Just to reintroduce you to my family....The Beericksons!

My time has been spent trying to redo my cast of characters, my blog roll and then my awards. When I changed my layout I obliterated all of that stuff because I'm computer illiterate.


"HUH?"

So in order to acquaint some of my newer readers with my family, I decided this gem dedicated to one set of my wonderful cousins.
It's from last June and a repeat but I go back to read those good old family posts when I'm homesick for Maine.

Anyway...hope you enjoy and I'll try to get the kinks worked out soon...

The Beericksons, Boozing cousins of the Goddess from June 10, 2008

I wanted to get started today with an award I made up all by myself. After yesterday's post all I could think about was Ron's comment and it kept me laughing to myself all damn day.
What'd he say that was so damn funny?
Well...after talking about the "Republuvicans' and the 'Dickocrats', he remarked that he thought he was an 'Independick.'
Very witty...very witty indeed.
And then I got thinking....there are a lot of people who comment on my blog who are witty.
SO...I made up this very special little award just for me to give out to people who make a witty comment that keeps me laughing all day long. I'm sure it'll get around to everyone who reads because there have been some pretty funny comments in my comment section.

Ron! This one's for you!



Seriously, Ron's wit is not confined just to his comments. Check out his blog. You'll find him over there on my blog roll....

Today I decided to skip over to the other side of the family. Mainly because one of the "Beericksons" called to talk to Mr.Man over the weekend.

The Beericksons are my cousins on my Nana's side of the family. There are five of them. Four boys and a girl. While I wasn't really that close to them when I was a kid, as soon as I was old enough to drink everything changed...

They're all older than me, with the youngest one being four years older than me.
The oldest boys all have names beginning with "G"...so for the sake of anonymity, I'll refer to them, oldest to youngest, as Goofy,(thusly named because he is tall and lanky like Goofy on Walt Disney), Gravy, (because this cousin can EAT and next to drinking, it's his favorite activity) and Golfer (because he is addicted to sports and especially golf, plays every day in fact). The daughter, who is next in line, I shall refer to as Pukey and this is because I have never been anywhere with her when she has not puked on herself or someone else. The youngest boy, who's name begins with an "R" I shall call "Ruby", because he is the only one with red hair like his father, the rest are all brunettes like their mother.

The Beericksons are the drinkingest bunch you'll ever meet in your life. I think it's safe to say that if you placed every beer bottle or can they've emptied side by side you would be able to circle the earth with them seven or eight times.



My relationship with the Beericksons became a closer one when they realized I could drink. We were all at a baseball game with them. There was some discussion about where to go after the game so they could drink. Several bars in town were open and a couple of restaurants that serve liquor too. It was decided that we'd head over to the bowling alley after the game so we could drink, order pizza and bowl a few games.

Thus the close relationship began...

That was the first time I saw Pukey in action. She consumed three slices of pizza and at least three pitchers of beer...by herself...in a matter of a couple hours. As we were walking into the parking lot, she hurled down the back of Gravy's shirt, who was too drunk to really understand what had happened. The other boys laughed and poured beer on Gravy, trying to get the chunks off his shirt before he climbed into Golfer's truck.

Crazy...I'm telling you right now.

Since that first night, I have seen more of them all than I ever though possible.

There was the time that Ruby passed out and they stripped him naked, carried him out of the hotel room and placed him on the sofa in the lobby, face down, with "ENTER HERE" written in red lipstick on his ass.
This was at one of the baseball tournament weekend trips we'd gone on....

They stripped Gravy down one night after he'd been the first one to pass out and wrote "Free Pet Worm To A Good Home" on this belly with an arrow pointing south and laid him in the parking lot of the camping ground we were staying at.

There was the time that Goofy and Golfer decided to put on a couple of Golfer's wife's bikinis and put on a fashion show for the rest of us. The grand finale was when Pukey not only crowned Goofy the winner, but also threw up her Crown Royal Canadian whiskey and coke down the front of his bikini bottoms.

We all got thrown out of a Chinese restaurant after 27 Volcano bowls (gee I wonder why?)but we were all too drunk to walk back to the hotel, so a pizza delivery guy too pity on us and made two trips with us back to our rooms. Pukey threw up on the trunk of his car. Then she flashed her boobs at him and said that it should more than make up for the mess...staggering into the hotel with her shirt still up over her head.

The Beerickson's are quite a group to hang out with.

Camping trips with the Beerickson's?
Well...living in northern Maine where the black flies are big enough to carry a toddler off, camping out is an experience that requires a certain amount of responsibility.

Responsibility and the Beericksons are like mixing water and oil...

We camped out one Memorial Day weekend at the river.
It was nothing more than a drunk fest.
We left on a Friday and set up camp. I vaguely remember a camp fire and laughing at Pukey being afraid that BigFoot would abduct her in her sleep. Saturday we had a big breakfast, did some swimming, fishing and canoed a little, then began drinking. The rest is a blur of laughing and staring at the fire. When we woke up Sunday morning, most of us were COVERED in black fly bites. We had welts all over the place.No one actually slept in the tent. We all passed out around the fire. Pukey's hair was matted on one side of her head with vomit...her trademark of course.Gravy had a blood sucker attached to his left nut. He screamed like a girl when he sobered up enough to realize what was going on. I can still remember Ruby laughing until he pissed himself, rolling on the ground, crying and choking from laughing so hard.
It was Golfer and Goofy's job to get the blood sucker off Gravy's nuts. Gravy screamed the entire time getting even louder when he saw them both come at him with a lighter and a salt shaker.
I still don't remember how they got it off him exactly but I can remember how hard we all laughed at the whole thing...good times...

Wow...

I didn't do much in the way of picture illustrations today, mainly because there is no need to illustrate the Beericksons. They are plenty colorful enough without pictures.

And yes...there will be stories about them when I get back from Maine this summer. Goofy called Mr.Man last night to make sure we'd be at two big bashes their planning while we're up there...

I'll be back tomorrow....