Taxes, cheeseburger lunch, duct tape with a munch munch munch

Yesterday was THE deadline. This year I did what I have NEVER done in my life. I waited until THE deadline day to do my taxes.
GAH!
Not only did I wait, I didn't even have everything together to do the damn taxes, so I had to locate it all.
Let's just say that my filing system leaves a lot to be desired.



Ok...so maybe it's not THAT bad. Hell..it's worse. Now don't get me wrong, I am not like that with other things I'm responsible for....like little league. And when I did the yearbooks or PTO or Girl Scouts or Junior Achievement or LSIC or Title One Parent representative, etc...everything looked like this..



Anyway getting back to the tax situation, I didn't have everything together. I was getting ready to step in the shower when Mr.Man called and bitched at me about getting them done. I was pissed. I mean am I the only adult that lives in our house? So I stomped down the stairs in my pajama pants..only in my pajama pants and began ripping through all the paperwork in the dining room. I was flinging papers behind me, my boobies wildly swinging, me cussing, all consumed in what I was doing.



Well...it seems that they were showing the house next door to some Elderly Hellions. I wasn't aware of them, but they sure as hell were aware of me.
Thank GOD!
I have this knack of being in the right place, doing the right thing sometimes, you know?
I don't think they're buying the house by the way. Anyone looking for a place? I'm right next door...what more could you want?

To make a long story even longer, it ended up that I had actually done the responsible thing and put my tax stuff away where it should have been in the first place. I just didn't think I would have done that so it was the last place I looked.

Around 11, I went to lunch with BuzzardBilly, Ron and ETW. This is the picture ETW took of BB, Ron and I. I borrowed it from her blog...hehehe



ETW took the picture so she's not in it and honestly I didn't even think to take a picture of her, Ron and BB until I was on my way to pick up Miss KIA from school. I was smiling in the picture because I...
A. Farted
B. Touched BB's butt
C. I'm insane
D. All of the above

Lunch was pretty great and I think that Ron was shocked at how normal I seem. He told me that he expected me to come in, half dressed, wildly yelling and jumping around with half the police force chasing me.
Seriously Ron...what ever possessed you to think that about me?



Everyone knows I'm an angel....

So..I ate the cheeseburger for lunch. It was quite tasty and fabulous and cooked to perfection. Then I topped it off with two scoops of ice cream. Strawberry. Nummy...
The conversation was good and when ETW was met with the dilemma of what to say instead of pussy, because she doesn't say pussy. (I do because I'm crude and disgusting)...I suggested she say "Meow Meow Meow".

For example:
"Wow, that smells like a dirty old "Meow Meow Meow"."

OR

"I don't know if I should bikini wax or just shave my "Meow Meow Meow" bare for swim suit season."

I think we found a great compromise. Let's hope it doesn't drive her man crazy.

Speaking of men...Mr.Man came home from work Monday with duct tape covering half his ass. "APPARENTLY" even though he tells me he doesn't eat too much take out during the day, his ass exploded out of his pants. He bent over and the seat of his jeans ripped open 18 inches from the top of his pocket all the way down to his thigh. He was in Huntington, so coming home to change wasn't an option. He called for his boss, grabbed a roll of duct tape and right in the middle of Pullman Square, his boss duct taped his ass, saving the world from his tightie whities.

Yeah...pretty funny...

What makes it even BETTER is that his boss looks like this guy...and I'm not even shitting you..



I wonder how many people drove by thinking it was some gimmic for Jay Leno's show?

I haven't had a word of the day for awhile and while I'm tempted to try to think of one, I think I'll skip it. Veggie Stick is really bitchy lately and I can't play the word of the day game with her anymore or she'll go ballistic.



I mean, yeah, that's what makes it fun and everything but I'm afraid she'll snap and kill me in my sleep or something. You know..it's the hormone thing.

With that said, here is my mood for today...



I'm going to do some laundry now...ok? Nuff said...see ya tomorrow...

If you stir the pot, you get STEW! (and a few others as well)

Stew's questions:

If you wore a fat suit for a day, what else would you also carry (for me it's a whoopie cushion)?

Dammit Stew. I wear a fat suit every fucking day. It's called "my body" and I normally carry a vibrator in my purse because it helps me when I feel stressed and dammit, I get stressed out A LOT! So many assholes...not nearly enough time to masturbate.

If you could meet a famous celebrity (pick one, doesn't matter, they're all the same) for lunch one relaxed afternoon, would you spend the entire time trying to convince them that they had spinach between their teeth?

Who would I choose for my celebrity? Ok...after careful consideration I think I'd choose Oprah Winfrey to have lunch with. I would spend the entire time charming her and then she'd give me money because I'm in desperate need of money. Hell...I'd even go to work for her if she'd give me money. Plus I think she'd be interesting and could even be fun. I couldn't choose a male celebrity or even a hot woman celebrity because when they ultimately gave in to their raging desire for me (on account that I'm such a freakin sex goddess) I'd hate to have to turn them down because I'm not like that. They'd cry...plead...offer me money, not to mention they're HOT, and then I'd be no better than a prostitute because like I said, I need money.

What is the value of pi (3.1415) in base 4 (please round to the 4th remainder)?

The value of pie is around five bucks, give or take. I usually buy the whole pie and cut it into six or eight pieces, not four. *grin*

Why does it hurt when I pee?

I suspect it's an infection. You're supposed to wash the tip REALLY good after anal sex. I swear...it's like I have to hold your hand or something.

and finally

If political decisions were based on the Agile programming model, describe the specifications for requirements determinance for say, Nancy Pelosi's last yea vote. Alternatively describe the steps you would use to prove the Reimann Hypothesis.

The requirement for any political decision is this...



Therefore I would:
A. Take my clothes off.
B. Grease up my asshole.
C. Twist my body into a pretzel.
D. Insert my head into my ass.
E. Probably suffocate and die.
F. What the fuck would that prove?

Gale asked me:

another question: Boxers or briefs? You will probably say commando.

