A few resolutions to get me started....

I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned and no matter what I tried, I could not sleep! So I thought about my life...my family, friends, the things that are important to me and I decided that there are a few things that I should be changing in order to be happier.
I think people call them resolutions.
Anyway, here are a few I came up with.

1. I need to drink more often in 2008. I'm sober way too much and I don't like it one bit. I find it's easier to accept the things I don't want to accept if I'm intoxicated. I especially think that I need to be intoxicated in public more often. Don't ask why, just trust me on this one.



2. I need to stop allowing people to walk all over me. When someone tries to pull a fast one over on me, I should punch them in the damn teeth and be done with it. I haven't kicked someone's ass in a long time and I miss it. I'm grouchy a lot and these vampires would make a great target for my frustration.



3. I need to be naked more often. I hate laundry and this would be a great solution for me. As soon as everyone leaves for the day I need to strip down and be FREEE!!!! No more bleach stains on my clothes from cleaning out the tub! Instead I'll gain two more scrubbers and a bristle pad!!! I hate being dressed! The only exception to the rule will be if I cook with grease. Titties are sensitive and should not be spattered...



4. I need to cuss more. Sometimes when I want someone to move out of my way in Krogers, (like on Elderly Hell Day) I think that one, "Excuse me please." should be attempted but if that doesn't work then a "I asked you if you'd fucking move please!" probably would get faster results.



5. I need to force Mr.Man to have more sex with me. I know how to seduce so why the hell haven't I been doing that? I'm not opposed to handcuffs or other methods of restraint. I'm horny and damn it, I will be satisfied!!!



6. I need to be more honest and open about how I really feel about things. I hold back a lot and I think I would benefit from REALLY expressing myself, you know?



7. I need to be more respectful of my body. If I need to fart or belch, I should remember that it's a natural process and allow it to happen. I'm in tune with my body and it doesn't like it when I fight the urges to release gas. It hurts...




Well...seven things to begin with aren't bad.

Does anyone else have any resolutions? Or even better than that...does anyone have any resolutions for me that they think will serve to make me a happier woman?

The word for today is "dishes". I just KNOW I'm going to get Veggie Stick on this one all day long!!! Heh heh....

Tonight I plan to do absolutely nothing except, fart naked, drink and cuss, while kicking Mr.Man's ass to force him to have sex with me, explaining in detail what I want him to do. I figure it's important to begin using all seven of my resolutions as quickly as possible to enhance the quality of my life.

My mood for today?



I feel ornery...imagine that?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

The BEER song!!!!

WARNING! This blog is not politically correct and can be offensive!

Heh...

In honor of the booth I will be working in tonight at the Civic Center, I will be making a Beer song.

Ahem....*clears throat*

BEER! BEER! BEER!!!
I LOVE TO DRINK MY BEER!
A SWIG OR TWO OR THREE OR TWENTY
IT WON'T BE ENOUGH OR IT MIGHT BE PLENTY!
BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!

BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!
I NEED A LOT OF BEER!
HEINEKEN,BUDWEISER OR U.F.O...
SAM ADAMS,CORONA,STRONG OR MELLOW...
BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!

BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!
I ENJOY MY BEER!
OUT OF THE BOTTLE OR OUT OF A MUG!
I DRINK IT AND GIVE EVERYONE A HUG!
BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!

BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!
I HAVE FUN WITH BEER!
IT MAKES ME LAUGH, IT MAKES ME GLAD!
IT MAKES ME NAKED AND THAT CAN BE BAD!
BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!


Ummm...I PROMISE I will not drink any beer while I'm working in the beer booth. I swear I won't. This is serious business. I have an opportunity to make some cash to help fund Veggie Stick's extra-curricular activity and I'm not going to blow it.

BUT...WHEN I GET HOME!!!!

BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!
I PLAN TO DRINK SOME BEER!
I'LL RUN NAKED THROUGH MY YARD!
YELLING AND SCREAMING LIKE A BIG RETARD!
BEER! BEER! BEER!!!!

Did I mention that my neighbors are selling their house? They really are. I don't think beer has anything to do with it though...do you think it might be the nudity?

Movies that make you go Boo Hoo

I spent the day running kids back and forth and fighting with kids and damn it, I finally gave in to my stress and found a movie to lose myself in....
I chose The Holiday....



It was a good movie. I could relate to Iris...mainly in the first part of the movie, not so much in the end. My favorite Iris quotes?

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

and this quote as well...

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Yes...that movie...it made me very sad. It made me sad to see myself in it...pathetic and small...

"unrequited love. Of that I am an expert."

"I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back."

Alas...I know that empty place inside. I have sobbed quietly, my heart breaking......
Fingers trembling,holding back tears until I've escaped the watchful eyes of others...hiding pain behind a stoic face or a forced smile.

I know those feelings all too well.

This isn't cryptic and no it's not about Mr.Man but let's say that sometimes the past is as fresh in our hearts as though it was happening at this very moment. Sometimes, it can seem as though no time has passed at all.

Tiff wrote about break-ups awhile back. I never did post anything on it because it was too painful and it was unresolved. It's still unresolved. I don't think it will ever be resolved. It could have happened two years ago or twenty years ago..the time doesn't matter. It haunts me and still I wonder...

Why didn't he love me back?

I've had too much wine and thinking about sad movies that mirror parts of my life is bad....

Mmmm...that's my bad breakup story Tiff...except I never got closure. Instead I decided to beat myself and wonder why I couldn't capture his heart.

Hey...I never said I couldn't have my pathetic moments now did I?

Sex buddies and mean drunks....

I got up this morning and fed the animals (pets, not children) and then checked my email, like I always do. I couldn't help but notice an article on my home page about casual relationship and why men prefer them.
Hmm....
I had to read the article and see what it was all about. I mean, come on here...a peek inside the man's brain? How could any woman resist it?
So I began reading the article and found that, yeah, a casual relationship is actually something I think I could like if I were single. No nasty break-up...no high maintenance...freedom...all things I can appreciate. Then I read about the sex buddy aspect and stopped agreeing...REAL DAMN QUICK!



