Hysteria....

I almost had a full blown anxiety attack yesterday.

I made the mistake of going to the grocery store with my husband.

I shall share with you the special time we spent together....
We enter the store. He peruses the fresh veggies, I linger only long enough to check out the cukes...(the reason shall remain unwritten...hahaha)..then I make my way through the fruit. I take a reasonable look at it all and pick out a few juicy pieces. Then I begin to walk toward the bread...
Where is my hubby? He hasn't made it out of the vegetables yet! He's still looking at mushrooms.
This means at least ten more minutes in the produce section.
I say screw it and go over to check out the magazines.
After looking over all of the magazines,(except the top shelf because let's face it..what would any of that appeal to me for?)I make my way back to the produce section. I'm relieved to find he's not there. I move on to the bread section. He's not there either.
Feeling rather giddy at the prospect of getting out of the store in under an hour, I rush toward the first isle and stop dead in my tracks.
He is looking at canned vegetables.
I walk over and ask him what he's looking for.
He tells me he's not sure, he's just looking.
So we stand there, as he looks.
And stand there...
And stand there....
Finally I dance to the Muzak that's playing for our shopping pleasure.
Some old lady with a goats head walks by and snorts disapprovingly. It is Tuesday people...Elderly Hell Day!
I keep dancing, hubby keeps looking at veggies.
After what seems like forever, I leave and walk toward the Deli. I am in luck. Some of the people who work there are taking their lunch and I sit with them.
They share pizza with me.
I tell them my story of woe.
They nod their heads in sympathy and tell me about the guy who comes into the store that had multiple personalities. They have met all three of them and say that he..er...they are all very nice.
I finally get up to go seek out my man.
He's walking down the condiment and salad dressing isle.
Thank god!!!
I decided to join him again and we enter the cracker and cookie isle.
I pick up a package of the kids favorite cookies and he grabs them and puts them back.
"Let's pick out some healthy cookies."
WTF???
Is there such a thing as healthy cookies?
I stand and watch as it takes him f-o-r-e-v-e-r to pick out a package of cookies.
He moves slowly down the isle.
He stands in front of the crackers and looks....AT EVERY SINGLE FREAKING PACKAGE!!!
I stand and wait...humming to myself...rocking back and forth. I feel like my brain is growing too big for my head and it's starting to leak out. I cover my ears with my hands and moan...a low throaty moan...still rocking back and forth.
The goat lady comes by and snorts at me...
I just can't stand it....10 minutes...15 minutes...20MINUTES!!!

I finally run to the bathroom...panting...sweating...
I splash cold water on my face and emerge to the concerned faces of the people who work there.
They sit me down and give me candy.
I love them...

Finally after an hour and a half we leave. We bought mushrooms, crackers, fig newtons, a can of greens and coffee creamer.
I am at my wits end...
My hubby is oblivious to my distress.

"Gee honey, we need to go to the grocery store more often."
"Next time though, I promise not to hurry through the store like I did today."

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!