FIRST...my MOTHER is visiting.
Yeah...I really don't think I need to say much about that except I drank quite heavily last night.
SECOND...I went Christmas shopping.
Yeah...at WalMart of all places. I'm into all that kinky self mutilation shit so I enjoy walking through WalMart when there's three million people trying to get their last minute shopping done with all their screaming brats with sticky fingers grabbing me as I walk past.
I swear to GOD I had things stuck to me when I left the store. I'm surprised I didn't get stopped for shoplifting.A thorough body cavity search would have been exactly what I needed today...
My brown turtleneck made me look like a piece of flypaper, with bits of debris all over it. I had an M&M stuck to the front of my shirt like it was a nipple and some short dude with a plaid cap kept licking his lips and eyeballing me.
Ewww...
On the up side, I now have a new deck of cards and an emery board with pictures of kitties all over it.
What else did I find? Oh yeah..anyone need a pacifier?
In case you're wondering I didn't get everything done either. I have to go back out there. I just have to ask myself is it really so bad to drive drunk? I mean, that's the only way I can shop tonight and tolerate my mother. Can someone be my designated driver?
When she arrived last night, she walked in and stopped.She looked over everything and then sniffed the air.Of course my house WAS NOT CLEAN ENOUGH (I fucking told ya so) but apparently the food was good and the house smelled good.(Thank sweet Jesus for those Glade plug ins...LOL).
So my talent is cooking...well there are others too like talking and sewing and fucking and drinking, but you know...this cooking one is mother appropriate.
I can cook for her and perhaps the clean house thing won't be as important.
Later tonight when I get home I will be drinking Glögg. I will also be making Spritz cookies and if I weren't so wiped out from shopping at the freak fest, I'd look up a picture for you and post it...but I'm feeling like a lazy shit, so google it instead.
With that said..(this is going to be short and sweet..like me)
I need to get back out there and finish my shopping.
I'm prepared for battle and ready to grab, jab and bag what I'm looking for.Hopefully I will not be grabbed or jabbed with someone's bag while I'm wandering through a crowded aisle.
My mood for today is this....
It's been a rough day so far. I am disoriented. I just feel like you feel when you've been out drinking and you wake up undressed and sore in all the holes people can stick things into and you're not really sure what happened...(not that it's ever happened to me, but you know what I mean, right?)
Whatever...I KNOW you know what I mean...
At lunch I was out xmas chopping and saw someone who seemed familiar. AFter a moment or two I realized she looks like you, or at least your picture. I'm guessing you weren't in Gastonia NC shopping so it probably wasn't you.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the mother visit, and all the other "fun" stuff that the holiday entails. I really do hope it ends up being better than you expected it to be. IF not then drink heavily. I may try that myself over the next two weeks.
Send your mother here.
ReplyDeleteShe'll have an all new appreciation for how clean your house really is.
And don't worry. I can handle her. (*I know how to make Glögg.)
I don't drink, but for some reason I've been wondering if it wouldnt be a good time to start... Hope you day gets better.
ReplyDeleteI know. I do.
ReplyDeleteAnd can someone tell me why the Blogger comments boxes are all in Spanish these days?
Puedes utilizar algunos códigos HTML, como < b >, < i >, < a >
Elegir una identidad
See?
Is it just ME?
OMG. I'll split cab fare with you if we can go on a drunken trip to Walmart at say 2am?
ReplyDeleteMiddle of the night is my favorite time to visit wal-hell. You think there are dumbasses in there during normal hours?
The maze of stock skids would be even more confusing if I were highly inebriated.
Sounds like fun!
My MIL is a half-assed housekeeper, so she never has a beef with my home. Plus, the Evil Twin keeps me in check and it's relatively tidy most of the time. I feel for ya, though. We lived close enough to my parents they never stayed overnight and close enough to MIL and her husband so "sleep overs" have not had to occur. Yay me.
ReplyDeleteOh! I know you read WVSR. Didn't you get the memo about it being Bourbon Season? I did and picked up a bottle today. Although, I'm a wino (picked that up too). Two words: Rite Aid.
omg, that photo is a cross between Archie Bunker and Adolf Hitler...
ReplyDeleteTammie - you got linked to through Angry White Guy's guest post at the WVSR today! Squeeeee!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso? If you can cook, then someone else should clean up the house. And drive you places. Seriously - you cannot be all things to al people, and the cooking is queen of the house.
Yeah...I was surprised Tiff. I knew he read my blog because we email on occasion but the link?
ReplyDelete????
I just write because I need therapy and medication....
I think he understand me and it makes me want to hug his leg if I ever meet him in person.
I will have my guest post on Tracy's blog on the 23rd...whoops. Am I supposed to give that away?
Maybe Tracy will give me SPANKINGS for being a BADDDD GIRLLLL!!!!
Tiff is right - you shouldn't be expected to clean if you can cook well. My MIL was a lousy housekeeper, so I never had to worry about that with her. She was a superior cook, however, one I could never hope to compete with, so I quit trying....LOL. It made life easier.
ReplyDeleteBlondie, I try to live in my own little world and not let bozos who want to intrude into my world effect me too much. That even includes those closest to me sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting curiouser and curiouser. And I have NO idea what you mean!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I have to go to WalMart today. Try not to indulge in the alkie-hol too much this season!
ReplyDeleteNot saying Merry Christmas quite yet...I am going to lurk the internets some on Christmas Day!