The ritualistic cleansing of the Goddess...

There's something about being the only person awake in a house of chaos,like mine, to make you stop and ask yourself a few questions.



Questions like...
"Am I insane?"
"If I ran away from home how long would it take before they noticed?"
and
"Would prison really be SO terrible?"

You don't have any idea....

Of course based on the past week, the thought of prison was looking better and better. Then I remembered I'd be in the women's prison and realized how much it would suck.
Women=Drama and I've had enough of that fucking bullshit.
Couldn't they just put me in with the men?



They're already restrained. How fucking sweet is that? I wouldn't even have to work hard to get laid.

Speaking of drama, Frowie is not the one responsible for starting the rumor. He just believed it. Actually a boyfriend of one of Veggie Stick's close friends is the boy who called Frowie and said Veggie Stick had cheated on him. I wish he'd been smarter than to believe this asshole, but I think he felt it was a credible source.
The whole thing is a mess.
And Frowie is terribly hurt. He keeps calling VS and texting her because honestly, I think he still loves her and wants to be with her.
I have been doing my best to stay out of it.
Drinking helps, but if you have a 16 year old daughter, then you know they feel obligated to tell you EVERY time they're upset about something.
In fact, they tell you LOUDLY and OFTEN.

Pass the vodka and a shot glass.



Mr.Man has been great all week.
But he won't have sex.
Doesn't he realize that I NEED sex to cope with stress?
He said I "hurt" him the last time we had sex.
Whatever.
I did not "hurt" him and it's not my fault that he has back aches.
I actually make an effort to take it easy on the man and if he wants me to "hurt" him, that could be arranged.


"Was it good for you too honey?"

I'm anxiously awaiting Tiff's questions and wondering what's in store for me. She has been asking for HELP and I'm worried. Not only will I be interviewed by a genius like Tiff, she is enlisting the help of other geniuses as well. If you have any suggestions, head on over HERE and give her your ideas.

I have been preparing for the interview with ritualistic cleansing ceremonies. I will be in top form when she hands me the list....

I began my ritual by placing all the bad karma in yellow balloons. There was 33 balloons full of bad karma(where the hell did all the bad karma come from?). Once I got rid of it, I let them go in the back yard where they all blew into my neighbors yard and his nasty dog freaked out and while barking wildly, managed to pop all of them except for two. I don't know who will be the recipient of the bad karma in those two balloons but that dog is fucked.


"Joseph and Lewis had no idea that picking up those two yellow balloons would result in the bad karma that would cause them both to contract leprosy on their genitalia."

The second thing I did was remove all the chicken from the house.
We ate the chicken I had in the freezer and I got rid of all chicken pictures and toys....(boo hoo..my rubber chicken is gone!)


"You bitch! After everything we've been through together!"

Yes...unfortunately removing the chicken was necessary for my courage to increase and prepare me for what ever questions I will need to answer.

I then ate three jars of pickles.
This will fortify my body with vinegar which allows me to preform in inner-douche of the digestive system. This allows me to consume large quantities of alcohol over the weekend without it being tainted by anything else. I should be able to piss pure vodka by Sunday evening.


"The Blonde Goddess vodka distillery. The vodka is aged for 24 hours in the pristine bladder of the Blonde Goddess herself."

Hmm...I guess I just told you about my plans to fortify myself with vodka all weekend so that leaves the last phase of the ritual.
The yogurt.
I will rub yogurt on my body as I drink vodka.
I'm probably going to have to do this in the bathtub or maybe on a large plastic sheet.
This last part of the ritual will ensure that no one, and I mean NO ONE, will bother me with any bullshit (because of the stench of yogurt and the sight of me slathered in yogurt while passed out drunk) AND I will be able to free my mind of all worry, all stress and be open to all questions and able to answer truthfully and without hesitation.


"DAMN I'm starting to smell like a nasty yeast infection!"

I know some of you might think I'm going a little overboard, but I've never been interviewed before.
This is big for me.

Anyway, I'm going to continue the cleansing and preparations.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and is anticipating the interview as much as I am.
I'll be ready for it...


"BRING IT ON!"