WTF?

Call me old fashioned but I think that two people should share something more between them than being able to get each other off in the bedroom. I have a problem with stripping in front of some guy I hardly know and screwing his brains out. I just couldn't do it. I'm not judging anyone else who feels comfortable with that, but for me, it's about trust and respect. Like I've said before, I value my body and myself and I don't give either away to just anyone. It would be hard for me to have a sex buddy. I don't think I could handle someone I barely know just calling me up occasionally to fuck. I don't throw myself out there like sale flyers left on windshields in a mall parking lot.
I figured a casual relationship meant dating infrequently, without sex being a factor. I could handle that. I'm pretty independent and enjoy my alone time.But because I'm independent I also know what I want from a man and what I deserve. I don't deserve a phone call and an invitation to get naked when there's been no other communication between us. I think there should be an amount of respect between two people who are going to be intimate. I think there should be a close relationship, even if it's a friendship, but none of this sex buddy bullshit for me.

I just thought the article was insane and it bothers me that it's the kind of advice that women are reading and taking seriously. It's basically telling women it's ok to cheapen themselves and lessen the value of their bodies by allowing men to use them because they don't want to "commit" to one woman. The same stands true for women who are just looking for a sex buddy. Whatever happened to people having feelings? My body and my emotions are very much tuned into each other. I can't have a satisfying sexual relationship unless I'm having a satisfying emotional relationship as well.

I tell my daughters repeatedly that it's much better having sex when you're in a safe and secure relationship where you've established trust and respect. Then they plaster articles like this all over the place cheapening the act of making love? I even saw an article once suggesting one way to hang onto your man was to give him a threesome with you and your friend.I couldn't believe someone was actually telling women that in order to keep your man, you need to be wilder and kinkier than all the other women or he's going to leave you and find someone else. So they were basically saying he only cares about what you can do for him in bed and he doesn't really care what kind of person you are or that you are a person. You might as well be a giant pussy.

It makes my head want to explode.



Then there is the man's feelings to consider. You can't tell me that men don't want a relationship. They crave the respect and trust that women do. Articles like these portray men as "Dick's on sticks" and nothing more. I'm not buying into that. Yes, I know men love to have sex and hell..I love to have sex too. But they don't want to be alone anymore than a woman does. While guys might look for someone to just have sex with, he's looking for more than that too.
I know one self proclaimed stud who thinks he's hot shit. He says he's never going to settle down. He's just going to keep screwing around and enjoy himself. But when I asked Mr.Stud what he liked the most about sex, he stammered and stuttered around, embarrassed that I would ask him that, (you think he'd know I'm not shy that way) and then admitted to me he loves the look into the woman's eyes when he enters her.
Mmmm....
The eyes huh? As he connects with her? The portal to a woman's soul? He enjoys that part of it the most but he's not looking for something more?

Sorry..not buying it.

I think men are more concerned with feelings than a lot of people give them credit for.

And now moving on to something else...

The word for today is relish. I don't know why, but it is. I am already trying to figure out how to trick Veggie Stick into saying it because quite honestly, I have more fun with her on the word of the day than anyone else I know. She HATES the word of the day and has threatened to stop talking to me, but for anyone who knows Veggie Stick, it's impossible for her to stop talking...ever.

I shall relish the opportunity to get her later today.
AHHHH!!!WHOO!!WHOO!!!CLAP!CLAP!YAY!WHEEE!!!

I eat my hotdogs with ketchup, mustard, onions and relish...
SCREEEEE!!!Bang! Bang! AHHHH!!!WHOO!!WHOO!!!CLAP!CLAP!YAY!WHEEE!!!

OK...enough of that.

How many of you know a mean drunk?
I know several and they can really be difficult when they get a couple drinks in them. When they're not drinking they can be the nicest people in the world, but add alcohol and you've got instant asshole.
I am not a mean drunk and neither is Mr.Man. Drinking makes him relax and laugh more. I actually like him to get drunk occasionally because he's not as tightassed when he's had a couple. In fact we went to a birthday party for a friend once and he'd had a few drinks before we left the house. Little Beatle actually told my friend Lisa that his dad was drunk but it was ok because he was a lot more fun when he's drunk.
LMAO! Out of the mouth of babes no?
I get funnier and horny when I drink. That's not a hazard as far as I know although I've given people headaches from laughing too hard at me.
But getting back to the mean drunk thing..How do you deal with it? I'm friends with a couple of people that I adore but can't stand when they're drinking.Has anyone else experienced this and how have you handled it? Because of it, we may decline an invitation for New Years Eve and stay home instead.



Mr.Man would love that of course but I'm more of a social creature. I enjoy being out with people and doing things.I like to play a few games..have a few drinks...have a few laughs....have some damn fun! We can stay home and watch the insides of our eyelids with the TV blaring any night of the week! I really want to do something....

Anyway, with all of that stuff off my chest, this is my mood for today...



I'm feeling a little mischievous, a little contemplative, a little bored and I'm longing for some excitement!

Time to get my nose to the grindstone...bleh...

Yep...yep

This will be a short post. Miss-know-it-all has a term paper due and she needs the computer today. But hey...at least I'm able to write something, right?

Last night I felt like crap. I was in bed before nine, which is unusual for me. Mr.Man was very sweet. He rubbed my neck and shoulders and cuddled to keep me warm.I think I might have been over-tired from my mother's visit. She can be very demanding. Besides, the girls were telling me how mean she was to them during the visit and that's upsetting. I suppose I'm used to her demeaning remarks but the girls aren't. She kept making comments to my oldest daughter,whom I will refer to as "Freya", about how she needs to stop eating so much and stop smoking. Yeah Freya is a little overweight and I'm not happy about her smoking, but don't ride her about it. She's twenty five and very capable of making her own decisions.
Miss-know-it-all said that she was told she needed to lose weight too. Of course she is a little overweight as well, but hell...she's almost six feet tall and carries around 44DD boobies. I'm thinking she needs a little extra heft to help bear the burden, you know?
Veggie Stick had to hear about the benefits of eating meat and was basically made fun of because she is a vegetarian. Apparently my mother ignored me when I told her that I cooked vegetarian dishes several nights a week and always made sure that Veggie Stick had an alternate source of protein at meals if I prepared meat.
I don't think my mother does well if she's expected to change to accommodate others.Regardless, my daughters were all very upset over it. I knew they appreciated me more but had no idea they felt attacked and humiliated by their grandmother.

