So I went to WalMart yesterday and I didn't have one single problem with those old fucking broads from hell.
Of course that doesn't mean I got out of there without incident...
Some old fucker walked off with my purse.
YES!
SOME OLD DIPWAD TRIED TO STEAL MY PURSE AND SHOPPING CART!
I leaned down to get a package of socks and when I turned around my shopping cart and purse were gone.
Of course I kept my cool.
Why panic? It's only my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE IN THAT PURSE!
My driver's license, my bank cards, check book, high blood pressure meds, car keys, lip gloss that makes me lips look totally hot and my favorite little dildo.
Oh yeah...my cell phone was in there too.
If I lose my cell phone how am I going to text dirty messages to my pool boys?
Betcha didn't know that I've got a few in training, you know, just in case Mr.Man "runs away" from home or something...
Stupid pool boys! I told them to bury him deep! GAH! They're not very smart but they can fuck like rabbits...er...did I say that out loud?
Anyway...the nice lady who works at WalMart was kind enough to tackle the old bastard and get my stuff back. The only thing he took out of my purse was my little old dildo and damn it, the old fart needs to get his own...
Do you have any idea how hard it was for my to find that in yellow? Yellow is such a happy, sunny color isn't it?
Of course all that ends well is what makes the Blonde Goddess happy and dammit, that's the important thing, right?
After I left WalMart I was so grateful to get my purse back and my favorite little dildo, I came home and celebrated...
Of course after that I was in a GREAT mood the rest of the day and there's really nothing else to tell.
I wonder why that old dude tried to steal my little dildo anyway?
"You're never sticking anything "down there" again Harold unless it's the color of orange juice."
All these questions and no answers...oh well.
See you tomorrow!
HAHAHAHAHA! Wow, what an adventure! Glad you got your toy back! Speaking of toy, check out my review on MY new toy at my blog! ;-)
ReplyDeleteShoulda sent the old perv off to jail.
ReplyDeleteThis is why you need to install an alarm on your dildos, so old fuckers can't run off with them. Then again, the remote for the alarm would probably have been in your purse along with the dildo, so fat lot of good that would do. Forget I said anything. Try a bicycle chain instead.
ReplyDeleteanother classic.
ReplyDeleteWas it one of those little, designer dildos like ones they sell at Fred Segal in Beverly Hills? They're not much bigger than a Bic pen. I don't quite get it, do you?
ReplyDeleteSo many desperate people!
ReplyDeleteI swear, a girl and her dildo just aren't safe anywhere anymore.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're hilarious! And where, pray tell, would I get me one of those happy sticks?
ReplyDeleteThat must have been quite the little purse for that little dildo.
ReplyDeleteNice!
From what I've heard about you, I was thinking that thing is a bit small. Room to wiggle still, do ya?
ReplyDeleteI so totally thought I commented here yesterday...I think that as soon as I read "Just Jen"'s comment about her toy...I had to go read it.
ReplyDeleteSORRY!
I am quite concerned at what this world is coming to. Where in the hell was he going to put your dildo anyway??? Ewwww...mental picture, nevermind.
Glad all is right in the world once more.
I cannot look at that dildo without remembering the line from the first "Harold and Kumar" (I only go for the high-brow entertainment) when the white dude's hitting on the Asian chick and Harold and Kumar look at each other and say, "He's got yellow fever."
ReplyDeleteMaybe that was old dude's problem too?