Hair on my nipples and beer in the fridge....

Have you ever asked yourself, "Maybe I was supposed to be a man?"

There are days when I ask myself that question. Days like yesterday for example...

While I was in the shower I noticed one of those nipple hairs that sprout out occasionally.So I got out of the shower and put my glasses on (so I could see to pluck the hair out) and that son-of-a-bitch was half a foot long. DAMN! When I was half blind in the shower it was all curled up and tiny looking but when I could actually SEE it and pull it out to it's full length I was horrified.
I was almost afraid to pull it out because I thought I might unravel or something, so I thought about it for a couple of minutes and used it to floss my teeth.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that I can't have more chest hair than Mr.Man. So I grabbed the tweezers and tugged on it.



I won't repeat everything I screamed because I believe there were swear words involved that I've never hear before, but it HURT!!! A LOT!!!
The pain was incredible! Almost unreal!!!I felt myself black out and I almost pissed down both my legs.
After the the bathroom stopped spinning and I could stand up again, I decided that I'm going to need to toughen my nipples up if there's going to be anymore hair plucking!
I wonder if this stuff would help?



I'm getting some of this shit. I'm just saying...

The rest of the day passed pretty normally. I cleaned and worked on a few things and then I went to my meeting. It wasn't until I was sitting at that meeting that I asked myself that question again....
"Maybe I was supposed to be a man?"
These women that were sitting together were blathering ON AND ON about getting their nails done and finding the exact shade of lime green eyeshadow to go with their new matching sweater set....etc...There was NO ESCAPE!!! They just kept talking and talking and TALKING!!!Who gives a fuck if someone's purse doesn't match their outfit?
As I frantically dug in my purse for a breath mint, I visualized myself grabbing the pen next to my wallet and stabbing myself repeatedly in the eye with it.

That's not normal, is it?

That's what I thought.

It's not that I won't go shopping or that I won't make an effort to be pretty sometimes or that I completely hate jewelry either. It's just that those things don't really thrill me the way sweaty sex, a Red Sox game on TV and a case of beer do.

So...maybe I was supposed to be a man.



If I lost the braids, I'd be one hell of a good looking dude. And you've seen the tongue....

Of course I do like women stuff too...like cooking and sexy lingerie and long hair and sewing and knitting and all that crafty stuff.
And I love me some PENIS!
That's probably the best argument for why I am NOT a man.

Hmm...well with that said, I'm going to ice my nipple and psyche myself up enough to paint my toenails...carnation pink! I think Mr.Man would like that, don't you? I mean, after all...I am a girl you know...I should at least TRY to be a good one, right?

Is it too early for a beer?