My son is oblivious. Of course he is a boy. It seems that my mother prefers the boys in the family to the girls. My brother can do no wrong. His three sons can do no wrong. My son can do no wrong, although he is not favored as much as my brother's boys. The girls see this and it hurts them. I'm used to it and my poor brother has no idea she does it.It's just been a fact of life for me for as long as I can remember, but so has a lot of other things I've been through with her.

Yep...yep...yep....

But that's enough talking about my mother and those things.

It was very nice to be babied last night by Mr.Man. It makes me wonder...if something were to happen to him, would there be anyone else out there who would take care of me the way he does? He has his faults, really he does, but then again, there are times when he wraps me up in his arms and makes the whole world disappear.
I really need that sometimes.
I hate always having to be the strong one...the understanding one...the one who makes the sacrifices...etc...

I'm admitting it...I like to be babied and pampered and told I'm pretty just like any other woman. I like the attention.

So there...

OK..so that's all there is. Miss-know-it-all is chomping at the bit, ready to write her A+ term paper (and it will be an A+).

My mood for today is sleepy and achy. I might give into it and wrap myself in a blanket and find a movie to watch. I'm too blah to have a word of the day. You make up your own...maybe use "Boss" if you're at work and see what happens...heh hehe..(let me know how that works out for you if you do it, alrighty?)

I'll return tomorrow....

So what did you get?

Before I begin with the details of Christmas with my mother, let me begin by saying on thing.

I HAVE TITS!!!!



APPARENTLY Mr.Man has FORGOTTEN there are boobies on my chest and they need adequate room to fit into a shirt cause I got two nice shirts for Christmas that won't button up over my mammaries!
They fit great near the waist, but it ain't happening up toward the twin peaks. I could smash them flat or hide them in my arm pits (but as you've read about before,I just broke up that relationship and I don't care for it to get started again,ok?)

So I'm a little disappointed that the shirts didn't fit and I'm going to have to return them. I HATE SHOPPING and I HATE RETURNING THINGS!

Ok...I've ranted and I feel better. Mr.Man did get me something at least and it's the thought that counts. I just think that if he were to touch the twins more often, he wouldn't forget about them. So there.

My mother's visit was tolerable. I drank like a rock star while the porn star hung out up in Little Beatle's room and played X-Box.There was much exchanging of gifts, eating and watching movies.Over all the whole experience was rather nice. I cooked for two days solid and now we have enough leftovers so that I won't have to cook all week.

The kids were all happy with their presents, except for a couple of things my mother bought the girls.(She still thinks they're 8 and 10) but they were good and acted gracious and thanked her. I told them they could wear their things around the house...

One bonus gift I hadn't expected is that now Miss-know-it-all and Veggie Stick both currently view me like this...



Let's just say that my mother is a well organized and controlling entity. She felt the need to be in charge of everything...including my cooking and cleaning abilities.The gifts were rationed out, one at a time...it took FOREVER to open everything. No one was allowed to sit down if there was any mess of any kind...(a drinking glass on the coffee table was a huge No-No...)So the girls got a first hand taste of what I grew up with...



I think they appreciate me more now...

Today they want to go to the mall. I would rather walk through Kroger's on Elderly Hell Day wearing free samples of Geritol and Metamucil but I will be a good mother and take them. Besides...the tightwad Swede in me knows they'll get the best deals today.

Today's word will be "Return"...Every time we go into a store the clerk will ask if we have a return and I will be able to make loud noises while clapping my hands...

That should be sufficient to entertain me while the girls shop.

Little Beatle has practice every morning the rest of the week, so I will be getting up and taking him there. What kind of dictator plans practice on Christmas week? Meh...

I'm still kind of worn out this morning so that's all I've got for ya. Besides, I need to prepare myself emotionally for the visit to the mall this afternoon. I figure if we go between twelve and one we can get home before rush hour traffic hits.

So anyway, with that said, here is my mood for today....



I'M CRUSHING YOUR HEAD! CRUSH! CRUSH!

I think Little Beatle and I will sit and people watch and do some head crushing while the girls shop....I'm really in the mood for head crushing...anyone care to join us?

It was the week before Christmas.....

Since there was probably a glitch with setting things up before she left,I'm posting the little poem I wrote for Tracy to put on her blog. I'm sure something happened with the system and I bet ya she's gonna be upset when the remainder of her twelve guests of Christmas didn't show up as expected.

I'd be upset too.

Anyway...here is a little insight into the Christmas joy that is my life.

Much love!!!


It was the week before Christmas and all through my house...
EVERYTHING was in chaos, especially my spouse.

The clothes were all tossed on the floor, on the chairs!
Twenty cat hair balls lay in piles on the stairs.

Sour milk and dirty sock smells wafted from my son's room.
My daughters skulked around, two purveyors of doom.
With me feeling apathetic and not giving a shit
The house was a wreck and I didn't care one bit.
"I'm tired of busting my ass for all of you".
I said as I grabbed a mud covered shoe.
I looked at the tree lights, tangled in knots
and the glued and paper ornaments my kids made as tots.
The chewed up newspaper strewn all over the floor
and the forty thousand fingerprints smeared on the door.
"I can't get this house ready," I thought with dismay.
"There's no way I'll be finished before Christmas Day!

