Today I will have to BITCH MIGHTILY.
I need sex from Mr.Man and he's not cooperating.
I have attempted to seduce him all week. I've been subtle, trying to rub up against him in a seductive way...
We went to the movies and I tried to give him little hints that I wanted him...
He just didn't get the hint.
I tried blowing him a few "my ass isn't a virgin but it's been awhile" farts. Sometimes that gets him in the mood...you know...because he's an ass freak like me.
But it that didn't work either.
I don't think he has a pulse.
Maybe it's not Mr.Man in that body?
What is it's an alien?
What if he's forgotten what sex is?
I just can't think about it...
Let's think about something that makes the Blonde Goddess happy, ok?
Hmmm...let's see what pops into my head...
I like a little hair on the chest and nipples. That's a happy thought...if it's on a dude.
Mmmm...mmmm...mmmm...more happy thoughts...
I like a nice muscular man ass. Some dudes look like they had an assquake and it all fell off. I'm just not into that.I need something to hang onto when I'm trying to grind my hips into his. How the hell am I supposed to do that if there's nothing to grab onto?
I'm a fan of soft lips and good kissers. Put a little chap stick on at night, won't ya? Chapped lips are not meow meow friendly ok? And if you're going to kiss me, don't try to suck half my face into your mouth. I like soft, and gentle kisses. Mr.Man knows exactly how to do it...yep yep yep...
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?
DOESN'T HE REALIZE THAT I HAVE NEEDS????
I know you all feel sorry for me but don't worry.
I have a plan...
I'm horny, not stupid. I always get what I want...one way or another.
Ok.
So now I have a challenge for everyone.
I want you to describe me in five words or less.
OR if you're bad with words you can link to a picture.
Your choice.
And you have ALL weekend to do it.
Come on a play, won't ya?
I already know that at least one person will mention a carrot.
There may be several others who think I'm a drunk...or nympho...or WORSE!(Is there anything worse than a drunken nympho?..or better?..depending on your point of view.)
I thought this would be something different to do.(Plus I was pressed for time today and will be busy tomorrow too...)
I think it will be interesting.
I'm curious!
I'm excited to see what I'm going to come back to on Monday....
Have a good weekend!
See ya Monday!
Maybe you could get him interested in starting a Coed Naked Twister™ club or something...
ReplyDeleteI don't know about the naked coed twister. Maybe if we were both still in our 30s but now?
ReplyDeleteI might step on a breast or his nut sack! Things begin to descend as they get older.
He and I both have belly flaps.
It would cover all the goodies if we're bent over like that.
What the hell good would that do us?
Maybe naked coed twister with duct tape strategically placed on our bodies?
I'm trying to work out an angle on this...
Dammit, Blonde Goddess,
ReplyDeleteI have a similar dilemma right now. It's like all of a sudden, POW, I've turned into a teenaged horn dog. And my secret was outed during my live video blog I just posted. Perhaps it's my age, which I will NOT reveal. Since I've been outed, guess I'm going to have to fess up...
One thing's for sure: Scandy doesn't like self service.
You seriously scare the shit out of me...go read my post from last night. You will laugh.
ReplyDeleteAnd are we picking 5 words to describe you? I got lost with the instructions. If so, damn, that will be hard.
Libidinous, scandalous, combustible, Swedish, seamstress.
ReplyDeleteHow'd I do?
FMD
i think just a straight up
ReplyDeleteM.I.L to F. works.
Hahaha! Coed Nekkid Twister Club!!! That actually does sound kind of fun... might have to start one, m'self.
ReplyDeleteOkay, you --
hilarious, eloquent, sensual, fearless, and colorful!!!
(Incidentally, those are 5 reasons that I want to be you when I grow up.)
I'll take you up on this challenge, but I shall take some time to think on it. I don't want to be impulsive in my choices.
ReplyDeleteSeductive, Secure, Outspoken, Fearless, & Confident.
ReplyDeleteAnd I dont even know you! Hahaha! :)
Raven
I can do it in 3 words....
ReplyDeleteStark, Raving, Mad
But you're probably...
Kind, Loving, Sensitive & Caring
Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteSounds like my wife
ReplyDeleteOK I'm back....
ReplyDeleteI see you as:
Spritelike: A being that loves playfulness and mischief. Naturally akin to the family of Nymph and would often be seen naked running in the forests.
Nurturing: A person that cares deeply for others and will sacrifice of themselves selflessly for those that they love.
Artist: One highly skilled in a particular medium. You have skills as a seamstress, chef, lover and storyteller at the very least.
Actor/Actress: So like many of us this skill creates an image we portray to the world. We portray the image we want to hide the inner self that is insecure and scared.
A friend: A person like family only we have chosen to take them on as family. A person we choose to care about and can rely on to be there and as they can rely upon us to do the same.
Hope that is accurate enough for only being allowed to have five items in my list. We are all so much more than five can ever describe.
Funny
ReplyDeleteIntellegent
Out-spoken
Tough-yet-soft-deep-down
Horney
Damn, I just realized that those are my favorite traits in a woman. Where were you 25 years ago?
Hilarious, Genuine, Horny, Fun, and Honest.
ReplyDeleteI'm a pretty lucky girl, all I have to is flash a tit and I'm in the for the night and I'm all about titty flashing because he is powerless against the titty flash.
I have a plan for you. Take him to the doc and get him testosterone cream. Rub it in....and waaa-laa! You will have to run like hell, so make sure you have good shoes on!!
ReplyDelete5 words?
1. Horny
2. Needs medication like myself
3. Whackjob like myself
4. Blonde
5. Did I mention horny?