I'm a vile woman...live with it

This past weekend was a memorable one for sure.
I knew it was going to be fucking special when Veggie Stick couldn't find her boots for the Spandex Hell weekend.
She called me and said, "MOM! You need to bring my boots with you."

So I started looking for them.
And I looked...and looked and looked....
I looked for THREE GODDAMN HOURS!
I CURSED THOSE STUPID FUCKING BOOTS!
I CRIED LIKE A HYSTERICAL WOMAN IN LABOR!
I PULLED MY HAIR AND GNASHED MY TEETH!



Finally I was forced to have a stiff drink and masturbate so I could calm down before I had a heart attack.

It was horrible.
Imagine how I felt when Veggie Stick called me and said, "MOM! (she always yells that part and I don't know why but it fucking irritates the shit out of me)..I found my boots at school!"

Of course I did carry her in my womb for nine months and then suckled her at my breast for another nine months. The way I figure it is that I invested a year for every month and when she's eighteen I can kill her with a clear conscience.

Yeah...so that's how the weekend started.

I doped myself up for the car ride because I get violently car sick. I'm one of those people you see who are throwing up on the side of the road. And if the asshole who honked at me as I was puking my guts out in Pennsylvania last summer is reading this, "FUCK YOU DOUCHE BAG!"

What kind of sick turd gets a kick out of seeing someone throw up?



And don't give me shit just because I take all my clothes off to throw up. I don't want to accidentally get anything on me, ok?

Anyway, I slept on this trip with my head plastered against the window, drooling on myself. I always envision our car passing people and them commenting on my beauty.

Yep...
So we finally get to our destination and because it was Frowie's birthday (Veggie Stick's boyfriend) his mother and I set up things for a birthday party. The hotel we stayed at was kind enough to allow us to use one of the conference rooms. Once the bus got there, the kids all came in and had cake.
Then one of the fat bitches waltzed in and made an ass out of herself..all over seating arrangements on the bus.

I honestly thought that Frowie's mother was going to kill the fat bitch(Jowl Woman) but I managed to calm her down by telling her I'd be willing to give her the lesbian prison sex she would be missing out on if she'd just control herself and not get arrested.



Don't judge me.
I needed a ride home, ok?


The entire day Saturday went without incident, or at least nothing happened with me except some woman sitting next to me tried to feed me dog biscuits.



I just wonder what she feeds her kids.

Does this shit happen to anyone else????

Miraculously the fat bitches left me alone. I was thrilled. No one tormented Veggie Stick either. I guess they had their hands full with Frowie's mother on the war path.

When I got home Sunday, Mr.Man was already drunk.It wasn't even four in the afternoon. I suppose that any man in a relationship with the Goddess here would HAVE to drink to tolerate things.

All my ex's tell the same sad story...


Yeah...Whatever....WAH! WAH! WAH!

So when I got home Sunday I went to bed at 6pm and slept straight through until 6am the next morning.



And I'm still tired today...
It's exhausting to be me.
You fucking try it and see how tired it makes you.

I'm going to lie down for an hour. I have to go to STUPID WALMART and it's Elderly Hell day!

Someone will probably die.

If it's not me, I'll be back tomorrow...