, your grass doesn't need cutting?
ReplyDeleteThere are worse ways than waking up with fingers that smell of cooter.
ReplyDeleteI am in a MUCH better mood this morning than when I woke up. hee hee. I also hate the TV - nothing really worthwhile there...
ReplyDeleteWhen I sleep, my hands often end up near my face. I do NOT want them wandering anywhere and smelling like the nether regions! So there.
ReplyDeleteWhat a coincidence.
ReplyDeleteI woke up this morning and my finger smelled like your cooter, too.
I think you owe me money. Or vice versa.
LOL
ReplyDeleteWhen the old people get in your face you can present them with the finger of death.
Becky..amhw: Hell yes the grass needs cut! I'm not touching it!
ReplyDeleteRon: Yeah...they could have smelled like ass but my breath was already there so that explains a lot doesn't it?
ETW:Go ahead and rub it in. Someday when I'm on my Man Ranch, I'll be the one bragging about all my happiness...
kwr221: LOL! My hands are never near my face. I am shameless...
Moog: You OWE me! I don't pay...I hire out dammit and I'm sure I learned you a thing or two so give me my money!
Trish: HAHAHA! The finger of death...LOVE IT!
Britney could use some Springmaid undies....
ReplyDeleteBG? You are an amazement. Scratching yourself in moist places, indeed.
Tiff: I KNEW you'd catch that little comment...hahaha
ReplyDeleteOffended: I bet your fingers would know the best way to pet the kitty..you know..it's all about what's you know...heh heh..
I used to know a guy who went apeshit with disgust every time he heard the word moist. He had the same reaction to the word panties. I really didn't want to know the reason why. I'm pretty sure one story covered his disgust with both. Yet, he was a big fan of pussy. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteI woke up this morning and my finger smelled like boogers. After a few minutes, they smelled like balls and boogers. I figured that out while brushing my teeth.
ReplyDeleteBuzzardbilly: Could you possibly know "The Wayne's" older brother?..LOL. I thought that "moist" covered all the areas I like to scratch...
ReplyDeleteDave: So....now we know that you scratch your balls and pick your nose with the same hand you brush your teeth...hehehe
Yeah, what was the outcome with the grass, or are you still watching it grow? Do you have a pre-set determined height it must reach before mowing, or is it an every Tuesday kind of job? Jusssssssst asking.
ReplyDeleteOk, I bow before you. You are a brave brave (foolish? always a fine line between brave and foolish) woman for going shopping on senior discount day. I go mad as a hatter when I somehow hit grocery shopping on THAT day.
Be brave, be strong, God help them.