Salad shooters and alien abductions...

You learn a lot of interesting things about people when you spend a substantial amount of time around a large gathering..well...like at the ball field.

For example, I met a couple of new people over the weekend as I served slushies and lent them an ear.

One lady, who seemed very nice and very straight laced surprised me when she looked me up and down and asked me...



"Are you a stripper?"

"What the hell?"

"Well, you look familiar and that's where I thought I'd seen you before."

"Nope...mistaken identity."

As she walked away I'm thinking to myself,"Is there a strip club for people who like chubby chicks with stretch marks and floppy tits cause that's where I'D be dancing in MY birthday suit."

Then there was the guy who told me ALL ABOUT his alien abduction experience.
Yep...you heard me right....
He was abducted by aliens AND he told me that they all looked like the little green guy on Futurama...



His name is Kiff and yes...I am VERY proud to say that I am a Futurama fan.

ANYWAY..this guy went on to explain how he was abducted by aliens one weekend in the late seventies when he and some of his friends were camping near a little place called Peter's Creek here in West Virginia.
He said they'd been hanging out drinking and doing some acid..(NO! REALLY?)..when the sun turned into a space ship and these little green men climbed out of it and took him aboard. He said he doesn't remember anything about it after that but knows they probed him because his ass hurt.
(That's when I bit my tongue to keep from laughing.)

My guess?
They all got drunk and high and in the midst of the acid trip one of the other guys decided to find out what it felt like to commit sodomy on his spaced out friend.

Of course I nodded appropriately and interjected an occasional, "oh really?" or "wow" into the conversation but...you know...WHAT do you SAY to someone telling you something like this?
Honestly if it had been me telling the story I would have left out the part about my ass hurting the next morning.

And what's even more amazing is that I saw this guy walking around telling other people the same story...

Then a friend of mine who's a nurse told me about a man who'd come into the ER with a cucumber stuck in his ass.
That's not the funny part of it.
This guy is in his late sixties and apparently wanted to experiment but didn't want anyone to know what the cucumber was doing in his ass so he told the people in the ER that hid refrigerator blew up and the cucumber got lodged in his ass when it happened.

"OH MY GOD! MY REFRIGERATOR IS GOING TO BLOW UP! ASSUME THE POSITION!"



The term "salad shooter" just kept going through my mind.

There was an older guy there too wearing what appeared to be women's sunglasses.
Now if that's his thing, then I don't care. To each their own. I just didn't think it looked right on him. It didn't look good.
Now had he been wearing a tiara or something with them, then I think it might have worked for him, you know?



There was the hail storm from hell to contend with yesterday as well. It was crazy. The hail was the size of marbles and we tried to cram everyone beneath the shelter so they didn't get pounded. Or struck my lightening. The lightening was bad...it worried me.
Of course we survived and after an hour of working on the field and trying to clean up, we were still able to play ball the rest of the day.
I'll be heading back to the salt mines again today along with the rest of them. That's one thing I have to say...the majority of our board members have been over there working their asses off. It shows too because our fields and the facilities look pretty damn nice.

That's all I have today for ya...see you tomorrow.