HELL YES I'M GOING TO SAY COMMANDO! I like a man who's shit is easy for me to get to. If I have to go digging around for it, then I'm more likely to bite his pants off with my teefers. Sometimes they don't like that. I'm just saying...


Brendalove ALMOST missed out...almost but not quite:


1. Where would you like to retire to?

I want to retire in the same area as my grandchildren actually. I'm going to be one of those Grammy Tammie's that spoils her grandchildren rotten while planting embarrassing things in my children's houses and shitting myself on purpose so they have to clean me up. I don't want to miss out on the payback.You know what I'm saying?

2. If you can reincarnate after you die, would you rather come back as a woman again or try out being a man?

Next time I'm coming back as the man. I want to be able to stand up a piss and I hate the woman drama I get sucked into. I love to drink and screw and watch sports...I don't even understand why I'm not a man already...except that I like penis A LOT and I loved having children.

3. Do you have a hidden talent?

I don't have any gag reflex. I can stick stuff..(heh heh) in my mouth all the way to the back of my throat and I won't throw up.)

4. If you could choose to have one superhero power (i.e. leaping tall buildings in a single bound, being invisible, having spiderwebs shoot out of your butt), what would it be?

Hell...I'm already "Multiple-Orgasm Woman" so for another super power I'd want to read minds. There are a few people in particular who would be the first I'd want to know what's on their minds.

5. Would you still have sex with Johnny Depp even if you found out he had herpes?

Ok Brenda...are you sitting down? I actually dated a guy who could be Johnny Depp's twin. He was SUCH an ASSHOLE that I wouldn't be able to look Johnny Depp in the face, let alone strip naked and ride him like a motocross bike. I know that's a stunner...on account that EVERYONE wants to do Johnny Depp, but I just couldn't....All I'd be able to think about is Marvin and what a fucktard he was.

Now for a few emailed questions...


DoBro asks:

1. how and when did you meet mr man? seems like you must have been a youngster.

I actually met Mr.Man when I was 23. My friend was dating a guy in his squadron and we hung out in the same group. He really didn't strike me as someone I'd want to go out with, but then after turning him down for several months, he tried to pick up another girl at the club we were at. I realized that I didn't want him to stop paying attention to me, so I sent someone from our group over to get him and we spent the night talking until the wee hours of the morning. I guess that's when I knew I'd end up dating him. We dated for six months and he proposed. The gulf war was in the works and I thought that had something to do with him proposing so I said yes. Imagine my surprise when he didn't get deployed and told my family we were getting married in a couple of weeks....I was 24 when we got married by the way.

2. if you could have had any career other than being a ft mom/wife what would you be?

I would have to say I think I'd be a writer. I enjoy it and I wish I had the talent to do more with it. I thought about going to school and taking journalism, but of course my life took a more difficult direction and that wasn't to be. So...now I write for the hell of it and because it's fun and there's a lot of stuff that runs through my head every morning. Think of me writing in here as me taking a brain crap every morning...

3. i know you are completely committed to mr. man, but do you ever indulge in a married crush? maybe fantasize about someone you would never hook up with in reality?

Like I explained a couple days ago, there have only been a few men who have been invited into my inner sexual sanctuary. Let's put it this way, if you've been invited, you're something special. I don't share that part of me with just anyone. There have been men who I've been very attracted to, but I haven't connected with them and so I don't even consider it. I won't even fantasize about it.
Now I have had dreams about having sex with guys. That's been a little strange. Some of them I'm attracted to and some of them I'm not. Of course even though it's been a dream and you can't control dreams, I wake up feeling violated. It's not sexually provocative to me at all. Without that connection it's not going to stimulate me.
I'm weird....I can't even fantasize about a guy without a connection.
What makes the connection you ask?
I don't know. It's just there. Like with Mr.Man, we were sitting at a restaurant eating and we hadn't been intimate yet. I looked over at him and when he smiled at me I just "knew" we had a connection.
Another guy who I connected with it just happened the first time I ever met him. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.
There was one other man, who I had known for awhile and NEVER thought of him in that way. Then one night when we were working together, he said something to me and it just hit me, that we had a connection too.

The connection I feel toward a man is the key that will unlock my legs and fantasies, etc... Without it...I'm just not into it. And I'm not a prude. I'm pretty open to new things and remarkably creative. It's just how I'm wired.

Another email from a lurker who asked that I not name him asked these questions...

1. What's your best feature in your opinion?

Gosh...I don't know. Maybe my personality? This is a tough question. I mean, I don't really know what to say to this question. It would be easier if you were asking someone else who can look at me with an impartial opinion.

2. What physical feature attracts you to a man?

I like eyes...a nice smile. Both have got to be warm and inviting. I like a good kisser. Masculine hands with thick fingers...a definite turn on. I'm an ass freak too. LOVE a guy with a nice ass...I'll want to bite it.

3. What's your idea of a romantic date?

Actually I'm not hard to please. I'd like conversation, fun and light hearted...silly even. Lots of laughter...and I like a guy who touches me a lot. I like it when he touches my face when he kisses me or runs his fingers through my hair. I think it's romantic. If he reaches over and places his hand on the small of my back, that's romantic.I like to have my fingers stroked lightly and my ear and neck nibbled. I don't need moonlight or candles or music...just touches..lots of them.

4. Are the pictures of you that you post on here, really you?

Yes Goddammit...it's me. Please! Some one who's met me in person...vouch for me here will ya?

Last but not least...


Diane from the WVSR asked me to give her my Lemon Poppy Seed recipe:

Lemon Poppy Seed Bread Recipe:

3/4 cup butter, softened
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup milk
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
3/4 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
3 tablespoons poppy seeds

Lemon Glaze:
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup granulated white sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour (or spray with a non stick vegetable/flour spray) the bottom and sides of a loaf pan (8 x 4 x 2 1/2 inch).

In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, vanilla extract, and milk. Set aside.

In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, lemon zest, and poppy seeds until combined. Add the softened butter and half the egg mixture and mix on low speed until moistened. Increase the speed to medium and beat for about one minute. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and add the remaining egg mixture,beating about 30 seconds.

Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 55 to 65 minutes, or until the bread is golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. You may have to cover the bread with buttered foil after about 30 minutes if you find the bread over browning.

Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, bring the sugar and lemon juice to a boil, stirring until the sugar dissolves.

When the bread is done, remove from oven and place on a wire rack. Pierce the hot loaf all over with a wooden skewer or toothpick and then brush the top of the loaf with the hot lemon syrup then cool the bread completely before wrapping. Store at least overnight before serving to allow the lemon syrup to distribute throughout the loaf.

Makes 1 loaf. You can also make muffins using this recipe, following the same steps. The only changes you need to make is to grease and flour your muffin pans, filling the muffin cups 2/3 full. Do NOT use muffin papers as they will stick to the muffins and be difficult to get off, especially because of the glaze. Bake at 350 degrees for 25- 35 minutes. Test after 25 with a toothpick and when it comes out clean, they're done. Poke with toothpick and brush the top with glaze. Remove when cool and let set overnight before serving.
I hope this turns out close to the lemon poppy seed muffins you experienced. My family loves them!

There...I got the questions posts out the way. That's two posts today folks but you know...a woman has to do what a woman has to do.

Tomorrow I will be done with my taxes so I can go out and have a nice lunch with ETW, Ron and BuzzardBilly. Tonight I will watch the Dexter DVD's I haven't had time to watch yet. Yep...waiting till the last minute you know. Doing taxes last minute...watching Dexter last minute...

Whatever...I need a back rub!

I thought and though till my thinker got sore...

This weekend was a mad dash to the finish line. I was SO stressed out I could have spent hours touching myself and it wouldn't have done any good. I'm just grateful it's all over.
Saturday was the worst of it. It was opening day for our league and there were five hundred phone calls, starting at 7:30 and not ending until my phone died. I'm not even kidding. I took the opportunity to shower while it was recharging. I had planned to actually go over to the field and help get things ready but it didn't work out that way. Instead I talked on the phone. I did manage to get Miss KIA to her ACT testing on time though, so that was a small victory for me. Hopefully she did as well on the test as she did on the pre-test...

Anyway...after a shower and a trip to several different fields, a run to get change and a quick trip to get Little Beatle ready for him game, I watched his game while working concessions and then had to work bingo until 11. Some people didn't show up and one other who would have come but had to work. So we were short handed and I was exhausted when I got home. Those people are crazy over there. I saw one guy who had a picture of his dogs that were dressed up in pink outfits or something. It was his good luck charm. I suppose it beats the hell out of trolls, but I still thought it was weird. The guy who tried to pick me up was there too, but he didn't say anything to me. His friend teased him about it though. He said, "Well lookey here who it is. I wonder if she's here to find her a man?" Then he snickered.

The strange things that happen at bingo. I HATE working it, along with everyone else, but it can serve as blog fodder on occasion.

Speaking of blog fodder, I still have questions to answer...So let's get started shall we?

I'm going to get started with Wyldth1ng. He asks:

Can a swallow carry a coconut?

Apparently Wyld, this is a question that's been asked since the days of King Arthur..



Do I know the answer? No...but some day, a great woman or man will step forward with the answer and rightfully take their place in history as the ONE who answered that question.

Are ladybugs, ladies?, If so, what is up their skirt?

Not all ladybugs are ladies. There are male and female although they're difficult to differentiate. Here's a little picture I found....



They're doing IT. The male is on top. Hmm...they do it doggie style. And did you know that they can do IT for two hours without stopping? WOW!...

How many fingers, is a good number?



Three....

Do you prefer vitamins via a pill or do drink/eat your vitamins? Normally I don't take vitamins. I try to eat healthy and make sure I get plenty of veggies and fruits in my diet. If I'm feeling a little under the weather or run down, I'll take a supplement...

Trish asks:

I'm wondering about your background. You say you grew up in Maine of Swedish descent. Do you ever go back to the old country? Do you speak Swedish?

Trish, I actually grew up in a little Swedish community in Maine. My great, great grandmother was the first girl born in the colony. Her parents were among the first settlers from Sweden. The colony was established in 1870. My family has lived there ever since. Some people can show their kids a few heirlooms and pictures to tell them about their family history. I can take mine to the museum in town and show them the original immigrant trunks and sleighs, dishes and tools. The families in the community donate items to the museum and maintain the Swedish history that way. There is also the Swedish traditions that live on in the community, like Midsommar and also the celebration of Saint Lucia in the school.



As for speaking Swedish,I can't speak it fluently anymore but I can speak some and understand quite a bit. When I started first grade I spoke it better than English. Of course that wasn't a good thing so they began to discourage me from speaking it so I would speak English better. I wish they'd have continued to talk to me in Swedish, but they didn't. My mother and aunt don't speak it either.

Now a questions from a previous lurker that revealed himself! cadude asks:


A Q: You've mentioned your involvement in baseball administration--what's your position? You've probably said in earlier posts, but this is the easiest way for me to find out.

I am on the Board of Directors for our local little league. I hold the position of lowly secretary. I do it for the kids really. It's a very difficult job and there's tons of paperwork, correspondence, phone calls, etc.. Of course everyone thinks you don't do anything because they don't SEE you do anything, but I'm busy almost every single day working on it. And I'm not talking an hour or two either. There are hours involved...hours upon hours. I try to pitch in where ever else I'm needed too. I will work in concessions, mow the field or help get it ready for a game. Whatever they need. If someone needs help, I'll try my best.

Gale asked me this question which I answered already because Ron asked me the same thing, kind of...

I have a question. Does the blonde goddess have any regrets?

Gale, HERE is the answer to that question. I'm sorry I missed the fact that you and Ron asked the same thing...
My biggest regret was to waiting to fly home when my Pa was dying. I was living here and Little Beatle was only a year old. Freya was still in Maine with her dad and Veggie Stick was four, Miss KIA in kindergarten. I wanted to take Little Beatle and fly home to be with him, but we didn't know how much longer it would be before Pa passed away. I had to try to make arrangements for the girls and without family here, that was close to impossible. I finally found people to help while Mr.Man was working, but I didn't want to take advantage of them so I waited. I finally booked a flight because my Nana called me and told me he was getting really bad, and he died two days before I was due to fly up there.
I wish I hadn't waited. I wanted to say goodbye to him and it's the biggest regret of my life.