Then much to my surprise Mr.Man got off the couch.
He straightened up and cracked his back with an "Ouch."
"What can I do to help?" he said with a grin.
"My God he's drunk", I thought. "He's been in the gin."
But no, he was sober. (More sober than me.)
So I put him to work putting lights on the tree.
When the girls came down stairs, their eyes filled with awe
(I don't think they believed the sight that they saw.)
So they both pitched in and started trimming the tree.
(Without the usual prodding and guilt trip from me.)
I left them to finish putting up ornaments and lights
and prayed to God it'd be completed with minimal fights.

Feeling at ease and filled with a little holiday cheer...
I began sweeping off each hair covered stair.
I ran the vacuum and dusted bottom to top.
I was so friggin tired I thought I would drop.
But I kept on moving and cleaning some more.
I made my bed and picked the clothes off the floor!
Then I moved into the kitchen and scrubbed till it was shiny.
I worked my ass off all day....really busted my hiney.
Once the house was clean and the decorations were complete...
I began wrapping all the presents,which is no easy feat.
As I cut out perfect sheets of Christmasy wrapping.
I looked up at Mr.Man who was sound asleep napping.
I tucked and I folded, even making the corners straight.
I secured every package with ten rolls of tape.
As each present was wrapped it went under the tree.
Soon there were gifts as far as the eye could see.

I know I complain about the work Christmas makes.
The shopping and wrapping....baking cookies and cakes...
But I'm really grateful for all the things that I've got.
The ample food that goes straight to my butt...
The chaotic and cluttered roof over my head...
An indoor bathroom and a soft comfy bed...
Brains and humor, stunning good looks...
My IPod that I adore and tons of books.
A cup of hot coffee made fresh by my Bunn...
The ability I have to make everything fun...
My kids,Mr.Man,my family and friends, the dog and my cats...
My old squeaky dented car with it's chewed up floor mats.
I have a lot to be thankful for and even though I bitch...
If I had a chance be someone else, I wouldn't switch.

So for all of you that read about my life every day.
I have something important I just need to say...
"Happy Holidays to everyone! You mean the world to me!
I hope the New Year brings you all love and prosperity!"

WOWEEE!!!!

Saturday was hectic. I got to spend another entire day at the mall and cap it off with working tips at the Booster building.

So let's say I saw more trolls in one day than a person should ever have to in their life.

Let's start with the mall....
There are some interesting people who come out of their hidey holes during the holiday season. I saw a few people tied together....yes TIED...as in having something wrapped around their wrists, like a string and one cute couple dressed in black leather and dog collars had a chain connecting them. Her part of the chain was securely attached to her wrist with his chain disappearing into his pants.
I'm not sure where it went but I didn't want to speculate too much. I was afraid they'd catch me gawking at them, but being the pervert I am, I figured it was tied to his dick. So I followed them through the mall for ten minutes to see if someone would try to cut in between them and cause a nasty accident for this guy, but it didn't happen.



Yeah..I know I'm a sicko, but wouldn't you have been curious too?

The girly parades were out in full force, with an entire different look on each and every one. Yesterday they weren't wearing sweaters or scarves. They had low cut shirts on with little cami-tank tops beneath them. This one group of girls were wearing stripes and it reminded me of a box of old fashioned ribbon candy.



Man I used to love that stuff...

I only saw one family all dressed alike, wandering the mall. They all looked happy too...even the dad. Of course they were all wearing WVU shirts, so I'm guessing he didn't feel nearly as humiliated as the dad in the red sweater did last Saturday.

Last but not least, there was a sight that made me shake with fear. I walked out of Macy's and there was a pack of the Elderly, dressed in Christmas garb, walking straight for me.
"OH DEAR GOD,PLEASE SPARE ME! I'M SORRY FOR LAUGHING AT THAT T-SHIRT AND BUYING ONE FOR MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS!"

The T-shirt said this in case you're wondering...



(I know it's bad but I couldn't help myself. My humor is not always politically correct.)

Ok..so getting back to the pack of the elderly, my bargaining with God for my life...etc....
I'm praying for forgiveness as the pack gets closer to me. I can't help but notice that one of them, carrying one of those huge ass purses filled with bricks, has her eyes fixed on me.
I literally froze in fear.
She approached me and I closed my eyes, waiting for the first blow.

Then she hugged me and said Merry Christmas.THEN they climbed up on stage and sang Christmas carols. Maybe none of them were from Dunbar? Who knows? I was grateful anyway and since I didn't die or suffer injury, I'm still giving the T-shirt as a gift.

So with the mall behind me, I got an hour to sit and then had to work tips at Bingo. The Boosters had their annual dinner and the place was packed. Fortunately for me, I was lucky and no one refused to buy cards off me or sic their lucky trolls on me. So it was a good night. But did you know that people dress their lucky trolls up seasonally, kind of like those Geese that sit on people's porches for decorations?



I don't get it, but in case you have one of those, I'm not judging...I just don't get it.

Ok...so todays word is going to be "cookie." If I hear one more person ask me to get up and bring them a cookie, I'm going to scream and jump up and down with both feet, so I thought I'd multi-task and try to make it fun.

This is my mood for today...



My mother wants to go to WalMart so I'm fearing for my life already.

Oh yeah...one more thing...Tracy asked me to guest post on her blog, so I sent her a little something last week. In her email back to me, she said she'd be putting it on there today (or was that tomorrow?) so check it out and check out her other guest posters.Our wonderful Tiff was on there too. LOVE YOU TIFF!!!! There's some incredibly fantastic people on there, as if Tracy isn't fantastic enough.

I think that this blog and the people I've made friends with here are the greatest gifts I've received this year. I want to thank all of you for being the sparkling individuals you are. You make my life, richer and happier. Thank you for that.I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas!!!

Freakfest mess....

I'm late posting today for two reasons...

FIRST...my MOTHER is visiting.

Yeah...I really don't think I need to say much about that except I drank quite heavily last night.

SECOND...I went Christmas shopping.

