Elderly Hell Dreams and the Bionic Woman....

I had this incredible dream last night.
I was being chased by a mob, right down the middle of Dunbar Avenue. It was no ordinary mob though....it was a mob consisting of old women. They were ambling along with walkers and canes, carrying their purses of death. A few were using their oxygen as flame throwers and were being helped by the ones in their scooters.



The whole thing was pretty damn scary.
Yeah...Yeah...I know. Old women are not frightening you say. Of course you haven't been subjected to them the way I have. And believe me, they don't like me. I have been abused many times at the hands of old women. I've been hit by their huge cars and run into by their shopping carts. I've been sneered at, snorted at and sniffed at. I have had the purse of death blow to the head or, depending on the height of the old lady in question, a blow to the lower back, which is deadlier and hurts more.
They've tricked me with their little old lady sweetness so I've offered to help and reached up to a higher shelf for them, only to have them ram into my shin with their cart after I've retrieved the item they couldn't reach.

Yes...old women are scary and they frighten me. They just don't like me...well the majority of them don't like me. So I avoid them at all cost. There is no shopping on Elderly Hell Days, like today. It's saved me from a lot of injury let me tell ya.

Last nights dream was scary...VERY SCARY....

Anyway...I need to change the subject or I'll have the creeps all day long.

What was your favorite toy when you were a kid?
I had several favorites.
When I was younger my little brother and I would play with our Fisher Price Little People.



Yeah...they were the older,"if-you-put-this-in-your-mouth-you-could-choke-to-death" version of Little People. And we didn't choke to death. In fact, if you look at all the toys that have been outlawed or revamped because they posed a choking hazard or were responsible for a death, it makes me wonder how many kids of my generation actually died in the seventies. There has to be a significant number to have caused this widespread panic and eventual elimination of some of my favorite childhood toys...

Little People were the SHIT I'm telling you...



We spent HOURS playing with them...



I wasn't even annoyed that all of my brother's farm animals barked. We could entertain ourselves for hours...and in northern Maine when the winter snow is keeping you inside, that's a good thing.

Another one of my favorite toys was the Bionic Woman.



My brother had the Bionic Man and I had her. We played for hours with them too. Everything was great too until my mother bought me that stupid Farrah Fawcett doll that was so popular...



I thought the damn doll was fugly. Jamie Sommers used to kick her ass I'm telling you. Good times...good times...

While I wasn't much of a dolly person there was one doll that I loved and adored. In fact, I still have her. It's Baby Crissy. Here's a picture of me holding her...



Yeah I look high but they didn't realize the effects that second hand smoke had on you then and my mother was somewhat of a hippie...free love, glass bongs and acid trips...etc...

ANYWAY...Baby Crissy was the love of my life. I can't tell you how old I was before I actually stopped sleeping with her. I was still a virgin so it wasn't that old..maybe 20 0r 21....HAHAHAHA...SHUT UP!!! I know what you're thinking...

I kind of gave up on the toy scene as soon as I realized what sports were. I would ride my bike all over creation to play baseball, soccer, basketball, touch football, hockey, LaCrosse, frisbee or just ride bikes over dirt piles and skin the hide off my body.



I became a tomboy and then the dolls were put away.
But it was all good. I had loads of fun and learned that even if you skin all the hide off your body, it grows back...LOL.

Mr.Man talks about his dad giving them M-80's when he was a kid. Then telling him and his brother, "Don't blow your fingers off," and letting them go. I could tell you a few of the stories he's told me about him and his brother and their explosives, but I don't know what the statute of limitations is and I wouldn't want to get anyone in trouble.

We used to play guns too. We'd use our fingers or old sticks that kind of looked like a gun and then we'd hunt each other down and shoot. BANG BANG! You're dead Ray Ray! Of course Ray Ray would run off and I'd be screaming "CHEATER" which would allow Russell to find me and kill me. Then I'd find Ray Ray and kick his ass for getting me killed. Man...what fun!
You just don't see kids playing games like that anymore. In fact, the last time my kids tried to play spotlight, the Elderly Hell patrol called the police and they put a stop to that nonsense. TWO police cars responded...TWO..and the kids were sent home. It was barely nine in the evening and the curfew on the weekends is 11. I was very irritated...especially since the kids weren't in anyone's yards.



Damned Elderly Hell patrol...

I think the word of the day for today will be "old". I'm thinking that between the old Elderly Hell Day bats out there vying for the right to maim or injure me and the trip down memory lane, "old" could be a fun word of the day. I can't help but love the look on people's faces when the word of the day pops out of their mouth and I begin clapping my hands and yelling and laughing.
It gets me a second look I'm telling you. For those of you looking for a conversation breaker, there's nothing that will get you a reaction faster than a word of the day. you might even meet that someone "special" by using it.

With all that said...here is my mood for today...



I feel hyper. It's probably the only thing that will help get me through this week. There is no school and the kids are restless. They don't do anything to entertain themselves either...not like we used to. I'm trying not to kill them and/or lay around drunk all week.

TRYING..is the key word here...mmmmkay?

I'll be back tomorrow...