Saturday, June 20, 2009

A closet concussion and jelly and cat hair covered breasts

As you all know, I've been neglecting my blog to clean.'s crazy but true.
I guess I just reached a point in my life where I decided I was tired of the disorganization and clutter.
Of course it helped motivate me when I leaned over on the floor in the hallway to reach beneath the hall tree and when I stood up, my boobs were covered in cat hair which was held in place by blobs of jelly.

I kind of had a meltdown.

Now I'm not exactly accusing my children of being pigs but when I say I live with the big bad wolf and the three little pigs, I am referring to them.
Mr.Man aka Big Bad Wolf just huffs and puffs and blows threats in the direction of the children.
The children aka The Three Little Pigs, put up their brick wall of indifference and continue to live a slovenly life.

"My I love them."

I don't usually say much about it all.
I'm pretty laid back and easy going....definitely not a nag.
BUT the hairy jelly boobs REALLY pissed me off for some reason and I tore through the house on a rant to end all rants.

They have all stayed out of my way this week AND picked up after themselves.
Little Beatle said my eyes were bugging out of my head at least a good three inches. He was worried they wouldn't retract when I stopped yelling.


I don't get mad very often but when I do...look out!

I started to clean the bathroom closets this morning.
There are two of them and they are the most impractical closets in the world.
The side closet is only 16 inches wide but runs the entire length of the wall behind the shower.

"I never had any problems storing things in that closet."

I hit my head a grand total of six times before I threw a cussing fit and decided I needed to sit down because I think I gave myself a concussion.
My bathroom used to be a bedroom and sometime in the 50's, they converted it into a bathroom...thus the practically unusable closet.
I'm thinking that storage boxes with some kind of handle on the end will work.
I just needed to almost knock myself unconscious to figure that out.

Mr.Man and I watcher Pedi mow the lawn yesterday.
He is very methodical.
I've never seen someone mow the lawn quite like he does.
You could almost measure the distance perfectly between his rows of cut grass. It was quite a show.
He had headphones on so Mr.Man and I were speculating on what he might be listening to.
Mr.Man suggested that it might be something religious.
I said it was probably an instructional tape on how to safely obliterate your neighbors and their home without damaging your own.
Mr.Man agreed that I was probably right.

"First I will mow the lawn and then I'll blow up the neighbor's house, then I will ride Moana in celebration."

God...that visual causes me to want to drink.
Can you drink when you have a concussion?
Eh...I feel better. I don't think there's anything wrong with me...except for the hairy boobs.
Speaking of boobs...Mr.Man grabbed me and put my boob in his mouth yesterday. It left a wet spot on my shirt.
I didn't give it much thought and raced out of the house to bring Veggie Stick to Frowies.
We stopped at the grocery store to get apple juice for him.
I kept getting these "looks".
So I asked Veggie Stick, "Do I have two heads or what?"
She shrugged and said, "I don't know."
When I got in the car, I glanced in the mirror and noticed the HUGE wet spot on my right breast where Mr.Man's mouth had been.


Got milk?
I need a t-shirt that says that and then I can pull that wet boob look off anytime.

Mr.Man would like that...hehehehe

I have to get busy. I'll be back...


  1. Cat hair & jelly is like tar and feathers LOL

    Careful making those facial expressions! Didn't your Momma ever tell you your face could freeze like that?!

    You haev a closet in your bathroom, wow. I don't care how small it is...I don't even have room for a hamper!

    Ewwwwwwww that pic of Pedi! Gross!

    Ok, that sums it up, except a big Happy Father's Day to Mr. Man. Don't forget to pamper him all day!

  2. Umm, I hope the cat hair and Jelly was not there when he was mouthing your boob! I hate hair and jelly when I don't expect it! LMAO!

  3. if this helps... it WAS the best cat hair/jelly story I've ever heard. Throw boobs in a story.... guys will read.
    just sayin'...

  4. Wow. You actually clean out closets? I just throw things in them and hastily shut the door before the avalanche of things that have been thrown in the closet and forgotten begins to slide out. I am in awe of you. It is like you're a superbeing with hairy grape jelly or man slobber on your boobs. What superhero name would go with that?

    Maybe you could fight crime with magic breasts that can sponge up liquids, put out fires, cause things to adhere to them magnetically (like, you know, right before the bomb is going to end the world your magnetized mambos lock in on the bomb and pull it to your superheroic supermams and, quicker than a real exotic dancer with skills can get her tassles going in opposite directions, you hurl the bomb into outer space with the flick of a tit), and cause old ladies to turn criminal. Really, I think I need to copyright this comment.

  5. I love warm milk with my espresso, no cat hair thank you.

  6. PeanutBooby & Jelly Sandwiches.
    Or at least that is what MR. Man thought he was munching on.

  7. Ewww @ cat hair boobage! I do want to say your boobs look delightful in the got milk pic! Cat hair or not!

  8. Yelling at my kids about cleanliness is a weekly almost daily occurance for me

  9. I forgot to add, when you get tired of the cleaning and/or yelling about the cleaning, you can think of this:

    "Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."—P.J. O'Rourke

  10. There's a joke I got working here but I'm struggling...Something about putting my face on those milk cartons I see there...but I haven't come up with anything yet. I guess I'll just have to keep staring at it until something pops up.

  11. Hahahahahahaha!!!! Mr. Man marked you!

  12. Well, I should be cleaning, but once again, I spent my time blogging and reading and napping and burping.

  13. What kind of parents would we be if we didn't embarrass the kids once in awhile? It's especially great when you do it unknowingly! Just makes me all warm & fuzzy trying to think of a way to embarrass my DD soon!
    Ideas for the closet: Rods, Poles, hmm, do you see a pattern? ;)

  14. On the other hand, if a man has cat hair-covered balls, then questions need to be asked...pronto!