Ok....so now I have to make a choice. Continue answering questions or go do my taxes.
Hmmm....
Questions or taxes?

Ummm....Let me look at who the next questions are from...

It's Stew.

Ok...Stew...I have a question.
What the hell? Do you think I'm a rocket scientist? I'm just a blond woman with floppy breasts and a sticky out ass. There are no hidden brains in either of those places and I'm having some issues with two of these questions.

I'm going to wait until tomorrow. Mainly because I have to save what little brain power I have left to do my taxes. Besides, I have received a few more questions in the comments section and a couple others in my email from lurkers...

I'll answer them tomorrow.

In the meantime, this is my mood today...



I feel like getting naked and laying around. I'm hot...in fact I turned the furnace off and I'm getting ready to strip right now. I HATE hot flashes...bleh. How am I supposed to concentrate so I can do my taxes?

I'll be back tomorrow with the last of the questions and answers....

More mind boggeling information...did I spell boggeling right?

Thank God it's Friday. Man...I know I don't work out of the house but for some reason the weekends seem to give me a little break. I'm spent. I've been on the phone so much that I want to run over it in the driveway. As for typing, I'm pretty burnt out on that too. If blogger had a feature where I could just record myself so you could play it and listen to it, I'd be doing that instead of typing. My fingers are the only skinny thing on my body and that's the reason. Anyway, I have a few more schedules to type up and another invoice for a sign I sold and I MIGHT be able to finally be caught up on my paperwork.

Let get started on the questions and answers shall we? Actually, I have received a few more questions which has prompted me to do three answering sessions. I'm going to answer a few more today and then allow more questions over the weekend for Monday's post. I doubt I can answer the remaining questions in one post, plus Stew asked me a few things that will require some thought...my poor little blond mind can't comprehend those big thinking questions Stew! You suck!
I'm going to do my best to answer them though. Plus...there are still lurkers and not everyone who reads my blog has asked me something. The weekend will give them a chance to ask or forever hold their peace...

HaHa...I'm such a dork.

OK...

Ron has asked me four good questions...

1. If you could ask a higher power any one question and have it answered what would it be?

Ron, I would ask why there is so much suffering in this world. I don't understand the nature of people and why cruelty exists. I've read the Bible...I've heard the explanation that it's the Devil and evil and all that, but I don't know if I believe that. If there is a God,which I do believe, and He has power over all that's He's created, including the devil,which is what it says in the Bible, then why allow the suffering? That's what I would ask Him...

2. If you had to eat the same meal for the rest of your life what would that meal be?

It would have to include bread. I'm a huge fan of bread and bread is mostly responsible for my sticky-out ass and boob propper. So what else would I eat with it? I really like turkey and dressing and mashed potatoes but turkey makes you sleepy and if it was the only meal I could eat, I'd be sleepy all the time and dopey and well..that probably wouldn't be good. So...after careful consideration, I'd have to say that I'd eat, eggs, toast with jam, hash browns, bacon,a hunk of cheese, milk, juice and coffee. I'd eat breakfast for the rest of my life. I'm a huge fan of it and it would offer more variety.

3. If you could travel back in time for a moment and shout one piece of advice to you at age 10 what would it be?

I don't know if there is any advice that would have helped me. Maybe it would be to not stay alone at home on June 5, 1980. But then again, you can't change what course you life is going to take, good or bad. The events of that day probably would have still happened, just on a different day.

4. Do you have any single slutty girlfriends that are going to be in West Virginia next week? ;)

I am the only slutty one in my group and I'm taken. Sorry...I even thought about people who are only acquaintances and I wouldn't wish them on you. You're too sweet!

The next question came from bossinjo...: "Did you give in and let your Man purchase the $250 item?"


Well...I explained to him that we didn't have the money and he made the decision not to purchase the item. To be honest, I don't ever tell him he can't do something. I give him reasons why it's not a good idea but if he wants to do something, trust me, he's going to do it. It's funny too because he always accuses me of wearing the pants in the family but I don't. I'm the more practical one but I'm definitely not in charge.

Scott asks:

"Does your husband read your blog?"

You know...I don't know if he does or not. He knows about it and where to find it but he has never mentioned it. I tell him about it and we laugh over it, but really I think he's too busy to read it and figures he already knows everything about me so why bother?

"Does he get jealous?"

Mr.Man is one of the least jealous people I know. He is the one who is always the most shocked when someone's wife accuses me of trying to steal their man. You have to understand, I am flirty, for lack of a better word, with everyone...men and women both. Of course that doesn't mean I'm slutty. I'm not like that. Although I love sex and I'm very in touch with that part of me, I won't allow a man to touch me or be with me in that way unless he possesses something that makes me feel connected to him. I have to trust someone before they are allowed to be with me that way. There have been only a few men who have been invited to be with me in that way in my lifetime. Mr. Man knows this and I don't think he feels threatened by anyone I talk to so, No...he's not jealous.

"Are you so open with your kids that they know about your toys?"

I am very honest with my children about sex. We have talked about sex and valuing your body, the urges, STD's oral sex risks...you know...the honest to God truths about sex. I want my kids to grow up being informed about it and feeling good about themselves so they can have healthy relationships with their partners, but do they know about my toys? No. That's personal and would only serve to embarrass them. Freya knows I have a few things but that's just because she's 26 years old. Her friends wanted me to have a toy party and she asked me if I would but that's the only reason she knows I have some. She doesn't know the details or how many I have.

"Which is your favorite season of the year? Color? Number?"

