Bunched up panties...the best thing to ever happen to me

I went to the grocery store yesterday and braved the masses of blue haired asses...

I discovered a secret weapon I can use to get them to leave me alone.

Do you realize if you put your hand down inside the front of your pants and giggle those old biddies will scatter like cockroaches?


I was walking through the store when I felt something out of place in my underwear. I wriggled around trying to get it to work its way out but it still felt funny.
So I tried pulling my underwear down by grabbing my crotch, (on the outside of my pants) and tugging down on it.
That didn't work.
By this time I had a full audience of the Elderly Hellions, systematically watching me and praying for my eternal soul.


The look on their faces inspired me to just go ahead and take care of my issue, no matter what it might take to fix it.
I looked at them all and then jammed my hand inside my pants, right down the front where the problem was.
Their eyes popped out of their heads.
Then I started giggling because I discovered the culprit of the uncomfortable underwear was the panty liner I had on (because of the whole coughing/sneezing and pissing myself thing). It had worked it's way up the front of my underwear and was bunched up.
So I fixed it.
Then I pulled my hand out and smelled it.


One old bat almost fainted.

I strolled unmolested down the aisle as they all fled.
When I got around the corner, I pulled the hand sanitizer out of my purse and cleaned my hands, because contrary to what you might think, the Blonde Goddess here has no desire to smear her love juices all over the shopping carts at Krogers.
(I cleaned the handle off too.)

But yeah...they all avoided me like the plague after that and it was probably the best experience I've ever had in the grocery store on a Tuesday.

I'd say it was probably the best experience for a few others as well.
The old men thought it was funny at least.

So that's the secret weapon.
Stick your hand down your pants and giggle.
I'm a fucking genius...

Of course Tuesdays are not the only days that I am watched.

I was watched this very morning in fact....

I'm good friends with my mailman. It's all perfectly innocent. There's none of that getting naked and smacking him in the head with my tits or anything kinky like that.He's friends with Mr.Man too. We're all drinking buddies...

We all have a lot in common and share the same quirky sense of humor.
Well, because we're friends he knows that my mother-in-law isn't home a lot. So this morning he stopped by with mail for my mother-in-law that needed to be signed for. Apparently there have been multiple attempts to get her to sign for this package and she hasn't been home when they've delivered it. So he stopped here so I could sign for it.

Let me tell you that no fewer than four of the Jesus Police that live on my street found a "reason" to come outside and see what was going on.


"I wonder what Blondie is doing for the mailman to get her mail delivered early? She's going to burn in hell!"

I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM???"

Of course I didn't...but I wanted to.
Don't worry. I'll get them this summer when I run through my yard with the super soaker, wearing my stretched out bathing suit. I'm sure my boobies might "accidentally" come flying out and I might "accidentally" spray them with the super soaker when I'm trying to squish them back into my bathing suit.


Don't mess with me people.
I'm in no mood for your shit.

Speaking of shit....I'm getting off here. I don't believe I need to elaborate on why I need to go, right?


See you guys tomorrow...