The shitty finger of death...

Sorry about the late post and lack of posts over the past couple of days, but I can't help it.
I am otherwise occupied in the morning and since I get up and write this thing after the kids have gone to school, it can't be helped.
I suppose I could start actually planning what I'm going to say on here and write it the night before or the day before, but I've tried that and it's just not me. I have to be spontaneous.

Anyway, one of the first things I have to clear up here is that the picture of the wet t-shirt and luscious TaTas were NOT my luscious TaTas. Sorry but that's taking it a bit far. While the Goddess here is pretty wild, I prefer not to show my body parts in that manner and won't post anything sexy like that here.



This is a crazy woman's blog. With crazy pictures. If you want porn, go somewhere else.

Little Beatle and Veggie Stick were both home sick with the flu yesterday. They're home again today...
I spent yesterday cleaning up puke, rubbing backs and sitting and cuddling to keep sick babies warm. When they're sick, they let you still do that stuff, even though they're not babies anymore.
It's the same kind of flu that I had back when I thought I was dying and my asshole was on fire. I was very sympathetic because I remember how bad I felt.
I don't think they're as sick today as they were yesterday. Today they just want to sleep. I think that's the best thing for them both.

I did have to run out yesterday to Krogers and the doctor's office...ON ELDERLY HELL DAY!

Yes...it was just as special as you are picturing it.

I walked in the doctors office and it was PACKED with fucking old people. What the hell? There was no one else there who was under the age of 80, I'm not even shitting you.
And speaking of shitting, some old man sat in the waiting room and literally shit himself.
His wife began yelling at him and I actually felt bad for the old dude. She looked like the kind who beats people into submission with wooden spoons and house shoes. I could picture her chasing him through the house with a flowered house shoe, hitting him on the back of the head and yelling about something.
Poor guy...


"If you shit your pants in public again Harold, I'll beat you within an inch of your life!"
"I only shit myself because you've ruptured my lower intestines with your giant purse beatings Beatrice!"

In the midst of the shitting chaos, they managed to skip me and I ended up waiting for over an hour just to get my blood drawn.

While I waited,I sat in the corner and tried to use my vast mind over matter powers to make myself invisible.
Of course it didn't work and eventually an old lady started talking to me and then that led to "The Question" everyone who lives in this state asks....."Where do you go to church?"

The little old lady looked so sincere and sweet. She was all alone and didn't have one of those huge ass MawMaw purses I've been clobbered with on so many occasions.I wanted to believe she was a sweet little old lady who would be nice to me. Of course I knew that once I told her I didn't go to church anywhere she'd make the sign of the cross and burn the rubber off her walker wheels trying to get away from me.
So I fibbed a little.
I told her I was Lutheran.
And really, since I used to go to the Lutheran church for years and years, it really wasn't a fib.

She wasn't impressed but at least she didn't flee and she didn't make anymore conversation either.(She was probably secretly praying for my soul anyway.)


"I met a Lutheran today. I almost tore the wheels off my walker while trying to escape."

After I left there, I came home and checked on the kiddos. Then I made a popsicle and drinks trip to Krogers.

I was fully prepared to be attacked...maimed...maybe even killed.
I walked cautiously into the store.
Fifty Elderly Hellions whipped their heads around to watch me.
Why do they put the over-ripened, reduced in price banana's right in the front of the store? A woman can't even sneak in for christ's sake.
I strolled in with my shopping cart, even though I really didn't need a cart. I decided that I'd better have some kind of weapon or line of defense so I took one anyway.
The first two isles went by relatively without incident.
I even got through the Jello section and was able to get Jello without a blow to the head from a stray can of beets.
I was feeling pretty confident about the whole trip.

Then I saw the old woman who looks like she has a goats head. She snorts at me and tries to run over me with her cart whenever I run into her at the store. She's even tried to hit me with her car in the parking lot. I think I wrote about her before because she looks like a goat and she never speaks...just snorts.

Anyway...
She was standing by the cake mixes.
I needed sugar which was across the isle from her.
I considered waiting until she had moved but I saw her standing there and KNEW...I KNEW...she wouldn't leave.


"Ethel tells her sister Mable about her encounter with the Blonde Goddess as they enjoy a piece of cake."

It was a waiting game.
I slowly walked toward her, keeping the backs of my heels toward the shelves.
I heard her snort.
Then I remembered how I'd thwarted all those old bitches the last time I was at Krogers on Elderly Hell Day!
I stuck my hand down my pants and waited for her to look.
As soon as she looked at me, I pulled it out and smelled it.

I didn't know that old goats could move so fast.
I saw cake mixes flying as she sped in the opposite direction.

Needless to say, I continued to scratch my ass and smell my finger through the rest of the store.

"ALL FEAR THE SHITTY FINGER OF DEATH!"


"My finger smells like mothballs and dirty feet."

I have finally truly discovered how to walk through Krogers without harm on Tuesdays. And you were all here to witness it.

TAKE THAT ELDERLY HELLIONS!

I'm going to end up today with sending you to a couple of places.I got tagged for a MeMe by...Brianf . I'm really terrible about doing awards and MeMe's and even commenting so I'm trying to be better about it...even if I'm not getting around to actually doing it.
I also got an award from Jade, which I'm ashamed to admit, I forgot about.When you click on the link and see how long ago she gave me this award, you'll want to beat me.
(I'm fond of spankings so I can take it...)

My brains falls into a Vodka bottle on the weekends and is pickled. I'm entitled to do stupid things...

Sorry Jade...here's a pic of the award...

Thank you Jade!

Since I suck at awards I'm just going to say that everyone on my blog roll deserves an award. Maybe I should make my own award thingys and give them out for out of the usual things? Moog got one I made just for him...The official "I Do Stupid Shit Award".
Ron got a "Witty Comment" award I made him. Maybe I just need to be original and do more of that stuff.

I'll be thinking about it...see ya tomorrow.