My favorite season used to be winter, but that's when I lived in Maine. I loved the cold brisk air, the bright snow covered fields and the cornflower blue sky. I loved the "shush shush" sound of my skis as I made my way though the forest trails...snow heavy on the pine boughs...the cold air stinging in my lungs as I breathed it in.
It made me feel so ALIVE. I miss that feeling.
Since moving down here, I HATE the heat and humidity. It's stifling. It makes me feel like I'm fighting to stay awake all the time.
So...my favorite season since moving here would have to be fall. I love the brisk night air/ After suffering through the sweltering heat, it feels so good.I adore the colors of the hardwood forests, which are much more colorful here than they were in northern Maine, where the forests are mostly fir and pine trees. Yeah..my favorite season here would have to be fall.

My favorite color is green.

My favorite number is three.

"Excluding your children, what is your biggest accomplishment so far in life? Your biggest regret?"

My biggest accomplishment would have to be overcoming the hardships in my life. There have been things I've lived through that could have influenced me to be a much different person than I am now but I've pulled myself out of depression, low self-esteem and self-hatred to learn how to love myself. I still fight the demons from my past but I haven't allowed them to influence my life.That's part of the reason I began blogging. I found an outlet through blogging that not only helps me to be honest with myself about the person I am and the person I strive to be, but it had helped me to put myself out there and say, "Hey. This is who I REALLY am." and not be afraid to be honest and open about it. I've been able to look the ghosts of my past in the face and not fall apart and wither into nothing.
Learning to love myself when I thought I wasn't lovable has been my biggest accomplishment.

My biggest regret was to wait to fly home when my Pa was dying. I was living here and Little Beatle was only a year old. Freya was still in Maine with her dad and Veggie Stick was four, Miss KIA in kindergarten. I wanted to take Little Beatle and fly home to be with him, but we didn't know how much longer it would be before Pa passed away. I had to try to make arrangements for the girls and without family here, that was close to impossible. I finally found people to help while Mr.Man was working, but I didn't want to take advantage of them so I waited. I finally booked a flight because my Nana called me and told me he was getting really bad, and he died two days before I was due to fly up there.
I wish I hadn't waited. I wanted to say goodbye to him and it's the biggest regret of my life.

"Which part of the world would you like to visit, all expenses paid?"

This one is easy. Scandinavia. I would love to see where my relatives came from and meet the family I still have living in Sweden. They are extended cousins but they write to my other cousins here in the US.

"Do you have any interesting scars? (Every scar has a story)"

I have several scars on my face. One is near my hairline on the right side and the others are above my left eye and under my left eye. When I was five, I was bitten in the face by a German Shepherd. We were visiting my mother's friend and I reached down to pick up a comic book. It must have startled the dog because it reached around and bit me. I can still remember the sight of the bright light at the hospital room and the prick of the needle as they put stitches in.

I have a small pebble on the left side of my hip. I wrecked on my bike when I was doing some stupid tomboy daredevil stunt and skinned all the hide off the left side of my body. I limped home, bloody, with half my clothes torn off and Nana helped me clean up. Apparently it was a mess. When things healed, I discovered a pebble underneath my skin. It's kind of cool actually.

I have a few other scars, all from bike wrecks, falling off snow mobiles or motorcycles. There are several scars where I burned myself while cooking. And I have two cat scratch scars, one right in the cleavage on my right breast and the other on my arm.

"What color are my eyes? 8-)"

You know I couldn't remember if you'd ever filled out one of those MeMe things or not, so I'm going to say brown. I think in the pictures I've seen they look brown.


On to another question from Tiff...

"Snickers or Mars Bar, and why?"

Tiff, I'm choosing the Mars bar and here's why. I had a TERRIBLE dentist when I was a kid. He was an alcoholic and he messed up almost all my back teeth. Needless to say as an adult I've had to have major work done. In spite of my efforts, I have lost several back teeth and have to wear a partial. Well partials are not kind to nuts, thus Snickers are an occasionally treat and Mars are much more Tammie friendly.

Next question...

Jerry in WV asks...

"How did you end up in Dunbar?"

Mr.Man is from Dunbar. He grew up here. When we made the decision for him to get out of the Air Force, he looked for a job in New England but the economy was stagnant. He couldn't find anything. So we moved down here and he got a job.

"What did Mr. Man do in the USAF? I was also in the USAF and spent most of my time underground. Go figure!"

Actually Mr.Man did the same thing in the Air Force that he does now. He was in Exterior Electric. Essentially he was a power lineman and he also took Electrical code courses to learn Interior Electric as well. He just never became certified because there was no need to and he got out of the service before that happened.

"Coke or Pepsi? Choc or vanilla?"

COKE...I'd rather drink warm piss that drink "Pisspi"...BLECH!

Vanilla...I like variety and I can always add exciting stuff to it.

And now...one last one for today. The rest I will answer Monday.

From ETW...


"Okay, will you come over next week and join me for knitting and coffee? Such an easy one..."

I would say yes, but you're already going to see me on Tuesday for lunch. How about the week after? You might get sick of me if you see me twice in one week...LOL.

Ok...That's all I'm going to answer for today. There are still some questions left and I'll work on them this weekend. In the meantime, if you've happened to think of something else you're just DYING to know...ask and you shall receive an answer...

Have a great weekend!

Answers to the sex and nudity and my booty questions...

Thanks for all the questions people!
I was impressed with the things you wish to learn about me and quite relieved they weren't all sex questions. Although I noticed that Ron and Wyldth1ng (who also did the question post the same day I did) didn't get quite so many of those. Of course, they're not women and women don't normally ask men those kinds of things,although I was tempted to ask them both how big their pee pees are but I restrained myself. ( Aren't you proud?)

I figured I might as well get these questions out of the way since they're the easiest for me to answer. I'm still giving the other questions some thought and honestly, I'm going to have to post answers two different days anyway. In the meantime, if there's something you're dying to know, it's not too late to ask...

Let's begin with Nudeman 40's question:"How often do you use your stash of vibes and do you ever let anyone watch??"

