Duck butter = Boob sweat

I have this friend...it's this friend in the picture (guess which one is me?)

Anyway...her daughter calls boob sweat, "Duck Butter".

WTF?

I don't get it. Someone needs to explain this to me. What do ducks have to do with tits? And butter...sweat...butter...sweat?
Ummm....

I ponder these things. I don't know..it's a strange quirk I have. Most times I get it. I can get the jokes and I can get the analogies of things, but this duck butter one stumps me.

By the way, did you hear about the baby boy who was born without eye lids? They managed to fix it though. When he was circumcised, they made eye lids for him. The only thing is, the doctor said he would be cock-eyed the rest of his life.

I'm a sicko...I know it but really, I didn't make that joke up. It was some of my friends who don't nearly get enough credit for corrupting me. I know people think I'm the one corrupting others but I'm not.

I'm actually a very sweet, shy girl.





ok...so maybe I do corrupt a few people, but they like it so it doesn't count against me.

I'm not wearing a bra today. I hate bras and quite honestly, I think it soaks up all the duck butter and I'm planning on a little experiment.
What kind of experiment you ask?
I can't tell you yet. It would be too humiliating for me if I failed at it. I'll just hope for the best and share with you later.

I would actually never wear a bra if I could get away with it. But if I don't wear one, not only do I sag but one boob is lower than the other. It looks like my chest had a stroke and one side never recovered. I guess it all boils down to the working one arm more than the other. Your right boob is always firmer and smaller if you're right handed and the same if you're left handed. I've always wanted to check this theory out but the only friends I have who are women that are left handed would never allow me to look at their chest long enough to access whether this theory is correct. I've tried to sneak a look, but they've caught me and have refused to be alone with me for months...chickens.
So anyhow I've been working the supporting muscles of my boobs but hard as I try, I can't get it to even out. I have tried writing with my left hand and it looks like I've been writing while in a boat on a stormy sea but there's been no boob liftage. I try eating with my left hand and I end up with fork prints in the side of my face and still no perky boob. I drive with my left hand but what exercise is that? You just grab the steering wheel and steer. I suppose I could try steering with my left boob? Nah...
They would just get tangled up in the steering wheel and I'd wreck. How would I explain that one to the State Trooper?

Umm..."You see officer, I was exercising my left boob in order to make it as small as the right one, because it's bigger and everything, so I was steering my car with it. And it was going fine until I had a hot flash and then there was duck butter EVERYWHERE and the steering wheel slipped and slid beneath my boob and I lost control of the car."
"What is duck butter you ask? Well officer it's boob sweat really but boob sweat sounds so yucky that I think someone gave it a name to make it sound nicer. Women over the age of forty need a nice word for boob sweat. It happens a lot to us and we still need to feel pretty."
"Yes officer, I know it sounds like it would go with Chinese food but it doesn't."
"No officer, it's called Duck Sauce and that's not what it is. I know you have an egg roll in your cruiser but...just forget it and give me a ticket please.."

Yeah...

Anyway...I can't wait to be able to tuck my boobs in my pants. I had thought maybe I would prefer to make the boob propper grow and wear jeans that button up instead of an elastic waist but I've changed my mind...

I hate bras....