Ok...I freakin give up! I'm here goddammit!

I wasn't going to write in here today.
Truth be known, I'm feeling kind of pissy.
Yeah...that's a shocker ain't it?



The last hour has been something that closely resembles a Tourette's convention and it's all due to the member of the human race that has those dangling things between their legs.



If I could only figure out how to get one, minus the dude, and make it work when I want it to....those plastic and gel imitations just don't do the trick ok?..I don't know. Maybe I like the whole package but why can't I find a guy who's had a lobotomy? Just pop a couple of sedatives in him and guide him through the experience...I know what I like and I'm not afraid to 'splain' it to him.Maybe I could even invent one of those collar type deals that trains the man to get his boys up and ready to party...



It's works to keep dogs in the yard. They call it an invisible fence. I could call it the invisible 'cock-rocket launcher'...

You see,It's like this...and I'm NOT even fucking exaggerating...

MEN!
The dick says, "Hell Yeah!"...so the heart says..."Just wait one freaking minute here."

The heart is VERY skeptical.
The dick is all willy nilly...no pun intended.

They are in complete disagreement almost all of the time! You might as well call them the 'Republuvicans' and the 'Dickocrats'.

GODDAMMIT! THEY CAN'T AGREE ON ANYTHING!!!



If the 'Republuvican' decides that he's fallen for someone, the dumbass 'Dickocrat' isn't going to have any part of it!!!

AND...

If the 'Dickocrat' is getting a stiffy for someone, then that lame-assed 'Republuvican' will definitely NOT consider that someone as a candidate worthy of consideration.

That's my take on the whole man thing.

They love you..their dick won't work.
The fuck ya...their heart won't work.

THAT'S SOME PRETTY MESSED UP BULLSHIT!

In other news...there are some pretty flowers growing in my yard. I smelled them immediately when I stepped outside. The fragrance was wonderful until the smell of Mr.Man's BURNING FLESH FROM THE FIRE PIT PERMEATED THE AIR!!!

Ok..so I didn't set him on fire. He doesn't deserve my angst. He's an independent most of the time and honestly, even though he's registered a 'Dickocrat', he does have a few "Republuvican' tendencies.

'Dickocrats' are wide open. They feel things in a big way and are generous..(as long as it suits their agenda....)They wear their feelings on their sleeve and fly by the seat(crotch?) of their pants with not much thought for the long term...just taking care of business for right now.



"But don't you love me? I can't sleep with a man who doesn't love me!"
"Sure I love you baby. Now hurry and take your dress off.I've only got five minutes before the game comes back on."

'Republuvicans' are more closed up to the world. They are fickle and self-preserving more so than the 'Dickocrats.'It takes a lot to convince them to give something away, especially if they can't expect anything in return. Taking chances is NOT a 'Republuvican' trait and neither is generosity.



Wow. You're amazing.That was so incredible.Don't you want to hold me now?"
"Yeah...yeah...it was good for me too.No more touching ok? I need to go trim my nose hair so I'll call you sometime instead."

Now before some of you real political people get your panties all wadded up...remember...I'm not talking about politics here.

I'm talking about men's hearts and men's dicks.



"Hmmm...my dick sure is a randy little bastard isn't he? Just look at him go!I think I'll sit back and see where he takes me."

That's all I've got right now. I'm preoccupied with crap and slightly stressed out. So you know what that means, right?

I'm going to clean...

Shut up! It's ONE of the ways I deal with stress. The OTHER way is not available to me right now so I'm doing what it takes to keep me out of jail.

I'll be back tomorrow with more family introductions.