Well Nudeman 40, normally my stress levels are directly responsible for the amount of masturbation I desire.When I'm really stressed out, it's not uncommon for me to masturbate at least twice during the day. Guys do it, so why can't women? And of course I will also attack Mr.Man later that evening. If he's not in the mood or he's too tired to accommodate me, then he can watch. And HE is the ONLY ONE who watches.(duh) So for all you poor slobs who were hoping I have a secret web cam site set up somewhere...I don't. So suck it. That pretty much sums up the answer to that question.

Moving right along we'll go to Tiff's question: "What is your FAVORITE artificial Mr Man?"

My FAVORITE artificial Mr.Man is a regular old dildo. No batteries, no nothing. I call it Beaker because strangely enough that was kind of it's name in the package. Oh hell... I think it was called Super Beak or something. It came in different colors. I got the flesh tone...ANYWAY...I like it because it's not noisy. It's the same size as Mr.Man's all-day sucker and it's soft and pliable. Besides...all those harsh vibrations can be tough on my little love petals. I need to be nice to them now don't I? I would add more about it's various uses but let's not get carried away shall we? This is kind of a G-Rated blog isn't it?

Tiff's other question..I think this would be in the booty category so I'm answering it:..."Are you a natural blonde?"

If you're asking does the carpet match the curtains, well...no. The carpet has never matched the curtains. I AM a natural blond, although it's darkened a little as I've gotten older so I help it out by coloring it every couple of months. It's probably a darker blond than I actually wear it but I prefer a couple shades lighter. So I keep it the color it was in my teens and twenties. As for the carpet, when my "public" (I always got the two mixed up..LOL) hair came in, it was light brown. It's still light brown and even when I shave it all off and it growns back, it's light brown. So far...no gray...down there I'm saying but there could be some all through my head hair and I'd never know the difference. In the summer the sun bleaches my hair out and it always gets blonder.

Wyldth1ng asked: "How long can one person be sexy?"

Well darling, I'm thinking that a person can be sexy for as long as they want to. I personally think that sexy has more to do with how comfortable you feel in your skin and how comfortable you are with your sexuality. A lot of women who are absolutely gorgeous are not sexy. They are uncomfortable with the way they look and it shows in the way they carry themselves. Because they aren't as "perfect" as they "think" they should be, they are not comfortable with their sexuality and they can't allow themselves to relax and allow their bodies to respond to sexual signals and feelings.
I think that confidence, along with her personality, has more to do with a woman's sexiness than her huge hooters or nice ass.
A nice body just makes a women "fuckable" not sexy. Guys can fuck em and it's basically the equivalent of jerking off. Instead of using their hand and naked pictures they're using some woman's pussy that happens to have the naked woman attached to it.
Not sexy at all.
Sexiness is more of a mental experience than a visual one. I've known different women who are incredibly sexy and men flock to them. They're not the prettiest women in the room. They don't have the best body. In fact, they may even be the oldest women there.
What they're projecting is an experience. Men want a women who will really get into sex. He doesn't want someone who is going to lay there and expect miracles from him so she might be able to achieve an orgasm. While she's worrying if he's noticing her cellulite thighs or stretch marks, she's not experiencing the pleasure.
A guy wants a woman who knows what she likes...what feels good and isn't afraid to get involved in the action..."If my belly flab is sitting on his chest, who gives a shit if what we're doing feels great? I'm sure he's not worried about it and I'm sure as hell not worried about it."
Hmmm...so...
Sexy is about those things and it's about a woman's ability to give and receive pleasure.

That's just my opinion on it...

Wyldth1ng also asked:"Does being a goddess cause wrinkles in funny places?"

Honey...when you're a goddess and you're sexy, there are BOUND to be wrinkles. Twisting your body into a pretzel isn't good for certain areas and yes,there's a couple of wrinkles and maybe even a few dents. When you want to ride on a roller coaster, you're gonna have to get into a little bit and move around or you'll just be hanging on for dear life waiting for the ride to be over.
What fun would that be?
As for the face...Yep....wrinkles...check em out...I refer to them as laugh lines...LOL



Eh...the wrinkles just make me sexy. Next question?

Dave's question wasn't so much a question as it was a request for details from previous posts and things not posted concerning my nudity and neighbors: " This is not a sex question but involves nudity: You have mentioned getting liquored up and having the clothes fall off as you run nekkid through the yard. In the same way that people wonder if your family reads the blog, I wonder if the bouts of running nekkid are an exaggeration, or have your neighbors really observed you run wild and bare?
As a follow-up (If allowed), I would ask, aside from the aforementioned liquor, what prompts this behavior and has anyone been injured by a flying breast or any other body part during the commotion?"

Actually Dave, as much as I would like to tell you that it's all an exaggeration, I can't. A few of my neighbors have indeed seen me in the buff. I'd also like to tell you that I was drunk on all of these occasions, but sadly enough, I can't do that.
Let me splain...
I'm not particularly body conscious. Now don't get me wrong...I'm not a perfect ten. In fact, I'd say I'm a three, but I'm ok with. We're all supposed to look the way we do and I've grown comfortable in my own skin. So it's not uncommon for me to get out of the shower and run down the stairs in my house, nekkid as the day I was born, to grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen so I can have it while I'm getting dressed or drying my hair.
On occasion, I have encountered neighbors not only standing outside looking in...(I normally wave because I mean come on here...they've already see it all. Why bother to cover it up after that?) And then there was the one occasion when a neighbor came over to visit and I walked from the bathroom into our bedroom, in all my fleshy glory, while they stood a mere foot away from me and watched it all happen.
Yep...didn't know they were there.
I'm still not sure if that had anything to do with them moving away or not.

As for the outdoor incidents. Those really haven't been on purpose. I'm an active mommy and it's not my fault if one of my breasts comes flying out of my tank top while chasing my children around with squirt guns. How was I supposed to know? I wasn't terribly worried about it because the elderly neighbor who saw the whole thing had glasses as thick as the bottoms of old coke bottles and I'm sure all he saw was blurry. He probably thought I was holding a dodge ball or something.
The time I stepped out of my sleep pants when I was getting up to come in the house from the front porch, well...that was a fluke. Several neighbors got a glimpse of the kitty when the wicker chair snagged my sleep pants hem and I stood up, holding a cup of coffee. I supposed I could have pulled my pants up faster had I not been holding the cup of coffee but as luck would have it, it didn't happen like that.
Thank god the kitty had been trimmed and didn't look more like a werewolf than a pussy cat.