Yeah...at WalMart of all places. I'm into all that kinky self mutilation shit so I enjoy walking through WalMart when there's three million people trying to get their last minute shopping done with all their screaming brats with sticky fingers grabbing me as I walk past.
I swear to GOD I had things stuck to me when I left the store. I'm surprised I didn't get stopped for shoplifting.A thorough body cavity search would have been exactly what I needed today...
My brown turtleneck made me look like a piece of flypaper, with bits of debris all over it. I had an M&M stuck to the front of my shirt like it was a nipple and some short dude with a plaid cap kept licking his lips and eyeballing me.
Ewww...
On the up side, I now have a new deck of cards and an emery board with pictures of kitties all over it.
What else did I find? Oh yeah..anyone need a pacifier?

In case you're wondering I didn't get everything done either. I have to go back out there. I just have to ask myself is it really so bad to drive drunk? I mean, that's the only way I can shop tonight and tolerate my mother. Can someone be my designated driver?

When she arrived last night, she walked in and stopped.She looked over everything and then sniffed the air.Of course my house WAS NOT CLEAN ENOUGH (I fucking told ya so) but apparently the food was good and the house smelled good.(Thank sweet Jesus for those Glade plug ins...LOL).

So my talent is cooking...well there are others too like talking and sewing and fucking and drinking, but you know...this cooking one is mother appropriate.
I can cook for her and perhaps the clean house thing won't be as important.

Later tonight when I get home I will be drinking Glögg. I will also be making Spritz cookies and if I weren't so wiped out from shopping at the freak fest, I'd look up a picture for you and post it...but I'm feeling like a lazy shit, so google it instead.

With that said..(this is going to be short and sweet..like me)
I need to get back out there and finish my shopping.
I'm prepared for battle and ready to grab, jab and bag what I'm looking for.Hopefully I will not be grabbed or jabbed with someone's bag while I'm wandering through a crowded aisle.

My mood for today is this....



It's been a rough day so far. I am disoriented. I just feel like you feel when you've been out drinking and you wake up undressed and sore in all the holes people can stick things into and you're not really sure what happened...(not that it's ever happened to me, but you know what I mean, right?)

Whatever...I KNOW you know what I mean...

I just wanna be nude...except for a pair of slippers

This morning I got up and the entire world decided to pick on me.
I'm not EVEN exaggerating....

First of all, my foot got hung up in the sheet and I fell out of bed, on my FACE. (Maybe hardwood floors in the bedroom wasn't such a bright idea?)
Then I went to the bathroom where Veggie Stick flew into my face in a rage because she couldn't find her hairspray.
WTF?
I just needed to pee dammit!
Let's just say that REALLY put me in a fantastic mood.
I dropped my pants and used the potty, discovering that I had inadvertently dipped my robe tie in the potty and peed on it, but only after going to tie it of course.THEN there was NO HANDSOAP, so I said "Fuck it!" and used rubbing alcohol until I could muster up the ambition to go to the grocery store and buy soap. (Apparently we have no more bar soap either. I may shower with dish detergent. Thank god I buy the green apple scented.)

ANYWAY...Miss-Know-It-All hadn't gotten her digs in yet, so when I asked her,(simply asked her) if she knew where the hairspray was, she went on the defensive, becoming the victim who is always questioned and harassed in this house. (According to her warped way of thinking.)
Although I was in a bad mood, I let it go and walked away.
That wasn't good enough for her. Since I hadn't impaled myself on a pointy sharp object and seemed to be pain free, she felt the need to follow me and mock me until I lost it and tapped her on the mouth.
Then she screamed child abuse and all that shit and said she hoped it would leave a bruise so she could report me, BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!...and the truth of the matter is that it was more of a pat to warn her to stop, to be quiet because I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
She called me a bitch, liar, whatever else she could think of and that's when I lost my mind.

"YOU THINK I'M A BITCH BUT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN TO SEE WHAT A BITCH I CAN BE LITTLE GIRL!!!"



Yeah...so there.
Of course she didn't stop so I was finally forced into cutting her tongue out of her head but a woman has to do what a woman has to do, right?

You know I'm not serious, right?

I drove the ungrateful little witches to school...
(Does anyone else hear the approach of my mother who is supposed to arrive this evening?)



That music is driving me crazy....

Getting back the the morning recap, after driving the evil hell spawn to school and narrowly preventing my transfer to prison by kicking their asses out of the car while it was still moving, I returned home to battle it out with Little Beatle.

Let me tell you something. Ever since that kid began to grow hair in funny places he doesn't have a brain cell that works. His mouthiness has increased faster than the oil companies profit margins. Not only did that little dumbass lie to me and tell me his homework was finished, his father lied to me about checking it.
Needless to say, it was not done.
He barely made it to school on time...

And so this brings me to Mr.Man.
My car needs to be inspected, the tired checked and the oil changed. I'm not helpless and I can do all of those things but it's pretty fucking hard to find time to do it when you're the ONLY ONE WHO EVER CLEANS OR COOKS OR RUNS THE DEMON CHILDREN WHERE THEY NEED TO GO!

I come down hard on the kids and make them do things but it's tough to sell them on the arguement that everyone in the house needs to pitch in and help.Mr.Man, I suppose feels that it all falls on me.Yeah, he works hard and supports us,but he has a three day weekend every week.
Can he not do something on ONE of those three days?
Will he melt if his hand touches dishwater?
Will his head explode if he has to take one of the kids to a function?
Will it really kill him to spend an hour or two once a year to get my car inspected?

I just have to ask...is his behavior because I don't have a job that brings in a paycheck? Would I get more help if he thought I was contributing something?

I don't get it.

Meh....so now it's a little after nine. I'm sitting here trying to enjoy a cup of coffee...



I feel possessed. Now I understand why people snap and going on killing sprees.
Don't worry though...I won't do it. If it weren't for my freakishly long tongue I'd be ok with prison. But you know I'd end up being whored in there the way I'm whored at home.
I might as well have a little freedom combined with the whoredom.

