Captain Kirk was a fine figure of a man and he KNEW it....
"What do you mean these red tights aren't flattering? I think they look great."
Seriously...he was always whoring around with SOME woman...or women...
How can one man be THAT horny AND successful?
Yeah...lots of dudes are horny but they strike out a lot.
Captain Kirk?
He scored every time!
"That's right baby...that's the way to launch my rocket."
I just can't help but ask myself whether there was more to his success than meets the eye.
While they made it seem to easy for him to get laid, what made him SO irresistible?
"I hate how it always takes two hands to jack off!"
Ok...so that would explain things a little bit.
But was he really so smooth and suave that he could literally make a woman fall into his arms with little or no effort? Or was there even more to it?
Was it his experience that turned the women on?
"These stimulate your nipples. I acquired them in the Delta Quadrant."
Maybe it was his authority?
Some women are attracted to that kind of power.
Of course it is possible he used his authority to get some action when he wasn't hitting a home run with the babes....
"What do you mean "You don't want to do a threesome? That's an order ensign!"
Of course personally I think that he learned a few things from Spock.
Spock was a sexy beast!
I would have totally done Spock.
Besides...I picture the "Spock Cock" looking like this...
"The Spock Cock Deluxe!"
That just looks like it would be a lot more fun than the average smooth and shiny kind, you know?
I think that Spock showed Kirk some tricks to make the ladies crazy too.
For example...
"And this is another special Vulcan love touch.It makes women crazy."
Live long and prosper my ass...that looks like a variation of the shocker to me. I even think they call it "the Spocker"....heh heh
Yes...Captain Kirk had help, I'm sure of it.
Even Bones helped him out.
One day as Bones was in sick bay with nurse Chapel, they made a startling discovery.
"What is it doctor?"
"They call it Viagra nurse Chapel. It was invented in the 21st century."
"What does it do?"
"Let's find out nurse...."
Of course once Bones re-discovered Viagra and informed Old Captain Kirk about it, he was even worse than before....
"MORE VIAGRA BONES! I'M HAVING COMPANY TONIGHT!"
Captain Kirk's "company" arrives...
"Our collective IQ is 107."
After Kirk discovered Viagra there was no stopping him....
It was like giving the man a bag of M&Ms....
"The green ones made him horny."
"The yellow ones made him horny."
"The brown ones made him horny."
He was simply out of control....
They were finally forced to destroy all the Viagra and the directions for making it after Kirk humiliated himself at a meeting with an important dignitary...
"Your guards hats look like they're concealing breasts...soft..tender..breasts. Make them take them off. I have to see them...touch them..."
Although he avoided a court martial, he managed to ruin any chance of having a happy retirement...
If I could still get my hands on some Viagra, you wouldn't be so quick to reject me!
Sadly, Kirk lived out the rest of his days on the Enterprise with the horrible nickname, "Limpy"...
"THE NEXT CREW MEMBER TO CALL ME LIMPY WILL BE ENERGIZED INTO OUTERSPACE!"
And there you have it!
My take on the entire Captain Kirk is a stud story line!
What do YOU think?
Got anything to add????
You pretty much nailed it.
ReplyDeleteNailed.....heh.
He used to put Dilythium Crystals in his drink. They gave him warp speed?
ReplyDeleteI never saw that show but if he's nailin all the chicks then I oughta watch it!
ReplyDeletelol@ spocker
I should teach em the twisted shocker!
That was hilarious...but it kinda creeps me out to think about William Shatner's junk, in the current.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking it was a combination of the Spocker (BTW...AWESOME) and the nubbly weiner. Which looks both interesting and scary.
ReplyDeleteOK! I am laughing! The "jack-off" picture killed me!!!
ReplyDeleteHe is even worse now as Denny Crane.
Amazing.
Now that was freakin hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you included the green chick. She was my favorite.
I bet Kirk tried to lay the Tibbles too. They were soft furry and cute. Too much Romulan ale I say.
