It's one of those headaches you get when you don't have your morning coffee. Caffeine withdrawal? Some stupid shit like that...
I had to fast last night for a test this morning.So that meant no coffee this morning.
Fucking stupid tests...
I got up this morning and got the masses of lazy asses out of bed. Then I had to shower,brush my teeth and poop in five minutes...(don't ask me how I do it, but I CAN.)
THEN I had to listen to the girls FIGHT picking back and forth at each other...(bitch...bitch...bitch...)!
I dragged Little Beatle out of bed and had to keep yelling up the stairs at him to get him out of the shower.He's in there for twenty minutes!What the hell is he doing in there? He's twelve for christsakes!
I fed the animals (pets), packed lunches, ironed Veggie Stick's jeans and then sped everyone where they needed to go....
WITHOUT MY FUCKING COFFEE!
Now I have a stupid headache.
AND I'm radioactive.
YEAH!
That's part of the test.
I'm having my thyroid tested. They give me a radioactive iodine pill and then they strap my down and strip me naked.
My nipples glow in the dark and they charge admission while I'm sedated.
Ok...so that's not really what happens, but do you know that one time, Mr.Man and I used a glow in the dark condom and both his "Mr.Happy" and my "Mrs. Glad to see you" glowed in the dark.
All I had to do was spread my legs and it was like the green lantern was trying to escape from the pleasure cave.
"That was a narrow escape!I didn't think that one eyed snake would ever stop attacking me! Thank god it finally threw up and left!"
No.
They did NOT give me drugs and I am NOT high.
Shut up.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah...having my thyroid tested.
I'm radioactive.
I could kill a man by giving him head today.
Radiation poisoning is bad news dudes!
I could take your life!
"FEAR ME!I AM INVINCIBLE!"
I don't have a gag reflex.
I discovered this when I was a kid and my mother told me to stick my finger down my throat and make myself throw up and I couldn't.
She thought I was a fat kid and tried to teach me how to be bulimic but it didn't work out for me.
I have to go masturbate or something.
Orgasms are good to help get rid of a headache. I'm dead serious. It also helps with mood swings, depression, broken bones....HELL..any kind of physical ailment.
Ok...so it helps me. It could help you too. You might as well try it.
"WHOOHOO! No more Tylenol for our headaches!Thanks Blonde Goddess!"
I have to get off here. I'm going to try to have an orgasm and then take a power nap and rid myself of this hellish headache. I still have to go back to the hospital this afternoon and shine my glowing titties at the technicians.
How will I ever manage to enjoy myself if I have a fucking headache?!
I'll see ya tomorrow...
The vast amount of knowlege and information about glowing body parts is almost more than I could handle today. Hope your glowing nipples tell the technicians that everything is OK.
ReplyDeleteIt is a good thing that you are a goddess, because I think i kinda worship you! Just kidding but you are hilarious. I awoke with a monster headache. Mine is not due to lack of caffeine. Mine is due to the over indulgence of beer. Shocker, I know!
ReplyDeleteOh! I get those headaches too!
ReplyDeleteJust for you - I hope your technicians are unattractive so that your headache won't ruin it for you.
"thank god it finally threw up and left." LOL!! where do you find these pictures for you posts? very entertaining!
ReplyDelete;)
HAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteI am a true believer in masturbation curing everything! As a matter of FACT....it cured my stress over homework just last night! And tonight, it will cure my sadness of one of my favored teams losing in the Sweet 16. And tomorrow night, lol, ok, I'll stop!
Hope the tests turn out ok!
Glow in the dark titties....I like it.
ReplyDeleteWhat does a 12 year old boy take so long in the shower for.
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Come ON!
LOL!
omg i would love glowing nipples!....i would wave them around all day...ur so lucky im down the doctors tomorrow so im gonna ask for that test...hell i would PAY for that test!....dont tell me its not real cause im gonna ask!....masterbation actually gives me a headache (its a mixture of guilt and the red flush afterwards)
ReplyDeletehope all is ok with you ive got a smear test tomorrow i wonder if i could mix both tests...what would happen?
lisa x
http://2009housewife.blogspot.com/
Be careful with those glow-in-the-dark condoms -- flashing lights can induce seizures (besides those!) if they flash too fast.
ReplyDeleteAs for the glowing nipples... well, that just gives Mr. Man easy to find targets, doesn't it?
Really, the only thing better than glowing nipples would be glowing nipples with firecracker tasles that sparkled and made popping sounds when you twirled them.
ReplyDeleteMasturbation is an EXCELLENT headache remedy. Something about changing where the blood flows to.
ReplyDeleteIf I had "glow in the dark nipples", it would help light my feet - so I could see my way to the bathroom at night. Forget them as "headlights" - they aim low.
ReplyDeleteTotally hysterical, as usual. Hope all the tests turn out great.
Hope your test comes back okay!
ReplyDeleteWhere in hell do you find all the photos you use?
ReplyDeletelove your glowing teats!!
ReplyDeleteDo you poop while brushing your chewers?
12? Hide the lotion.
Love the Green Lantern Reference . . Alan Scott would be so proud.
ReplyDeleteRadioactive Nipples and Green Lanterns?
ReplyDeleteYou are too too funny! You're one of my favorite reads. You're right up there with TheWVSR and Headrambles.
Hahaha. You are hysterical. And I totally know how you feel when you don't get coffee. I am a self proclaimed caffeine addict and if I don't get my coffee... you should probably steer clear of me for the day.
ReplyDeleteAnd I also agree about the orgasms! They really do solve everything. I'm definitely gonna follow you now. :) I'd love feedback on my blog!
Be well, darlin.
False teeth and no gag reflex.
ReplyDeleteYou are a man's dream come true.