Speaking of whoring yourself out...I guess that the DJ apologized, said he was just playing and didn't take the whole thing seriously and is offering fans the opportunity to buy an egg for a dollar (proceeds go to charity) and throw an egg at him wearing his Michigan shirt.

A man's gotta eat I suppose.

Elderly Hell day at WalMart isn't as bad as Kroger's. I'm not certain what the difference is but I only experienced one OWLH incident.(old White Lady Hate for those of you who are new to the Elderly Hell issues I have.)
There was an elderly lady, cute as a button, who was riding on one of those motorized carts. She was zooming around the store, doing her shopping, looking like a little Mrs.Santa Claus.



Well looks can be deceiving.

The first time I saw her, she whizzed by me, almost hitting one of the employees who was stocking a shelf. I made a mental note to watch out for her, but only because I thought the sweet little dear probably couldn't see well.
In the paper towels isle, I even helped her to reach a roll of paper towels that were decorated the way she liked and met her several times in the aisles.
She didn't run over me once.
Really.
Of course we hadn't reached the baking aisle yet.
Apparently if there is no White Lily flour it turns this nice little old lady into a monster.
Not only did she pitch a fit on me, but she sped down the aisle toward an unsuspecting employee and reamed him a new asshole for a good twenty minutes.
That's all it took.
She swerved into displays and ran into me twice, almost running over my shoe once.
I saw her chucking things on the floor from her buggy...vanilla extract, butter...leaving them laying in the middle of the floor.
She was throwing a bad ass tantrum and didn't care who saw it.
Do you think they'd kick me out of the store if I sat in one of those motorizes buggies and threw shit out of it?
I'm betting yes.

Well anyway my mother is still on her way and the house is a mess. I have a pounding headache and I still have some wrapping to do.
Nothing will be good enough of course but I feel obligated to at least try.
So with that said, the word of the day is "Oh".
As soon as my mother steps foot in my house she will say that, as she eyeballs my less than perfect home making skills and then I will clap my hands wildly and shout and make a lot of noise.

I do what I need to in order to cope my friends.

Speaking of coping, there are hot flashes galore today and if I thought I could get away with it, I'd spend the entire day naked.(Except for my feet because they stay cold during these hormonal fire storms.)

Here is my mood for today but I think it may be a lot of people's moods as well...



It's getting closer to Christmas....sheesh....

Everyone is crazy...it's not just me.

I'm going to get the word of the day and my mood out of the way right now.

The word for today is INSANITY....(there's a lot of crazy shit going on...I'm serious.)

This is my mood...



Actually after reading Donutbuzz I looked up the images for The Abominable Snowman and it seemed to fit the way I was feeling this morning.

Anxious....

So what's the chaos all about, you ask?

Well..when I was driving the kids to school this morning, there was some Rich Rodriguez drama unfolding on the radio station my kids listen to.
Apparently one of the morning DJ's is from Michigan. He's been making comments and playing the Michigan school song on and off all week. Of course the other morning people have also been teasing him about Michigan's loss to Ohio among other losses as well.
It seemed to be all in fun.
In fact, I have seen this DJ at WVU games and I've seen him out in public wearing WVU shirts,hats, sweatshirts...it's reasonable to say he's probably a fan.

BUT....speaking as one who knows all about what it's like to move away from the place you grew up to a new place where EVERYTHING is different....I'm going to say that he is probably still a Michigan fan as well.

Just because you move to a new state doesn't mean your past is erased and you become acclimated into the local culture.
That's what makes this world great, right?
Diversity....

Anyway, while I was listening to the events unfold in the car, I believe I even heard this DJ say he felt bad for WVU's loss but happy for Michigan's gain.

Why is that such a terrible thing?

I think the entire sequence of events would have just faded away and faltered, bringing back the normal crazy, fun banter people listen to that station for, had it not been for the management having someone call him on air and threaten him with suspension without pay for continuing to talk about Michigan or play their school song.

That's when I believe it became serious.

I don't think his banter about Michigan was that important to him, but free speech on the other hand.....well...that should be important to everyone.

Apparently it's not.

"Shut up or you're outta here!" was the carol of the day from a majority of the listeners who are WVU fans this Christmas season.

You know...that bothered me.

Yeah, this is West Virginia and the fan base for this station are either going to support WVU or Marshall but what has happened to this?

The First Amendment was ratified on December 15, 1791. The Amendment states:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

He wasn't being obnoxious or offensive. It was done in a joking manner as is most of the banter back and forth between him and his co-workers and callers.

I hear things on the radio that I don't agree with or rub me the wrong way all the time.

Guess what I do?

I turn to another station.

Same goes for TV.

I believe that allowing people to have the freedom to state their opinions promotes tolerance. Trying to force someone's silence because people are upset over the actions of one man, is dangerous territory.

Is this what the majority is standing for now? Getting rid of the people who say things that upset or irritate them?

The whole thing just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

One thing that has struck me about people from West Virginia is their independent spirit and fierce loyalty, not only to their sports team but to the freedoms our forefather's fought for.

This mornings sequence of events seemed like a gigantic oxymoron to me.

Now...I'm not picking a fight.I'm exercising my freedom to say what I think.

I think Rich Rodriguez did WVU dirty, but that's not anyone else's fault but his. To crucify someone else who happens to not be devastated by the situation is bordering on fanaticism...No pun intended.

Happiness seldom comes to blanket everyone. There's always someone left out in the cold while others are warm and content.

That just seems to be the way it works.

There does seem to be a consolation for that unhappiness though...it's the freedom to be able to express how we feel about it.Regardless of whether we are happy or sad or disgusted or ecstatic, the freedom to be able to talk about it is one right none of us should ever revoke from anyone.
When we attempt to do that, we are jeopardizing our own rights as well.

That's all I have to say for today...

Catch me tomorrow and I'll fill you in on Elderly Hell at WalMart yesterday...

What I WANT.....NO......DESERVE FOR CHRISTMAS!

There is one thing I wish for every single Christmas. In fact I've wished for it for the last ten Christmases that I can think of....