The drunken nudity...well that was mainly to tease and seduce Mr.Man. It's late..the fire is out...we're in the back yard and it's dark...I'm stripping my clothes off and walking to the house when BAM! The stupid motion detector light turns on,hitting me like a spot light, show-casing my nudity, except for my socks of all things...how sexy is that?
Just so happens that my poor neighbors,(who have moved..did I mention that already?) are pulling in their driveway as the light goes on.

No one has been injured at any time, although the paper boy who saw my boob flop out of my shirt when I came bouncing down the stairs may be scarred for life.

What motivates this behavior?

I'm crazy. There can be no other explanation for it.


Tomorrow......the answers to the rest of the questions...

What secrets of the Goddess do you want revealed ?

Yesterday was fantastic...At least for the hour and a half I sat and read. Then things got hectic and stressful but I guess you can't have everything now can you?

Today I'm borrowing another bloggers post as blog fuel. Ron posted THIS last week. It turned out to be quite informative. Seeing the different questions people asked him was probably just as interesting as the answers.

Sooo...against my better judgement, I'm going to offer the same free-for-all that Ron did.



Ask me questions and I shall answer them. This may give all my lurkers an opportunity to ask about things they've wanted to know but haven't written about. I mean, I am kind of an open book. I'll admit. I don't hold back so you know you're gonna get honest.
Remember that when asking...if you don't really want to know...don't ask. The answer will be shockingly honest...I'm just saying. It could be offensive but for those of you know know me, you'd know I'm not offensive to be obnoxious...just offensively honest.
Does that make any sense?

As for the lurkers....well I know you're there. I just don't know who you are or where you live. The counter gives me a general idea but that's about it...A few of you never comment but you email me, and I know you, but there are a BUNCH who just come by every day and say nothing.



Am I your dirty little secret?
This could be your chance to ask those pesky little questions that have been nagging at the back of your mind...thing you just HAVE to know about me.

Today's word of the day will be "what?". The kids are getting out of school early and I'm sure they're going to have five millions requests. Getting out of school early is like getting permission to cram every activity you can into the two hours you would have spent in school.
So...when they ask me if they can..."insert request here"...I will simply say, "WHAT?" while screaming and jumping up and down, making lots of noise.
Perhaps they'll get the message that today we will be doing something different and staying home so they can clean their rooms.

This is totally off track but does anyone else have a son in middle school who actually reads books? I have to brag on Little Beatle because he is laying in bed every night and reading for an hour before he goes to sleep. I LOVE THAT!!!

Something I don't love so much?

UNPLEASANT DISTRACTIONS!!!
Do you have ANY idea how irritating it is when you are TRYING to relax and you start your vibrator and it sounds like you're driving a lawn mower up your va-jay-jay?
I mean come on here people! The manufacturers need to invent something that makes a lot less noise! I have a drawer full of these things and they're all the same.
LOUD!!!
And as if that's not bad enough, some of them feel like you've parked your vajayjay on top of cement mixer.
LIKE THAT'S REALLY GOING TO TURN YOU ON!!!
Next time I'm using the push mower.



Who needs a motor? Yeah it's a little more work but it gets the job done.
A little quieter and gentler....I'm just saying...

I was just slightly perturbed over that little incident and thought you should know my feelings on the whole thing.

With that said....here is my mood for today...



I'm gonna be waiting...
Waiting to see what kind of questions you all throw at me.
Hmm....I wonder if this was such a good idea?

Evil schmeevil...well...maybe not.

Yesterday I wrote about the "old lady" at Nana's house. But you know, I forgot to mention another familiar ghost we've had in our family before. Ghost friend! My friend Judy in Mass will remember this one...heh heh

When we first moved into our house, Little Beatle had just turned three. Within the first week of living here, he began to tell us about "ghost friend". We assumed that it was an imaginary friend of his, although we thought the name was weird.He and ghost friend played for hours and hours.Little Beatle could even describe what his ghost friend looked like. He said he was the same size as him except his hair was black and he always wore the same black pants and white shirt.
We thought that was odd but didn't really worry about it. I mean, I'd never gotten a bad vibe from my house and I'm sensitive to things like that, so I wasn't concerned.

It only really occurred to us that ghost friend might be an actual ghost when I swore I saw Little Beatle run from his bedroom into the bathroom only to find the bathroom and his bedroom both empty. There is no way for anyone to go down our stairs undetected because all the doors are leading out into the hall with the stairs in perfect view of all of them.
Then there was the time that I swore that Mr.Man had tapped me on the shoulder, only to yell at him and hear him reply from the shower. There was the sound of little feet running through the house, which goes around in a circle, every time I'd get in the shower and as soon as I opened the door and took a step out of it, it would stop.
THAT'S when we thought that maybe ghost friend was indeed a ghost.

Little Beatle actually told us that ghost friend told him his name was ghost friend. He didn't seem bothered by it and said they played together. In fact, ghost friend even traveled with us one year to Maine....

We had stopped in Massachusetts to visit Bob and Judy. Their son is the same age as Little Beatle. At the time they were living upstairs in the apartment above Bob's parents. It was great to see them and we had a wonderful time. The kids slept upstairs with us in the bedrooms while Bob and Judy slept in the bedroom downstairs. One night when Judy and I were getting the kids ready for bed, Little Beatle turned to Judy and told her that his ghost friend was outside and wanted to know if he could come in her house.
She FLIPPED! She has had a few supernatural experiences in her time that were not pleasant.
Of course she said NO...and asked us about this ghost friend our son was talking about.
I guess it kind of seemed weird, especially since my three and a half year old son was telling us that his ghost friend couldn't come in unless he had permission. What kind of ghost is that? The polite ghost? The non-intrusive ghost? The invitation only ghost?...LOL

But yeah...I HAD to share that story with you too. I'd almost forgotten about it but then started thinking about different things that had happened in our house.What happened to ghost friend? One day Little Beatle stopped talking about ghost friend and told us that he'd gone away. Maybe it was a spirit of a small child who looked for playmates, then moved on when they got too old?
Guess we'll never know.
Our house was build in 1917 so it could have a history. Of course there is nothing that says only old houses are haunted. In fact, I know of a brand spanking new house that I felt terrified in and there is definitely something in that house.....

