Cult of the Blonde Goddess....

So really...is there anything WRONG with ripping your clothes off and dancing wildly to the Ramones?



Sometimes during the day when I'm feeling a teensy weensy stressed out, I put on the Ramones and start dancing.
It's all quite innocent really.
Then I get hot and sweaty so I start to take some clothes off because I want to keep dancing.(See how innocent the whole thing is?)
So when Mr.Man comes home unexpectedly during the day because he had to poop and you already know about the three safe poop zones, WHY on earth would he be worried JUST because he walks in and sees me dancing naked, whappity slapping around with titties flying in every direction like nunchucks, screaming "BEAT ON THE BRAT!BEAT ON THE BRAT!BEAT ON THE BRAT WITH A BASEBALL BAT! OH YEAH! OH YEAH..OH..OH..OH..OH!"


"It is a talent."

But yeah...I know.
I just don't get him sometimes.
Of course I haven't done this recently, because I am still sick and I can't even run to the bathroom in time when I feel a coughing fit coming on, but he still felt the need to discuss this with the guys he works with.

They all think I am insane and need therapy.

I think they all need to be bent over and fucked in the ass.



Who are they to JUDGE ME?

Now I'm not getting homicidal or anything. I just don't understand why more people don't "get me".
I am perfectly normal.
I just have different and unusual ways of dealing with the day to day bullshit that plagues us all.
Tell me this...
Is it more fun to...
A: Allow stress to suck the life out of you by worrying and holding all of it quietly inside you, making for a GINORMOUS ulcer and thousands of dollars in shopping therapy on your lunch hour...
OR
B:Putting on loud music that you know most of the words to and dancing wildly in your living room, stripping your clothes off and flinging everything god gave you in every direction until you're too exhausted to worry, laughing too hard to stress over anything and you've burned off a million calories?



Yeah...that's right.
I'm not so fucking crazy after all, am I?

I think I need to be in charge of something.
You know...something BIG.
I could change this whole mother-fucking world if more people would just be like me.

Everyone needs to jump around naked at least daily.



I could go for hourly but you know, it gets cold and it can distract others. I don't know if this would work for an office environment or not.

Jello shots are a nutritious way for people to get a little joy in their lives. The way those suckers wiggle their way down your throat tickles a little bit and after ten or twenty of them, you're so much happier than you were before you started doing them. Well..that is, if you're not one of those asshole drunks or a crying drunk. Then you're shit out of luck. Jello shots are not for you...just for me and my kind. I only laugh and get naked when I drink.

There are a few other requirements in my world...

Daily sex
Music non-stop
Unique and unusual people, pictures and things...I can't stand a cookie cutter world. How fucking boring is that?


Unusual things are...interesting. They capture your imagination...

Humor...cause we all know laughter is a must. And you know what? You can see something funny in every situation. It's there, you just have to use your imagination.
Pretend time...or some people might call it day dreaming. If I want to be an astronaut, I am a mother fucking astronaut.


"Are we going to launch that rocket using the front door or the back door?"

I can pretend to be anything I want to be for 15 minutes or so and then back to reality. Honestly, can you tell me that it's a bad thing?
We all want to escape the mundane.
We want more than what we have.
Of course the truth of the matter is, we aren't always going to be able to achieve everything we want, so why not give ourselves a mini-vacation and enjoy it anyway?

I think everyone should have a free flowing beer tap in their kitchen. The beer can change of course, to suit the individual's taste according to their meal plan and preferences, but they still need beer.

Perhaps I need to write a book or get my own cult or something.


Even Elvis has his own cult and he's dead.
I think people should blindly follow the teachings of the Blonde Goddess...
Yep...
They can worship me with free beer and unusual gifts from the unique and slightly disturbing universe.

Just think about it people...that's all I'm saying...

I gotta go.
Time to swallow another horse pill...bleh.
I'm still feeling a little shitty.
Perhaps tomorrow will see me feeling a little more feisty.

Chant.
And get naked.
Maybe that will help.

See ya tomorrow.....