I WANT A FUCKING DISHWASHER!

Look...I cook at home at least six days a week. That's a lot of dishes people. Madge and her Palmolive have not prevented my hands from looking like dried up mummy hands. I am sick and tired of dipping my hands in the dishpan two and sometimes three times a day to wash dishes. I use rubber gloves occasionally but inevitably they end up missing and I'm back to the same old prune fingers in no time.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable....after all...I don't have one of these...



In fact Mr.Man has only bought me jewelry on several occasions and most of them have been inexpensive silver, except for the one necklace with the leaf on it, which was gold and white gold combined.
He's just not a flower, candy, jewelry type guy.
This is more his speed....



If he's going to spend more than a hundred dollars on something then it's going to be something he likes.

*shrugs*

Most times it doesn't bother me. Not really. I mean he does work hard for his money and I don't bring in any income. I hate to begrudge him his hobbies and what-not.
He tells me to just go out and buy a dishwasher but between him and the kids, there is never any money left. The house and I get whatever is left over.

I considered getting a job on many occasions, but felt in the end that the material possessions were not as important as being home for my children.

Of course that will change one I get the paperwork straightened out and begin selling my stuff. That will happen in January, since there have been a few glitches to deal with. Hopefully if I make any extra money doing that, there will be some set aside to fix our house up a little.

Meh...I didn't intend for this to turn into a "Me!Me!Me! It's all about me!!!"post...

It wouldn't matter if I didn't get anything. I'd still be happy. It's just stuff after all...but a dishwasher would be a pleasant surprise.

I have decided to become a badge whore. I want to collect unusual button pins to stick in the ceiling of my car.So far I have one....

I want badges made like this on the back...



With various sayings or pictures on the front like this....



Of course there are a couple I saw that are VERY APPROPRIATE FOR ME....



AND



This one is me for sure...



And of course this one....



If you get a chance, check out THIS website. It's where I found all of my badge pictures...hopefully I will get a few if I'm good...er...bad?
Whatever it takes I guess....

Well anyway...the word of the day is panic. I HAVE to go out in the crowds and shop. If I don't get the box I need mailed shipped out today, it won't get there in time. So..even though it's Elderly Hell Day, I have to go out among them....*shudder*

With that said, this is my mood....



I'm ready for battle....

Touchy...touchy...

It was a hell of a weekend. I was an uninspired mess most of Saturday afternoon and into Sunday. I just didn't have the Christmas spirit. I don't know what's going on with that....
Anyway...it seems like everyone I know is kind of in a dull, zombie like mood and no one, I mean NO ONE is jolly and festive.

Saturday I had to take Veggie Stick to the mall to sing. We were up there for five hours total and let me tell you, when you're stuck in a mall for five hours with nothing to do but shop, it's torture.
There wasn't even anyone to have a decent conversation with. The one person worth talking to, kept blowing me off by walking away in the middle of a conversation or before I'd even begun to speak, so I just finally gave up and hung out alone.

I did a little people watching....

People at malls are interesting to watch. There are some people who are very self-conscious and it shows by the way they walk, dress and talk. And if they're going to the mall in a group, it's like they color coordinate. I saw seven groups of teen aged girls all wearing the exact same outfit with different colored shirts and scarves.
Seven groups....

Then there was the family, five of them, all wearing the same color sweaters with jeans. It was strangely cute, except for the husband who just didn't look comfortable wearing his red sweater...he looked annoyed.

Speaking of husbands...

Mr.Man's mangina is still bothering him. Sunday morning he got out of bed and decided to torment me. I woke up and walked down stairs, butt chuckling all the way. He greeted me with " God, What crawled up your ass and died?".
That didn't bother me.
Then he kept running into me and being goofy.
That didn't annoy me either.
It's when he came in and drank MY COFFEE OUT OF MY CUP BECAUSE THE COFFEE MAKER WAS EMPTY THAT I GOT ANNOYED.
I mean come on here...make a new pot of coffee asshole. I hadn't even finished one cup and let me tell you, I like my coffee in the morning.

So when he began to tell me how the guys at work were messing with him because he was growing his hair out, I couldn't help but be a little vicious.

Mr.Man: "So what do you think honey. Do you like my hair when it's longer?"

Me: "I think it makes you look like a 70's porn star."



Mr. Man didn't say anything. Instead he wandered around the house and then went upstairs. Quite frankly I didn't think anything about it.

Then he came downstairs...



Apparently my comment upset him. He not only cut his hair, he cut it SHORT!

Does this mean I'm going to have to return the cool T-shirt I bought him for Christmas?



Ah well...I'm guessing he's not too mad. He called me this morning and told me he loves me. I think I might still be one of his favorite people.

Today I need to clean, bake and go back to that shitty mall. The Little Beatle will be singing with his school so I shall go watch him, then we will eat and then I will leave the mall of hell.
At least it's not happening on a Tuesday...whew!

So...what can today's word be?
I'm stumped really. Normally I will choose a word I can really fuck with people about, but today I think I'm going to leave it up to you guys.
What would you choose as a word of the day and why?

I'm feeling a little more in the Christmas spirit today so this is my mood...



There's a kiss for everyone...

See? I'm in a festive holiday mood.....and it's going to stay that way even it if kills me.

So there....

Love is not a weapon....

I've decided to stop stressing over things. I'm going to just go with the flow. I'm sure the pictures I sent my friend were neither disgusting or offensive. I think I allowed my insecurities to get the best of me.

I do that sometimes.

It's just hard for me to always believe that I'm worthy of anything good.
I long for people to love me and want to be part of my life.
And in my quest to show others how much I want them to be part of my life, I end up being tormented by insecurity sometimes.

I suppose you could say that I try too hard.

I know I'm a good person.
I'm damn fun to be around too.
And I'm loyal...I'm trustworthy and fair.
I don't judge and I'm open minded.
I'm forgiving to a fault.
Most importantly I don't use love as a weapon.

What do I mean by that?

