Yes....I won the first round in "Gladiator!Who will dominate the computer?"
Veggie Stick didn't even want to participate. She is busy spending her week sleeping all day until her friends come over or it's time for her to leave to go do something.
So I only had to whoop Little Beatle and Miss KIA.
Little Beatle has turned into quite the handful. It was a lot easier to get him in a head lock when he was a toddler. Damn! I actually had to stomp on his foot and then give him a dose of my "dead goat saturated in coffee" breath to get him in a head lock.
Dirty tactics I know but whatever...I won.
Miss KIA was more difficult to beat.
"Miss KIA drinking water in preparation for battle."
She's taller than me and then there are the "weapons of mammary destruction." I thought for sure that I would suffocate and found myself maneuvering my head upward to gasp for air.
I finally let a fart that rivaled all farts. Miss KIA gagged and covered her mouth and when she did,I dropped to the ground and took her feet out from beneath her. Then I pinned her down.
And here I am!
The things I go through in order to get a little enjoyment out of life.
That's why I blog you know...I enjoy it.Well it's that and the fact that my head would completely explode if I didn't empty all that blah, blah, blah stuff out of it.
God only knows that I don't write in this thing because I'm smart.
Speaking of my intelligence quota...Dave tagged me for a MeMe that I'm just now getting to( see? completely blond..)
It's a thinking activity and damn it, I'm not good at that kind of thing but I'm going to do it anyway...
Here is the question:
List all of the things that you could think of to make from a block of wood (generic; nothing exotic) that was three feet on a side (in other words, a three-foot cube). You aren't limited on what tools you can use -- anything you can imagine to do to it is allowed.
Ummm...while I came up with all the things he did...ahem...well kind of...I would like to include a few of my own..
1. Paperweight
2. Weapon (good for knocking kids out to get computer time)
3. A dildo
Don't act shocked at number three dammit! You should know me a little better than that by now. Actually number three was the first thing to pop into my head...see how fucking smart I am!!!
I went to Krogers yesterday on Elderly Hell Day and encountered little or no abuse. The worst thing that happened to me wasn't even elderly hellion related...
A man kept following my around, talking about the prices of health foods in the store. He kept telling me that they were cheaper at the other Krogers in the area and showed me what he was purchasing on sale.
After I spoke to him, he told me I had a nice voice and said I'd make a wonderful receptionist.
WTF?
Then the followed me around the store like a puppy dog and would NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!
I was finally forced to hide in the rest room until one of the Kroger's people gave me the all clear.
FUCKING WEIRDO MAGNET! THAT'S ME!
Maybe it wasn't a coincidence?
"I represent a secret organization. Our mission is to to torment the Blonde Goddess.We haven't been as successful recently as we'd like so we decided to hire someone to assist us. We'll give you half the money up front and half when the job is finished."
FUCKING OLD BITCHES! I KNEW IT!
I just have one question....does stuff like this happen to anyone else?
I know you're all wondering about the club I was thinking about joining. Well I did actually go ahead and apply but they refused me membership.
How the hell did that happen?
I thought I looked pretty fucking adorable...
Apparently, they don't actually poop in their diapers...
WHATEVER!
If someone had informed me about that BEFORE the fucking interview, I'd be in diaper and suck-a-boo heaven right now!
Bastards!
No one wants me to have any fun. I swear...
I need to get off here and clean or something. I don't think I have any clean underwear.Not that it's a big deal or anything but with allergy season, I can't go out in public without preparing for the accidental "pissy sneeze".
I fucking hate laundry...
See ya tomorrow...
I think it is just you. You must have had a weirdo magnet inserted during one of the times you were passed out drunk. I would go insane if I had to deal with the amount of craziness that you have on a daily basis. I would be that person in the clock tower with a semi-automatic weapon. Yes, I am not proud.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the diaper club. They don't know what they are missing. I am sure they will regret it one day soon!
Hmmm... I've been hit on by a man twice, well it was the same guy, but still!!! You however seem to have a higher frequency of weirdo hits.
ReplyDeleteJust think how boring life would be if you weren't having all these adventures!
ReplyDeleteYes, I too am a weirdo magnet. I get old bald guys following me and they're almost always wearing trench coats and tend to follow me into small stores where they can corner me. You're not alone.
ReplyDeletePlay up the weirdo magnet angle a little, and start SUING their assess for endangerment!
ReplyDeleteI too have the freak magnet implanted somewhere. This, combined with an overactive sense of pity, is why I end up getting married so often.
ReplyDeleteThe Evil Twin has the weirdo magnet in our family and I think a little has brushed off on me. :-(
ReplyDeletejust think of all the blogging the weirdos give you! They're doing you a service. Or something.
ReplyDeleteBeing smothered by giant tits while wrestling?
ReplyDeleteNow THAT is a good way to go.
Where do I sign up?
Wood dildos could have splinters. Ow! Stick with plastic!
ReplyDeleteI think historically I could beat you for being a weirdo magnet.
ReplyDeleteI just can't talk about it. PTSD, and all, you know.
I am a total freakmagnet, and am proud of it. It does get a little annoying from time to time, but, whatever - it adds spice. Awesome titty wrestling move by the way.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking notes on how to deal with children. I swear, mine need a good ass kicking tonight.
ReplyDeletea wooden dildo?
ReplyDeleteIt's not just you. I think we should head out into public together. You know, just to see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI waited around the grocery store for hours for nothing?
ReplyDelete..and you didn't even take the time for me to explain the 'fringe benefits' of the job.
Maybe I'll have better luck at the library.
Ummph.
secret admirer
you could probably make more than 1 diilly out of that block of wood.
ReplyDelete