It puts the chocolate on it's skin...NOM NOM NOM

I spend most of yesterday coughing and farting simultaneously. Every time I'd cough, I'd fart and that would cause me to laugh, which would bring on more coughing and more farting..which led to more laughing...etc..
I was fucking exhausted by the time Mr.Man got home.

"All that coughing and farting and laughing really wore me out."

Thankfully dinner was easy to make. I made Bruschetta Chicken Bake courtesy of Utenzi.
It was delicious....
He's smart, handsome and he can cook?!?
How awesome is that?

This morning on the way to school Miss KIA and Veggie Stick were questioning why I don't talk to a certain woman I know anymore.

Miss KIA: Why don't you talk to Boo Boo anymore?

Me: I don't know. I've called her but she doesn't call back.

Veggie Stick: She's always with Bubble Butt.(This is one of the fat bitches that live to torment me.)

Me: Hmmm...that probably explains it.

Veggie Stick: I don't know why people always gravitate toward Bubble Butt. She's hateful and talks about everyone.

Miss KIA: They can't help it.She's so big she has her own orbit. It's like a spaceship getting too close to a planet and not being able to escape the gravitational pull.


Now normally I don't approved of the girls making fun of someone because of their size or appearance but that was fucking hilarious!
You have to KNOW Bubble Butt and understand her personality in order to see how perfect this description is. She fixates on someone and they become her new "satellite." She doesn't do anything without them and they are NOT allowed to have any other friends.
Needless to say, we didn't exactly see eye to eye on this.I WON'T be owned or told what to do! So while she tolerates me,she mainly avoids me and is content to be nice to my face and then talk about me behind my back.
Meh......if it entertains them who gives a shit? I say fuck it....

I do have friends who are able to tolerate me though. They consider themselves my "handlers" and designate days they are responsible for me...(so I don't get in trouble.)

Look at the pretty gloves they gave me...

It's all good though. They understand me and accept me for who I am.
In fact here's a text message I got from one of them the other day...it's the kind of joke I like and I laughed FOREVER at it...

The life of a vagina..
My hair is always a mess. My lips are swollen. All my friends are dicks. My neighbor is an asshole and my owner keeps giving me the finger.

I thought that one was pretty damn funny. Of course you all know that I enjoy crude humor so if it's a dirty joke I'm gonna love it. What is one of the best text messages or emails you've ever received? Feel free to share with me if you feel like it....

Speaking of crude humor...I am STILL laughing at this little clip posted over at Stew's....GET BUSY!
That is wrong in SO MANY WAYS BUT I STILL LOVE IT!!!

I believe the worst is over where my ass is concerned. I applied A&D ointment and that has calmed things down.
Who would have thought there could be so much angst over a little puckery hole?

Speaking of puckery little holes, why haven't we heard anything out of Paris Hilton lately?
I read somewhere that she wants to do a duet with Paul McCartney.
Is she thinking of doing a remake of a Beatles song?
Maybe Eleanor Rigby?
"All the homely people...where do they all come from? All the homely people....in a plastic surgeons office is where they belong..."


Help! My false eyelash is stuck!


Tomorrow is Valentines Day and I'm hoping that I will be feeling better. I purchased some chocolate to melt and drizzle on Mr.Man....NOM NOM NOM...
Of course the whole thing could be ruined by,"COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! HACK! HACK! COUGH!" so I'm hoping the coughing will subside before tomorrow. I mean, what's the point in having no gag reflex if some stupid cough is going to ruin the moment?
When he first asked me what I wanted I told him nothing.
Then he persisted and kept bugging me about it, so finally I told him I wanted chocolate.
His face lit up.
"Really?" he asked me.

"Yep," I said.
Then I told him I wanted it presented to me with his Mr.Happy covered in the chocolate.


"I should have known you wouldn't go for a box of chocolates."

WHY THE HELL DOES HE ALWAYS SOUND SO DISAPPOINTED! HE'S BEEN MARRIED TO ME FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS! WHAT'S THE FUCKING SURPRISE?

I'm just telling you right now.
I WILL get my way tomorrow or I'm going to BITCH. FOR A MONTH! OR MORE!

Yeah...well we'll see what happens. You'd better keep your fingers crossed or Monday will be HELL!!!