There is an acquaintance I know, right here in this area, who's house was built not more than five years ago. When the construction was finished and they got moved in, they had a housewarming and we were invited. It was a BBQ so I didn't go inside right away but eventually I had to go to the bathroom and she wanted to show off the new house to me. The minute I walked in the door, it felt like something was sitting on my chest. I could hardly breath. I got cold chills up and down my spine and I felt like I was trying to push through something just to walk. I didn't even want to go to the bathroom because I didn't want to be alone.She took me through the bedrooms and then down the hall to the bathroom. The woman who owned the house asked me if I was ok because she said I had turned white. I told her I felt dizzy and asked her if she would wait outside the bathroom door for me. She said she would.
As I sat down to pee, I felt breath on my neck. I ignored it and acted like I didn't know it had happened. I finished going to the bathroom and then washed my hands. When I was washing them, I was looking in the mirror. Nothing was there behind me but my hair was moving and I could feel someone taller than me, breathing on me.
I opened the door and started to walk out and I was pushed. I ran into the woman who owns the house. She thought I'd tripped because I was dizzy and wanted me to sit down but I was determined to get out of that house. I told her I needed fresh air. As soon as I stepped outside, I felt like I could breath again. I asked Mr.Man if we could leave because I didn't want the kids going in the house. I told him I didn't feel good. He agreed and we left half an hour later.
Now THAT scared me...and normally I don't get scared. The strange things is, the couple who live in that house have never mentioned anything happening in there. I don't know if it was a spirit that was just angry at me for some reason or if I was the only one who could sense it. Who knows? I've never been back there and even if my car broke down in that area, I wouldn't knock on that door again.

The first encounter I ever had with something that seemed evil was when I was 12. My friend Carrie had moved to Maine from New Hampshire. He parents had bought a house that no one had lived in for awhile. They were antique dealers and renovated the house so they could open shop there. She and her older brother talked about how their father had found a scalp with hair on it when he'd torn out the ceiling in the renovated shop area. He laughed about it and had it hung up on one of the posts but I always thought it was creepy. Besides, what was a human scalp doing in an abandoned house in a Swedish colony?
I had been to her house other times and I'd always gotten the creeps but never really understood why.
One night when I stayed over, we were sleeping in her room. I was in one bed while she was in the other. It wasn't pitch black in her room because her parents kept a small lamp turned on so everyone could find their way to the bathroom at night. I woke up to the sound of the rocking chair in her room rocking. I thought she'd woken up and was sitting in it. As I sat up in my bed to look over at her, she sat up in her bed and looked at me. We both looked over toward the rocker and saw the rocking chair rocking on it's own.
We flew out of her room and down the hall to her parents room. She yelled and woke them up. Then she told them what we saw. Her father walked down the hall ahead of us and he was pretty pissed off. I'm sure he expected it to be a figment of our imagination. But when we approached Carrie's room,the chair was still rocking. He looked shocked. I don't know if he really knew what to do. So he moved toward the door to go into her room and the door slammed shut in his face.
He turned around and took us back to their room and we spent the night on the floor. Honestly I don't think he slept all night. I could hear him tossing and turning and I think he even got up a couple of times.

The next day, we were outside in the field next to the house. We had decided to take our lunch outside and have a picnic. Out of nowhere I got the over-whelming feeling that something was watching me from the house. I kept looking toward the windows and I couldn't see anything but I could feel it. My skin crawled. I felt something, not someone, watching me and I felt that it wanted to hurt me.
As hard as I tried, I couldn't bring myself to go back in that house. I asked Carrie go in the house and call my Nana to come get me. I was too scared to even go back in to get my things. She brought them out to me.
As I left, I felt that if I'd gone back in that house, I would have been hurt very badly...maybe even killed. I felt like it wanted me dead. It was the single most horrible feeling I've ever experienced.

I never stepped foot in that house again and I never will.

And so...there it is. Several of my own personal supernatural experiences. Mr.Man has had a few of his own and perhaps sometime I will share them too but I think I'm going to give the "ghoul and ghost" stories a rest for now.

Todays word is gonna be..."NO!" So far this morning, I've had several phone calls and I've not answered a single one. They can leave a message or call me back. I'm not doing anything more than what I'm already responsible for. I've had it with everything I think. I'm regrouping and regaining myself. That's the problem when you give yourself away so much. By the time you figure out what you've done, it's too late to really salvage much. You just have to start over from scratch.
So...if I get a call asking can I do this or can I do that?

NO!!!!! WHOOOO!!CLANG!CLANG!WHEEE!!!YAY!YAY!

With that said, this is my mood for today...



I feel like reading. I'm going to create a small nook in my favorite chair...grab a cup of hot herbal tea with honey...and read until I'm tired of reading. What's on the agenda book-wise you ask?
Poetry...
I have TONS of poetry books.
That...is one of the answers to the question, "What interests me? What do I like?"
I like...no...LOVE poetry. You used to be able to find me, sitting on the floor at Books-A-Million in the poetry section, trying to decide which treasure I wanted to take home with me that day.
What happened to take me away from something I found so much pleasure in?
I counted the books I have in the bookcase just on poetry and there are 39 books for me to choose from today, although I know I have more other places in my house. I have two of Anne Sexton's books but I only saw one. Then there is three Pablo Neruda , but I only saw two. And my Naomi Shihab Nye book is missing too. My favorite poem by her is Kindness, which, ironically enough is not the book I bought of hers but her poetry skims along the rim of my soul...silverly and light...healing...

Ahem...I'm just rambling now so...it's time to read. See ya tomorrow...