Well...

There are some people who use the love someone else feels for them to their advantage. They manipulate the people who love them for their own personal gratification.

I don't do that though.

How could I use something so beautiful as love to manipulate someone?

Why would I desecrate something so precious by using it in such a selfish way?

Love is such a gift. It should be treasured, not abused.

So...the thought for today is this...

I'm going to stop being my own worst enemy.
I'm going to be myself and hope that love comes to me.
I can't force anyone to love me.

I'd like loyal friendship love, or protective love. I'd like someone to treasure the love I offer them....

I could use a little of that.

That would certainly make a nice Christmas gift...just a little love.

(And no stalker love damn it!)

Ever want to kick yourself in the ass?

Let me begin today's post with the word of the day.
It's hell.
I'm in hell.
I wonder what the hell I was thinking.
I feel like hell, I look like hell...HELL!!!

BANG..BANG..DING..DING...WHOO...WHOO!!!

Yep..that's the word alright.

I don't feel like going into details or anything but I'm embarrassed.

That's my mood for today...



I'm about to die of it in fact.

I did something that may have been a little over the top and now I'm worried I've upset someone I know.The fact that they have not responded to the "weird humor" I shared with them worries me.
So I shot off an email of apology and still I haven't received a response.

There is something frightening about putting yourself out there and sharing the more intimate thoughts and what not with people...but it's much harder when it's with someone you KNOW in person. I may do things to shock or offend people who read this but it's not like I'm going to run into you at the school or the grocery store. Besides....there is a comfort in knowing that here, I can feel free to write what I want. Everyone respects that blogs are meant for sharing those thoughts we would otherwise keep inside.
Can you imagine walking up to someone, even someone you know, and talking to them about the things you write in your blog with the same ease and comfort you write?



Yeah...I'm pretty out there, here and in the real world but even I can't imagine the words flowing out of my head while talking to someone they same way they do when I sit to write....

Not to change the subject or anything but I needed to address this one thing before I forget.
Yes Paul, that song you have heard and like IS associated with St.Lucia. It's a very significant part of the whole tradition.

So...getting back to the point of this entire post....

What was the reaction of my friend when they saw my racy joke?

Was it this?



Or this?



I was hoping for this reaction...



So with that said...

What have you done that has caused you to feel awkward afterwards?
I don't actually KNOW if I've humiliated myself or not, but this person's silence is deafening...it makes me feel like I've committed a faux pas....like they were totally grossed out...like they are so upset by it they can't stand to even talk to me.

So go ahead...spill you guts and let me know I'm not the only one who's ever wanted to kick myself in the ass.
How much you want to bet I turn BEET RED the next time I see my friend? And trust me...it takes A LOT to embarrass me.

Someone kick me, ok?

Oh those crazy Swedish traditions....

Today is Santa Lucia Day. It's mainly celebrated in Sweden, as you can read here in The Local,(Swedish newspaper translated into English)



But of course my family still celebrates it. As a matter of fact, we seemed to have kept most of our Swedish Heritage traditions, from dancing around the Maypole (Majstag) every June to eating fish soaked in lye for a week and then prepared with cream sauce.
Oh yeah...don't forget the Vodka.

So...today is the 13th and while we did not rise at dawn,(we actually rose far before dawn) and we did not have the youngest daughter in the house, (Veggie Stick...can't imagine placing her in a long white gown with a wreath of burning candles atop her head)distribute lussekatter and glögg, we WILL celebrate the 13th tonight with a dinner and a few small gifts. Thank GOD I have the tree up with the lights on. We will finish decorating the tree as part of our own americanized version of St.Lucia and have a nice dinner together at our dining room table..complete with candles and dessert. While it might not be the accurate version, it's still a big deal for us and a tradition I'm trying to hold on to.

I was actually St.Lucia once, in church, and the entire time I was walking down the isle to distribute cookies and buns, I was TERRIFIED I was going to set my hair on fire.



My friend Paul, who was acting as a Star Boy (stjärngossar) decided to make things worse by whispering quite loudly, "She's going to light up like a Christmas tree any second.", then snickered and told the other stjärngossar to stand back.

I got through the whole experience ok, but it's one I'll never forget. Well...that and one of the elderly gentlemen passing out in the pew from drinking a little too much glögg. Heh heh heh...

Here is the recipe for glögg by the way. Personally I like it but some say it's an aquired taste. Probably the same as Lutefisk (that lye soaked nastiness passed on from my Nana's norweigan father and his family, BLEH!)

Glögg

* 1 bottle of red table wine(I like Sangaria or Tawny Port)
* 1/2- 1 cup vodka
* 5-20 cloves
* 1 rounded tsp. cardamom seeds
* 2 to 4 cinnamon sticks
* 1 or 2 pieces of ginger
* Zest of half a lemon
* 1 cup to 1 1/2 cup sugar
* 1 rounded tsp. vanilla
* 1 cup raisins
* 1 cup dates


Method

1. Crush the cinnamon and cardamom. Peel the lemon. Put all the spices and peel into a glass jar with the vodka.
2. Cover. Leave overnight. Strain the vodka, discard the spices.
3. Mix the spiced vodka with the wine and sugar.
4. Heat all the ingredients in a large saucepan until steaming hot. Do not boil! Stir and taste.
5. If not sweet enough, add more sugar. If too sweet, add more wine.
6. Pour over dates and raisins and allow to sit for a week.
7. You can serve hot or cold.

So there you have it.

The word of the day is....confused. No...I'm pretty sure I won't hear it much but if I do it'll cause me to scream and make noise and act like a complete idiot, which is how I feel sometimes.A confused idiot...

I need to go down to the school and help out a little bit with a few things. There are some programs and what-not that are coming up and things need to get done. I'd rather not do any of it, but what can you do? Someone has to be willing to go take care of business. In the meantime, I'd trying like the dickens to behave myself and get my stuff finished before Christmas has come and gone.

This is my mood today...



I hate having to do stuff I don't wanna do...meh