Tribbles, not Tibbles. Kirk's awesomeness has stunted my spelling ability
ReplyDeleteHilarious.
ReplyDeleteMy friends father was so captivated by Kirks conquests that he named her after one of the alien women we supposed he got it on with.
Not only was that fucking hilarious...it was very creative as well :)
ReplyDeleteI saw you dropped in on my page and wanted to return the favor...uh, it is ok I used the 'f' word....right??
Now that was thoroughly entertaining! Almost like a mini-episdode LOL
ReplyDeleteThat 3rd picture & comment about made me fall out of the chair laughing!
And I'm so glad someone else (Southern Sage) admitted they'd never watched it, because I never did either...or maybe I did and just don't remember--that is very possible!
You're a comedy genious LOL
Tiff:...heh heh...you said nailed.
ReplyDeleteGrandad: Know where I can get some Dilythium Crystals? That was genius!!!
Sage: You NEVER watched Star Trek? God, there was more sex in that show than a soap opera.
Susan: Notice that I didn't discuss his present "junk". It was all about his Star Trek rocket.
Thystle: The nubby wiener looks like it would be FUN! Nothing scary about that!
Mango Girl: I can't imagine how tired his arms get. No wonder he has such big muscles!
Schmoochiepoo:I almost included the Tribbles, but then I thought it might be too much. I didn't want to go beyond the realm of good taste, you know?
The Politic's Chick: Glad to see a new face around here. What name are we talking about?
Efen: I use the word "fuck" almost as much as I use "the". Glad you got a chuckle out of my post.
John: How come I KNEW that 3rd picture would make you laugh. When I saw it and put up the caption underneath it, I told myself you would crack up over it..LOL!
Now THAT.......was priceless. He's still wielding that tool on Boston Legal - well he was before they canceled it.
ReplyDeleteHahahahhaa!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!!!!!!
Kirk did fire his photon torpedo an awful lot! LMAO!
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I think you're onto something here. He was a horny thing, wasn't he?
ReplyDeleteI always had the hots for Kirk when I was younger. I was really jealous of the green chick though. She had that something special about her I couldnt figure out what it was. It could not be just that she was just green...I think she was just hot in general no matter what color she came in. But screw her...Kirk was mine. Spoke was ok, in a mysterious kind of way.
ReplyDeleteWow, check out Uhura!
ReplyDeleteStar Trek and Kirk made the idea of doing green women seem cool. And by that I mean he fucked up my fantasies for life. Do you know how hard it is to get a girl to paint herself green just to have sex with you? I have to pay extra!
ReplyDeletebravo !! .... awesome post. one of the BEST i have seen in a long time.
ReplyDeletehello from speedycat hollydale ;-)
I was never a fan of Kirk but that’s only because I hate William Shatner. I do love his last name though. Shat-ner. It’s almost like saying “Those tacos didn’t just give me diarrhea they gave me SHATNER”
ReplyDeleteThe new Kirk is HAWWWWT! I'd do him against his will and give him shatner.
i think im living proof that a man can in fact be THAT horny..
ReplyDeletethis post was outstanding! made me laugh thru the whole thing!
I've wondered what kinds of gifts he got from all that whoring around...
ReplyDeleteKlingon klap? Crab Nebula crabs? Hmmmmm?
Love the post! Yeah, they just don't make 'em like Kirk anymore!
ReplyDeleteThank you for my first smile of the day.
ReplyDeletethose were two sexy Star Trek studs
ReplyDeleteI thought everybody had to use too hands.
ReplyDeleteTWO...!!!!
ReplyDeletedecent joke until that...Crap!
Nothing to add... But that was funny!
ReplyDeleteOkay okay okay.
ReplyDeleteYou totally nailed the Vulcan Salute.
I will never think of it in the same
way again.
And yes this is a good thing. LOL
A great post.
Hope you are enjoying your vacation.